Sunday, March 15, 2009

oh look! I'm complaining again!

Oh, hi! Remember me? I swear, I should just have Jimmy write this blog and be done with it.

Lately, I've been feeling so strapped for time during the work week. It's starting to feel like, beginning Monday morning, I start a marathon that doesn't end until Friday afternoon - and in the middle, it's guaranteed I'm going to have several "there's no way I can fit everything I want into my life" meltdowns. Lately, it's felt more difficult, and I'm trying to figure out how I can rearrange my day so it doesn't feel so cramped. Here's what a typical work day looks like:

5 a.m.: Wake up, start getting ready for work
5:45ish: Jane wakes up
5:45-7:15: Get Jane ready, feed her, get her stuff for daycare ready, deal with the dogs, play with Jane a bit
7:15-7:30: Finish getting ready for work
7:30-4:00: Work
4-7: Pick Jane up from daycare, give her dinner, shovel some food down myself, pick up the house, play with Jane a bit, give her bath, put her to bed.
7-7:45: Treadmill, weights, whatever (this is usually four out of five working days, unless I have something else going on at night)
7:45-9ish: Watch something I DVR'ed on TV, play on the Internet
9:30-10: Go to bed. Collapse. Read a little. Fall asleep, then wake up in the middle of the night worrying about something, and not able to fall back asleep.

I find that I spend an inordinate amount of time cleaning up after other people's/dog's shit (literally and otherwise) that the actual, quality time I have doing anything I really enjoy (even just reading books with Jane, or, God forbid, doing something I actually enjoy for myself) feels really minimal. So by Friday night, I'm a whirling mass of anger and resentment - mostly with myself, for not figuring out a way to enjoy my own life more. This is why I've come to find life perspective from COKE COMMERCIALS.

I know I'm painting myself as a model parent/person/whatever right now. The truth is, I tend to get into these ruts, feel all overwhelmed and gross, and then I get over it, and just carry on as always.

Honestly, if I could just abandon the treadmilling/30 Day Shredding/exercising in general, I would be a much happier (albeit fatter) person. That's the portion of my day that I dread the most, that can foul up my mood for the whole evening. I used to be able to get up before work and get that part of the day over with while I was still half-asleep, but I just can't do that now. I feel like life will be SO MUCH BETTER when the weather warms up, so we can take advantage of the after-work daylight hours and get outside. I truly think the root of this angst is that we've all been stuck inside for, oh, a gajillion months in a row now.

So, yeah. That is pretty much why I've been absent from posting about real life on this blog this week - didn't want to blah-blah-blah complain about stupid crap-blah day after day. But this weekend has been good, and I've been able to see friends, and spend actual quality time with my family instead of doing the stupid maintenance stuff all the time.

Indulgent, self-pity rant over.


Laurie said...

I hear ya!!! And...I dont even have a job!
Hang in there. Spring is sooo close now! At least that's what I keep telling myself : )

Kate Hanke said...

ohmigoodness...I'm so glad I'm not the only mom out there that feels this way. I dread Mondays because I know what stress it will bring to my life for 5 days. Starting on Wednesdays, I can usually see the light at the end of the tunnel (the weekend) but by the time I get everything dealt with from the week and blink about 3 times, it's Monday again. I guess this is called being a mom.