Tuesday, March 04, 2008

am I crazy?

After months - actually, in all honesty, over a year - of being all "babybabybabybaby," I have agreed to co-direct a show this summer. This show is part of the summer young adult program that in previous years produced Godspell and Into the Woods (yeah, yeah, you heard all about those, whether you wanted to or not). I was supposed to co-direct last summer, but, well, I was busy. So I agreed to do it this summer, with the stipulation that I would only run two rehearsals a week, with the exception of hell week and the week the other director is on vacation.

I think I might be a little nuts. I'm so torn on this. One part of me says, "woman, you get no sleep as it is. You are stretched to your absolute limit. You are about to get super-slammed at work. WTF???" The other part says, "But I wanna do a shooooowwwww...."

I'm looking at it this way. Two nights a week isn't too much. It doesn't mean I won't see Jane, because I'm hoping I can arrange it so I can do most of her nighttime business before I have to leave for rehearsal. And even if I can't, it's not like Greg isn't completely capable. I think I need to get my creative juices flowing again. I need to do something for me, even if it means I'm going to be weeping uncontrollably from the exhaustion and insanity of it all. If it's a disaster, it'll all be over in probably less than two months. If it works, I know I can attempt to have some sort of external life again. No matter what, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't do another show for another year after that - I'm very partial to this summer program, which is another reason I'm doing this.

Yup, I'm crazy.

Now, dear internets, you have to tell me I'm not a bad mom for doing this.

**This pic is from backstage when I was in Life with Father. Jane was just a tiny little cluster of cells at this point. Mind you, a tiny cluster of cells that nearly made me pass out on stage during one performance.


lgaumond said...

You are not crazy and the last thing you will ever be is a bad mother.

I think it's a great idea! It's like a half step back to the theater world you used to inhabit. It's a safe test. And I can't wait for you to get back into that world and onstage! Luke and I were just saying the other day that we missed seeing you perform.

lgaumond said...

Oh, and also... you look about twelve in that picture! Were you playing someone young? You certainly don't look like someone who would become a mom nine months later.

Flann said...

You're not a bad mom. Moms need a life outside of their kids so they don't become THOSE moms that everyone runs from lest they hear about little snookums' latest poop consistency. :)

It'll be in a familiar, supportive environment to ease you into life as Amanda who has a kid, not Jane's mom. And if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. You have a good handle on your own limits and know when you need to stop.

The Diva said...

Jane is lucky to have a creative mommy and the only way you're going to jeopardize her is to not be yourself 100%.

You're not crazy, but you are late in asking me to work on it with you.

Alan said...

Some people can get a thrill knitting sweaters and sitting still. That's okay for some people who don't know they're alive. Some people can thrive and bloom living life in the living room. That's perfect for some people of one hundred and five.

But you at least gotta try when you think of all the sights that you gotta see and all the places you gotta play, all the things that you gotta be at.

Some people can be content playing bingo and paying rent. That's peachy for some people, for some hum-drum people to be, but some people ain't you!

Some people sit on their butts; got the dream, yeah, but not the guts. That's living for some people, for some hum-drum people I suppose. Well, they can stay and rot!

But not Amanda!