kinder-drama

This morning, before I even really opened my eyes, Jane was in my room, on my bed, filling me in on the latest drama of the day.

"Mommy, you're not going to believe when I tell you what they were saying on the bus yesterday," she said.

Every nerve in my body woke up. This is it, I thought, trying to remember what all the emails and websites I've read over the past few days told me about talking to a 5-year-old about the horrible thing that happened.

"So-and-so said that yesterday was her daddy's birthday. And then so-and-so said it WASN'T TRUE. And so then I said...."

Let her drama always be this. Always.

blurry.

This weekend was tough, you guys.

After grabbing Jane at school the moment I could on Friday, I spent the weekend going back and forth from watching and reading the most tragic possible news to trying to be a decent parent and pretending everything is OK for Jane. Not only OK, but festive. Because to oblivious children, it was a fun, almost-holiday weekend.

We bought and put up and decorated our Christmas tree. We went to a family birthday party. We did homework. I figured out my new iPhone. We did Christmas shopping. I went to book club. All the normal stuff.

But my mind was a blurry, painful mess. I had a constant lump in my throat, and could be brought to tears in less than a moment. As expected, once the images of those poor children were released, it all got so much worse. The front page of the Hartford Courant today (my local paper) looked like it could have been a fun class picture. It could have been Jane's class picture. But it wasn't. It so, so wasn't.

And on we march towards Christmas.

newtown.

There is, of course, no need to tell you what happened in Newtown, CT today. I need not link to anything, post any awful pictures. You've heard. You know. You've probably watched hours of relentless horrifying news today, like I did. It's hard to watch. It's hard to not watch - if that makes any sense. When something terrible happens, I feel like my absorbing the news of it is helping in some way - acknowledging the loss, at the very least - when it obviously isn't really helpful at all.

Two things make this tragedy particularly incomprehensible. One: Newtown is 45 minutes away from me. Two: Kindergarteners. Elementary school kids. I have one of those. And I cannot stop thinking what if....what if.....what if it were her school?

I can't process this right now much less write anything eloquent about it. They told parents to turn off the TV. That was the first bit of advice we received. So it's off. Or, rather, right now it's on, with an absolutely awful Barbie movie playing.

I've never been so grateful to be watching a Barbie movie in my life.

Love to Newtown. To the children. To the brave teachers and staff of Sandy Hook Elementary School. To the families and friends who are enduring the most unimaginable loss tonight.

in which I can't wait for vacation.

You guys, I feel like I have senioritis or something. I feel like a kid on the brink of a week off of school. I feel tired, and a little burned out. I feel extremely, super, very, mega, extraordinarily ready for a break.
 

I know I’ve already said it, but I just can’t wait for my 11 days off coming up. And it’s not like I want a break from any one particular thing – it’s just that the rush rush rush of every day – breakfast, doing an activity with Jane in the mornings so she’s not watching TV, homework, lunch, bus stop, work, pick up at school, dinner, bath, reading bed, chores, collapse, etc until eternity – gets a little monotonous and it will be NICE to not have to have one eye on the clock at all times to make sure we’re not running late for the next thing (spoiler alert: we always are).
 

And I’m just so excited to have a five-year-old at Christmas this year. It’s the perfect Christmas age. It’s hard not to get caught up in her anticipation of the holiday.
 

My weekend starts today. I took tomorrow off to go shopping and to lunch with my girl Heather – but that may be canceled because one of her kids is sick. No matter – I can certainly shop and lunch on my own, although I do love my friend time. Luckily, I have a bunch of that planned this weekend in the form of happy hour tomorrow night, coffee with Beth on Saturday morning, and book club holiday good times on Saturday night.
 

And a tree! We need to get a Christmas tree. And if I’m not 95% done with my Christmas shopping by the end of this weekend, I don’t even know what anymore.

things that are happening.

Howdy friends. Just a quick little check-in on the ol' blog. I was just sitting here at my kitchen table thinking, eh, I don't really have anything to report to my (5? 4? Maybe?) devoted readers, so I'll ignore posting for yet another day. But in the interest of not letting tumbleweeds fill up this space yet again, here are some random things going on in my life.

*I had a doctor's appointment today, and while there, I mentioned that my nose has been so incredibly itchy lately that I want to rip it off. The lovely (and altogether too young) nurse practitioner suggested it may be allergies, which I (and everyone I complained to about this, which includes everyone in my life, including, most likely, you) suspected. So in January I am going to go in for allergy testing, which sounds like an epic amount of fun. Apparently they put a bunch of concoctions on your back and see what you react to. Happy New Year to me!

