memo to this week:

Suck it.



PS Thanks to Melissa for providing one lovely bright spot to the week. The full trailer is out!

awesome.

I don't know if any of you saw the video Sarah Silverman made for her boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel, to celebrate the fifth anniversary of his show. It was awesome. I can't stand her, and it was awesome. Well, this was his retribution. Even better. (If you didn't see her version first, click on that link and watch it, and then watch Kimmel's version.)

Not for kids, and not suitable for work!

Seven Monthiversary!

Yeah, we're snotty and drooly and fairly gross around here - but not enough to ignore yesterday's seven monthiversary! Whoo hoo!

8 years ago today

Still always missing you, Dad.

boob tube

If you know me at all, you know television is one of my BFFs. I watch tons of shows, and I don't apologize for it. I never pretended to be one of those people who look down their noses at those of us who need to leave our brains at the door at the end of a busy day, so there's room in our heads for pure, unadulturated junk. And I love it.

However.

There's some evidence that suggests that babies under 2 who spend a lot of time in front of the television, watching "educational" videos like Baby Einstein and whatnot, actually learn fewer words than babies who don't watch TV. Some people believe that throwing the kids in front of the TV can trigger autism and other disorders. Not to mention the poisonous rays shooting out of the screen.

At first I was like, "Eh, what's a few fewer words? I wish most people would talk less anyway." And it's not like I sit Jane down to watch hours of children's programming. Not when I have so many adult shows to watch! Plus I always have the "Today" show on in the mornings, so she's caught up on current events.

But lately I've noticed that when the TV is on, she tends to focus on it and get glazed look on her face (awww, just like her mama!). And all I'm thinking is, "This can't be good for a baby. Greg and I can rot out our brains until they bleed out our ears, but we've earned it." So I've been trying to keep the TV off when she's in the living room with us. It's weird, all this silence. But good. Good for her and good for me. It allows me to focus more on what she's doing - which is what I should be doing - instead of getting distracted by the plot of some "Sex and the City" episode I've seen a kajillion times anyway.

Don't fear. It's not like I'm giving it up. That's what the DVR is for. But I'm thinking I don't want a six-month-old Carrie Bradshaw on my hands anyway.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I know I'm supposed to be all angsty and stuff about Valentine's Day, all hating on it like nobody's business - sort of like Alan - but I actually have always enjoyed this holiday, mostly because it is primarily candy-centered. I've always gotten a kick out of this little pink day in the middle of gloomy winter - and it has nothing to do with being with someone or not, because I have spent more Valentine's Days single than with someone. But anyway, happy Valentine's Day, dear Blogger readers! And to you I give some candy-coated Jane!

let's lighten this joint up, shall we?

I invite all of you to visit my friend (and possibly your friend) Melissa's blog and check out her latest two entries. The Barack Obama video, which is all over the place, has inspired me and given me the appropriate goosebumps. The John McCain one - well - is the most hilarious (yet scary!) thing I've seen in a long time. I think I am Melissa's number one visitor these days because I keep popping back to see it.

a bump in the road

One year ago, as part of my regularly scheduled blood tests I had to take during pregnancy, I went in for what is called the "triple screen" test. This is a test that checks for any possible chromosomal issues in the fetus, such as spina bifada or Down Syndrome. I went in for the test, and although I had a nagging fear something might be wrong, I wrote it off as one of my natural fears that something is wrong every time I go to the doctor.

A week later, I received a call from my doctor that my results came back elevated for my age. You see, when you get this blood test, they weigh in a lot of factors like your age, weight, gestational age, etc, to come out with your risk of having a baby with some sort of problem. It is in no way definitive, and there are a lot of so-called "false positives." None of that information helped me when I found out that I had a 1/77 chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome.

My age at delivery was 33. The risk factor at that age is approx. 1/480 (or something close to that). The older you get, the higher the risk. But 1/480 felt a whole hell of a lot better than 1/77. I was told that instead of a regular ultrasound, I was to have a level 2 ultrasound, which is a much more detailed ultrasound where they look at all of the organs closely to see how they are developing. With a L2, the chance of confirming something like Down Syndrome is about 80%. The only way to know for sure is having aminocentisis, which is, essentially, a huge ol' needle they stick in your abdomen to retrieve cells from the fetus to determine, definitively, if there is a problem. There is a risk of miscarriage with an amnio; some say it's as high as 1/200, but I believe research shows the risk to be much lower than that.

