I want my MTV

So I was flipping through the channels this morning, and came upon an actual video on MTV. A real video, like back in the olden days of MTV! God, I used to be such a slave to MTV when I was in junior high. I would watch hours and hours of it, just waiting to see a Poison video. Instead I had to endure endless U2 Joshua Tree-era videos. Yeah, yeah, Bono - we know - you still haven't found what you're looking for.

Aaanyway, this morning the video I sawa was for the song "Rockstar" by Nickelback. Dudes, I hate Nickelback, and I definitely didn't think I'd like any of their videos. But sure enough, I both liked the song itself and thought the video was pretty clever. Check it out on their website. Yeah, I just linked to the official Nickelback site - so sue me.

what's old is new again

I changed up my template a bit. It's kind of boring, but I was so sick of the other one.

from "me" to "mom"

Let me preface this by saying I think it's really cool that I'm a mom now. In fact, it's weird to even type it -I still can't really believe it. However....it's amazing, truly amazing, how this little 8 (almost 9) pounder takes up every single drop of energy I have, and then some. I'm a slave to her every whim and need. She says "jump," I say, "how high?". As it turns out, I am having a little trouble letting go of the idea of a planned out, organized life. I'm a planner - in the olden days (prior to July 23), I had my life planned out for months at a time, everything carefully written out in my calendar. These days, everything is spur-of-the-moment, depending on whether Lady Jane is eating, sleeping, pooping or otherwise.

We are going through a fun phase right now where we are trying to adjust her eating schedule, as in, shorten her feedings. This has been relentlessly difficult and has resulted in no small amount of crying (on everyone's part). One thing that distracts Jane from wanting to eat for the zillionth hour in a row is riding in her stroller - that tends to knock her out. So this morning, she dozed for a minute, and just about the second her eyes shut, I had her in the car, stroller in the trunk, and we were headed for West Hartford Center. Sure, I hadn't known I was going out even five minutes earlier, but off we went, me in my ponytail, stained t-shirt and delightfully kicky mesh shorts that have become my summer uniform.

I have to say, although our trips out into the world are very spontaneous and sometimes short-lived, it's awesome to get out. We have had some really glorious weather and it's so nice to walk around the Center with her (as long as she's quiet). As it turns out, the Center is pretty packed on a weekday morning. Turns out, everyone in West Hartford doesn't work - they hang out at Starbucks instead.

But what was I saying before? Oh yeah. With Jane on my lap or in my arms at least 80% of my day, a trip to the bathroom is tending to feel like a field trip. Almost every meal I have is eaten with one hand, because she's in the other. Many times I'm at the computer, she's with me too. Showers are taken at a record pace because, like clockwork, she'll wake up as I'm trying to get ready for the day. Everything that seemed so simple (and was so simple) before has become difficult, and sometimes impossible, to achieve during the day.

Good thing she's so cute.

the shortest month

Jane turned one month old on Thursday. Maybe it's the complete lack of sleep, maybe it's the way the weeks fly by - but I can't believe she's already a month old. She's so much different than she was when she was born - she stays awake, she smiles (sort of), she's far more aware of what's going on around her - it's really amazing to see her development. We've been having a rough week because we are adjusting the length of her feedings, and it's kind of taking an emotional toll on me. I hate seeing her upset but I know we have to fix it so she's not feeding for hours at a time. Coupled with the complete exhaustion of not having a full night's sleep in weeks and weeks, it has made me kind of (or maybe a lot) cranky and somewhat delirious. Hence the no-blogging lately - I really don't have a whole lot to say and I don't want to complain, because seriously, she's so damn cute and we feel so blessed. I know that sounds dorky but it's true. I feel so incredibly lucky to have her.

who woulda thunk it?

Dave Grohl and I have something in common.

let freedom ring

Today I took my first solo road trip in almost a month. Now, my definition of "road trip," at least today, is a ride down to Chili's to pick up the take-out we ordered for dinner. Yup, another rockin' Friday night at our house. But, miraculously, Jane was asleep and Greg was busy so I volunteered to go pick up the food. This is the first time I've driven in almost a month, and certainly the first time I've been alone in a car since the morning of July 23. I realized that I was wearing the same shorts I was wearing the day she was born - the ones I had on only from the time I came home from the hospital to change after the non-stress test to the time I changed out of them, a couple of hours later, after I returned to the hospital to deliver. They are a lot looser now (thank God), but it's also the first time I've put them on since that day. When I plugged in my iPod, I noticed that it was on the song that I was listening to when the doctor called me to say, hey, yeah, go back to the hospital, you're getting induced (I was listening to "Motorcycle Drive-By" by Third Eye Blind, in case you were wondering). It was awesome taking that small road trip by myself today. I felt like I was getting away with something. But at the same time, it felt like something was missing. I wonder what it was?

PS Don't be jealous of how hottt I look in this pic.

her onesie speaks the truth

I can sincerely say that I have never, never been this tired in my life.

hey, who the hell are these guys?!

