My weekend in review

I was sick. Worst head cold I've had in years. Floored me. I was literally shaking with chills on Thursday night and Friday (oh yeah, Thursday. Otherwise known as Thanksgiving.).

I don't know why I put so much stock into these long holiday weekends. Anytime I seem to really look forward to a solid block of time off is exactly when the fates laugh hysterically and I/Jane/Greg get super-sick. I was the worst one by far this time. So far Greg has managed to escape it. We didn't do much in the way of fun. Did a LOT of feeling sorry for myself.

So now I head into a ridiculously busy work week, still feeling awful and completely unprepared.

I certainly hope your holiday was much better.

PS I know I sound like an idiotic whiner.

thankful

I would love to write a deep and meaningful post about the things I am grateful for. There are many, and like so many people, I try to bring gratitude to the forefront of my mind, especially when things aren't going so well. I'm not saying I am good at it, but I do try.

However, I am completely exhausted so I will just bulletpoint a few very superficial things I am grateful for at the moment:

1) That I have the next four days off of work. I think I squeezed five days worth of work into three days this week, and I am excited about the break! I just came down with a cold today (I caught the nasty one Jane has) so at least I don't have to work on top of feeling crappy.

2) All that deelicious food I will cram down my throat tomorrow. I love that free food pass that Thanksgiving offers (you know, how you get to eat everything in sight without feeling bad about it.) (Because, hello, that's the point of the holiday!) (Well, that and being thankful.).

3) The fact that, as I type this, Greg is handling the steam with Jane right now. Because she has such a bad cold, we have to spend at LEAST 20 minutes a night in a super-steamy bathroom with her before bed. It sucks so hard. It's hot and sweaty and awful. She doesn't really seem to mind it; in fact, she looks forward to it, but I HATE it. The bad thing though, is that her cough is so bad right now that I will probably have to do more steam with her later tonight. I know I should bring her to the doctor, but I think it's just a cold, albeit a bad one. Maybe Friday though. What better way to spend a day off than in a pediatrician's office?

4) My DVR has some good stuff on it. Tonight's features will include "The Biggest Loser" from last night and "FlashForward" from last week. Remember how the night before Thanksgiving used to be the night you would drink yourself into a stupor with your hometown friends? I suspect I will be in bed by 9:30 tonight.

I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving!

weekend.update.

Wow, this week has chewed me up and spit me out. Super busy at work and in life, with a bunch of family drama thrown in, and I am now a shadow of my former self. Well, that may be a bit dramatic, but geez. How is it that everything is stuffed in the span of one week? Anyway, it's the weekend!

Friday: I am off today. It's Amanda Day. Which basically means I am going to try NOT to do chores today. I always end up using my days off for chores, which is stupid, because I should be using the day to recharge and fuel up for the upcoming insanity of the next several weeks. Am thinking of getting a pedicure, will probably hit the bookstore, am currently catching up on some DVR'ed shows. Big day!

Saturday: I have to work for a chunk of the morning and afternoon. Not looking forward to this AT ALL because it will involve thousands of children who will be no doubt coated in swine flu and MRSA. UGH. Saturday night I may be going out to celebrate my friend's newly-single status. My guess is I'll go, but just for a little while. Too many late nights lately, and Jane gets up at 6 (or before) no matter how late I stay out. No respect!

Sunday: I have a production meeting for a Christmas show I'm working on, and then I'm sure we'll end up at my mom's.

So that's about it! Sidenote: I saw two shows this week - Next to Normal and August: Osage County. Both really good shows - both shows that are still haunting me. I think, for now, I need to see shows about puppies and kittens. : )

Have a great weekend!

I'll sleep when I'm dead

I am so tired.

How often do I say this? At least 10 times a day. Sometimes I say it without even realizing I'm saying it. But the fact is, I am really half-zombie most days.

I used to be a champion sleeper. I used to sleep until 11 a.m. no problem. Not that this is an option now, but when I was younger, the concept of getting 8-10 hours of sleep a night, straight through, was no big whoop. It happened all the time.

Now? Not even. I would say my sleeping issues cropped up when my father died - I believe that created an underlying thread of anxiety that remains with me today. That's about when I started waking up several times throughout the night. And woah, after having a baby that needed to be fed every couple of hours, a baby that seriously would sometimes only allow me ONE HOUR of sleep a night, well, that's when I learned the true meaning of sleep deprivation.

