wine and beer!

This is the lyric from RENT that is currently in my head, because a friend at work kept repeating it today.

Tomorrow I am going to NYC to see RENT for the 18th time. Mind you, I haven't seen it in New York that many times - in fact, this is only the fourth time at the Nederlander Theater - but then when you add the 14 times I've seen it on tour, well, here I am. A true and official nerdalicious RENT-head.

The first time I saw RENT was in September 1997, a year after it had opened on Broadway. I went with my friend Hilary a week before her wedding. We took the train down, blew all of our money on tickets, and wandered around the city all day, just waiting for the 8 p.m. curtain. I saw most of the original Broadway cast that night, and needless to say, it made quite an impression. I was giddy after that performance. Giddy. I didn't sleep the whole night and was a complete zombie the next day at work, but it was completely worth it. Since then, the show has remained at the top of my "favorite shows" list. And I've seen a lot of shows.

It's pretty amazing to think about how much my life has changed since the first time I saw the show, but the fact remains that I can't think of a better way to spend $75 (the cost of my ticket that day) in New York. I know Alan is going to blah blah blah all over my little RENT geek-tacular here, because he hates the show (although he's never SEEN it!), but I can't wait.

Greg got me tickets to go see the show with my friend Heather - he knew the first thing I would worry about is who is taking care of Jane, so he's doing Daddy-duty for the day so I don't stress (too much) - and we're traveling in style, by limo. This is, by far, the fanciest thing I've done in a long, long, LONG time.

I just spent the past half hour looking at RENT's official site, seeing who's in the show now, happy to see some familiar faces. (alas, not the two faces above - I missed Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp's return to RENT last summer because I was on 24-hour baby duty). It's like seeing old friends. Except friends that are a lot cooler and more attractive than me.

I'll give you my review of the show this weekend (and don't think I'll automatically gush. Quite the opposite. When you've seen a show this many times, you get very critical.)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! This year, I have resolved to pull my head out of my ass (meaning, stop being so dramatic about the little things that go wrong in my life and look at the bigger picture), to stop swearing in front of Jane, and to lose six pounds, specifically, the six pounds I put on during the holiday season. Damn cookies! I mean...darn cookies!

This picture was very specifically taken for Alan's enjoyment. I'm not even going to try to explain the squirrel.

at least now she won't be stuck in limbo

Jane's baptism was yesterday. Usually, when there is a baptism at at Catholic church (not sure if it's the same elsewhere too), there are several babies. For whatever reason, Jane was the only one yesterday, so the service was a little more personalized. It was really, really nice, I must say. It was one of the first times I really felt like a parent! The deacon kind of discounted all of the reasons babies used to be baptised (see the aforementioned "limbo") and gave a more modern talk. Afterwards, we had about 30 people over for lunch and festivities. It has been a long week of preparation for this event - so now I feel like my vacation is truly beginning - with a whole two days left! Argh! I will never plan a vacation around a big event that is going to take place at my house, because, no matter how much I try not to, I will obsess over getting everything ready and stress myself out more than if I were at work!

Anyway, whether or not you are a fan of the whole "church" and "baptism" thing, you must admit Jane looked quite cute, no? Such a girlie girl!

merry, merry, why ya (stomach) buggin'?

Well, as to be expected, I got sick on Christmas Eve and have felt miserable since. It started as a yucky stomach bug and has morphed into a crappy cold. Nevertheless, we had a nice, albeit extremely exhausting, holiday. Now we're in baptism-preparation mode. All I want to do is crawl under the covers.

happy fifth monthiversary and other holiday wishes

Today is Jane's fifth monthiversary! Can you believe it? Well, maybe you can, but I can't. I cannot believe she's already five months old. These past five months have been a blur of no sleep, lots of tears (on everyone's part), lots of joy, and lot of crash-coursing in parenting. I'm a freakin' mom! I think I'm just now realizing this. We just went to church (yes, church!) and she was quite the belle of the ball at the 7:30 mass. She's getting baptized next Sunday so I thought it would be a good idea to show our faces around there for the past few weeks. It's actually been pretty fun. Of course, when the priest came up to her to say hello before mass began, her mouth formed a perfect frown - a completely upside-down smile - and I thought she was going to lose it, but she didn't, thankfully. He has a very deep voice and I think she was a little shocked.

Speaking of shocking, Christmas is two days away! I am so proud of myself, because I'm done with shopping and 99% done with wrapping. I feel like I must have forgotten someone, because it can't be this easy. Of course, a couple of my gifts are sorta IOU-ish, so maybe that's what made it easier.

So. Merry merry, everyone. I hope your holidays are just what you want them to be - whether quiet and private, loud and obnoxious, or somewhere in between. (I think mine might be the second option.) See ya on the flip side!

&*(@&*(!^&*( DOGS!!!!

So, I have today off of work. I finished up my Christmas shopping, baked some cookies for a party tonight, hung out with the kid. Stuff like that. So I let the dogs out at some point this afternoon, and proceeded to continue playing with Jane on the floor and half-watching a documentary about women and HIV. Good times. So I realize, after some time, that the dogs haven't burst in with their usual "HEY! It's Tuesday afternoon everybody!!" excitement. So I look out the front door. No dogs. I call for them. No dogs. I look out the back window. No dogs. I walk around the house (in the snow, in my pj pants and t-shirt). No dogs.

I (pardon my French) fucking flip out. MY DOGS HAVE LEFT THE COMPOUND.

I realized they had been outside for probably a good half hour. This is not abnormal on a nice day, but who knows at what point they decided to break free from the binds of the invisible fence? Was in a half hour ago? They could be in West Hartford by now!

I call Greg. I am freaking out, screaming for the dogs, putting Jane in her crib, and getting my keys. He tells me to drive around. He's an hour away so I'm on my own. I'm driving around the neighborhood like a lunatic, screaming "JIMMY!!!" and "JUNIOR!!!" and shaking a box of bones outside the window. I am praying that I don't see one of them in the road, hit by a car. I go around the block a few times.

No dogs.

I call Greg back. He tells me to keep looking. I'm telling him I'm sure the dogs are gone, and I'm never going to find them, and.....wait a minute....there the dumbasses are, frolicking in one of our neighbors' front yards. Thankfully, it's hard for Junior to go incognito when he's on the loose.

You have to understand - my neighbors do NOT love my dogs. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that about 90% of them hate my dogs. They are mostly quite elderly, and the idea of a 130 lb. dog, who often barks at them when they pass my house, does not strike them as "cute" and "audibly friendly." It strikes them as "deadly" and "motherf***ing scary."

So. I haul my arse out of the car, screaming for the dogs and waving my box of bones, crunching through the snow, which is a foot deep round these parts, and trying to get them to come to me. And even though both dogs "graduated" from dog training school, they don't really use their skills in the outside world. Instead, they oh-so-playfully ran away from me for quite a while.

After lurching around various yards like a complete maniac, I managed to grab Junior. Since Jimmy won't do anything alone, and will follow Junior to the ends of the earth, he followed us on the long trek up the hill to the house. After I locked them in, I walked back down the hill, got back home, and proceeded to have four or five drinks.

