scintilla: day 8

Today’s Scintilla prompt asks: Sometimes we wish we could hit the rewind button. Talk about an experience that you would do over if you could.

My first semester of college was away from home. I lived in a dorm, gained the Freshman Fifteen, etc., etc. During my first semester, however, I decided to change my major (this would not be the last time) to secondary education so I could be a high school English teacher. The best school in my state for that degree happened to be 20 minutes from my house. So I transferred, and commuted from home. I was paying for college myself, and it made no sense at the time to take out loans and get into debut so I could live in a dorm so close to home. I regret that now.

My school was a good one – and in fact, I currently work very close by, which is extremely weird, especially when I see all of the students who look to me to be about Jane’s age – and I did have a lot of fun, and walked out of there with a BA in English. But I think I missed out on something important by not living away from my parents for those four (OK, five – like I said, I liked to change majors) years.

I want Jane’s future to be whatever she wants it to be. But I feel very strongly that she go to school away from home. Sure, it will be tragic and sad and I will hang on to her as she walks out the door. But still, that is something I want very much for her.

and now it's October, just like I wanted.

In August, as kindergarten loomed closer and closer, I remember saying, “I just want it to be October.”

 

Not because I wanted to rush the end of summer – or my BIRTHDAY – but I wanted Jane’s first month of school and my new flipped work schedule to have already happened, so we’d be fully immersed in our new schedule so I could stop worrying about it. I wanted a better idea of what our new reality is, at least until summer (don’t ask me what our schedule will look like then; I have absolutely no idea. And you would think, DUH, of course not, it’s only October, but I already have parents asking me what camps Jane is going to do next summer and it’s enough to make your head explode.)

 

And here we are. The month is over. We are immersed. And so far, so good. But what a change. Daycare was such a wonderful thing – if I had a doctor’s appointment, or just wanted to run quick to Target after work, or I had to help my mom with something, or I didn’t feel good, I could just leave Jane there for a little bit longer. No biggie. But school doesn’t let you do that, see. School is very particular about you not leaving your kid there for longer than they are supposed to be there, lest you hear from the Department of Children and Families. So now Jane comes with me everywhere, pretty much. (Except the doctor. I will not let this happen. I know there are other mothers who take their kids to all of their personal appointments, but I am not one of them. I would like to have my EKG or lady exam or what have you IN PEACE. That’s AMANDA TIME. Sad but true.)

 

So our mornings are full of chores, usually. Cleaning, library, shopping – things like that. I need to get her fed with lunch and out the door to the bus stop by 11:15. After the bus comes I drive off to work – I basically trail the bus for about a mile or so until it turns one way and I turn the other. Once I’m out of work, I’m right back to school to pick Jane up from her after-school program. Then it’s general mayhem, dinner, bath, TV, books, bed.

 

There’s not much me time these days (save for the doctor’s visits, of course). It’s something to get used to. I’m not saying it’s bad – we all know how I like to be busy - it’s just different. It’s also sometimes hard to feel like my brain isn’t all melty by the time I get to work at 11:45, after parenting for the previous six hours. Tylenol is my friend.

 

ETA: This next paragraph is super-random.

 

September ramped up other things as well – theater, dance class, PTO. I volunteered to co-chair the PR committee for Jane’s school. The variety show my theater group was going to put up in October has now been moved to December. I don’t have Jane’s Halloween costume yet (she will be a butterfly fairy princess. You heard right.) I’m off to NYC for the weekend in a couple of weeks. I miss it. I just plowed through my book club book over the past two days because we have a meeting on Friday. We read The Financial Lives of the Poets. Loved. I’m trying to exercise again – totally got off track after vacation in July. I need a pre-holiday detox, need to get healthy so I can eat all of the cookies I want come December.

 

How’s your October looking?

here's to the freakin' weekend.

With apologies to my Facebook friends who have already seen this photo, I wanted to post it here too, because seriously, what a happy moment. Look at those baby goats! This pic was taken by my friend Todd at a farm we went to last weekend.

What a whirlwind week this has been, guys. Kindergarten transition seems to be going fairly well. Jane is being shy with the other kids, so of course my fear is that she'll have no friends (I always like to give myself something big and tragic to worry about to ensure insomnia and stomachaches). But overall she is really doing great. Participating in class, likes her teacher, getting on the bus like it's no big deal...we're lucky (tap wood).

In the meantime I've flipped my work hours to afternoons, so I'm going into work at noon instead of 8:30. Now the mornings are busy with Jane, chores and cleaning, and it's weird to be going to work AFTER I do all of that business, since I got so used to doing my life stuff during the afternoons when I went part-time last year. In addition, next week brings the beginning of Jane's dance classes, two nights of auditions for the variety show I'm co-directing this month, curriculum night at Jane's school....so yeah. Summer's over.

Truth? I love being busy. I love having a crazy schedule. I don't like having excessive free time. This is something major I've learned about myself over the pst year. I feed on insanity. Does this mean I'm insane? Probably.