Now, I'm a mess. I can fall asleep no problem, but I still wake up several times a night, and now I just start thinking about something I'm worried I've forgotten at work, or I'm worried that Jane will start coughing (yes, this is truly sucky - not actually being woken up by a coughing/crying child, but waking up because you're AFRAID you're going to be woken up by a coughing/crying child. This blows incredibly hard, but it is my reality quite often.).

I don't want to take sleeping pills, because I know I'll be super-zonked for the following day as well. I don't respond well to that kind of drug. But what do I do? Any suggestions? And I don't want to drink warm milk because that just means I'll have to get up to pee. : )

How do you get to sleep? And, more importantly, stay asleep?

weekend. update.

Oh lordy, I just came home from two days in Charlotte, NC. I was there for work and it was all very whirlwindy and busy and featured two flights in hurricane-like weather. Fun! Plus I'm sick with like three different things and ugh, I am so wrecked.

BUT! It's the weekend. So here we go:

Saturday: Jane has a haircut in the a.m., and thank God for it, because she's a scraggly looking monkey right now. After that I have to go shop for snacks for my book club meeting tomorrow night. Since I picked the book (The Know-It-All by AJ Jacobs) I decided to choose snacks that supposedly boost your brain power. So we'll have dark chocolate, almonds, berries, veggies, WINE, Smartfood popcorn (because that's funny) and other, more typical snacks (DIP). Anywho, I'm hosting the meeting tomorrow night. And I'm going to need to kick everyone out at a reasonable hour because....

Sunday: I am going to see the musical Next to Normal on Broadway with TODD (shout out!) and maybe Alan, who won't go see the show because he hates musicals but maybe he'll come for the ride and the eating and the New York-visiting parts. Anyway, I'm really excited to see this show because three separate people have told me I NEED to see it (I assume because it's about a mentally-unstable mother).

Have a good weekend!

happy birthday to Maddie

I have posted about the one and only Maddie Spohr before - she is the little girl who was born prematurely and so sadly passed away at 17 months earlier this year. I have been following her mom's blog - The Spohrs Are Multiplying - on a daily basis. Heather Spohr writes almost every day about processing the grief of her daughter Maddie's passing and celebrating the ridiculous amounts of joy the sparkling Maddie brought during her all-too-brief life. Heather's writing makes me want to be a better parent - and to certainly really APPRECIATE every single moment we get on this earth with our families and children. Heather and her husband Mike are expecting another child early next year, but of course, nothing ever could, or ever would, replace the great Maddie Spohr.

So today, in honor of Maddie's second birthday, I sponsored a NICU support pack for $25 (link is to the right) - these support packs help the families whose children spend a long-term amount of time in the NICU after they are born. The Spohrs established Friends of Maddie to educate and help families with critically ill babies, all in honor of their special girl.

So please think of the Spohrs today, and send some happy birthday wishes to Maddie. And donate if you can.

the glam factor

In case you were wondering what the glamour factor is here at the homestead lately, this will give you an idea:

Each night, Greg and I trade off two chores that we have to do each and every night these days.

1) Sit with Jane in the steamy bathroom, super-hot shower water running, for 15 minutes with the hope that this will help prevent her from coughing throughout the night. It really does help, which makes the hellfire heat and icky sweaty steaminess a little easier to bear. Although it's frustratating to read her books when I can't see a blasted thing through my steamed up glasses. Coolness!

2) Clean out Jimmy's disgusting yeasty ears and give him medicine.

So yeah! Jealous? I thought so.

weekend. update.

Hey! I have a blog! I think I remember something about that now....

I decided to give you a break from my boring rambling for a few days, but now I'm back with another thrilling weekend update. I woke up this morning feeling like general crap, and then some other crappy things happened today that I won't get into here, so yay? Friday? It's the weekend. I mean - Yay! Friday! It's the weekend!

Saturday: We are going to a friend's kid's birthday party. This is assuming I feel OK enough to go. Apparently a bunch of the guests have canceled due to the flu. How festive!

Sunday: They say it's going to be in the 60s, which is obviously awesome and probably one of our last nice weekend days before the true cold sets in. Hopefully everyone will be healthy enough to get outside.

So, yeah! That's the plan. As you can see, it's jam-packed with fun. But honestly, I've got an insanely busy week next week, including a short work-related trip to North Carolina and then to New York next weekend, so basically I just want to feel better and ready to to face the upcoming craziness.

Have a great weekend!

Halloween!

So, this entry concludes 31 days in a row of blogging for 31 for 21. I hope everyone didn't doze off too much whilst reading my fascinating entries.