*I am finishing up my book club book - The Stupidest Angel - and think I will finally read Gone Girl, which a friend lent to me months ago. I know there is a twist in the middle, and I know it disgusted a whole lot of people, so I'm anxious to find out whether I love love love or hate hate hate this book.

*I'm pretty sure I'm never going to be done with Christmas shopping. Although I have bragged here and there about being 90% done, I still have that 10% hanging over my head, just waiting for my next paycheck. Most pressing is a  grab bag gift for my theater board of directors holiday party, which takes place in, like, 24 hours.

*Speaking of holiday parties there are more coming up too: I have my book club holiday-themed meeting on Saturday night (I AM A NERD), my daycare moms holiday happy hour on Friday, and my work party next Tuesday, with a joint birthday party for my niece and nephew squeezed in on Sunday. I freaking love party season.

*I am trying extremely very hard to cut my carbs big time this week and next (except for party days, of course). I have no interest in beginning the new year with yet ANOTHER resolution to lose weight, so I'm trying to keep my shit together around the cookies as much as possible. hahahahahaaa yeah I know.

*I kind of like Glee again. Shut up.

*I owe this guy a guest post like nobody's business. I am such an asshole for not having done it yet. I'm surprised he hasn't unfriended me yet.

*I have big plans for 2013 being the best year of my life. Stay tuned.

Whassup with you?

***IMPORTANT NOTICE***

Important notice, for those of you who appreciate the fact that deep down, I am a 12-year-old girl who has crushes on many, many celebrities:

I have decided to add Jonny Lee Miller to my all important LIST. You know the list - the five celebrities you are allowed to get romantical with if the opportunity presents itself. Topping my list for many, many years in a row is my beloved Mark Ruffalo. Others have come and gone, and frankly, I'm going to need to do some serious thought as to who else is on the list these days (are you finally off, Johnny Depp? Nah) and who I have to kick off, but right now I've decided, based on how delicious he is in Elementary, to add Mr. Miller to my list.

You may now go back to your regularly scheduled weekend.

 Because I never miss a chance to post this pic of me and my boyfriend Mark Ruffalo

 



 My new list-maker



weekend update.

And a happy Friday to all of you.

I am sitting here at my kitchen table with Jane as she does homework. She is practicing writing upper and lowercase Js, as well as the number 9 ("make a loop and add a line, that's the way you make a nine"). She is also working on "less than" and "taller than" and "shorter than." And that's what kindergarten homework is like, for those of you who have asked. After this, she'll do her 20 minutes of her online reading program. And then she'll go to school. Such is the life of a half-day kindergartener.

That aside - here's what's up for the weekend: very little! I'm not even going to break it down into days, that's how little we have planned. Tomorrow I am taking Jane to a birthday party for one of her school peeps. I'll go to my mother's on Sunday. We may put up our Christmas tree, but I'd like to delay it a week, so the thing isn't dried up and dead by Christmas day. I'm sure the days will fill up with other stuff, but it's not all scheduled out like it usually is. Which is a very good thing indeed. Hoping to get some much-needed Amanda alone time. I just need my brain to be quiet for an hour.

In other news, work has started on the next show I'm helping out with. I'll be doing a small amount of stage managing and crewing for a production of Li'l Abner. I'm excited because a bunch of my friends are in it, and I can't wait to see them do their thang.

What are you up to this weekend?

five things I'm loving today

In no particular order, here are five things that I am loving today:

The fact that tonight I have nowhere I have to be. It’s the first evening in my own house in what feels like a very long time! Elementary, you’re on my list. I also need to start reading my book club book. And maybe put up some Christmas decorations. And probably clean up a bit. And and and.

 

I am going to the movies tomorrow with some of my friends! We’re going to see Lincoln, which frankly I could have just rented in a couple of months and been happy, but I JUST WANT TO GO TO THE MOVIES. I swear, the only thing I’ve seen in the theater this year is Brave, and that ain’t right. And I am BEYOND excited to see this in the theater at least three or four times. Trying to figure out a way to get out on Christmas night, but I really don’t see that happening. (ETA: I just got sucked into watching the trailer a couple of more times when linking to the site. CHILLS.)
 

It is December in Connecticut and it’s been in the 50s for the past two days. I don’t even care that it’s raining today. Love.
 

