don't let the door hit your ass on the way out, 2012.

You know what? 2012 wasn't my favorite year, for all sorts of reasons. It wasn't all bad, not even close, but I know I can do better. I'm excited to flip the calendar to a fresh new month, a whole new year. I have high hopes for you, 2013. I really do. Ridiculously high. It's a big year for me. I will turn FORTY in 2013. God, that sentence looks weird. Anyway, we have nine months to worry about that. I want this year to be awesome in all of the ways, and I am going to work as hard as I can to make that happen.

Until then, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year. Be safe. Be good. I'll see you on the flip side.

26th.

I find myself so relieved that Christmas is over today. I am sitting here right now in my kitchen, listening to Jane read one of her new books to herself in the other room...and am so grateful for the peace and quiet. We went to the awesome new Connecticut Science Center with Heather and her kids this morning, and it was great, but I'm just beat right now. We had a good holiday for sure, and had lots of fun with our families, but it's time for the madness of this month to wrap up, I think. And although you've probably already seen this pic elsewhere, I must post it here on the blog forevermore, as it is my favorite pic from Christmas 2012:

Jane with the (moving, neighing) horse Auntie Chrissey got her. She loves/is terrified of it.

 

 



to you and yours

And now, on Christmas Eve Eve, may I present to you the actual pictures we used for this year's card. I wish all of you who celebrate a wonderful, peaceful and oh-so-merry Christmas.

Love,
Amanda

it's beginning to look a lot like something, anyway.

So for this year's Christmas card, I dragged the family down to the beach on the Sunday after Thanksgiving for some picture-taking shenanigans. I don't know if you remember Thanksgiving weekend, but it was warmer than normal - gorgeous, really. Oh - except for Sunday. Sunday was freeeeezing and wiiiiiiiindy and I forced my canine and young human loved ones to SMILE and DON'T MOVE JIMMY DON'T MOVE JUNIOR DON'T MOVE SMILE JANE JUST SMILE I'LL GET YOUR COAT IN A MINUTE.

I'll post the pictures we actually used on the card soon. For now, some outtakes.

 

 

kinder-drama

This morning, before I even really opened my eyes, Jane was in my room, on my bed, filling me in on the latest drama of the day.

"Mommy, you're not going to believe when I tell you what they were saying on the bus yesterday," she said.

Every nerve in my body woke up. This is it, I thought, trying to remember what all the emails and websites I've read over the past few days told me about talking to a 5-year-old about the horrible thing that happened.

"So-and-so said that yesterday was her daddy's birthday. And then so-and-so said it WASN'T TRUE. And so then I said...."

Let her drama always be this. Always.

blurry.

This weekend was tough, you guys.

After grabbing Jane at school the moment I could on Friday, I spent the weekend going back and forth from watching and reading the most tragic possible news to trying to be a decent parent and pretending everything is OK for Jane. Not only OK, but festive. Because to oblivious children, it was a fun, almost-holiday weekend.

We bought and put up and decorated our Christmas tree. We went to a family birthday party. We did homework. I figured out my new iPhone. We did Christmas shopping. I went to book club. All the normal stuff.

But my mind was a blurry, painful mess. I had a constant lump in my throat, and could be brought to tears in less than a moment. As expected, once the images of those poor children were released, it all got so much worse. The front page of the Hartford Courant today (my local paper) looked like it could have been a fun class picture. It could have been Jane's class picture. But it wasn't. It so, so wasn't.

And on we march towards Christmas.

newtown.

There is, of course, no need to tell you what happened in Newtown, CT today. I need not link to anything, post any awful pictures. You've heard. You know. You've probably watched hours of relentless horrifying news today, like I did. It's hard to watch. It's hard to not watch - if that makes any sense. When something terrible happens, I feel like my absorbing the news of it is helping in some way - acknowledging the loss, at the very least - when it obviously isn't really helpful at all.

Two things make this tragedy particularly incomprehensible. One: Newtown is 45 minutes away from me. Two: Kindergarteners. Elementary school kids. I have one of those. And I cannot stop thinking what if....what if.....what if it were her school?

I can't process this right now much less write anything eloquent about it. They told parents to turn off the TV. That was the first bit of advice we received. So it's off. Or, rather, right now it's on, with an absolutely awful Barbie movie playing.

I've never been so grateful to be watching a Barbie movie in my life.