So - Halloween! Today it was 73 degrees and humid where I live, perfect weather for a very heavy chicken costume. I managed to get a couple of good pics of Jane in her costume, before she ripped it off and proceeded to eat everything in sight at my friend's house. This evening we went to my mother's, my friend Heather's (for pre-trick or treating dinner) and then to my sister's house. It was a lot of fun, but what I'm really looking forward to is when Jane can trick-or-treat in earnest. None of this going to three houses stuff. Halloween ain't nothin' until you've put in hard miles around the neighborhood.

Hope everyone had a fun day!

halloween eve.

So today is Halloween Eve, and what a day it was. First, I dropped my car off so I could get a new tire. That was a lot of fun. Then at work we had our annual trick or treat extravaganza, which is obviously awesome, because I "organized" it. (I put "organized" in quotes because all it takes is two company-wide emails but for some reason people think it takes more work than that.) (Yes, Dwayne and Shane, I realize you are not among the people who give me credit/think it takes work to organize this festive activity.) Anyway, it resulted in a giant bag of candy, which totally rules.

I left work early to go pick up my car with its spankin' new tire and headed off to Jane's Halloween party at daycare. They somehow managed to wrestle her into her chicken costume, but she ripped off the top pretty quickly, and frankly, I don't blame her. It was a zillion degrees in there already, nevermind with a very warm chicken suit on top of it. We had to go on this costume parade thing throughout the building, and Jane helpfully threw down a massive fit in the middle of it. I accidentally put my keys down so I could try to make her feel better, and oh, did I have a blast later when I had to have my own one-man scavenger hunt to try to find them. Anyway, after the parade there were delicious snacks to be had. Jane was a big fan of that part, and, in fact, she was the last girl standing at the party. Like I said, it was stankin' hot in there, and I really had to escape by the end. But it's nice that they organize this so the parents can come.

More Halloween fun to continue tomorrow - that is, if this hacking cough thing Jane has doesn't turn into something worse. I give it 70/30 in favor of us having to call the doctor tomorrow.

Happy Halloween Eve!

star of the week!

OK, this was a few weeks ago, but I just had to deal with a flat tire so I'm cheating and posting a pic today as my entry. Jane was the Star of the Week at daycare in September! YEAH! Check out her awesome artwork!

oink.

So I got the dreaded notice at Jane's daycare when I picked her up today -there was a confirmed case of "the flu" in her area, and then they listed off all of the symptoms we're supposed to look for in our kids. No one would tell me whether it was the H1N1 strain or not, but my guess is that it is - although I guess we'll find out soon, if more and more kids stop showing up this week. Apparently the vaccine doesn't really take hold for 8-10 days - and Jane had it in her system for three days by the time she got back to daycare on Monday. SO. We'll see. It will piss me off to no end if she ends up getting this stupid thing after all of my hemming and hawing over the vaccine.

For some reason, I had hopes that this wouldn't hit daycare for a while. Don't ask me why, considering schools are closing all over this state because half the kids are sick.

UGH.

Junior update - cupcake, anyone?

By popular request, here is the latest Junior update.

Junior, at this exact moment, is acting like a complete assclown, galloping around the living room, jumping, attacking Jimmy, and generally acting like he did not have major stomach surgery a month ago. Really, he seems to have a whole new lease on life. Sure, it was a lease that cost $5K, but whatever.

As you can see from the picture above, the one where he is staring down Jane's dinner, his appetite is back. Basically it was back in just a few days, but I've been very careful with the amounts I'm feeding him. I feed him much less, but several times throughout the day, instead of just one big feed.

Three weeks after his surgery, we ran into a bit of an issue. We had gone to a birthday party for a neighbor's kid, and I had to leave early. Greg brought home two cupcakes for me (because I heart cupcakes), and left them on the counter, which is a reasonable place to put food. Not when you have a Great Dane, though. Junior swiped those cupcakes off the counter so that by the time I got home, the only evidence was a stray Elmo plate that Jimmy was carrying around.

Now, we would not normally worry about Junior eating two full cupcakes. Sure, the average dog owner might, but we stopped worrying about such things years ago. HOWEVER, stuck in the cupcakes were these plastic bees with sharp pointy parts so they would stay stuck in the cupcakes. Sure enough, there was no sign of the bees anywhere.