I hope you all have a fantastic weekend!

back to school - kindergarten edition

I have been so emotional over the past week.

 

And even though I am an emotional person (WHAM! SHOCKER!), I was actually surprised by this.

Way back five years ago, when I first sent Jane to daycare (and struggled mightily), I thought that sending her off to kindergarten would be a snap. That I would be used to sending her somewhere for the day, and she would be used to school, other kids, teachers and the classroom setting. No big deal.

 

That was before I realized what an integral part of our lives her daycare would become. She made some great friends, I made some great friends (hello Friday night moms’ happy hour!), she formed super-tight bonds with some amazing teachers, and along the way learned her letters, her numbers, discovered her love of drawing, learned countless songs, learned how to fight and negotiate with other kids (important for an only child!), and evolved into a magically sassy and delicious five-year-old.

 

On her last day of preschool, I felt very disoriented. It sounds so cliché, but seriously – where did the time go, you guys? No, really? How did five years pass so quickly? I know every parent on earth says the same thing, but it’s true. I have no idea how we got to the moment we were at this morning, waiting for the big yellow bus to show up at the corner of our street.

 

My fears for her are countless. Will she make friends? Will kids pick on her, or bully her? Will she cry? Will she know where to go and what to do? Will she love her teacher? Will she learn easily, or will she struggle? Will she… Will she… Will she….?

 

I had a vision of how this morning was going to go. Jane has always had difficulty with transitions, and every year at daycare, when she moved into the next room, she cried and cried. Drop-offs were a nightmare. She doesn’t like unfamiliar situations – and that was at the SAME SCHOOL, with the SAME KIDS, in the SAME BUILDING. This morning required her to go, alone, onto a big bus, off to a place that, sure, she has visited, but didn’t really know.

 

She told me many times over the past few days how nervous she was, especially about getting on the bus. She would get teary talking about it. She would mention how none of the kids in her class will know her name. How she doesn’t WANT to go to kindergarten. I had an image of her crying, face pressed up against the window on the bus as it pulled away. I was certain this was how it was going to go.

 

Because she is in afternoon kindergarten, her bus wasn’t set to come until 11:23. This morning felt endless. She, Greg and I got to the bus stop about 15 minutes early, and then the bus was about 10 minutes late, so we were standing there for a long time. Jane, at this point, was PSYCHED. I, at this point, had an incredibly upset stomach, a giant lump in my throat, and extreme anxiety that once we saw that bus, she would dissolve into tears.

 

But when it came down the street, she was ready. She got on that bus like a CHAMP. Waved goodbye; no tears. None for her, anyway. I held mine back until she left.

 

***

She had an awesome day. To my great relief, she knows someone in her class - there is a set of twins from her daycare that is going to her school, and one of them is in her class, and she mentioned another friend that she made. The best part of her day, of course, was snack.  

 

I am so, so, so very proud of my girl.

august break: day 29

 

So Jane's much-anticipated last day of daycare was today. I'm still teary, and fighting a massive lump in my throat. OK, fine - I full-on cried. But Jane? Is so ready.

 

I'm doing The August Break. It's easy and fun. Join me, won't you?


august break: 27

Making cupcakes for Jane's last day of daycare tomorrow. Four and a half years and approx $70K later, we're done. I keep thinking about this post lately. I feel a similar one brewing now in regards to kindergarten. I have things to say to the 2007 version of Amanda.

(If you're wondering what the picture is behind the mixer, it's a gift from the cast of a show I directed a few years ago.)

I'm doing The August Break. It's easy and fun. Join me, won't you?

august break: day 26

Could time stop flying by so fast, please?

I'm doing The August Break. It's easy and fun. Join me, won't you?

august break: day 21

Two pieces of mail from this week. Guess which one I'm more excited about? (HINT: the one that actually looks fun.)

I'm doing The August Break. It's easy and fun. Join me, won't you?

overhead projectors are amazing, and other kindergarten thoughts

The best part of kindergarten so far, for Jane



So, yesterday was Jane’s second kindergarten orientation meeting. A lot of people have been telling me they can’t believe our district holds so many meetings, but to be honest, I’m happy for it. Having the kids go in monthly to get used to the classrooms and the teachers will hopefully pay off in September with fewer tears (for the kids – don’t worry, I’ll be crying like a maniac. Please send wine.).

ANYWAY, in February we had the first meeting that the kids came to as well (January was just the parents meeting). And, if you recall, Jane had a fit and I had to stay in the classroom with her, instead of going upstairs with all of the other parents. And of course I totally get she was uncomfortable hanging out with a teacher and a bunch of kids she didn’t know at all – and certainly didn’t want to be abandoned – and, let’s face it, I’m super-cool and I assume everyone feels sad when I leave them – but I just wanted her to be OK with it, you know? It seemed like all of the other kids had absolutely no problem, which was kind of shocking to me, actually. I just want her to be happy, and feel safe. I have so many feeeeeelings about this. And a lot of them are stomachache-inducing. Don’t worry – I project none of this on her.