Ha, ha! No, I didn't. But I sure wanted to. Instead, I had to attend to my screaming, miserable baby, who realized that she is forever entrusted in the care of a lady who can't even control her dogs.

*(&!*(& DOGS!!!

rockin' Saturday night at my house

no wonder it takes me forever to leave for work

this is about when I start dreaming about moving to San Diego

I hate the *(&!*( snow. So if you'd like to read a happy recount of today's weather, I suggest you bounce over to Lisa's blog and see what she has to say. As for me, I can't stand it. We pushed our work potluck holiday lunch an hour earlier (yeah, I can eat heavy holiday food at 11 a.m. if need be) but the roads were still horrendous when I got out at noon. It took me three and a half hours to get home in my sled (I mean, Honda), and all the while I watched car after car slide, spin, and stop. It was one of the most hair-raising commutes of my 34-year-life here in CT.

Stupid snow. On the flip side, it's supposed to be 62 and sunny tomorrow in SD.

Thank you, Secret Santa!

The boys were on the receiving end of some fancy treats from my Secret Santa.

first solids

hello, lovah

I have had, how you say, a shitty week. Just not good.

Until I saw the trailer for this.

Check it out (it's on the site, scroll down).

Fabulous.

(And if you think I'm superficial and stupid and whatever, just keep it to yourself. I get four hours of sleep at night. Sorry my idea of culture isn't curling up with Tolstoy.)

reject Christmas card pics, part 2

It's Christmas card reject pictures time!

UPDATE to previous post, where I hoped I would have a good weekend

Ha. Yeah. Right. Anyway, Jane had a great doctor's appointment, except for the fact that she has an ear infection. Thankfully we happened to have an appointment today, and they caught it really early, so hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon. She's all full of the drugs today, considering she also had some vaccinations (yeah, we are the horrible parents who get their kid vaccinated) and infant's Tylenol. THEN, I realized I had a huge 'ol patch of hives on my legs, so I went to my doctor, just to have someone else check it out. She was not very impressed - her thought was that it may be allergies or stress. She wants me to go for blood tests for allergies, but who has time? Because I had to rush back so Greg could go off to the walk-in clinic, because he thinks he may have a sinus infection.

Is it OK if I bathe in Purell? Is that harmful in some way?

Oh, the stats on Jane are these: she weighs 14 lbs and she's 25 inches long. She's a growing little monkey!

UPDATE to my update: Greg does have a sinus infection. Get your Hazmat suit if you're coming to my house!

Purell, take me away

Well, this has been a particularly disgusting week at my house. Greg is really sick, Jane has her first cold, I broke out in a mysterious case of hives, and Junior had to take a trip to the emergency vet. I know - the first thing you are thinking is "Is Junior OK?" - and he is. He had a bad run-in with some butternut squash and french fries. Yeah, yeah, we'll never learn. No more people food for Junior! At least for a while.

Since I've returned to work, I've had a stomach bug and two colds, and either I passed one of those colds on to Jane, or she picked up another one at daycare (which is my suspicion). I have been super-careful about not coughing or getting germs on her, which has resulted in me washing my hands so much I think they are about to fall off. Nevertheless, she is very boogery and whiney this week, which of course resulted in no sleep, which of course coincided with a very busy work week. In addition, Greg is really sick, all hacky and wheezy and nasty and whatnot, so that's no good, especially because I can't really pass Jane off to him, because I don't want her to catch what he has. Oh yeah - and I got a weird case of hives on my legs and arms this week, and I still don't know what is causing it. They come and go, but I want them to just GO!

Being a major germaphobe, this has definitely not been my best week. I find myself stretched very far (I almost said "stretched to my limit" - but I don't want the fates testing my limit anymore this week!) and I am praying that I don't get sick this weekend, that Greg and Jane feel better, that nothing happens to the dogs, that I manage to sleep more than four hours a night, that I actually have fun, and that I get a bunch of chores done. Oh yeah, and world peace. I want that too.

four monthiversary

thanks

The other day, I said to Greg, "Why don't we stop complaining all the time and start acting like this has been the best year of our lives - which it has been?" He agreed. It's easy to get caught up in the everyday nonsense of our lives - and, frankly, no one loves complaining more than me - but we would be remiss if we didn't step back and understand how lucky we are. So here are some things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1) Well, duh. I mean, I'm not even going to get into it. OK, I will, a little - Jane has profoundly changed my life in every good way. When I am up at 4 a.m. feeding her or being covered in her poop (why does she kick at her diaper when I'm changing it? WHY?), I remind myself that she truly is the best baby in the world. I think we are biologically programmed to think that about our children - why else would we subject ourselves to all of the indignities of parenthood, of which there are many more than I ever could have imagined? - but, seriously, Jane is the best baby in the world.

2) More "duh" - my family and friends. Let's start it off with Greg, because I'll tell ya, having a baby upends a marriage like nobody's business. It's hard stuff, going from two to three. All of the sudden, you have no social life to speak of, and an endless amount of chores (dropping off the baby, picking up the baby, going to the doctor's office, buying diapers, formula, clothes, medicine, blah blah blah to infinity), not to mention the fact that someone is going to have to incessently entertain the baby during the witching hour(s) in the evening. I have gone hoarse singing my trademark songs "Monkeys Don't Wear Sweaters" and "There's a Man on the Moon and He Likes to Eat the Junebugs." Greg and I, through many very stupid inside jokes, have managed to keep a sense of humor in our house during a very stressful time.

And, hello, the rest of my family and all of my friends have been so incredibly nice and generous this year, not only materialistically with many nice treats for Jane, but more importantly, with well wishes and prayers and good vibes for her and my health during the numerous pregnancy debacles. I have said this before and I'll say it again - millions of people have babies every day, and it doesn't feel like a big deal until it's happening to you. And the people in my life absolutely encouraged the idea that bringing Jane into the world was very special indeed.

3) Let's lighten it up around here - I am thankful for the (and this one's for you, Lisa) internets. No, seriously! I think I would have gone completely mad this summer if I didn't have my computer to keep me updated on the news (entertainment and otherwise) and my email to keep in contact with those out there in the real world. It helped alleviate a lot of the isolation of 13 weeks home with a newborn whose only communication skills are through wailing.

4) The roof over my head, the food on my plate, the things I take for granted every day but shouldn't. Maybe it sounds trite, but I'm going to try to remember to be grateful for that stuff more. And thanks to all of you out in blogland who read this (yeah, all five of you). Happy Thanksgiving!

whatever.

So, like, I don't plan on being one of those moms who enter their daughters into weird beauty contents, all JonBenet Ramsey-style, or anything, but in a weak moment this summer, I did enter Jane in the Gap's annual casting call, in the baby girl category. Because, HELLO, obviously she should win. It was that really cute pic I posted here earlier in her purple hooded sweatshirt. FROM THE GAP. Well, in her first of many, many disappointments in her life, she did not make the cut to be a finalist. Sure, those kids are cute and whatever, but come on.

Their loss.

