frankie says relax

I'm a person who is prone to panic attacks. I am also a person, who, lately, has had a sort of-to-very meh-feeling stomach - for a month, anyway. I think it's anxiety-based. So what the hell is wrong with me, you ask? I think the crux of my problem is that I really don't know how to relax. Even when I get a few moments, or even an hour, of free time on the weekends, I tend to use that time to complete chores or do some other work-based project. I never just....be.

Because this week I really REALLY haven't been feeling great (see previous post), I made a vow that this weekend, I would absolutely chill out. Yesterday, we went down to the boat, and just when things were mildly relaxing, we had some engine trouble and had to come back to dock. Nothing stressful about that....so today, I made that vow all over again. And you know what? I managed to spend an hour or so on the back deck reading when Jane was napping. I literally had to force my brain to stop thinking about all of the laundry and cleaning and etc etc blah blah blah I should be doing and just chill. Why do we (I) have such trouble letting myself recharge? I'm always going going going like that Energizer Bunny but the battery is going to run out, and then what?

What's your favorite thing to do to relax? I'm taking recommendations!

PS I realize this is sort of a random and boring post, but I was tired of looking at the one talking about how depressed I am.

low

This is a low day for me. Between auditions last week for my show and working late this week for my actual paying job, I've been absent at home more than I'd like to be, and more than is normal. Because of this, Jane has gotten weird about me - when I am home, she's extremely clingy, and extremely tragic when I'm not paying attention to her. This makes me feel so wretched and guilty and all the horrible things associated with being a full-time working mom who is trying to also maintain a hobby. Today was a truly upsetting morning - Jane was so miserable all morning, and when I dropped her off a daycare she freaked. In addition, a ton of the kids in her room apparently have had a fever/bronchial infection type of thing, and are being sent home left and right. So now it's only a matter of time until Jane gets it - no doubt right in time for the weekend. Nothing like feeling like you're dropping off your child in a pool of nasty.

When I left daycare, I totally broke down, and that repeated itself a couple of more times today. This is hard shit, people. I break down my life right now and I see four main things that take up my energy and time:

1) Jane
2) my job
3) my show
4) exercise

So what goes? Not Jane, not work, obviously. The exercise thing really only adds up to four hours a week or so, but you'd be surprised at how hard it is to schedule. I tend to get up at 5 and go then, or on the weekends. It's important to keep doing, because after having THE GESTATIONAL DIABETES I have about a 40% higher risk of developing Type 2 diabetes than your average person. Exercise is a big way to avoid that.

So that leaves the show. And not this specific show - which, separate from everything else, I am SO excited about, and know it's going to be so great, and know that it's going to suck up so much of my life over the next seven weeks - but shows in general. Last year it was easy to do my summer show - Jane was only one and didn't really care as much if I, personally, was home. Now she definitely cares. Which makes me feel like total shit.

So after July 18, I will most likely be taking yet another year break from trying to maintain my own life and identity. It's surprising how mostly OK I am with that. And I SHOULD be OK with that. Jane is my number-one priority. But wish I could squeeze two or three more hours out of each day. Or win the PowerBall.

weekend. recap.

This was a pretty good weekend, all in all. We were so busy and I felt like I never really sat down, but nevertheless. It was good. It makes me desperate for more time off - I need it so badly.

Saturday morning I met my friend Heather and her three kids at a nearby reservoir and hiked around. Jane was content in her stroller the entire time, which was truly shocking. Heather's twins decided to go missing for a bit there, so that part wasn't so great, but it was just nice to be able to find something that two adults, two 7 year olds, one almost three year old and one almost two year old would enjoy together. Later on Saturday, Greg and I went down to the boat, and managed to take it out on our own without any assistance. I was tying ropes and shit, people. Big times. The weather wasn't too good and we hit some choppy water, and Jane didn't have all that much fun (22 month olds are suprisingly cranky when they are required to sit in one place for long periods of time -who knew?), but we made it.