Christmas is three weeks from today and I am more prepared than I have ever been this far out. I still have a decent amount of shopping to do but it’s mostly gift cards at this point. Now if only someone would do my wrapping for me….Santa, where are you??
 

I have 11 days off coming up at the end of the month and I. Cannot. Wait. Already making all sorts of plans. Haven’t had a week off since July!
 

What do you love today?

something about a picture and a thousand words.

People will ask me why I do theater - it takes up so much time, energy, and scheduling, and it can be incredibly stressful and frustrating. But the real reason why has nothing to do with the spotlight or applause or people telling you how great you were.

It is because of people like the ones in the pictures below that I do theater. I've known all of them for nearly two decades at this point. They are uber talented, fabulous, ridiculously fun, and part of my tribe of crazy theater dorks. I admire and stand in awe of each and every one of them, and it was an extreme pleasure having them all together in/at the show last night.

pics stolen from Lindsey, who is on the left in the pic above

weekend update. (belated)

Sorry for the silence here this week....been busy going to rehearsals and getting ready for tonight's variety show that I am co-directing. What I love about this particular show is the fact that it has brought back some people I haven't done theater with for a very, very long time. What I have not loved is trying to keep track of 30+ people with insane schedules...let me put it this way. Tonight will be the first - and only - time we will have all of our acts on that stage. That is more than slightly alarming for a control freak like me. Always an adventure, this theater thing....

I am, like, 80% done with my Christmas shopping. WHAT?? It's true. This is so, so unlike me. And most of what I have to get from here on out are gift cards. So easy. Of course, I have to wait for my next paycheck to finish up, but I am epically proud of myself. This, of course, does not mean that I won't be sweating it out on Christmas Eve actually wrapping all of the presents, because you can teach an old dog only so many new tricks.

After spending last night and this morning cleaning my house, shopping and doing homework with Jane, I truly plan to only focus on fun for the rest of the weekend. Show tonight, birthday party tomorrow...good times. Right now I think I'll light a fire and do some reading, before I have to go get clean for tonight.

Happy weekend, everyone : )

back to reality.

Well I hope everyone had a simply awesome Thanksgiving (if you celebrate) and weekend (if you don’t), or both, or whatever. It was back to reality for me today after an excellent five-day weekend. I had to get the permanent crown put on my tooth that needed a root canal a few weeks ago, so that was a tremendously excellent way to kick off the week, as I’m sure you can imagine. Then work, then dance class, all mixed in with a healthy dose of show-related texts, emails, and phone calls. (Remember that variety show thing I’m co-directing? Yeah, it’s this weekend.)

 

I did some Black Friday shopping at about 6 a.m. at the mall on Friday. It really wasn’t bad, and I saved tons o’ cash. I also only bought myself ONE thing (a sweater from Gap, of course), which I think shows enormous restraint, yes? As long as you go into Black Friday shopping with the right attitude – that you will have to wait in long lines, and you will have to deal with overly zealous Disney employees (oh wait, was that just me? I mean, seriously dude, I don't want to play trivia games at 7 a.m., is all I'm saying) – it can be downright festive. Oh, it’s also important to avoid the places with the highest incidence of insanity/tramplings/death (see: Walmart).

 

Yesterday the whole fam went down to the beach for the annual Christmas card picture-taking. It was So. Effing. Cold. And. Windy. OMG. Poor Jane looks like she’s in physical pain in some of the pictures. She was a trooper though! And the dogs were douchebags, per usual. As it gets closer to the holidays, I’ll post some outtakes.

 

So many of our neighbors are fully decked out for Christmas with tons of lights and lawn decorations. We need to get our shit together at our house (I really do love Christmas lights) but first – I’ve gotta get this show done this weekend. Then it’s officially the holidays.

 

Happy Monday!

thanks.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving (have you heard?), and this holiday is quickly becoming one of my favorites. Christmas has become completely overwhelming, although this year I am actually doing some shopping way ahead of time (shopping in November is WAY ahead of time for me). Thanksgiving is all about watching the parade, hanging with family, eating a bunch of food, and hopefully winning a ton of cash playing LCR (a very stupid and random dice game that I get absolutely insanely into like a crazy person). I look forward to it all.

But I quickly wanted to just say thanks to you who have stuck with reading this silly blog. I have struggled with posting this year - I believe I will rack up the least amount of posts this year than ever before, unless I go hog wild crazy in December - and I can't imagine that it is even remotely entertaining, but still. I thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving!