Dear Alan, are you there? It's me, Amanda

I was just driving in my car and realizing that I haven't heard from my friend and top e-mail buddy Alan in a couple of days. So here is a public shout-out, wondering if he's alive, or if one of his potions revolted on him. Also, Alan, if you are alive, I want you to know that I also think water is precious, but I want to hear some of your other thoughts now.

**picture is courtesy of Alan's blog. I am 3o lbs lighter than that now, and with one less baby inside me.

rollin' part deux (or: seriously, I'm rollin'!)

So, remember how a couple of hours ago I was wondering if Jane's roll counted, since it was on a soft surface? Well, she did it for real this time, on her activity mat on the floor. She's on the move, people! Hide your valuables!

rollin' rollin' rollin', keep those babies rollin'

We interrupt our regularly scheduled complaining to announce that Jane rolled over this morning for the first time! It was on our bed, so I'm not sure if it counts, since it's a cushy surface. But still! Yeah!

This picture is titled, "How in the hells did I get here?"

weekend update

Hey, remember when I used to post things about my weekends? Because back then, it seemed like my weekends were different from, you know, the rest of the week. But then maternity leave came, and I never knew which end was up, never mind whether it was Friday or Wednesday or Monday. It was all the same - one long run-on day with no end in sight. Well, it's still kind of the same thing now, except during my days, I have to go to work - so I have more of an idea of when the weekend actually is.

These days, the weekend symbolizes great relief. It is so great not to have to do the dance I have to do during the work week, in terms of getting everyone ready and out the door, and at the same time, it's great not to have to do the end of the day dance as well. The days seem (and are) far less rushed and usually more enjoyable.

That said, I put a lot more stock in my weekends. I really need them to be peaceful, and fun, and relaxing, or there is no way I can even slightly recharge for the next week. But so far, since I've been back to work, my weekends have not really been like that at all. Here's hoping this weekend is.

Tomorrow night, I'm working house at SCT's 50th anniversary show. I have never been more out-of-the-loop on an SCT show in over 10 years. In fact, as the curtain goes up right about now for tonight's performance, all I can think about is going to bed. So Greg and Jane will be on their own tomorrow evening - my first weekend night out without the baby ever.

Sunday we are going to my friend Cathy's house to see her new baby. I'm sure Jane will seem ginormous in comparison.

Those are my official plans for the weekend. Who knows what else will crop up. Hope you all are doing something much more exciting!

(P.S. No news on the poop front. After her command pooping performance in the doctor's office, she hasn't gone since. Whatever. Just goes to show you that she'll never listen to her mommy.)

TMI: Poop Edition

If you don't want to hear about Jane's poop issues, stop reading now.

OK, if you're still reading, here's the scoop on the poop: I noticed this week that Jane has been pooping more than normal. Usually she's a once a day kinda gal; this week, she's been going three or four times a day. One time on Tuesday it was bright green. And then last night, I noticed a tiny amount of blood in her diaper with the poop. As you can imagine, I freaked. We called the doctor's office, and the doctor on call said that it was probably one of two things - a little tear in her bum, or a milk protein allergy. Some babies are allergic to cow's milk, and blood in the poop is one way they show it. Jane was exclusively breastfed for 7 1/2 weeks. We introduced formula at that point, and until daycare, she had one or two bottles of formula a day. Now that she's in daycare, she's having three or four bottles a day. I'm not sure what that means or how that affects anything, but suffice to say, her diet has been changed. Anyway, the doctor said to watch her overnight and make an appointment in the morning. Last night she had one more little poop that had some blood in it, and then this morning, her poop seemed clear (not literally clear - that would be even more alarming!).

So we went to the doctor's office this morning, used diapers in tow as examples of what was going on. The doctor checked Jane out, and said she didn't see anything, but that didn't mean there wasn't a microscopic tear somewhere, especially since she had been pooping so much lately. Jane conveniently pooped at the doctor's office, so they took a sample and checked it for blood. In fact, there were tiny traces of blood (we couldn't see it). So now, over the weekend, I have to swab these little cards she gave me with samples of Jane's poop, to see if the blood gradually goes away. Fun.

The doctor is not alarmed. She thinks everything is most likely OK. If there is blood continuing, we will probably have to do some allergy testing. This would mean I would have to go on a very restrictive diet, most likely eliminating all dairy, and possibly wheat and beef. This is not my year of fun diets, obviously (see: gestational diabetes). Her formula would have to be changed to a much more expensive kind. But I'm jumping ahead of myself. If anything else weird goes on - black poop, very fussy behavior, seeming in pain - we have to call them immediately. The doctor said they see Jane's situation all the time. So why don't I feel better?

Tell me to calm down. Tell me this isn't a big deal. Tell me to listen to the doctor, who isn't really concerned. Tell me I will somehow survive all of the sicknesses and bumps and bruises and messes Jane gets herself into. Being a hypochondriac, I never thought I could worry about someone's health more than my own. But then I had Jane.

what's old is new again

So they recently changed to the format of 104.1 FM from rap/r&b back to alt-rock in the form of the new fm 104one. I have to say, I'm really psyched about this "new" radio station, which, right now, is very much like WMRQ Radio 104 was back when it first went on the air in the mid-1990s. I will never forget the day I first heard Radio 104 - I was in college, and my friends were buzzing about this new radio station that played bands like REM, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and the like, and had no DJs, and few commercials, and it was just....awesome. I remember getting in my friend Rich's car after our Ecology lab and listening. And loving. And for many years after that, I was a huge supporter of that radio station. I loved it when Dee Snyder had his morning show. I loved all of the Radio 104 Big Days Off and other day-long multi-band concerts. Hell, I still have the t-shirt I got from one of their promotional events at Foxwoods, way back at the beginning.

I was sad when it went away, obviously. And now I'm happy, so happy that it's back. Sure, it's not officially Radio 104 anymore, but right now, there are no DJs, limited commercials, and the first song I heard when I turned it on was by Nirvana. A lot of the music makes me nostalgic for a time when hanging out with my friends, drinking and going to bars, and being up on the latest and greatest in music were some of my top priorities. When homework was my biggest problem. When the idea of a husband, a kid, a house, two dogs and life in suburbia seemed like a million light years away.

I guess now I have the best of both worlds (plus, no homework!).

getting there

So I've been rolling with my new schedule for just over a week now. It's hard, I must say. The part about missing Jane aside (and really, let's set it aside for now. This is my life now, and let's all just assume that I miss Jane all the time, and I really really do, but if I think about it too much, I'll just be depressed, and that's not how I want to live all the time), it's hard logistically to get out the door every day. I have to make sure I have all of her stuff packed for daycare, my stuff packed for work, my pump (don't even get me started) and of course get myself and Jane ready for the day, usually on not-even-close-enough sleep. Then I drop her off, go to work, have to think and work like an adult, rush to daycare, pick her up, come home, clean her bottles, pack her stuff for the next day, feed her a couple of times, listen to her cry for a couple of hours (lo, how I can't wait for the witching hours phase of her life to be over) and then put her to bed. After that, I collapse in bed myself, exhausted, until I have to get up and feed her in the middle of the night.

I can't wait to see what the time change does to her schedule. Fun!

I really, honestly, truly don't know how people do this with more than one kid. I think it takes a level of organization I'm not capable of.

