Attention male readers: The following post features some lady business. Proceed with caution.
Because I’m a total nerd, I remember a LOT of anniversaries. Sure, typical things like wedding anniversaries and birthdays and stuff like that, but also completely random anniversaries – which is why I know it was four years ago today that I found out I was pregnant.
We had been trying for just a couple of months. I had been feeling crampy and crappy for the previous few days, and figured I was getting my period. I was disappointed, sure (TRYING to have a baby can be super-stressful, and it forced me to do math, and pay attention to calendars, and ovulation and shit) but, like I said, it was only the second month, so I wasn’t freaking out.
Well, a day or two more passed, and now I was a couple of days late, but still, this wasn’t a big deal for me. I still felt totally yuck, but started to wonder to myself, “hmmm….maybe I am pregnant? Even though I feel completely PMS-ish?” So I asked my trusty friend Babycenter.com if it was possible. And the internet told me YES. Since I believe everything the internet tells me, I headed off to Target after work.
Even though I was 33 years old, I felt the need to distract the cashier from my purchase of a pregnancy test with a couple of other items. There is something awkward about buying pregnancy tests, but still, it’s not like I was 14 years old – like my mommy was going to ground me if she found out or something. I guess we just convince ourselves that the cashier will be so mesmerized by our other purchase (ooooh, a Snickers! Or, wooow, socks!) that he or she won’t notice the EPT box. (Because, you know, your local Target employee totally gives a shit whether you’re glowing with motherhood or not. TOTALLY.)
Well, at this point, I was pretty excited. So I went no further than the Target restroom to take the test. Yup, I can tell you the exact stall I was in when I saw the two lines pop up on the pregnancy test. I have deemed it my “good luck stall” and whenever I use the restroom at Target, I go back to where it all began (well, where it all began for Jane anyway.) (Well, not technically – oh, forget it.) (Clarification: Jane was NOT conceived in a Target bathroom stall.)
I remember my hands were totally shaking. I couldn’t believe it. Even though I was actively trying to make it happen, I couldn’t believe I was looking at two lines. So of course I immediately took the second test (see, the box has two tests – or, as they are sometimes called, pee sticks) and sure enough – two lines.
WELL. I did whatever any rational newly-informed mom-to-be would do. I rushed to Walgreens to buy more pregnancy tests (as well as other random items, I’m sure). Seriously, I couldn’t believe it. In the meantime, I called my BF Heather and had this phone conversation:
ME: “Is it possible to be pregnant and have cramps? Is that a bad thing?”
HER: “No, I was totally the same way.”
ME: “Okaaay…..I am going to call you tomorrow.”
HER: “OK, bye”
See, I realized halfway through the conversation that there was someone else I should probably share this news with first. Yes, even before Heather.
So I called Greg up on the phone and asked him where he was. He was at band practice with his friends. So I said I’d see him later, and headed off to Borders to get my very first look at “What to Expect When You’re Expecting.” I was very excited to FINALLY have a real reason to check this book out (NOTE: Although it was my bible during pregnancy, it also scared the hell out of me regularly.) On the way there, I started to get a weird migraine headache. I’ve only had two of these in my life, and I knew I shouldn’t drive. So I called up Greg again, and his friend drove him over to Borders to get me.
And here is the magical moment Greg found out he was going to be a dad.
Scene: my car
Me: So, I’m pregnant!
Greg: Good for you!
That response still cracks me up.
So that was four years ago today. Who could have projected that four years later to the day, I would be picking up Jimmy’s poop off the ground in the living room at 5:30 in the morning and Jane would be crying hysterically because I wouldn’t let her help?
I know this post is kind of weird but hey - blogging for 30 days straight is hard, yo!