This post is part of the #30DaysofThanks project. Check it out.

could this be more random and boring? no.

Ah, friends. The relaxing weekend I wanted to have didn't transpire as I hoped it would. Which makes me extra extra thankful that after tomorrow, I have five days off. Whoop! I just feel so incredibly shot these days. I have a feeling it has a lot to do with a complete lack of exercise for the past two months. I also think I've been getting up too late. See, now that I work/Jane goes to school in the afternoon, I don't roll out of bed until around 7:15-7:30. It used to be at least an hour earlier. So, yup, I am going to try to work in getting up earlier and getting exercise before Greg goes off to work. Bug me about this, yes?

Per my new rule about blogging re: Jane, I will not go into detail about the parent/teacher conference I had today. But I WILL say that it was good. And, look, I was about to say more, but I won't.

Oh my God, most boring blog post ever. Here, let me entertain you with a pic of me with my homegirls Heather and Shelly, when we were out Saturday night for Heather's 40th. Yeah, yeah, half of you saw this on Facebook already, but it's all I got.

weekend update: 30 Days of Thanks

Friday Friday Friday! Once again, there mere fact that today is FINALLY the last day of this everlasting work/school week is enough to earn the #30DaysofThanks hashtag. And yes, you shouldn’t really hashtag within blog posts but whatever, this is my blog and I make the rules. As my twitter peep @Tartydiva said today, “This has got to be at least the 10th day of the week.” WORD TO THAT.

 

Here’s what up this weekend:
 

Friday: Blessedly nothing. Might go to the mall with Jane tonight (ETA: this happened. Also we ate at Rainforest Cafe. Screaming gorillas is just what I needed tonight. This place is an epic nightmare.). Have a whole bunch of TV shows sitting in my DVR queue. Life is good.
 

Saturday: Going to my favorite new Panera with Jane to meet up with our homegirls Beth and Ava. Mess and chaos and fun will ensue. Saturday night we’ll be going out to dinner to celebrate my best friend’s 40th birthday, because apparently we’re all getting old now. Jane will be home with her sitter, who is a former teacher at her old daycare. What she DOESN’T know is that two of her other former teachers (who are friends with her babysitter, since they all used to work together) are also coming over, because they want to see Jane. Jane is going to Lose. Her. Mind. With. Joy.
 

Sunday: Speaking of peeps from daycare, some of her old pals and their moms will be coming to our house Sunday morning for breakfast treats and good times.
 

 

That’s all that is officially on the docket for this weekend. Next week is super-weird because Jane has three half days in a row (which works out to exactly TWO hours of school a day for her – thank God the after school program is still running), Greg and I have to go to her parent/teacher conference on Monday, I’ll be going to her Thanksgiving party in her classroom on Wednesday, and then it’s THANKSGIVING. WHOOO!

What are you up to this weekend?

 

This post is part of the #30DaysofThanks project. Check it out.
 

 

programming note

I had Jane just over a year after I started this blog (6.5 years ago OMG), and she has been the topic of many, many MANY posts. I always knew a time would come when I wouldn't - shouldn't -  write about her so much. That her privacy would come first, no matter what the entertainment value of the story was. And I think I've hit that point.

There's some stuff going on with school that I'd love to hash out here. But I realize that the things I write about her now could easily be found by some of the people she goes to school with right now, in 10 years, when they are all a bunch of pubescent jerks. And sure, these same people could find the stuff I wrote about her previously, but for some reason kindergarten and age 5 seems like a perfect time to slow down.

It's not that I won't EVER write about the girl, or post pictures (I mean, please. Some things are just impossible to resist sharing), but I need realize that although she doesn't realize it, she has a right to privacy, and to air out her whole life here wouldn't be fair.

What the hell am I going to write about?  Maybe it's time to visit the archives and see what I used to go on and on about. Because if there's one thing I know about myself - I like to go on and on. And on.

Thanks, as always, for reading.

forward: 30 Days of Thanks

What am I thankful for today? I mean, duh. Also, duh.

vote: 30 Days of Thanks

So yesterday I told Jane she didn’t have school today, and she asked why.
 

So I told her it was Election Day, and that we were voting for the President of the United States.
 

“The President of the United States, huh,” she said. “Does this mean you’re going to get all crazy, Mommy?”
 

From the mouths of babes.
 

It’s Election Day in America. I love this day so hard. I’ll be camping out in front of the television tonight, laptop fired up, waiting with a nauseous stomach for the results to come in, hoping and praying this guy wins again.
 

