good morning

I am not what you would call a morning person. I never really have been. These days I roll out of bed around 5 a.m., rush to get ready for work before Jane wakes up (these days she's been getting up so early that Greg often has to get up too, so he can watch her while I finish getting ready), get Jane ready for the day, feed her, play with her, drop her off at daycare (although Greg often does this), then go to work. By the time I'm at my desk between 8 and 8:15 a.m., I feel like I've already lived an entire day. I've also already usually consumed a decent amount of Diet Pepsi by this point, because that's how I get my caffeine. I can't even imagine getting through the morning without a chemical boost of energy.

On the other hand, when Jane gets up, she cannot wait to start the day. I've barely picked her up out of her crib when she wants to get down and get going. She usually first heads over to her bookcase and starts flinging out books, chattering away. Then she starts with the imaginary phone calls on her play phone. She doesn't even want to waste time getting her diaper changed. She's got STUFF TO DO.

I want that. I want to wake up, ready to go. I want to have Jane's super-enthusiasm that another day has begun. If she could talk, I think she'd say "Holy crap! We get to do this again! We get a whole new day! Whoo hooo!!!!!!!!!"

I wonder if it's even possible. Is it possible for a 35-year-old who hasn't gotten a decent night's sleep in a berzillion months to wake up with that kind zest for life? I don't want to be cranky. I don't want to need the caffeine. I want to be psyched that it's a new day. I AM psyched that it's a new day - it's just that my brain doesn't know it so early in the morning.

I'm going to work on this.