So, my doctor calls me at work and says I have a 1/77 risk of having a baby with DS. They scheduled me for the L2 ultrasound for three weeks later - they had to wait until I was at least 20 weeks so they could see the organs clearly. She told me not to worry; there are tons of women who get news like this and everything turns out just fine.

I can't really remember, aside from shutting my office door, what I did next. The rest of the day was a blur of many, many tears, phone calls, emails, and Internet research. There is a message board on babycenter.com that I read religiously because so many, many women get numbers like I did, or worse, and have babies who are just fine. I remember one woman who tried to reassure everyone with her story: she was given 1/5 odds and her boy was perfectly fine. There were also people who received much worse news from their blood screen and resulting ultrasound: their babies had cysts on the brain, holes in their stomach, tangled intestines, major brain damage - nightmare stories that made the risk of DS seem so much less dramatic.

Over the following three weeks, I did loads of research about DS. I needed to know what our reality would be if the baby did have DS. All I could remember were the couple of kids who had it when I was in high school, but I didn't know what their lives were really like. I found out that with early intervention, people with DS are living much fuller, productive lives than they were even 20 years ago. The kids are part of regular classrooms, just with extra help. There are groups and communities all over the Internet and in real life that give great amounts of support to people with DS and their families. I read personal stories from women who said they were horrified when they got the news, either when they were pregnant or when they had their babies, but grew to have such a special bond and love for their child with DS that now they wouldn't change a thing.

People thought I was crazy for even going there in my head. They said everything would be fine. But I needed to know everything would be fine no matter what the result was. I needed to arm myself with information and support before I knew whether everything was indeed OK or not. Greg and I were faced with big decisions - the majority of people choose to terminate after they get the confirmation. We quickly made the choice that, no matter what, we wouldn't do that. But could we handle it? Were we equipped for this? I asked so many of my spiritual friends to pray hard for us, because I felt like my prayers would never be good enough for such a request - to please let my baby be OK.

I had a lot of dark days during those three weeks. It really took me that long to get right with the whole thing. I was recently cleaning out my email box and I came across a message I had sent my best friend, where I stated that this was the most stressed out I had ever been in my life, and it was true, even after having gone through the death of a parent, and the near-death of my brother in his car accident. This ate at me in a completely different way. In the meantime, I was doing a show - Love Letters - and I was able to pour a lot of my angst into that. It was really cathartic to do a performance where I had to well and truly break down. Because that's what was happening inside.

Something else happened during those three weeks. The baby started to move. I felt the very faint flutterings of movement. All of the sudden, this little being that was causing me so much misery was....real.

The day came for the ultrasound, and we headed up to UConn. The technician who did the procedure was great and answered my many, many questions, most of which were "is that normal?" During a day that was supposed to be so magical - the first day I would see my baby! - I was in a panic. Everything did, in fact, look normal. The genetic doctor came in after and had another look around. Although his bedside manner was for total shit, he confirmed that everything did look normal at that time. He stressed that I should get an amnio to know for sure. He really suggested that I do it right then because that would give me a few days to decide to terminate before it was too late.

But I had had it. I felt like I had aged 20 years in less than a month, and I was ready to enjoy my pregnancy. Maybe I didn't have 100% confirmation that the baby (who we now knew was a girl!) was OK, but if there were any glaring issues, it would have been apparent on the scan. My OB/GYN totally agreed. And so we forged on.

People always talk about the joyful moment they have when delivering a baby. My moment was a bit different. When Jane made her appearance on July 23, I cried over and over, frantically, "is she OK? Is she OK?" It was like they couldn't convince me that all looked well.

I think about that part of my life often, but especially now. Last Valentine's Day was so rough, but Greg and I bonded so strongly during that time, because it was the first hard decision (not that it was really a decision) we had to make together.

I feel like Jane is such a blessing, but I know I would feel that way no matter what. Because it was a year ago that she became a real person to me.

this and that

So I couldn't be happier that it's almost Friday. Sure, I have no doubt that Jane will continue on with The Cold That Would Never End, and Greg is away all weekend at captain school for the boat, but as long as I don't have to do the mad dash at the beginning and end of each day, I'm that much happier.

Not a whole hell of a lot has been going on. As some of you know, I'm part of Facebook nation now, which I've found amusing. How strange to see all of these familiar faces, some of which I haven't seen in 20 years.