Sunday I had a production meeting and then the first rehearsal for my show. Good lord, do we have a lot of work to do. We have such an awesome cast and I still think this has the potential to be one of the best shows I've ever done, but the score is insane and there is a lot that has to be done between now and eight weeks from now...wait...less than eight weeks from now. Yipes!

Today we went back down to the boat, and my mom and brother came too. Much nicer weather, and much nicer ride. It was so glorious out today. It makes me very weepy sad that I have to go back to work tomorrow, for an especially long day. Sigh.

where the hell have you been?

And by "you," I mean "me."

This week has been so busy, party people. Three nights of auditions, one music director leaving the show, a hiring of another one, trying to get over 30 people slotted into parts and set for read-through on Sunday, and not getting more than 4.5 hours of sleep a night. Oh and also - Jane had a parent-teacher conference today - or, wait, I had a parent-teacher conference for Jane - and it turns out that she is frakkin awesome, with the highlights being her awesomeness and her compassion for her classmates, which is apparently unusual at her age. So it turns out Jane is...nice. Where did that come from? Also,,since she hadn't been feeling well for the past couple of days, I suspected an ear infection, so I took her to the doc today. Turns out - she has an ear infection. Every once in a while I know what I'm talking about. Rarely - but it happens.

More later!

temptation

Remember how I'm giving up television for the summer? And I TOTALLY AM. Except then Fox decided to premiere this new show, "Glee." It starts Tuesday night, and then starts up again in the fall. And I'm all like, no way am I going to watch this show, and then some people are like, oh, Amanda, you know you want to, and I'm all like, duh.

Because it's about a high school Glee Club made up of a bunch of theater dorks. Perhaps you may have noticed that I am the type of person who would very much identify with this show. And it stars Broadway people. And there will be music. And comedy.

Woe is me. I am Trying. To. Resist. But here's the thing - I don't think this should count, because it really doesn't start up for reals until the fall.

Right? RIGHT?

Read all about it here.

Celebrities - they're just like us!

Perhaps, when you've recently strolled by a magazine rack and saw Rebecca Romijn on the cover of June's In Style magazine, you thought to yourself - "damn, that model/actress/bombshell reminds me a lot of Amanda!" And you would be right. Because I have found the thing that Rebecca and I have in common.

In the magazine, her husband, actor Jerry O'Connell, had to fill out a survey of what makes Rebecca sexy. One of the questions asked what "one thing she does that you do not think is sexy..." and his answer was:

"Tell me to take the dogs to the vent to get their anal glands expressed." To which Rebecca noted, "Gotta be done."

And this is why I imagine that Greg spent a lot of time comparing me to Rebecca Romijn on Monday morning, bright and early, when he took Jimmy to the vet to get his anal glands expressed. Because the thing that Rebecca Romijn and I have in common is the ability to nag our husbands about our dogs' ass glands.

With that, I bid you a most excellent weekend!

PS I apologize if this post makes little to no sense. I was out late last night because I went to see Spring Awakening in Boston, and it's just been a week of late nights with the finales of The Biggest Loser and LOST.

PPS I know that makes me sound like a bit of a loser.

PPPS Shut up.

you guys, I'm about to say something SHOCKING

So I'm thinking ahead to the summer (i.e. THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR see also: WHY THE EFF DO I LIVE IN THIS HELLHOLE OF WINTER WEATHER). And I'm thinking this:

I might give up TV for the summer.

I KNOW. This WHOLE POST should be written in ALL CAPS. But I'm heading into auditions for my show this weekend. In just over a week I will be at rehearsals three nights a week. I am also editing a big project for a friend. I got stuff to do, is what I'm sayin'. Also, I would like to lose 10 pounds*. I can do that with activities that don't involve watching TV. In addition, it will be light out. I don't want to waste that precious light by sitting inside and watching TV.