We realized that Junior had ingested the sharp plastic bees about two hours after it happened, and really, it was a horrifying realization. Not so much the fact that he had consumed plastic - again, this had happened many times before - but the fact that since it was so soon after his surgery, we would have to call the emergency vet AGAIN (because OF COURSE it was after hours) and explain what happened. A little more than slightly embarrassing, for sure.

Greg did the deed, and the vet immediately knew who Junior was. I mean, why not? We're funding their winter holidays. He said that Junior was most likely fine, and to watch him. Which we did. And thankfully, he was fine.

So there's your Junior update. Back to being the ass he always was, and boy, are we happy for it.

a horse is a horse

First of all, I just wanted to say thank you to those who responded to my pathetic needy need for comments. It made me feel popular. It shouldn't have, of course, but it did.

Anyway, yesterday the whole fan-damily, including the dogs, drove up to Greg's alma mater, UConn, so he could re-live the glory days and so we could go visit the cows and horses and shit (literal and otherwise). It was fun and I was going to take a bunch of great pics, maybe even some Christmas card-worthy pics, except the camera died after about two minutes. So here they are, and they are not even that good. But boy, do I love horses.

man, that was hard.

This is quite a week of anniversaries of milestones in my life - two years ago today, Jane started at daycare. I know to some people, this would be no big whoop, but that was truly one of the most traumatic days of my life. I looked back at what I was writing two years ago on this blog, and here are some excerpts:

Everyone tries to make me feel better about these things - obviously babies don't have real schedules anyway, and of course other babies spit up a lot and have reflux and weird sleeping habits - I just don't want her going in being the strange baby that no one wants to take care of because she has issues.

Daycare starts this week. I am heading there after her nap this morning to drop off all of her stuff and to go over their procedures. I have bought new clothes for myself that actually fit right. I have filled out a million forms. We are as ready as we can be, at least with all of the stuff. But inside, I feel like my heart is breaking.

I have all sorts of questions. Will she know that I'm her mom when I pick her up at the end of the day? Will she take her first steps and say her first words at daycare? What will I miss? Will she change during the day, so when I pick her up eight hours later, she's not the same? Is this OK? Will she be OK? Will I be OK?

I gotta tell ya, this kills me to read, because it brings me right back. God, it was so hard for me to go back to work. And I am a person who had not a single doubt that I would go back to work. But, wow, once you have that kid, it beats the hell out of anything you ever expected parenthood to be. And bringing her to daycare just ripped me to shreds.

I wish I could talk to this person who was so scared, and tell her that, yes, everything - daycare, Jane, me - would be OK. That Jane would not only be OK, but would thrive at daycare, and her teachers would love her so much they would cry when she left their rooms. I wish this person would know how much she would become attached to Jane's teachers as well, women who have Jane's surrogate mothers during the work day.

This new mom should also know that I ended up deciding that her firsts ONLY happened at home. It didn't count if it happened at daycare. It only counted if I was there, preferably with a camera in hand.

This new mom should know her baby NEVER forgets who her mom is, and will plow down a row of kids just to get to her at the end of the school day.

Daycare is NOT all roses and loveliness. Jane gets sick. A LOT. This is not a shock to anyone who has read this blog even super-casually. She has also gotten bit at daycare, a couple of times. I have had other issues as well, not the least of which is the enormous check I write out each month. She had a terrible time transitioning into her new room earlier this fall, and it was so heartbreaking to hear her screaming for me as I left the building each morning. There were about three weeks this fall that, whenever I dropped her off, I sat crying in the parking lot, wondering what the hell I was doing with my life and to my family, and had to compose myself before I drove off.

BUT. I know she's getting so much out of it now. I see her language and social skills developing in a way I know I can attribute to all this time she spends with these other children. As an only child, I think it's super-important for her to have this time with a diverse group of kids and caretakers.

So yes, two years later, I can say everything is OK.

weekend. update.

Only one week left of my great 31 for 21 blogathon! Phew, because I think I'm the only one reading it. : ) Anywho, it's weekend time, so here we go:

Saturday: Oh rain. I loathe thee. In ye olden tymes, I used to take days like this and read all day. Now I have to be the song and dance girl for a demanding toddler. For example she just pulled me into the bathroom with her so I could watch her not go potty. Oh, we go through the whole routine - the pants removal, the throwing out of the pull-up or diaper, the sitting - and then two seconds later she's done. No peeing. And we do it all over again and for every five millionth time, she pees, for a total of only two times so far. I'm not really invested in the potty training yet, because I'm lazy. But I know I have to get it done, although I think I'm the only parent in creation who just doesn't want their child to be out of diapers (a $40 savings per box!) because I don't want to contend with bringing her into public restrooms (NASTY). Anyway, I'll do it, I'll do it. So, I'll be entertaining Jane today with a trip to Target, probably the bookstore, and God knows what other fantastic adventures. The grocery store? Who knows. She lives the life of Suri Cruise, this girl.

