pensive

I was driving to my mother's house this afternoon, as I do every Sunday afternoon, and I, all of the sudden, started really missing my dad. I have said this before - I can slide right through holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc with no problem (sometimes) but then out of the blue, I will get really melancholy. Today was one of those days. This Friday will be my five year wedding anniversary, and I just got to thinking about how my dad wasn't there, and how much fun I think he would have had, and how pretty he would have thought I was (I know that may sound strange, but that's just what I was thinking). I was thinking about how, when my father walked my two sisters down the aisle, he said something to both of them right before they began walking that made them cry. And I have always wondered what he would have said to me.

When I was planning my wedding I put my friend Heather in charge of making sure no one said anything depressing to me right before the ceremony. Like, "oh, I wish Dad were here" or something like that. It's not that it wasn't in my head; of course it was. I just didn't want it to be in the forefront of my mind. My mother walked me down the aisle, and I told her she wasn't allowed to say anything sad. So instead, she said something perfect. (I'm not going to tell you what it was. I get to have my secrets too.)

My dad was a partier. And I know he would have partied that day away, super proud of me. And I am so sad that I missed that experience.