Surprise, surprise, this isn't an entry about Jane. Instead, it's about one of my other favorite things - RENT, and more specifically, the return of OBC (original Broadway cast) members Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal for a six-week run this summer. Sigh. I sooo much want to see them. I can comfort myself by knowing I already saw them, and most of the OBC, when I first saw the show in 1997. But oh, how I would looove to see them again. I would totally be one of the nerds waiting by the stage door for a picture. Alas, the aforementioned Jane won't let me go out for a quick trip to the grocery store, never mind a jaunt to New York. A friend of mine went to see it yesterday and I am anxiously awaiting his review. Read more about it in this Playbill.com interview.

And in response to Alan, who is right now gagging to himself with hatred for all things RENT - go see it before you hate it!! I'll go with you! After all, the 18th time's a charm.

what a monkey!

but at least I took a shower

Portait of a mother of a newborn: I just got back from stumbling around Babies R Us with several chocolate stains on my shirt (from the mocha I got at Barnes and Noble, because I was in desperate need of caffeine, because I got sooo little sleep last night, because Jane was up for a huge chunk of the night feeding, and then subsequently spitting up, including down my shirt and all over her two sleepers, so I had to get more sleepers at Babies R Us, because, come on, I can't be doing a load of her laundry every single day, it's not good for the environment to be wasting that much water) - anyway, chocolate stains on my shirt, hair pulled back in the most haphazard way imaginable, absolutely shaky and shell-shocked-looking from the lack of sleep and the caffeine, and not even caring a single bit about how I looked. Or how I was talking out loud to myself about how Carter's, who makes very cute baby stuff, seems to think all newborns are about 12 pounds and size their clothes that way, but Jane is only 7ish pounds, and while I like the way Carter's has the snaps at the bottom of the sleepers, versus the zippers on the Gerber ones that are hard to maneuver and require you to basically take off the entire sleeper when changing a diaper, I had to get the Gerber ones because they just fit better, and that company seems to understand that the average newborn is 7ish pounds, and not 12ish pounds. Gosh.

*the pic above is from last night, when she played on her little activity mat for the first time. It was so cute my heart hurt.

making sure her appreciation of the interwebs starts early

you know what's weird? (except totally not weird)

...is the fact that I don't look pregnant anymore. Of course, the reason this is not weird is because I am, in fact, not pregnant anymore, what with having the baby and all. For a good week after, and sometimes still, even now, I find myself sort of "in tune" with my abdomen area, checking to see if the baby is moving. Especially at the end there, it was really important to me to feel her moving around - it was my assurance that everything was all right. This did not immediately go away after I had the baby. The movements did, of course, but my need to feel them didn't. Luckily, my need to feel her move around on the inside is quickly being replaced with my need to see her breathing, which I check, multiple times, when she's sleeping.

But anyway. Back to my topic. I gained about 30 lbs when I was pregnant, and lost about 22 so far, leaving me with 8 or so to go before I get back to my starting weight. I have a feeling these last few pounds will be most stubborn, and I'll probably hang on to them until after Christmas. I can't exercise yet, so I don't feel any pressure to actually do anything about it yet, and frankly, I'm pretty psyched I've come this far with relatively little effort (giving birth notwithstanding).

It's strange to look in the mirror and see the old me. While hauling around 30 lbs of pregnancy gut isn't always easy, it sure makes people generally be nice to you, and let you cross the street and stuff. Now cars fly by me, not caring at all if I make it to the other side alive or not. Maybe when I can actually take Jane out with me people will slow down again. I don't miss being pregnant, but I do miss the niceness it tends to bring out in strangers.

But now it's back to the regular me. Well, the regular me, plus a few pounds, a few stretch marks, and some dark circles under the eyes.

PS I know this blog entry is super-lame. But seriously, guys, I actually started an entry earlier today where I talked about the weather. I didn't even really have anything interesting to say, other than, wow, it's chilly out there for August, huh? I am the lamest of all lame people right now, so if you know me personally, and you have any gossip or anything, email me. I'm running on empty over here.

a day in the life

Now that I'm home more, I expected that I would be blogging more. But when you get right down to it, I'm a bit of a hostage on my own home, and I don't have a whole hell of a lot to write about, unless you want the minute-by-minute update of Jane's development. (Her eyes are open a lot more now. She's checking things out. She doesn't just open them to wake up and cry for food! Progress!) Here's a little peek into what my life is like, so far, on leave. Let's start at midnight, which is when I usually go to bed:

Midnight-2 a.m.: Sometime between here, there is the first of the nighttime feedings. It can last 20 minutes or an hour. I'm half-asleep for this, and watching some crap TV like "The Hills" or "America's Next Top Model" reruns. My brain can't handle any more than that, but it can't handle any less either, or I'd be completely asleep.

2 a.m. - 3:30 or 4 a.m.: Blessed sleep.