Lent started this week, and in years past, I've given up all sorts of things, mostly junk food, as part of the season. This year I decided to really focus on one of my New Year's resolutions, which, if you recall, was to pull my head out of my ass and stop being so cranky and miserable all the time. I tend to get that way during the aforementioned mad dashes in the morning and night. It just feels like there is no time to get everything done, and it all seems so stressful, but if I get some perspective, it really and truly isn't that bad. So, we'll see how I do. I tend to take Lent pretty seriously, but at the same time, I threw a big hissy fit this morning when poor Jane puked up her entire breakfast (which tends to happen these days when she goes on one of her morning coughing jags). I just get so upset for her and tend to, for example, start swearing at the top of my lungs. I might have to consult the "What to Expect" book, but I'm fairly sure that's not good parenting.

I am very pleased with the results of the primaries in CT. Overall I'm just really into the whole political scene these days. Who the hell knew.

Not too much else going on, I'm afraid. Sorry kids - I'll try to be more interesting next time.

talk about a Young Democrat

rocking the vote

Although I've always voted in the November elections, this year is the first time I'm voting in the primaries. I've had a difficult time deciding who to choose, which makes me optimistic about the idea that in November, I won't be just voting for "anybody but McCain."

Today, however, I'll be voting for the rock star.

weekend Jane

Well, knock on wood, so far so good this weekend. We've gone to lunch with Todd and Alan (and I'm hoping Alan posts some of his pics, including the one where Jane is proudly waving her token of Canadianship), we went to my friend's surprise birthday party and Jane stayed up and happy way past her bedtime, and we went to lunch with more friends today. She's kind of cranking out now, so I don't know how she'll be at the Superbowl party tonight, but even so, we've had a good weekend. It's nice to be out amongst the people, despite the fact that 2/3 of us are stuffy and sick.

I hope everyone's Superbowl dreams come true today.

weekend? update?

I am very hesitant to write about my plans for this weekend, as the last time I did that, they got totally destroyed due to The Cold That Would Never End. But, hey, might as well record the plans I hope to have this weekend:

Tonight: Awww yeeaaah - I just cleaned the house. I am just. that. cool. After this I'm gonna check out what the DVR has in store, and I'll probably be in bed by 10 (since I now have TCTWNE).

Tomorrow: Since we had to cancel last week, we will be having lunch with Todd and Alan. Since Alan is Jane's Canadianfather, I am hoping he can impart some wise Canadian words to her. You see, Jane is 1/something French Canadian, and Alan, being a Canadian from Canada himself, has been appointed her Canadianfather, so she can, you know, appreciate her heritage and stuff. Tomorrow evening we will be going to a surprise birthday party for one of my theater peeps.

Sunday: Since we had to cancel last week, we will be going to lunch with our friends Matt and Cathy, and their three-month-old, Olivia. Then, it's off to Heather's for our annual Cool Commercials party. Oh, I mean Superbowl party. I know I should be into this one in particular, this being a beehive of Giants/Patriots fandom, but I really, truly don't care about the game. I care about the food and the commercials.

Also, during the weekend, I plan on officially deciding who to vote for on Tuesday.

So, as you can see, I'm busy. All of this is of course very tentative, as it can (and probably will) go to hell in a handbasket due to some nasty-ass daycare-bred bug. Have a great weekend!

Ah, LOST

What a sweet, delicious mindf**k you are.

six monthiversary

Good Lord, has this not been a fun weekend. Poor Jane is still sick, coughing, sneezing, low-grade fever -the works. I have a feeling she'll be staying home tomorrow too. This is the first time I've had to deal with a fever with her - and it's so sad! And scary. I feel like such a rookie mom, and everything freaks me out.

However, this isn't supposed to be another depressing "Jane is sick" entry. Thursday was Jane's six monthiversary! And I forced her to have some happy moments today so we could get some pics. As Tyra always tells the ANTM models, it doesn't matter if you're sick. You still have to work it.

the best laid plans

So, this was supposed to be a very social weekend for us. We were supposed to see my brother's new condo today, go to dinner with Todd and Alan, and go to lunch tomorrow with our friend Cathy and Matt, and their new baby Olivia.

And then.

I picked up Jane at daycare last night and they told me she had a low-grade fever and wasn't acting herself. She's had a cold/cough for a few days, but it really kicked up a few notches yesterday. We took her to the doctor just in case, and they checked her out and didn't find an ear infection or anything, so that was good. Also, apparently, there's some nasty-ass bronchial thing going around, but they didn't think it was that either. But the poor girl is so sick. She's been just miserable all day, and all plans have been canceled. She's just hacking away, with a very runny nose and watery eyes and red face - it's just plain sad. I feel so bad for her, because I can't tell her that although colds are horrible, they will go away and she'll be right at rain soon (I hope!!).

So much for my social weekend. But there was one highlight - Alan and Todd dropped off some cupcakes on their way to Hole in the Wall tonight. Anyone who knows me knows how much a sucker I am for cupcakes. So thanks to them, there was a bright spot in an otherwise sickly day.