In other news, my friend Cathy had her baby yesterday, and thus concludes the end of the 2007 pregnancies, among my friends. She had a girl, and I can't wait to see her, although I don't think I'm going to be able to until next week.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Happy Halloween, from Jane the giraffe

I will survive

Sigh.

Just got home a little while ago from my first day-and-a-half at work. No, I didn't stomp out halfway through today in a emotional hissy fit - I am working half days on Fridays for the rest of this calendar year, in an attempt to use up some time off I have saved. That, plus working from home on Tuesdays, will help make this transition easier.

Yesterday was truly one of the worst days of my life. I have not been such an emotional basketcase in years - I felt like my guts were being ripped out when I had to leave Jane at daycare. I'm not even trying to be melodramatic here - it was physically painful. Work was a good distraction - it was great to see everyone again, and catch up on the gossip, and whatnot. But all I wanted to do was be with my baby. I made it until 4 p.m., and then I bolted off to pick her up. I know it will get easier, and I maintain that my workplace is about the best place to return to, if you have to go back to work full-time. The flexibility and understanding is unmatched.

Her "InfantGram" - the daily sheet that lets me know how her mood was, what she ate, her diaper situation, etc - told me that she had a great day yesterday, and her teacher said the same. Jane was nothing but pleasant for them. Sure, the witching hour(s) kicked off as soon as we got home, which is typical from about 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. in our house. But I was glad that she had such a good day. I just wished I was with her.

This afternoon when I went to pick her up, she was crying in her assigned crib. I had to reassure myself that Jane cries plenty when she's at home, that it's not an indication of abuse or neglect or anything. Still, I was happy to rescue her and bring her home, and now I get to spend the next two whole days with her. I have always appreciated my time with her, but now that it's more limited, I appreciate it even more.

I also appreciated the fact that she saved her major ass-plosion that she's been working on by not pooping for the past two days for daycare. They had to change her whole outfit! Yeesh.

Have a great weekend!

three monthiversary, pt. 2

OK, OK, I've been told that picture was dark, and it is. Here's a brighter one, from this morning (aka "three monthiversary plus one day").

three monthiversary

Somehow I've gotten into the tradition of taking her monthly photos in a white onesie. I'm not sure I like it, but I suppose I'll stick to it.

milestones

It's a big day in our household today.

Today is our three year wedding anniversary. I got up at 4 a.m. that day to begin the extensive preparations it took to get me to look like a girlie girl. This morning I was up at 4 a.m., desperately trying to get a very awake baby asleep so I could get another hour or two of sleep myself.

Today is Jimmy's second birthday. Lord, is that dog a pain in the ass, but such a hilarious, awesome addition to our family. I don't think I've ever seen a dog with such a personality. Happy Birthday, young James!

Today is Jane's three monthiversary. It feels like it's been forever, and like it's been a minute. And I'm not going to lie and say every moment has been wonderful - but most of them have been, and all of them have been life-altering.

As for Junior, well, every day is special for Junior!

transition

There are mornings like this morning, when Jane wakes up and she seems like a completely different baby than she was when she went to sleep last night. More grown up, more alert, more like a real little person. She's doing all sorts of new things lately - everything from sucking her whole hand non-stop (not sure if this is a predecessor to her being a thumb sucker or what) to grasping her hands together to lifting her head up when she's on her tummy. She has been taking naps - albeit short naps - on her back during the day, with no elevation or anything. She's well on her way out of the carseat sleeping situation. She's losing her hair (!), and it will be a surprise to see how it comes in when it grows back. Will it be dark, like it was when she was born, or will it be, as I suspect, more red, like the color of her eyebrows? She laughs, she makes all kinds of noises that will someday be words...she's just constantly evolving, right before my very eyes.

Daycare starts this week. I am heading there after her nap this morning to drop off all of her stuff and to go over their procedures. I have bought new clothes for myself that actually fit right. I have filled out a million forms. We are as ready as we can be, at least with all of the stuff. But inside, I feel like my heart is breaking.

I have all sorts of questions. Will she know that I'm her mom when I pick her up at the end of the day? Will she take her first steps and say her first words at daycare? What will I miss? Will she change during the day, so when I pick her up eight hours later, she's not the same? Is this OK? Will she be OK? Will I be OK?

I have felt incredibly melodramatic over the past few weeks. I give major props to Greg for dealing with my tears and insecurities and questions. He has been amazingly great about everything. I am going back to a job that couldn't be more flexible and family-friendly. I am very, very lucky.

I just want this week to be over, so the transition will be done.

as it turns out, I can't have my cake and eat it too

So today I'm back in the shorts I was wearing last summer. They could fit a little better, but everything else is in the wash (I am doing three times as much laundry these days - some of it is Jane's, and a lot of it is the result of The Summer of Being Vomited Upon). A quick update on my weight loss - I am at my "return to work" goal weight, with three pounds to go until I reach my original, pre-pregnancy weight of a year ago. I could actually lose a couple additional pounds from that too, but hey, let's not get greedy. The holidays are coming up. I love me some holiday cookies.

The weight loss has not been without much struggle and hunger pangs. Although people like Angelina Jolie will say the reason she's 98 lbs is because she's breastfeeding, this is not really true. Or maybe she's just luckier than me. Because not only am I breastfeeding, I'm also starving and exercising. And cranky. But this is what it takes for a non-movie star to lose weight, especially one who is hitting her mid-30s with a crappy metabolism. The good news is, lugging an increasingly heavy baby around does wonders for one's upper body strength. This weekend, I'm taking all of my gift certificates and buying some new clothes. Because although I've lost most of the weight, my body is most definitely not the same. The hips - they're bigger. The gut - it's bigger, with leftover Jane that I've been told won't go away for six months, no matter what I do. But it's worth it. It's all worth it.


Sorry for the lack of blogging lately. It's been a whirlwind of getting us ready for next week. I'm also pretty bummed out, and don't feel like dragging the internets (sorry Lisa) down with me.

my favorite picture so far

I mean, come on. If that doesn't put a smile on your face, I give up.

9 to (almost) 5

Well, despite the fact that I have been up since 4:45 a.m., this is a spectacular day. Why, you ask? Well, because Jane decided to sleep from about 8:45 p.m. to 4:45 a.m. last night! For those of you keeping track, that's EIGHT HOURS IN A ROW! Like a real person and everything! I, of course, did not sleep that whole time. I went to bed around 10, heard her stirring around 3, but didn't get up until she woke up, so I got almost seven hours myself. Almost in a row, and everything! This is a big step from the first night I had her, when I slept a half an hour. Seriously.

PS Thanks for your comments in the last post. They meant a lot, really.

my 300th post, y'all

Oh my, I just noticed that this is my 300th post! 300 posts of my random, often boring, thoughts. Thanks to those of you who read. You know, if you're out there. Hello? Anyone? Bueller?

Unfortunately, this is not a celebratory post. It is, once again, a bit of a venting session on how stressed I am. I go back to work two weeks from tomorrow. I'm not going to get into how I feel about this emotionally; mostly, I just don't want to think about it, although I think about it all the time, because it's hard, way harder than I ever imagined, and if I start blogging about it it's just going to get depressing around here, so let's just avoid that for now. Instead, let me vent about the logistics of getting Jane and I ready to go back out into the real world.

