Wednesday, October 11, 2006

the joys of dog ownership (or, why I am $600 less wealthy today)

So, it all started last Friday. I came home from work and was just trying to chill out in front of the TV for a little bit before I had to go to a very difficult funeral. I heard some shouting out in the front yard, and realized that my two elderly neighbors from down the road had pulled over in their car and were yelling at my dogs. I believe I heard the man say "Bad dog - I will punch you in the nose." So, I came out and said, "What's going on here?" The man tried to pretend nothing much was going on, but the wife then reamed me out. Apparently she was walking by our house a few days ago with her granddaughters and the dogs (Junior, primarily) freaked them out. We have an invisible fence, and she told me that her son also has an invisible fence, and his Great Dane jumped the fence (this makes no sense, but bear with me). So I say, look, they have never broken through before, these fences are legal, etc, and then she said, "We'll let the dog warden decide" and concluded with "You can take your dog and shove it." Nice.

Fast forward to this morning. Now, the story takes a different turn here, so just try to follow me. I swear, everything ties together in the end. So I get up this morning at 6:20. Greg had already gotten up - he gets up early on Wednesday mornings for a networking meeting - and since he was up, Jimmy was up too. I rolled over and went to grab for my glasses. This is where I will mention that I am legally blind without my glasses, seriously. I can't see my hand in front of my face. I remember that in the middle of the night, I got up to pee and I think I remember knocking my glasses off my nightstand. So I'm looking on the floor, and can't find them there either. I called Greg to help me find the glasses. Oh, he found them all right. He found them in the middle of the living room floor in a mangled mess. MANGLED in such a way it looked like they were run over by a car. A car with teeth. I immediately start crying because, people, I am BLIND without them. Greg had to leave and I realized that I would have to wait until at least 10 a.m. to see anything because that's when LensCrafters opens.

Now, a few weeks ago, I got fitted for contacts. I don't wear contacts well - I can wear them only for a few hours at best and they are uncomfortable to the point of wanting to scratch my eyes out at about the 6 hour mark, sometimes earlier. However, I bought a supply because they are good to have for shows, outdoor activities, stuff like that. They had called me on Monday to say they were in, so I would be able to pick them up today. But how would I be able to see after I inevitably had to take them out?

I finally remembered that I had an old pair of glasses, and found them, but yeesh. The prescription was bad, the glasses were bad, but at least I could see somewhat - I was a million times better off than I was when I woke up. I got ready for work, and at 10, I was heading out the door to LensCrafters to pick up my new contacts and order new glasses. I was checking my email for the last time before I left, and who do you think I see pulling up to the house? Animal Control.

Oh, oh, wait, I forgot about the part where, throughout the morning, Jimmy also destroyed one of my black shoes (of the only pair of nice black shoes that I have) and he brought in a dead bird. But I digress.

So, anyway, yup, my &*(!&^*^!&*^ neighbors called Animal Control. The lady was very nice to us - asked us some questions about the fence, asked us if we ever let the dogs outside when we aren't home (never), etc, etc, and then asked us to see their dog licenses. Ummm...yeah. As it turns out, they don't have dog licenses. It was one of those things we thought was taken care of, and, um, wasn't. So she gave a citation for that (and only for one dog, when she could have given us citations for both) and went on her merry way. Basically, we aren't doing anything wrong, and she was going to assure our neighbors that we don't let the dogs out when we're not home. (&&*!^&*! neighbors.

So, after that excitement, I went to LensCrafters, got my new contacts, got my new glasses (I got the exact same frames, different color, so they were able to pop in my somewhat-chewed-but-not-bad-lenses in while I wait for the new lenses to arrive in two weeks) and went to work.

New glasses: $439
Black shoes: $60
Dog warden citation: $60

Being Junior and Jimmy's mom: Priceless


lgaumond said...

OH MY LORD! I'm so sorry. What a horrible story, very funny the way you tell it, but still, HORRIBLE. I hate neighbors. That's why we bought a compound and moved out into the woods. I highly recommend it.

The Diva said...

This story makes me want to cry. And laugh. I did both. The part about the great dane jumping the fence made me want to pass out - sheesh.