4 a.m. - 5:30 a.m.: Sometime between here, there is the second of the nighttime feedings. See above.

7 a.m.-8 a.m.: Wake up for the first of the daytime feedings. This can last quite a while, by the time I get her down for some more sleep (for her).

Somewhere between 9 a.m. - 11 a.m.: Here is when I will usually get a shower in. You have no idea how wonderous a shower is until the prospect of you having one is slim. It's the whole goal of my morning, and when it happens, it's divine. Then I "get ready" in about five seconds, hoping and praying she doesn't wake up. My current uniform is a ponytail, no makeup, shorts and a big t-shirt. HOT. I spend a lot more time making sure she looks cute, because, Lord knows, I don't. During this time I will also try to pick up the house, especially if we are expecting visitors that day, which we have almost every day since I've been home.

Somewhere between 11 a.m.-1 p.m.: More feeding. During the day, I try to keep the TV off. It's become very annoying to me - can you believe it?! - and I prefer the quiet than the loud blathering crap on daytime television. Usually I read (if I can balance the book right) while I'm feeding her during the day. Other times I just stare into space, because, if you can tell by the nighttime feeding schedule, I'm not getting a whole hell of a lot of sleep these days.

The rest of the afternoon is a crapshoot. Like, today, she's been sleeping since about 11:30 - two whole hours! - and I've done some laundry, read some book, played around online, and got the mail. Other days, she might be feeding for hours at a time (yikes!!) and I lose a large chunk of the afternoon to that.

Evening, from about 6 p.m. to midnight: This is Miss Jane's time to party. Either it's feeding time, looking around time, or napping time - but NEVER in her crib. She'll cry and cry if you put her down, so one of us has to hold her at all times. If I'm going to be cranky during the day, this is about the time I am, because the exhaustion creeps up on me and sometimes just plain knocks me out.

I, of course, wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

We don't get to go out amongst the people for a few more weeks. The doctor suggested we limit her exposure to large crowds, especially large crowds that include germy kids, until she is two months old. I don't really feel well enough to go for walks with her yet, so her outdoor exposure has been trips to the mailbox and to the back deck. So, pretty much, we are here, all day, unless we take a rare field trip to the pediatrician or, as we did the other day, the library (Greg stayed with her in the car while I went inside).

We are, as you can see, partying like it's 1999 over here.

Arkansas couple welcomes 17th child

I mean, really? Is this necessary? Among the more mind-boggling facts of this story is that the mother has been pregnant for 126 months - or 10.5 years - of her life. I'm all for big families - but 17! Wow.

no rest for the hungry

Probably the most common complaint you'll hear from new parents is how tired they are. Everyone told me how tired I would be, how I didn't even understand the definition of tired until I had a hungry, nursing newborn to deal with. And, of course, they were right, but that was something I expected. I'm tired like I never was before, yada yada yada, but hey, I'm the one who decided I wanted to have a baby - I can't expect to get my 8 hours a night. Or, you know, a week.

But this morning, we went to the pediatrician to find out how little miss Jane is progressing, weight-wise. They like to do more frequent weight checks when they are nursing, versus being on formula, because it's hard to determine just how much they are eating. Well I am very proud to report that she went from 6 lbs 10 oz (her weight at her visit last week) to 7 lb, 5 oz today! This is great news because the doctor gave her two weeks to get back to her birth weight (7 lb, 3 oz) and in one week, she surpassed it! So all of those late-night, all-evening and daytime feedings were well worth it, in my tired and humble opinion.

In the meantime, I'm working on losing the weight I gained. Well, actually, I'm really not doing anything at all - no exercise allowed for six weeks - but somehow I've managed to lose 21 pounds so far, with 9 to go! Not bad at all.

living in a maternity world

So we came home from the hospital a week ago today. It feels like it went by in a flash - most likely because I don't get more than 1-2 hours of sleep in a row, ever, so it kind of just feels like one long day. It really seems like the days go by so quickly, even though I don't do much. Pretty much the whole goal of each day is to feed the baby, change the baby, try to get the baby to sleep in the crib, and, if she's not having it, holding the baby while she sleeps. But somehow this doesn't seem boring or monotonous. The days, so far, don't seem like long stretches of boredom. I'm having a great time, yet, when I think about what to write about on this blog, I don't think I want to detail the latest poop extravaganza or who is on the View. I will say that daytime television totally blows, and our TiVo is completely depleted, so that kind of stinks. The nights can be difficult. She likes to start the party around midnight and really not settle down until the morning, so I'm up mostly straight through, with a possible hour or two of sleep. But all in all, it's pretty great times over here right now.

I will say this - in the middle of the night the other night, I ran across a marathon of "The Hills," and I'm kind of addicted. What is this show? I can't figure out if it's reality or not reality or a mix of both. That show, along with "Laguna Beach," were always off my radar because I really didn't understand the point. I still don't, but at 3 a.m., it all starts to make sense.