The biggest and most pressing issue is the fact that Jane still sleeps in her carseat because of her reflux. It's not that she's incapable of falling asleep on her back - she can, it's just that inevitably, when she wakes up, she's gagging and choking because she has spit up. We have her on a prescription for reflux, but, to be frank, it ain't doin' s*** for the problem. Sometimes I think it is, and then I have a day like yesterday, when I triumphantly got her to sleep for a half hour on her back, only to have her get up, start the spit up routine, and basically be miserable for the rest of the day. The daycare needs a note from her doctor saying she has to sleep in her carseat, and I'm not sure if the doctor is actually going to give that note - it's not like he said she should sleep in the carseat, it's just what works for us. And then there's the part where, hey, she's a baby, and she's SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING IN A CRIB. ON HER BACK. But no. I have heard of many other babies who have had this issue, but I just want it resolved, because the whole thing makes me sad and supremely stressed. I'm going to keep trying until Monday, and then, if no miracle has happened, I'll call the doctor for the note. We'll see what happens.

I also have a huge list of gear that Jane needs to bring into daycare. Since it will basically be her home away from home, she needs nearly the same amount of stuff. I have to take a trip to Babies R Us very very soon to spend very very much money getting her suited up for her first day. In addition, I need to fill out about a gazillion forms for her as well, including one that details her "schedule" - HA! Schedule! This girl is a master of deception and trickery -once you think she's got some kind of schedule going, she upends it like nobody's business. On the Monday before I go back to work, I'm going to go into the daycare with all of her stuff, so I can also go over all of their procedures and rules. Fun times.

Everyone tries to make me feel better about these things - obviously babies don't have real schedules anyway, and of course other babies spit up a lot and have reflux and weird sleeping habits - I just don't want her going in being the strange baby that no one wants to take care of because she's got issues. Look - I've already started to make myself cry. OK - new topic!

Let's talk about getting ME ready for back-to-work. Aside from me feeling like I don't remember how to do my job (although I'm sure it will come back to me - it's like riding a bike!), I also have to go shopping for new clothes. To cheer myself up, I've decided to look at this like it's the first day of school, when you get to wear shiny new clothes. Well, probably not shiny clothes - not my style. But as you know, I've been working hard at eliminating those pesky 10 pounds (I call those pounds "leftover Jane"), and have managed to lose 5 of them. It's been hard work! It is way harder to lose 5 pounds at age 34 than it was 10 years ago, I'll tell ya that. I'm giving myself until next week to get rid of the 2 pounds I'd like to get rid of before going back to work. Then I'll bring my gift certificates to the mall and buy myself some pants that fit. Even my friend Cheryl, who is extremely athletic and fit, and who also had a baby in July but was back to her original weight in, like, five seconds, said that her body has changed too, that clothes don't fit the same. I read a quote from a doctor that said after pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, it's like your body has gone through a major trauma, and that you should look at the changes in your body as badges of honor. It's the stupid celebrities, with their personal chefs and trainers and surgeries, that make us all feel like we should look exactly the same as we ever did, if not better, and fast.

OK, I think I'm done for now. Happy 300th post! Aren't you glad you read this cheery blog?

then vs. now

My morning thus far, by Amanda, at age 24:

11:00 a.m.: Wake up. Possibly hung over.

My morning thus far, by Amanda, at age 34:

5:15 a.m.: Wake up to Jane's crying, feed Jane
5:45-6:15 a.m.: Walk Jane around so she'll fall asleep
6:15-8:15 a.m.: Take a shower, get ready, feed dogs, clean up, play on interwebs
8:15-8:45 a.m.: Feed Jane, plop her in swing
8:45-9:15 a.m.: Try to stress to DirecTV person on the phone how incredibly stressed I am about the fact that my TiVo seems to be busted, that it only records partial shows, that I'vebeenwaitingallsummerwatchingcrappytvduringmymaternityleave
andnowthatfalltvisFINALLYhereIcannothavethissituation
happeningbecause Idon'tevenknowwhogotkickedoffon
TheBacheloronMondaynightnow. But politely. Apparently DirecTV doesn't do TiVo anymore, they do DVR, so now I don't know what our next step is but we'll have to take it quickly.
9:15-10:45 a.m.: Go to West Hartford Center, walk around, see a co-worker, get my wedding and engagement rings polished, have a doughnut, go to the Farmer's Market, buy some raspberries
11:00 a.m.: Arrive home and wait for Jane to wake up so I can feed her again. Then we're off to the bookstore.

What a difference a decade makes.

I had cake for lunch today!

Lisa came by today to visit Miss Jane for the first time this afternoon, and she came bearing a delicious cake that she has been promising to make once I got rid of the ol' gestational diabetes. It was soooo freakin' delicious - it's basically like a giant Devil Dog, except lighter and even more tasty. She left a hefty chunk of it for me, and I hid it on top of the fridge from Greg, but he found it! Luckily there is still some left. She also made me one her very cute mini totes (she claims I was hinting for one - and I was, but I would have paid!!) and a sweet necklace with a pic of Jane on it. This girl is probably the most multi-talented chick I know, and she excels at everything! Check out her blog to see cute pics from today's visit, and to see what else she's been up to.

this girl rocks the house

So being home a lot this summer, I have watched a lot of television that I normally wouldn't. I got hooked on a couple shows on TLC, and I kept seeing commercials for a documentary called Crazy Sex Cancer. I haven't seen it yet (they are re-airing it in October) but it was done by a woman named Kris Carr, who is my age, who was diagnosed with rare and inoperable cancer in 2003. Since then, she has reinvented what it means to live with cancer - and is the incredibly positive, awesome, kick-ass kind of person we should all hope to be. Check out her Crazy Sexy Cancer blog - hey, if I think it's awesome - and you know how much I avoid medical things -you will too. It's far less about anything medical, and more just having a life-positive frame of mind, which we could all use more of, or at least I could sometimes.

OMG

OK, two things in the world of OMG:

1) Britney Spears lost custody of her kids. Do you know how much of a hot mess a mother must be to lose custody of her kids? To K-Fed, of all people? I feel sorry for her.

2) I thought my TiVo was broken. When I go to bed, I set up my TV so it's paused on some show that I've TiVo'ed, so when I get up to feed Jane in the middle of the night, there is already some light in the living room (from the TV) and I have something ready to go to watch at whatever time her royal highness deigns to eat. This morning, at about 4:30, I thought all was lost. I pressed "play," which should have brought the old "Sex and the City" episode I had freeze-framed on the screen to life - except it didn't. I was frantically pressing buttons but nothing was working. This morning (HA! This morning! As if I haven't been up since 4:30! Because I have, but that's another story of how Jane decided that after she ate would be a great time to party, not go to sleep.) Greg suggested unplugging it and plugging it back in (duh) and it works. Phew! Because that would have be the absolute worst thing in the world! I'm kidding, I'm kidding - but it would have been bad.