Love to Newtown. To the children. To the brave teachers and staff of Sandy Hook Elementary School. To the families and friends who are enduring the most unimaginable loss tonight.

in which I can't wait for vacation.

You guys, I feel like I have senioritis or something. I feel like a kid on the brink of a week off of school. I feel tired, and a little burned out. I feel extremely, super, very, mega, extraordinarily ready for a break.
 

I know I’ve already said it, but I just can’t wait for my 11 days off coming up. And it’s not like I want a break from any one particular thing – it’s just that the rush rush rush of every day – breakfast, doing an activity with Jane in the mornings so she’s not watching TV, homework, lunch, bus stop, work, pick up at school, dinner, bath, reading bed, chores, collapse, etc until eternity – gets a little monotonous and it will be NICE to not have to have one eye on the clock at all times to make sure we’re not running late for the next thing (spoiler alert: we always are).
 

And I’m just so excited to have a five-year-old at Christmas this year. It’s the perfect Christmas age. It’s hard not to get caught up in her anticipation of the holiday.
 

My weekend starts today. I took tomorrow off to go shopping and to lunch with my girl Heather – but that may be canceled because one of her kids is sick. No matter – I can certainly shop and lunch on my own, although I do love my friend time. Luckily, I have a bunch of that planned this weekend in the form of happy hour tomorrow night, coffee with Beth on Saturday morning, and book club holiday good times on Saturday night.
 

And a tree! We need to get a Christmas tree. And if I’m not 95% done with my Christmas shopping by the end of this weekend, I don’t even know what anymore.

things that are happening.

Howdy friends. Just a quick little check-in on the ol' blog. I was just sitting here at my kitchen table thinking, eh, I don't really have anything to report to my (5? 4? Maybe?) devoted readers, so I'll ignore posting for yet another day. But in the interest of not letting tumbleweeds fill up this space yet again, here are some random things going on in my life.

*I had a doctor's appointment today, and while there, I mentioned that my nose has been so incredibly itchy lately that I want to rip it off. The lovely (and altogether too young) nurse practitioner suggested it may be allergies, which I (and everyone I complained to about this, which includes everyone in my life, including, most likely, you) suspected. So in January I am going to go in for allergy testing, which sounds like an epic amount of fun. Apparently they put a bunch of concoctions on your back and see what you react to. Happy New Year to me!

*I am finishing up my book club book - The Stupidest Angel - and think I will finally read Gone Girl, which a friend lent to me months ago. I know there is a twist in the middle, and I know it disgusted a whole lot of people, so I'm anxious to find out whether I love love love or hate hate hate this book.

*I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be done with Christmas shopping. Although I have bragged here and there about being 90% done, I still have that 10% hanging over my head, just waiting for my next paycheck. Most pressing is a  grab bag gift for my theater board of directors holiday party, which takes place in, like, 24 hours.

*Speaking of holiday parties there are more coming up too: I have my book club holiday-themed meeting on Saturday night (I AM A NERD), my daycare moms holiday happy hour on Friday, and my work party next Tuesday, with a joint birthday party for my niece and nephew squeezed in on Sunday. I freaking love party season.

*I am trying extremely very hard to cut my carbs big time this week and next (except for party days, of course). I have no interest in beginning the new year with yet ANOTHER resolution to lose weight, so I'm trying to keep my shit together around the cookies as much as possible. hahahahahaaa yeah I know.

*I kind of like Glee again. Shut up.

*I owe this guy a guest post like nobody's business. I am such an asshole for not having done it yet. I'm surprised he hasn't unfriended me yet.

*I have big plans for 2013 being the best year of my life. Stay tuned.

Whassup with you?

***IMPORTANT NOTICE***

Important notice, for those of you who appreciate the fact that deep down, I am a 12-year-old girl who has crushes on many, many celebrities:

I have decided to add Jonny Lee Miller to my all important LIST. You know the list - the five celebrities you are allowed to get romantical with if the opportunity presents itself. Topping my list for many, many years in a row is my beloved Mark Ruffalo. Others have come and gone, and frankly, I'm going to need to do some serious thought as to who else is on the list these days (are you finally off, Johnny Depp? Nah) and who I have to kick off, but right now I've decided, based on how delicious he is in Elementary, to add Mr. Miller to my list.