So we’ve been gearing her up for weeks about yesterday’s meeting. We promised her that she could go ice skating with Greg if she was brave and strong and stayed in the classroom herself and let us go up to the parents’ meeting. She was cool going in, but she started to wobble once we go into the crowded classroom with unfamiliar people (and this time she was with the other teacher, so even that part wasn’t familiar). As the parents were leaving, her eyes started filling up and I could see we were going to go down the same weepy path again – until I caught the teacher’s eye, and she asked Jane if she wanted to hold her hand. As soon as that happened, Jane took the teacher’s hand, put on her brave face and waved us goodbye. (Side note: I really like both teachers so far, but this one reminds me of Fran Drescher slightly, in a very positive way. So she has the edge, not that we have a choice.)

And after a 45-minute meeting on the school budget, a typical kindergartener’s day, and plans for upcoming orientation meetings, we headed back to the classrooms to scoop up the kids. There was Jane in the pack with the rest, absolutely fascinated by the overhead projector the teacher was using to show them some artwork. So much so that she asked for one for Christmas. (Which was the perfect opportunity to tell her that Santa doesn’t bring overhead projectors – that’s something special that kindergarteners get to use.)

I love how much this school does to get the kids and parents geared up for kindergarten. I know it’s going to be rough (because I know Jane), but I couldn’t expect more out of the school and faculty in terms of easing the students in to the shocker that is public school.

Oh! And I put myself on the mailing list for the PTO. Which feels like the most grown-up thing I’ve ever done IN MY LIFE.

Here’s hoping next month goes as well….

PS They should really serve cocktails at budget meetings. Just sayin’.

class of '25

So last night Greg and I went to a kindergarten registration meeting at Jane’s future elementary school. As you know (especially if we are friends on FB), I was a tiny bit freaked out about this – it’s not like I can’t handle her going off to school, of course I can – I just can’t believe we’re here already!

At this point, I’m mostly excited about it. The school seems great and the teachers seem awesome, as did the rest of the faculty that spoke at the meeting. They are BIG TIME encouragers of reading to your kid, every day, as much as possible, and as a huge reader myself, I am ALL IN.

Over the next few months, we will be returning to the school with Jane for monthly meetings/activities. This is great, because it gets the kids acclimated to the space and the teachers before they officially start in September. Of course, I had no idea that the kids and parents would be separated beginning at the next meeting, which is three weeks away….this should be interesting, to say the least. Not sure how great Jane will do going off with a teacher and a bunch of kids she doesn’t know right away, but maybe she’ll surprise me and just go with the flow. (SPOILER ALERT: She won’t surprise me. I know my kid.)

There is a part of me that is just so nervous for Jane. It seemed like a lot of parents already knew each other at the meeting, which makes me think their kids know each other too. Of course, I realized that they might know each other because they have older kids in the school too – not everyone is “one and done” like we are. I just want to make sure Jane has friends, you know? I don’t want her to be an outcast, all alone when the other kids are playing together.

In my heart, I have hope this won’t be the case. She certainly hasn’t had any trouble making friends at daycare. She has quite the posse there. I just wish they would all move on together to kindergarten – but unfortunately, that’s not the case. There is a neighbor kid down there street who will be in her grade, but not necessarily her same class. I'm such a nerd to worry about this stuff  - I know - but I can't help it.

It really feels like we were here five seconds ago. They are not lying when they say it goes by super-fast. People say that shit all the time - "enjoy it, they grow so fast, blah blah blah" but man. Truth.

PS Nothing made me do a double-take more than seeing the “Welcome Class of 2025” sign when we walked in. WTF?!?! Won’t we all be flying in spaceships by then?

reverb11 day 29: shake and bake

Today’s prompt asks: Looking towards 2012, what can you do to shake things up a little next year?

Well, I think I shook things up a good amount this year, I would say. (Anyone want to hear more about me changing my job again? Anyone? Bueller? Well, suffice to say, it shook things up. Like a Polaroid picture.)

I find that life finds a way to shake itself up even when you don’t plan for it; at least, that’s how it’s gone for me. Good or bad, it seems to constantly change. For me, at this stage in my life, it has a lot to do with being a parent. Once you get the hang of taking care of a baby – BOOM! – she is a wobbly toddler. Once you figure that out, you’re potty training. Once that nightmare is over – look at that! – you have a REAL KID. In the middle of all that, you are trying to figure out your new identity as a parent, a person, an employee. It's constantly evolving.  And 2012 will bring major changes, because my kid - the one that was born, like, ten seconds ago - will be STARTING SCHOOL.

Jane has been in daycare/preschool since she was three months old. That first day – whoa – was one of the saddest of my life. But I love that place now. So much. I love her teachers, I love everything she’s gotten out of it so far. I’m relieved she still has eight months to go there.

But I know it will go by in a flash. And then another major transition will happen again. Not just for her; for all of us. I’ll have new parent friends to make, new groups to join, a new journey to embark on, with my daughter. School matters, big time – to our whole family. And it will be good, but it will be different.

That ought to shake things up, I think.