PS I have never been more annoyed with a kid than I was yesterday at the doctor's office. We whisked Jane in at the last minute - they were able to squeeze her in right before they closed - and while we were in the waiting room this 6 or 7-year-old boy came up to her and started touching her hands. I said, all loud-like, "Oh, you don't want to touch her, she's sick!" and he responds "that's OK, I'm sick too!" Oh my Lord. Where was his mother? Hello? Don't touch my baby! Sometimes I wish I could just store her in a vat of Purell and call it a day.

ummm...yeah.

So. Hey! How are you? I haven't see you in a while. Sorry about the blog being so dull. I always think to myself, "I should blog about something, because I so enjoy reading everyone else's blogs." And then I hem and haw about what I should write, and have come to the grand conclusion that my life is dull-ass boring. I mean, I enjoy it. I'm just pretty sure that everyone else must read this thing and be like, "God, I'm glad I'm not her."


That said, as you can see, I don't have a lot to report. We get MLK Day off of work, but I went into work yesterday and took today off instead. I have to take Jane to the doctor because she has a little rash on her stomach that hasn't gone away, plus she's developed yet another lovely cold/cough. So it should be fun, being the germophobe that I am, to go into the den of sickness known as the pediatrician's office this morning. Ewwww.


Jane has been busy rolling around a lot, eating different foods, and generally just being so much fun to be around. I find myself getting teary every morning when I leave her now, because she's so cool to hang out with all day (and being uncool myself, I have to attach myself to all of the cool people I can). Greg has been very busy with the boat (I've mentioned the boat, right?) so we've had a lot of alone time together. She has completely grown out of her 3-6 month clothes and is on to 6-9 month clothes. And let me tell ya, when people were throwing me bags of hand-me-downs when she was born, I was a little like, "whatever," but now, oh my, it's so great to have all of these "new" outfits that I didn't have to buy!


If I haven't mentioned the boat, we now have a boat. It's a business venture for Greg, but also, we have a 44-foot boat. Come visit us this summer! We'll be on a boat! Bring a life jacket!


Has anyone been watching the new seasons of "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" and "Scott Baio is 46...and Pregnant"? Because - awesome (as Bret would say). Why anyone would not want to watch these shows is beyond me. And yeah, maybe it's not all cultural and whatnot, but so what. Dip your head in the toilet water cesspool of TV once in a while. It's great!


Update on Rent: I bought tickets to see the matinee performance on June 1, the last day. Couldn't get tix for the final performance - I suspect it will be a charity event.



So. That's that. Don't you wish you had that two minutes of your life back?

all dressed up and nowhere to go

Except that I'm not dressed up. But the other part is certainly correct, about the nowhere to go. It's been another rockin' Friday night in my household, watching DVR'ed "American Idol" and "Celebrity Apprentice." Dinner was a bowl of cereal. I gave Jane a bath and put her to bed a couple of hours ago, after she only finished half of her bottle. Which could very well mean she'll be up in the middle of the night because she's hungry. The very idea of having to get up and feed her makes me panic. I think after my experience of true sleep deprivation for many months in a row has made me very very anxious about returning to such a state. Not that I'm getting a whole lot of sleep now, but it's better than the hour or two a day I was getting last summer.

I have absolutely no plans for the weekend. I used to have plans. Remember when I had plans? When I would do my weekend update with all kinds of things going on? I can't plan for too much these days. It's not that I won't be busy, because I will. By Sunday night I won't even feel like I had a weekend. I'm just not sure what I'm going to be doing between now and then.

But I can guarantee six months ago I wasn't saying that my big Friday night plans were "American Idol" and bed by 10. Not that I'd trade it - because I definitely wouldn't - but lord, did I get boring quick.

dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes

Bad. Bad. BAD NEWS.

But not entirely unexpected.

Road trip!

snow day!

I worked from home today because we got about 8 inches of snow in my area, and it's a lot easier to just work from home than have to shovel early, slide all the way to daycare in my sled of a car, slide to work and be late, late, late. It's actually been a productive day, even! I did take the time to have Greg take these pics of Jane out in the snow (this will be considered her "first snowstorm," since I haven't gotten it together enough to take pics in earlier snowstorms this year). I'm not one to get all gooey about my baby (at least in front of others), but seriously - doesn't she looks so candylicious in her new sweater and hat!? I love it! Also, take note of young James in the background. He has been in and out of the house about a million times today. No one loves it more when I work from home than Jimmy!