Amanda's fall tv review, part 6, vols 1 and 2

***SPOILER FREE ZONE***
Vol 1: I heart "The Office" sooo much. To me, it's just the perfect comedy - no annoying laugh track, painfully hilarous awkward moments that make me pause the TiVo just so I can recover, characters that are just. so. awesome. - I really can't think of a single episode that I haven't liked. The season premiere did not disappoint (pay attention, "Ugly Betty"!). Titled "Fun Run," this hour-long episode focused on a character that may have come into contact with a horrible disease - rabies. Angela also has some issues with her cat that Dwight solves in his own way. Also, the big question of whether Jim and Pam finally get together is answered, but not in a "jump the shark" kind of way - you know, when a big romance is built up through several seasons of a show, and when it finally comes to fruition (or not), the whole show goes to hell. Anyway, it was great.

Vol 2: I must say, I did like "Big Shots." The show stars Dylan McDermott, Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus, and some other guy that I've seen on a lot of shows but I don't remember his name. It's about four high-powered executive guys who can't get their heads out of their asses when it comes to relationships. I've read that it's been compared to "Sex and the City" - I disagree, it's nowhere near that good, but it was entertaining, and you can't deny the eye-candy status of Michael Vartan.

Amanda's fall tv review, part 5

OK. Whatever, "Ugly Betty." You were so cute and innovative and fun to watch at the beginning of last year, your first season. But towards the end of the season, I started to get annoyed. It seemed less clever, more schmaltzy. And then, the totally-over-the-top end with Hilda's fiance (I don't remember his name and I'm not going to look it up) getting shot to the music of West Side Story. But I came back. You lured me back with your bright advertisements, a promise that this season would be "Bettyer" or some crap like that.

I was completely disappointed with last night's episode. I continue to be slightly weirded out by Betty's strange, mother-like relationship with her boss, Daniel, who basically can't wipe his own ass, never mind run a magazine. Their relationship is so freakin' odd to me. I know we're supposed to think it's sweet, but Betty just comes across as righteous and annoying most of the time. Why can't this guy take care of himself? And, of course, we are led to believe that Hilda's fiance is still alive, through several scenes with them in her bedroom, talking about their upcoming wedding. But only a moron couldn't have guessed that this was all in Hilda's imagination, and that he was actually dead. Which, of course he was. So contrived. So play-for-tears. So done.

I loooove Mark, and there wasn't enough of him last night. Henry made a return at the very end, and I do like his character too. Would it be too much to ask the "Ugly Betty" writers to give us more Mark and Henry, and less Betty? Probably.

If next week's episode is equally bull**** lame, I'm canceling my TiVo season pass. So, clearly, I mean business!

I plan to watch "The Office" season premiere later today. God, don't let it disappoint.

on second thought

There's something retrospectively funny about pregnancy. Or having been pregnant. Specifically, with Jane. I was just reading someone's account of how she felt when she felt the first kicks during her pregnancy, and remembering how I felt during those early evenings, when I was about four months pregnant, and lying very very still, waiting to feel the tiny movements in my belly. As the months moved along, those tiny movements became very very big and somewhat painful, of course, and all the while, it was Jane in there. When I couldn't eat chicken or sauce or carbs or sugar, the reason why was because Jane was in there. When I could barely walk and the sciatica was killing me and I had to get up to pee five times a night, it was because Jane was in there. And when I had to go for ultrasounds and non-stress tests and spent every single day of nine months worrying about the little being inside me, it was because Jane was in there.

It's just funny to put a face and a name to the whole experience, that's all.

In other news, and I'm sure it will never happen again now that I'm reporting it, Jane slept through the night last night! She went from 10:30 to 5:30, which is all night in my book! This is huge. I got about 6.5 hours of sleep in a row - that hasn't happened in months! So keep your fingers crossed that it happens again.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

chunk a monk, pt. 2

Did you hear the one about the Russian woman who had a baby that weighed 17.1 POUNDS? At birth?! And women everywhere cross their legs....

chunk a monk

Jane had her two month doctor's appointment today. She weighed in at 11 lbs, 7 oz (almost a three pound weight gain in a month!) 22 1/2 inches. Nice. She had a bunch of shots which did NOT make her happy. She also got a prescription for her reflux so hopefully she will stop spitting up so much! All in all, the doctor said she looks great, which we all already knew! I was relieved though.

unwritten

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Heather asked me what my "theme song" for Jane was. I didn't know what she was talking about, so she explained that last summer, when she had her son, she kept hearing the same song, and inevitably it reminds her of him now (don't ask me what the song is, I don't remember). Anyway, I immediately thought of the theme song from "The Hills," because every time I hear it, right away my mind flashes back to those beginning weeks where I was up just about 24 hours a day, nursing Jane and watching the incredibly addictive brain candy, "The Hills," and its sister program, "Laguna Beach." It wasn't until I really thought about it that "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield is the perfect theme song - and now it just makes me teary when I hear it.

Unwritten
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Amanda's fall tv review, part 4

So I had heard about this show "Chuck" for a while now. It's an action-comedy show about a computer nerd whose brain unwittingly becomes host to all sorts of top-secret government information via an e-mail sent to him by an old friend. When the NSA and CIA find out that Chuck has this information - and he's the only one, because the computer with all of this info blew up - they are all over his shizznit like nobody's business.

Sure, it sounded like it might be amusing, but, between all of the shows I already watch and the ones I had decided to try out this year, "Chuck" didn't fit into the mix. So I gave it a pass, despite the fact that it's been getting great reviews, I gave it a pass.

Until last night. Jane mysteriously quieted down between 8 and 9. And an event happened that abso-freakin-lutely never happens - Greg and I watched LIVE TV. Not TiVo. LIVE TV. With commericals and everything. We had clicked through our TiVo offerings and there was nothing on there that both of us liked. And this is where "Chuck" came in. I noticed it was on, we gave it a shot, and I was hooked.

Greg thinks it's the ultimate in cheese. And it kind of is. But I thought the plot was pretty entertaining, and the characters endearing - especially the Nerd Herd, a computer company that Chuck works for with his dorky friend Morgan. A lot of it rang of Office Space to me - which is one of my favorite movies.
So check it out if you can.

2 and 408

So here's the 2 month old with the 408 month old. Who's cuter? Yeah, I think so too. (Hint: not me.)

My birthday was really nice. We had a bit of an impromptu party in the morning. Greg made breakfast and my sister, niece, Mom and brother came over. Jane stayed awake long enough for everyone to play with her and then she fell asleep so I could eat in peace. She woke up a couple of hours later, and after I fed her, we went to Barnes and Noble where I read up on Britney's latest escapades and had a mocha. We all went home, and everyone else in the house took naps, while I read more magazines that I had piling up at home. Jane was a fussbucket at night, as usual, but overall I couldn't have asked for a better day.

big times

So, tonight I finish up the biggest year of my life. That's what 33 has been. It would be easy to say that it's been the best year of my life, but in a few ways, it was the hardest. However, it was absolutely the biggest.

