hot, but currently not bothered.

Our central air conditioning decided to up and die during a very hot week here in CT. I have a ton of work to do at my house to prepare for some upcoming parties, and combined with my newly-diagnosed allergies (that's for a whole other post. Did I mention I went to the ER last week? And for a minute there it looked like they were going to give me a spinal tap to test for meningitis? And by a "minute" I mean "a lonely hour where they mentioned meningitis and then left me there alone with my hypochondriatic mind"? Yeah, that was fun.) the heat really killed me yesterday. My head hurt so much I could barely lift it by 8 p.m. I let Jane sleep in bed with me because I couldn't bear the endless back and forth routine that now makes up bedtime for hours on end.

Aaaanyway, today we escaped down to the shore, where it was only 85 degrees instead of 90, and had a lovely day. Just now, back at home, it started to pour, and I watched Jane dance around in the puddles while I enjoyed the FINALLY cooler air (although it's still 80+ in our house). I've been so spoiled with air conditioning all my life that I rarely really appreciate a nice cool breeze, and I've never let Jane run around in a rainstorm, and tonight I did both. And it was really, really nice.

Did you do anything nice this weekend?

100 Things: 6-10

And the list continues – five more absolutely fascinating things about me, as part of my list of 100 Things:


6) I haven’t had a consecutive 8 hours of sleep in at least four years.

7) I am completely obsessed with reading. No matter how busy my life is, I polish off a book at least once every two weeks, and more often, once a week. I am currently reading a book called “Living Oprah” – a memoir from a woman who decided to follow all of Oprah’s advice for one year. Typically I read fiction, and am currently in two awesome book clubs.

8) I majored in English and minored in Journalism in college. So I can read really well and fast and write a decent sentence every once in a while (but rarely on this blog).

9) My first major celebrity crush was Johnny Depp, in his 21 Jump Street days. Oh my God, you guys, I was IN LOVE WITH HIM. I seriously believed we could one day be together, even though I was 13 and he was 23 and he lived in LA and I lived in CT. Seriously – our age difference and locations were the only impediments to our love that I could see. And hey –t here are far more embarrassing celebrity crushes, because that guy STILL GOT IT.

10) I have known my best friends for 30 (THIRTY!) years. They grew up across the street from me and we have somehow all stayed in the same area and stayed really close. They are my other family. Like, I actually forget I am not really related to them.

100 things: 1-5

On a lot of blogs, I see that people have come up with a list of 100 things about themselves. Just random facts of real or no significance that make up who they are as people. Because I’m short on time lately (have I mentioned that?), but I do want to keep this blog active, I’ve decided that I am going to come up with 100 things about myself. Here and there I will post five tidbits about me, and hopefully someday I will have 100. Hold on to your hats – it’s CLEARLY going to get VERY exciting around here.


1) My fingers are double-jointed.

2) I have hazel eyes, but my father thought they were brown until I was about 12.

3) I wore orthodontia from fifth grade through tenth grade. This included two permanent retainers, full braces, a mouth guard, and two removable retainers. One word: sexy.

4) I want to lose 5-8 pounds. Not 58 pounds. Five to eight. Five is what I absolutely need to lose; eight would make me happy.

5) I had no middle name until I got married, when I took my maiden name as my middle name.



Now you do it!

call the whambulance

You know what people can't stand listening to? Me. Me complaining about how tired/stressed out I am doing a show. "Here she goes again," they say. "Why does she keep doing these shows?" Perhaps you are one of these people. In fact, I know you are. Well, to that I say, here I go again.

You guys! I am sooooo tired! But as you know, this has been overall a shitty year for me, feeling-good-wise. I actually have a physical this Thursday (first one in nine years) (shut up). Boy, my doctor is going to rue the day he was born! Because I plan on typing up a list of all of my ailments and everything. Lucky him! And he has to listen to me, because my insurance tells him he has to! (Oh, my insurance is going up 80% next year. I know, I know, I AM happy to have it, but yeesh.)

Anyway, so Chicago rehearsals are rolling along. However, this time around, we are rehearsing four nights a week. This is the first time I've rehearsed so much on a regular basis (hell week doesn't count). It's rush rush rush all the time, and it's hard. It amazes me that that I used to do this non-stop, show after show, but things are different with Jane. Now basically being home only to sleep isn't so cool anymore.

But, dudes, I think this is going to be a really good show. I love co-directing. It means I can use my strengths (character work, blocking scenes) and not have to worry about my weaknesses (CHOREOGRAPHY) damaging the show. I can't wait to see this thing go up.