We may not always – or ever – agree on what the outcome should be, but the freedom to vote and speak our minds? I’m thankful for that.

 

 

Jane on Election Day in 2008. I didn't take her this year as I was running off to work right after.
 

 

This post is part of the #30DaysofThanks project. Check it out.

 

 

 

 

busy: 30 Days of Thanks

This is today:

This morning Jane and I went to pick up my ailing computer, did a Target run, worked on an art project and went off to school and work.

We are now headed to her dance class and dinner with our dance buddies.

After I bring her home I will go to my friend Chris' house around 8 so we can do some production work on the show we're doing.

Today I'm grateful for the busy. One of the most important things I've realized about myself is, although I bitch and moan with the best of them, I thrive on being busy.

What are you thankful for today?

This post is part of the #30DaysofThanks project. Check it out.



weekend update/30 Days of Thanks

Yeah, yeah, I know it was only a three-day workweek with the storm and all, but LORD ALMIGHTY I am thankful it’s the weekend! Here’s what’s up:

Friday: Getting my hairs cut tonight. I think, for the first time EVAH, I am going to let my bangs grow out. This will probably make me (more) cranky but hey, you only live once, and I think I’m going to incorporate a new look into my ongoing midlife crisis. Then I’m meeting up with my daycare moms for drinks. Hey,  you don’t want to waste a haircut and blow dry, right?

Saturday: It’s Jane’s turn to get a trim on Saturday morning, and then I think we’re going to the library and then to the AT&T store so I can deal with some &*(!^&*(!^*!*()!*(!)&!^^!^ problems with my wretched mother*()&!()*!)&(*)&^&&*&*^ Blackberry. And that’s all I’ll say about that. Unless I see you in person, in which case, I will talk your ear off about my PHONE PROBLEMS HOLY *(!&*(& I HATE THAT THING.  Saturday night I’m getting together with some theater friends for dinner. We’ve been trying to get together for months and it’s very very much about time we made it happen.

Sunday: Nothing on the docket as of yet, except for someprep work for a show I’m doing.

So, in conclusion, I am SO THANKFUL IT’S FRIDAY. What are you up to this weekend?

 

This post is part of the #30DaysofThanks project. Check it out.



safe and sound: 30 Days of Thanks

I remember this time last year when I decided to start up this 30 Days of Thanks blog/Twitter challenge – it was just before the massive storm we’ve since named Snowtober hit, rendering many of us in CT powerless for a week and buried in snow two months before it is acceptable. In those first few days of the challenge, I thought it would be hard to come up with things that I was thankful for, but actually, it was easier. We had a place to stay at my in-laws’ house. I had an employer that was reasonable about canceling work. Jane went to a daycare that miraculously retained power and remained open, giving her days some level of normalcy. Mostly I was thankful for spotting a Connecticut Light and Power truck in our neighborhood after several days in the dark.

 

And now that the project is starting up again, we are recovering from Hurricane Sandy, another freak, massive storm that has absolutely wrecked our neighbors in southern Connecticut, New York City and New Jersey. We were incredibly lucky this time – although it was the scariest storm I’ve ever experienced in terms of wind and rattling windows and bending trees, we never lost power (I think this has something to do with the fact that we bought an expensive generator and argued all day Sunday while Greg was setting it up. We have a theory that the power will never go out again – and if this is true, it was the best money we ever spent.). We were safe, we were warm, we had running water, lights, and a diet of Halloween candy and the scary-ass news we could watch on TV that day (I clocked in about 15 hours of news on Monday. I think my heart is STILL pounding from the nerves.).

 

My in-laws’ house, which is right on the water, miraculously was not damaged – which is amazing, since so many homes and businesses in their area were flooded out, including a cottage they own right down the street. Our boat is just fine, as Greg moved it from the marina it is docked at during the summer to its winter home. Lucky for that, too, because our summer marina in Old Saybrook took a beating.

 

My friends in New Jersey and New York are safe. Powerless, but safe.

 

It’s easy to say what I’m thankful on this first of 30 Days of Thanks.  Of course I am grateful our STUFF made it through this storm OK, but far more importantly I am so thankful WE did. Me, and my East Coast family and friends. We’re OK. We’re good.

 

What are you thankful for today? If you're tweeting, don't forget to hashtag #30DaysofThanks : )

This post is part of the #30DaysofThanks project. Check it out.