Tuesday, March 19, 2013

scintilla: day 5

I am answering this Scintilla prompt today: What have been the event horizons of your life - the moments from which there is no turning back?

These days, I have no time to ponder things for more than about 30 seconds. I truly wish I had more time to really think about my posts, but between work, family and directing a show, it's tough. OK, excuses time over....when looking at this question, I can truly say I think there has been only one moment in my life from which there is no turning back – and that was the decision to have a child.
Everything else is fluid - jobs, relationships, hobbies, locations. But the moment I became a mother changed my identity to a degree that there is no turning back. No matter what success or joy I find elsewhere in my life, if I’m not a good mother, I’ve fucked up. I’ve failed. I believe this.

Scary, right? This is not something I think about on a day-to-day basis because, hello, PRESSURE. And I don’t mean that every single moment has to be perfection, because obviously it is NOT.  But the decisions I make and the examples I set plays a huge role in the shape of Jane’s life right now – and most certainly in the future.
And there’s no turning back from that responsibility.

1 comment:

Brandee said...

I could not agree with you more. Having a child is absolutely the one thing that, if we screw up, we screw up BIG. For the record, you are are fabulous mother...I see it in the things that you post and the photos that you share.

Give yourself a break. You may not think so, but you have a big life, and you juggle so many things beautifully...you are a wonderful example to your daughter.