In other news, Father's Day weekend was nice. We were at the boat both days. Took a ride out with my in-laws and brother yesterday, and we were at the pool on Saturday. Jane got a sunburn, despite my constant attempts to keep her covered in sunblock (BAD MOMMY). Had our book club meeting at Alan's house on Saturday night, which was awesomeness.

Also, have I mentioned that I'm tired?

the story of my life.

So, yesterday, I had rehearsal at 7, which is typical for Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights. After work I took Jane to DQ for a treat, got back around 6, and headed out around 6:30. I walked to my car and realized I didn't have enough gas, so went back into the house to tell Greg I was taking his car. I got into his car and realized I needed to switch sets of keys. I went back into the house and got his keys, and left mine, in case he needed my car. I got back into his car and realized I forgot the Chicago soundtrack in my car (we needed it because we were choreographing and our MD wasn't there last night). I got out of the car, got the soundtrack, got back into Greg's car, and drove to Southington. I pulled into the theater hall's parking lot with eight minutes to spare - pretty good for me these days - and realized that the keys I left on the counter included the key to the hall. I told the two girls who I was working with to get started working on one of the numbers in the parking lot with a scary rain-threatening sky above and drove BACK home (a 20-minute drive), got my keys, got my car because I had now used up all of Greg's gas, and finally got to rehearsal around 7:30 (I think my car was running on hope and dreams at this point, and a few drops of gas fumes). Luckily I only had two extremely understanding cast members there last night, who indeed worked out a whole song while I was driving to and fro.

I am such a scatterbrained ass sometimes.

please excuse this pity party

When chatting with another mother at daycare today who has a daughter Jane's age, I realized that Jane will be moving up to the preschool room (UPSTAIRS OMG) (versus, you know, downstairs, where she has been thus far) (SHUT UP, it's a big deal) in July when she turns three, rather than in September, like I thought.

Why is this making me so sad? Why did I have to fight the lump in my throat when the mom was telling me this (her daughter is a month older than Jane, so she is moving upstairs next week). These room transitions have been such a big deal for Jane - and the most recent one last fall was super-traumatic for her, and thus, for us all - and I am hoping hoping triple hoping that this next move is easier and more positive for her. Apparently the kids get really excited about going upstairs - but my mind is all cluttered with thoughts of her friends are in her current room and it's what she knows and she loooooves Miss Sharon and they only have one teacher per 10 students up there and what if she needs help and what if she gets lost in the crowd and what if, what if, what if.

Of course I know she will be fine. She's such a big girl now. Yes, we are still having trouble with potty training and the bedtime routine, but she looks different. She talks. so. much. She's losing her baby fat (not all of it, thank God). She loves Dora and birthdays and grapes and school buses and singing her ABCs. She's such a....kid. So why am I so sad?

I am still the number one person in her life. She loves me the most (and Greg too, of course). She wants to be with me the most. She still screams "MOMMY!!!!" when she sees me come in to pick her up at the end of the day. She holds my ear to comfort her. How much time do I have left of this? A year? Two, absolutely tops?

How is this happening so fast?

friday, finally

What a week. Nothing like a truly hectic schedule to smack you in the face after a relaxing vacation. It was a really busy (and unsettling) work week, and I also had three nights of rehearsal for Chicago. Still trying to get into the schedule of staying out until 10:30 and not getting more than 5ish hours of sleep a night. On top of that, I had pink eye this week, and on top of THAT, my eyes (both of them) have been horribly burny and uncomfortable this week, and I'm not sure why.

Oh my God - I feel like this blog is being written by a 90-year-old. Oh, woe is me, I have to stay out past 10! And my eyes hurt! What time is the early bird special again?

Speaking of early bird special, I have also been horribly hungry all week, because I unfortunately weighed myself after vacation and dudes, I have some weight to lose. This sucks. I really NEED to lose about 6 pounds and I would PREFER to lose 9. As each year creeps by, it gets harder and harder to do this. Freakin' A. And that's all there really is to say about that.

But look! We got new granite counters in the kitchen! Aren't we fancy?

Have a great weekend!

back to life, back to reality

So I'm back in the world of the non-vacationers. I got a crash course in reality on Sunday when I ended up at the eye doctor with an eye infection. Then I proceeded to Target (where I had already been that morning) to pick up my eye drops - only to show up 20 minutes before the pharmacy re-opened after lunch break. THEN I had to wait another 20 minutes for the drops. Also I was really hungry and lightheaded at the time. Why, you ask? Oh, because I have to lose 10 pounds, seriously. I went on a wild eating spree on vacation, and that added to the already several lbs I had to lose.