You may now go back to your regularly scheduled weekend.

 Because I never miss a chance to post this pic of me and my boyfriend Mark Ruffalo

 



 My new list-maker



weekend update.

And a happy Friday to all of you.

I am sitting here at my kitchen table with Jane as she does homework. She is practicing writing upper and lowercase Js, as well as the number 9 ("make a loop and add a line, that's the way you make a nine"). She is also working on "less than" and "taller than" and "shorter than." And that's what kindergarten homework is like, for those of you who have asked. After this, she'll do her 20 minutes of her online reading program. And then she'll go to school. Such is the life of a half-day kindergartener.

That aside - here's what's up for the weekend: very little! I'm not even going to break it down into days, that's how little we have planned. Tomorrow I am taking Jane to a birthday party for one of her school peeps. I'll go to my mother's on Sunday. We may put up our Christmas tree, but I'd like to delay it a week, so the thing isn't dried up and dead by Christmas day. I'm sure the days will fill up with other stuff, but it's not all scheduled out like it usually is. Which is a very good thing indeed. Hoping to get some much-needed Amanda alone time. I just need my brain to be quiet for an hour.

In other news, work has started on the next show I'm helping out with. I'll be doing a small amount of stage managing and crewing for a production of Li'l Abner. I'm excited because a bunch of my friends are in it, and I can't wait to see them do their thang.

What are you up to this weekend?

five things I'm loving today

In no particular order, here are five things that I am loving today:

The fact that tonight I have nowhere I have to be. It’s the first evening in my own house in what feels like a very long time! Elementary, you’re on my list. I also need to start reading my book club book. And maybe put up some Christmas decorations. And probably clean up a bit. And and and.

 

I am going to the movies tomorrow with some of my friends! We’re going to see Lincoln, which frankly I could have just rented in a couple of months and been happy, but I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. I swear, the only thing I’ve seen in the theater this year is Brave, and that ain’t right. And I am BEYOND excited to see this in the theater at least three or four times. Trying to figure out a way to get out on Christmas night, but I really don’t see that happening. (ETA: I just got sucked into watching the trailer a couple of more times when linking to the site. CHILLS.)
 

It is December in Connecticut and it’s been in the 50s for the past two days. I don’t even care that it’s raining today. Love.
 

Christmas is three weeks from today and I am more prepared than I have ever been this far out. I still have a decent amount of shopping to do but it’s mostly gift cards at this point. Now if only someone would do my wrapping for me….Santa, where are you??
 

I have 11 days off coming up at the end of the month and I. Cannot. Wait. Already making all sorts of plans. Haven’t had a week off since July!
 

What do you love today?

something about a picture and a thousand words.

People will ask me why I do theater - it takes up so much time, energy, and scheduling, and it can be incredibly stressful and frustrating. But the real reason why has nothing to do with the spotlight or applause or people telling you how great you were.

It is because of people like the ones in the pictures below that I do theater. I've known all of them for nearly two decades at this point. They are uber talented, fabulous, ridiculously fun, and part of my tribe of crazy theater dorks. I admire and stand in awe of each and every one of them, and it was an extreme pleasure having them all together in/at the show last night.

pics stolen from Lindsey, who is on the left in the pic above

weekend update. (belated)

Sorry for the silence here this week....been busy going to rehearsals and getting ready for tonight's variety show that I am co-directing. What I love about this particular show is the fact that it has brought back some people I haven't done theater with for a very, very long time. What I have not loved is trying to keep track of 30+ people with insane schedules...let me put it this way. Tonight will be the first - and only - time we will have all of our acts on that stage. That is more than slightly alarming for a control freak like me. Always an adventure, this theater thing....

I am, like, 80% done with my Christmas shopping. WHAT?? It's true. This is so, so unlike me. And most of what I have to get from here on out are gift cards. So easy. Of course, I have to wait for my next paycheck to finish up, but I am epically proud of myself. This, of course, does not mean that I won't be sweating it out on Christmas Eve actually wrapping all of the presents, because you can teach an old dog only so many new tricks.

After spending last night and this morning cleaning my house, shopping and doing homework with Jane, I truly plan to only focus on fun for the rest of the weekend. Show tonight, birthday party tomorrow...good times. Right now I think I'll light a fire and do some reading, before I have to go get clean for tonight.

Happy weekend, everyone : )