So, in conclusion, I have got to shut off this TV. (After I finish watching The Biggest Loser finale. And the LOST finale. And some other stuff. Shut up!) In reality, I won't completely cut off the tube, but I am seriously going to cut down - just my Daily Shows, Colbert Reports, and Project Runway, once it starts up in August.

So let's see how this goes...

*I don't think I can lose 10 pounds unless I cut off a limb. And not a small one, like an arm or something. I'm talking about a big ol' leg. Or my head. I have a feeling my brain is pretty heavy (shut up, Dwayne. And Shane).

today part 2

A couple of pics from today (I know that one of Jane alone is all washed out, but I still love it)

It was a good, mom-filled weekend.

today

Today:

I am profoundly grateful that my mother is alive and close by.

I am still in awe that I am a mother, and that I am raising this sassy, funny, dramatic, silly little girl who is morphing from a baby to a little kid more and more every day.

I hold close to my heart my close friends who have lost their mothers or their children. This seemingly benign Hallmark holiday can cut very, painfully deep to those to who have lost someone close. I know this personally, because this is how I often feel on Father's Day.

So give yo mama a hug today, if you can.

pulling your hair back in a ponytail is not the same thing as taking a shower

My friend sent me this video today, and it cracked my shit up, especially the part about looking for the retainer in the garbage, which my mom had to do when I lost my retainer at Burger King. Happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate this fine, fine holiday (which I wholeheartedly embrace, of course).

http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=tqWhFSmLHreylGVLx8cITDgyMjI3NQ--&referred_by=3602757-1df.dzx

Beauty for Babies

OK, party people. I think we could all stand to brighten up our look a little, don't you think? No, I'm not talking to you. Or you. Well, maybe you. Anyway, here's the dealio - you see that "Beauty for Babies" button over there on my sidebar? Well, click on it. Then bid on some truly fabulous packages put together from the personal collection of some very generous Sephora buyers. Oh, Sephora. How I love thee - so pretty, so nice-smelling, so everything I'm not most days. 100% of proceeds goes towards the March of Dimes, in honor of the truly beautiful Maddie Spohr.

Do it!

why I am an ass (5/4/09 edition)

So this morning, as I was driving in to work, I thought to myself, "WOW. I haven't had to take Jane to the doctor in a long time! A really long time! Like, three months worth of long time! THAT IS A LONG TIME."

The moment I thought it, I wanted to rip the very notion from my brain. Because, obviously, I was jinxing it. But I had no wood to knock on! So I tried to be rational. Just thinking that Jane has been relatively healthy doesn't mean we would be off to the doctor in a mere few hours.

Oh, how the gods laughed.

When I picked Jane up at daycare today, they said she was acting very fussy this morning, and tripping a lot. They also said that a couple of other kids in her class had had ear infections, and one of the girls had done the similar tripping thing before she was diagnosed. (I think ear infections can throw off your equilibrium or something.)

So, crap. I decided to call the pediatrician's office to squeeze her in for a last-minute appointment before they closed. There are few things I like less then going into a hot, stuffy, germy pediatrician's office at the end of the day. Jane hates it even more. The second they called us in, she started screaming. I guess you can get so many shots before you start having negative associations with places.

Sure enough, she had a raging ear infection in one of her ears. I probably should have picked this up because she was pretty cranky this weekend and she has a cold, but I blamed it on teething (as a parent, you tend to blame a lot of things on teething. Crankiness, the economy, swine flu, etc etc).

In conclusion, I totally JINXED IT! But I'm glad I brought her in and got the drugs.

I am lazy so I will let these bloggers do my work for me

This made me laugh (courtesy of the lovely Bridget at Yellaphant) (I now want to work the word "mothaflippas" into every sentence) (Alan, you will love this post)

This had me nodding my head like a maniac (courtesy of Jane (cool name, right?) at Baby Squared). Seriously, I feel like she sucked this post out of my brain.

Have a great weekend!