Sidenote: WTF? Why do I keep getting eye infections? The doctor said parents with toddlers get them all the time, except JANE isn't getting them, I am. Is she just passing the germs on to me without getting anything herself? Madness, I tell you.

Then last night I had my first rehearsal for Chicago. It went pretty well and I am excited, but boy, I am not used to those late-night rehearsals (by late-night, I mean 10 p.m.). We are rehearsing A LOT for this show - Sunday, Tuesday, some Wednesdays, and Thursday evenings.

In addition, this is a particularly busy week at work.

So, hi! I'm back. And cranky, as usual.

vacation, all I ever wanted

Is there anything more depressing than the evening before the day you have to go home from vacation? I am sitting here in the cottage we have been staying at since last Friday, the sky is blue, there is a lovely breeze, we spent the morning at the beach, Jane is currently napping, and I have a HUGE lump in my throat and heart, thinking that it's all over in a few hours.

This has been a GREAT vacation. Sure, there have been bumps in the road (turns out, Jane refuses to sleep in her cottage bed. So she's been with us. Every night. Yeah.). And I could give you the itinerary of every day here. But I'm not going to do all of that. Bulletpoints are as follows:

*beach every day but Tuesday
*didn't go to beach on Tuesday because we went to Mystic Seaport and Aquarium
*lots of good food (seriously, my shorts are tight. this is not good, people.)
*sunshine every single day
*visiting friends

Yada, yada yada. Here's the most important thing. The reason that this is one of the most special vacations in my life is that this was our very first family vacation. This is the first non-staycation I've had in 3.5 years. Introducing Jane to nearly the exact same kind of vacation I used have growing up has meant so much more to me than I ever imagined. See her go in the water, make sandcastles, collect shells - all the stuff I did when I was her age, when I was at the beach with my parents - well, it's huge for me. It has been so meaningful to truly step away from our lives for the first time since she was born and just hang out together as a family.

I cannot wait to do this again.

quickly (before I fall asleep)

1) Chicago is cast. That is, assuming everyone accepts the lovely parts we are offering them. Phenomenal cast, I would say. Can't wait to work with them, but not before....

2) Vacation. Yes, my 10 (TEN!) days off of work (in a row, even!) starts now. And of course I'm exhausted and seem to have an especially lungy-sounding cough now, but still. I haven't had any time off since Christmas, but I plan to more than make up for it with 3 (THREE!) planned weeks off between now and mid-August. But vacation isn't really relaxing so far, because after not being in my house for the past three nights due to auditions, it's time for me to start thinking about...

3) Packing. I have to pack everything we own, pretty much, to get us through the week at the cottage. But first, I really have to....

4) Sleep.

Goodnight!

Don't wanna be an American Idiot

Greetings!

Chaotic is a good word to describe this past week. Like I mentioned earlier, I went to New York last week for a conference. And although I could complain that it was exhausting (which is was) and there were many aspects that weren’t glamorous (very true), I did get to do some cool stuff. Like get to meet Billie Joe Armstrong. You know. From Green Day. Yeah. Him. He was at a post-show party sponsored by American Idiot (the new Broadway show based on the music of, well, Green Day). And I spoke with him. Yes, it was for, like, 10 seconds, BUT STILL. (Also – American Idiot rocked bigbigbigtime.LOVED it. But you have to like Green Day to like this show, because the music is the best part. Also – very very loud.)

Did I mention that there were some celebrity sightings in the audience at that show? Like, half the cast of Glee and George “Norm from Cheers” Wendt? Yeah, that too.

Other highlights – seeing Denzel Washington and Kelsey Grammar speak at two different panel discussions, getting to see Hair and West Side Story, and basically being paid to be in my favorite city in the world.

Lowlights – Jane came down with a double ear infection and (probable) strep throat in my absence. I came home, picked her up at our friends’ house, and had to rush her off to the walk-in clinic because I just knew she had something beyond a cold. Sure enough, after begging my way in (they weren’t talking anymore patients), she got the diagnosis. We actually ended up bringing her to her regular doctor on Friday, because her cough was just getting worse, and they put her on a different antibiotic and steroid for her inflamed throat. Poor bean. Of course now I’m catching whatever she had….but we knew that was going to happen.

We had the first night of auditions for Chicago (the show I am co-directing this summer) last night. Very nice group of talent – and more to come tonight. This one is going to be incredibly tough to cast- but hey, I’ll take an abundance of talent over no talent at all! It looks like we will most likely be rehearsing four nights a week –so things are about to get even busier ‘round these parts.