But tonight! Greg and I are going out. Out! With the people! I think we're going to see Paranormal Activity. I'm afraid I might crap my pants in fear. But I REALLY want to see it, because I loved Blair Witch. Also, I have only been to two movies in the past 27 months, and I am really jonsing for the popcorn.

Sunday: Um, repeat of Saturday, except no rain, so we will hopefully be outside. Also, no going out at night. We will go to my mother's. Jane is obsessed with my brother (who also goes to my mother's on Sunday evenings) and my mother's cat. She talks about them all week, as well as the pizza we have there. It's hilarious, especially because my brother is so not a kid person. But she loves him. She's already drawn to boys who aren't giving her attention....sigh.

I took Jane to get the H1N1 vaccine on Friday morning. I was absolutely NOT getting her the vaccination up until recently, but I started doing a bunch of research and talking to doctors and fellow parents and while there are tons of people NOT getting the vaccine for their kids, I went ahead with it. I'm still nervous about side effects (which I'm watching for this weekend as well) and have some fear about the long-term effects, but "they" say this is made in the same way every flu vaccine is made, and I do get her the regular flu vaccine - so, there you have it. I still feel unsettled, but since she is in daycare and the probability of them getting slammed with it is a million percent, and since healthy kids are dying of this stupid virus, I went with the vaccine. I really hope I made the right decision.

Have a great weekend!

five years ago today

Yup, today is our five year anniversary. Despite the big cash I spent for a photographer (who did take great pics, I will say) one of my favorites is this one that Alan took. Now that couple looks ready to party! And party we did. It was a great day.

PS I cannot believe no one commented on my Jimmy haikus. Come on, that was funny! So sad.

ode to jimmy, on the eve of his birthday

Tomorrow is Jimmy's fourth birthday. We cannot believe we've only had him for just under four years. I can so clearly remember the Christmas morn he showed up, and how the following nights were just about equal to having a newborn: the crying, the needing to be held, the sleeping on the couch with a baby lying on my chest, the explosive poop everytime we left him in the crate, the time I fell down the stairs after I slipped on snow in the middle of the night when I had to take him out -and that was just the first 48 hours. Oh, the adventures we've had since then.

To celebrate the birthday boy, Greg and I came up with some haikus about Jimmy. Now, I'm really tired and kinda sick-feeling, so I think these could be better, but they make me laugh, and that's really what counts.

I see you are asleep
But I thought I heard a noise
So now I must bark

Ew, what is that smell
It is Jimmy's yeasty ears
Time to clean with foam

What is he doing?
Why, dragging his butt downhill!
Scrape, scrape, itchy butt.

You are four years old
It feels like we have had you
For a hundred years

A designer dog
You're a pug and a beagle
What freak thought of that?

Remember the time
Your inside parts were outside
Man, that was gross

Happy Birthday, James
You make us laugh constantly
You're one of a kind

ETA: I have no idea why this font is so tiny. I can't seem to change it.

alright, stop. collaborate and listen.

(you are welcome for that Vanilla Ice song that is now in your head.)

Over the past six months, I've had a series of health issues that are telling me, in no uncertain terms, that I have to slow down. That I have to manage my stress better. That, to put it bluntly, I often need to chill the fuck out.

I have never really been a chill person. But at this stage in my life, I find that I am multi-tasking from morning until night. At 6 a.m. I may be giving Jane breakfast while feeding the dogs while shooting off a couple of work emails. At 6 p.m. I may be cleaning up, giving Jane dinner, doing laundry and making lists. At 9 p.m. I have usually collapsed on the couch, with the TV on, a magazine nearby, and the laptop where God intended it to be (on my lap).

This is utter insanity. I need to focus on simplifying. I've said this before, and I've known it's important to not have ten things pulling at you at any given moment, but now I'm hurting physically and I need to make my life better. I have all the ingredients for a great life, but when you're running around apeshit crazy all the time, it's hard to pull back and "feel" that great life, if I'm making any sense here.

This is going to be really hard for me, because I've been a multi-tasking lunatic forever. But I've never landed in doctors' offices because of it. So wish me luck!

and now, since I have nothing to say, pics from our last boat trip this season.