A year ago, I wasn't pregnant. We were thinking about it, but babies were only an abstract concept to me; of course, it was less than two months later that I found out I was pregnant. That experience was such an enormous one for me. Ten years ago I would have told you I was never going to have kids, and nope, I wasn't going to change my mind. And here I am. The pregnancy was hard for me - a couple of complications, but luckily nothing major. I think the hardest part was the worrying that something was going to happen. And thank God, it didn't. Physically it was the roughest thing I've ever been through, or hope to go through. But I wouldn't trade it, and I'm happy for the experience.

I'm not going to state the obvious - OK, well maybe I am, but I'll be brief - Miss Jane has changed my life forever. It's crazy to look at her and think she was the one growing inside of me for most of this year. She changes every day and has made the last two months the most exhausting, confusing, worrying, exhilarating and amazing months of my life.

But other things happened this year as well. Work was incredibly busy, and I completed a couple of huge projects in the spring and early summer. I was also in three shows, and one of them will go down on my list of favorite show experiences, particularly because it co-starred my pal Alan. I think I could be in Love Letters a million times. It's such a satisfying show to do - especially since there is so little rehearsal! Plus I got to make a bunch of people in the audience cry, which is, uh, fun.

My family is all alive and well, and my friends are great as usual. With everything that happened this year, I saw how great and supportive and wonderful my friends and family truly are.

My life turned upside down at age 33, and it's never been better.

(please enjoy this family pic from our day at the beach visiting Greg's parents)

Amanda's fall tv review: part 3

Ah, "Survivor." We've been together a long time. For over seven years, you've dominated my Thursday television-watching nights. On my first date with Greg, I told him he was lucky I was there, because "Survivor" was on that night. I distinctly remember sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant where I was meeting this blind date, on the phone with my mother, asking her to tape the show for me (in ye olden days before TiVo).

Like any long-term relationship, we've had our highs and lows. I would be happy to point out specific seasons and which ones I liked the best and least, but Jane only let me have about four hours of sleep last night, and I'm wrecked. Anywho, all I can say is - Colby. Colby was a highlight. I think he was in Australia. I met him once. He's - how can I say it - dazzling. It's really the only word.

Anyway, I fear that this season, in my friend Todd's words, will be boring. Last night's season premiere didn't much hold my attention - again, lack of sleep might have been the cause, as I was watching it at 2 a.m. I love the setting. This season takes place in China, and I believe this is the first U.S. show ever to be filmed entirely in China. Despite my lack of appreciation for Chinese food, the country itself looks beautiful. Their conditions, I fear, will be brutal. One hint is that they've already been provided with fire and rice, which are things they usually have to fight for. This leads me to believe that their campsites must be very lacking in even the most basic of resources. (In fact, I think I read that in an interview with my boyfriend, Jeff Probst).

A couple of things stood out to me last night. One, I could not, for the life of me, really understand a word that Chicken was saying. He's from the deep South, or so it seems (I am so tired right now I'm not even doing my research on CBS.com), and every word that came out of his mouth seemed garbled. And while I have no clue what he was saying, so therefore no clue as to whether he would have been a good player, I felt bad when he got kicked off. I thought that wrestler chick should have gone.

I also thought it was pretty funny when Jean-Robert (very fancy names this season!) accused Todd (yeah, Todd! There's a player named after you this season! Me too!) of lying about the fact that he's a flight attendant. See, Jean-Robert is a professional poker player, and he can tell when people are being devious. He's really got his finger on the pulse of the other players. Except that Todd is a fight attendant. And all he could do was plead with Jean-Robert not to go around and tell everyone he's devious. Because, well, he's not. At least so far.

Admittedly, the first couple of episodes of "Survivor" are usually throwaways. You can never tell who's who, and which tribe is which. It doesn't really get interesting until it's whittled down to a manageable number of people. And I'll be there, no matter what, especially considering this is my longest TV relationship ever. Just don't break my heart, "Survivor."

Amanda's fall tv review: part 2

ANTM! Whoo hoo! (Oh, for those of you who are not super-cool like me, ANTM stands for "America's Next Top Model." Which is, as you know, awesome in all of its Tyra diva deliciousness.)

I started watching ANTM a couple of years ago during one of those ubiquitous marathons they play on MTV or Vh-1. There's just something about this show that is so intriguing to me - I think it's because it's so opposite of what my life is like. Particularly these days. Not that mesh shorts and t-shirts aren't hottt. Anyway, the season premiere did not disappoint. The girls did their first photo shoot on a beach in the Carribbean, and a whole crapload of them got eliminated, with the usual tears and drama. HOWEVER, my favorite girl got picked to be part of the group of 13 who get to move into the house. Why is she my favorite? Because she's from the town where I live! I can't believe it! I won't mention which town, because I don't want it out there on the interwebs, but suffice to say, it's not the kind of town that you would suspect would spit out AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. But maybe, just maybe, it has.

PS I actually said the following sentence while watching the show: "Honey, you have to be quiet - Mommy can't hear 'America's Next Top Model.'" Just call me Mother of the Year.

well, I have my plans for May 30, 2008

The "Sex and the City" movie started shooting this week in NYC, with a release slated for May 30, 2008. I've already told you how excited I am about the movie; now, who wants to babysit that night? 'Cause Greg's a fan too, and Jane's just a little too young.

amanda's fall tv review, part 1

Well, I think we've all had enough baby posts, haven't we? Now on to a different topic. I've decided to throw out my opinion on the fall shows that have already been kicking off the season, much to my completely and total delight. I've complained about the vast wasteland of summer tv (sure, sure, I'd rather have the nice weather than good tv, but you need something good to watch in the middle of the night - and don't get me started on how much I love TiVo even more since I had the baby, since I can't get through 10 minutes of a show without having to attend to her in some way...), so I'm just thrilled that my old favorites are starting up again, as well as some new ones that look pretty enticing.

One show that started up again last week is "The Biggest Loser." Oh my God, I love this show so much. People have made fun of me for watching it, because they think I might be looking down on the overweight people who are competing. But that's so not true. As someone who has lost a lot of weight in the past, and is currently doing it again, I find this show inspiring and heartwarming. By the end of the season, you know these people aren't in it for the money - most of them truly want a lifestyle change. I love the trainers, especially Bob, because they are both tough and compassionate with the contestants. And the before-and-afters? LOVE them. These people work so hard for their results, just good, old-fashioned diet and exercise. I've watched this show since the beginning, and I strongly recommend that you check it out too.

Next up this week - "America's Next Top Model" (shut up) and "Survivor" (again, shut up).

the sweet sound of silence

Miss Jane is taking a nap. We've been having some issues getting her to fall asleep these days. The thing she responds to the most is plopping her in the car and driving somewhere; usually by the time we arrive, she's fallen asleep. Every morning we've been going to West Hartford Center for a walk (more for my fat arse than anything else) and I've been attempting to get to the resevoir in the afternoon for more walking. But anyway, I was contemplating yesterday that it kind of sucks to only be able to get her to sleep by putting her in the car (this rule doesn't count in the middle of the night. Usually - and I knock on wood when I say this, vigorously -she will fall asleep after I feed her at that time of day. Usually. Oh God, please don't let that change tonight!). This morning, after much much much walking around, I got her to fall asleep without strapping her into the carseat. Tres exciting! So we will postpone all of our walking until later today.

If you're interested in reading an entertaining blog by a girl who got accidentally knocked up at age 26 and decided to keep the baby, check out Storked. I'm not sure if anyone is taking advantage of my links to fun and exciting parenting blogs -and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't if I didn't have kids - but they are really entertaining, I swear!

I have to go check and make sure she's breathing. But enjoy this pic of Miss Jane in her colorful onesie, made by the one and only multi-talented Lisa (who, yes, hopefully will bring over her deelicious chocolate cake someday, despite my need to lose 8 lbs)!

what a cutie...at this moment, anyway

Well, we've had some rough spots with Miss Jane this week - hence my lack of blogging. Mostly, when I'm not holding her, swaying her, feeding her, and praying she falls asleep, I'm contemplating whether I will recover any of the hearing loss I've endured this week from her evening bouts of screaming. This is pretty common in babies her age - hilariously, they call it "fussy" - to me, it sounds more like "tortured," but what the hell do I know? We did realize that some of what is making her so cranky is that she wants to eat more, so we've started to supplement her diet with formula as well. I'm not giving up nursing at all, but this allows for another nighttime feeding that hopefully will fill her up more and allow for more sleep. You know -for all of us. Fingers crossed. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, after we put her down, I can't fall asleep because I'm nervous that she will wake up. I know this sounds crazy, but it's true.

We've spent a lot of time walking around this week, outdoors, getting - you guessed it - exercise. So much so that I thought I messed up my back the other day. It's a lot different walking around the resevoir when you're pushing a heavy stroller, especially if you haven't exercised in about a year. Unfortunately, our nightly trips to Dairy Queen have erased any of the health benefits of walking. I blame this entirely on Jane. During her nighttime rage, we also found out that she usually will quiet down when riding in a car, so we've been making these field trips to the DQ. I don't know what I'm going to do when the weather turns cold and the roads turn icy. Hopefully she won't need so much movement at that point to calm her down.

But hey - look at that smile! (That one's for Alan, who has requested more Jane pics)

high tech blogging

I am blogging from greg's crackberry...is this thing on? Anyone? Bueller?

remember these guys?

I feel badly, because even though my blog title gives my pups a big shout-out, I haven't really talked about them in a while. I want to make sure that no one thinks they are unloved, now that the baby has arrived. It's really the opposite of that - I have realized that even though I have a very, very large dog and a small, but very very spunky dog, they are far easier to care for than a little human.

Things have been interesting since we added the newest member of our family. The dogs were super-excited when she arrived; since then, they are less interested and maybe a little bit jealous. But seriously, not much. Mostly I think they are happy that I'm around all of the time so they can go outside a lot more, and that we have a lot of visitors, which means more possiblities for snacks and treats from strangers (which doesn't happen, but they haven't given up hope). They are pleased that there are more things for them to rip apart, like one of Jane's stuffed animals and countless spit-up towels. Yesterday I saw Jimmy tooling around with one of Jane's pacifiers in his mouth. This is all exactly what I expected.

I think I know now, more than ever, why dogs are man's (and woman's) best friends. Because they are so undemanding - they just just some attention and an occasional treat, and they are loyal for life. Yeah, I have to admit that I don't have as much time to play with them or as much patience with them as I'd like sometimes, but they are more appreciated than ever. One of my favorite moments this week was when Jimmy crawled into bed with me, and he repositioned himself three times just so he could conform his body just right with mine. What a pup!

I'm just a girl

After a particularly hellish evening last night with Miss Jane - girl doesn't want to do anything but eat and cry in the evenings! - this morning I left her with Greg and went to get a pedicure. The last one I got was a few days before she was born. My feet were all beat up at this point and it was definitely time. I know I can paint my own toenails for a whole hell of a lot cheaper, but there is something about pedicures that I just love. It's the only really girlie thing I do for myself. The first one I got was the day before my wedding, and I haven't looked back. I skip getting them in the wintertime, but as soon as I break out the flip flops, I get my feet professionally attended to. I must say they look quite nice - I went with "La Boheme" by OPI, a very nice dark burgundy sparkly color. I would take a picture but I'm too tired to look for the camera. Anyway, I think after nearly seven weeks of hardcore sleep deprivation and basically not really paying attention to how I look, it was high time to do something to lift my "I look like crap" spirits.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

putting it out there

OK, so here I am. Putting it out there. I need to lose 10 pounds, and I'd like to do it by the time I return to work, seven weeks from today (oh god oh god oh god I don't want to go back to work). I have lost 20 of the 30 pounds I gained, but I seem to have stalled out with this stubborn 10 to lose, and apparently I'm going to have to do some - gasp! - exercise to get rid of it. I had my six-week postpartum checkup the other day and I was cleared to resume all pre-pregancy activities, which includes getting my ass off the couch and moving my muscles. I'm not so worried about my arms because hauling around a 10-ish pound baby is helping out that area. But my general midsection could use some work.

I told Alan the other day that if I put this out there on my blog, it might actually inspire me to do it, instead of complaining about feeling fat while eating ice cream every day. So feel free to email me and ask me how I'm doing, weight loss-wise. I mean, I might actually hate you if you do that, but still, it would help motivate me.

Labor Day

Dear Blog,

Today I met my mom's friends Todd and Alan. They were super nice to me and took lots of pictures of my cute self. They also brought me a couple of books and an awesome glittery Canada t-shirt that I can't wait to wear when I'm older. It is really cool because I am 1/8 French-Canadian, after all. It was lots of fun to see them, and I showed off by drinking my whole bottle! I was sad when they left, so I cried and cried.

Love,

Jane

scene from a field trip

Our trip to Essex was successful. We had a really great time, and the weather was beeyotiful. Sure, she definitely got back at us with a couple hellacious nights in a row. But at least that day was nice.

September

I can't believe it's September already. I was telling Greg yesterday that this year has been so odd for me - from January through July I was completely focused on being pregnant and hoping everything was OK. Then from July until now I've been in a sleep-deprived haze. And now, all of the sudden, it's practically fall. I was just outside breaking up yet another rabbit v. dogs showdown, and I couldn't believe how cool it was.

The past few days have been a little bit trying, on the baby front. Her schedule is completely weird these days, and yesterday she was really fussy in the evening until about 1 a.m., and it was completely exhausting, mostly because I was so exhausted myself. But then, as she had the night before, she slept for five hours straight, which is amazing. We have also been trying to introduce her to the bottle this week, and she has NOT embraced the idea. This has been really stressful, not only because of the shrieking (nothing wrong with her vocal chords), but because it's not like I can go to daycare with her - this is a non-negotiable thing she has to figure out before October 25. However - and I hate to even type this, so let's just say I'm knocking on wood and crossing my fingers - she took to it last night, and drank over an ounce out of the bottle. It was a miracle, truly. This could completely backfire on us today, but she got it. And hopefully she'll get it again.

Today we are going to take a field trip down to the shore. I haven't been down there all summer, and I need my fix. We'll probably just walk around for a bit, stop by to see Greg's parents, and then come home. But it will be the furthest I've been from the house in months, and I can't wait.