Luckily, we have a vacation coming up next week. That’s right – we are actually taking our first away-from-home vacation in over three years! Wahoo! We’re only going down to the Connecticut shoreline, but frankly, that’s as exciting as going to Hawaii to me at this point. Even better, because we don’t have to get on a plane. And I am really tiring of the word “staycation.” (Although I think taking a vacation within your own state still qualifies as a “staycation,” but I’m ignoring that.)

Toodles!

busy bee

Another busy weekend gone by. We were at the boat almost the whole time (we slept at home, but that's about it). Finally took it out for its maiden voyage this year today. Very nice day on the water. I was nervous because we were out with Jane during her naptime, so I figured she would be total hell to be around, but she just fell asleep in my arms about halfway through the trip, and managed to stay asleep as she was carried down a ladder and put on a couch. It was super lucky because she stayed asleep while we were docking, and since I always suck at my docking duties (why can't I tie complicated knots?!) it was good to not have her screaming for me from the boat.

This is a busy week, as I'm off to NYC for a conference. I get to see three shows, American Idiot, West Side Story and Hair, so I'm pretty excited about that. But still, it seems I'm expected to stay up past my normal bedtime of 9:30. I feel like one of the big kids now!

PS Jane got her first pair of sunglasses and now she is way cooler than me.

mothers (day) and babies (the movie)

After my massive blogging bonanza last week, I obviously had to take a blog break. That was simply exhausting, posting those YouTube videos and everything. Anyway, I’m back. Did you have a nice Mother’s Day? Mine was pretty good. Overall it was a really busy weekend – we had friends over on Friday night, Saturday we did chores and took the whole fan-damily to West Hartford Center for a walk – yes, including the dogs – and then I had book club on Saturday night.

Of course we made a scene on our family walk. Whenever Junior comes out with us, it’s like a circus. It's like walking around with Lady Gaga or something. He's a celebrity. Everyone wants to see him, pet him, ask how much he eats...of course, he was in heaven. Plus Jane wanted to “walk” the dogs, so it was basically Greg holding the double-leash, Jane holding the end of the leash, and me doing nothing but walking behind them. Awesome!

On Saturday we also went to lunch at Rainforest Café. Holy shit, that place is loud. I don’t know if you’ve ever been there, but inside the décor is rainforest-style, and the animals (birds, gorillas, elephants, etc) all come to “life” every 15 minutes, and then every 30 minutes there is a big “storm” – I am shocked it didn’t scar Jane for life, because it sure did me. I think I’ll avoid that place for the rest of my life a couple more years.

On Sunday we went to my mom’s for brunch and Jane chose that day to basically reject me and be in a terrible mood. She was all like, “Happy Mother’s Day, beeeyotch.” So that was fun. Nothing like having a 2.5-year-old throw a massive fit every five minutes to help you celebrate your motherhood.



Last night I finally got to see the movie Babies! I went with Lisa and I really liked it a lot. You really have to be interested in just sort of being a fly on the wall, watching these four babies from around the globe go through their first year - there is no narration or explanation of anything - no subtitles, nothing. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed seeing how, really, it doesn't matter whether you are raised in a little hut in Africa or in a big-city like Tokyo - babies are generally the same. (I wasn't a huge fan of the hippy-dippy San Francisco parents. I can't even really put my finger on why. I just liked them least out of all of the parents.) Anyway, Lora at Fever interviewed the director of the movie, and they came to the conclusion that what babies and children and parents need most is love given and time spent. It doesn't really matter what else you give them - what they need and want above all is love and time. And it's true true true, despite the fact that it sometimes seems so hard to accomplish. (Not the love part. The time part.) Anyway, check her post out.

come on babe, why don't we paint the town

FINALLY found out today that the summer theater program I work with got the rights to do Chicago this summer. It was looking a little hairy because originally we were supposed to do The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (awesome awesome show, love it) but some professional group is apparently putting it up somewhere near us so they yanked the rights (this happens to community groups if a professional company wants to do the same show). Anywho, we decided then that we wanted to do Chicago but it was taking FOREVER to get the rights- and we're supposed to have auditions in two weeks - so it was starting to look like we might do Rent instead (which we also secured the rights to), and, well, here's the thing.

Rent is my all-time fave. You know that. But boy, when I get my hands on Rent to direct, I need to really, really be able to focus. Like, abandon my life for 8 weeks. With Chicago it's easier. First off, I'm co-directing with someone who has already done the show before, so that's great. Plus our music director has already done the show. So this summer (quite unlike last summer with Children of Eden) I would like to not develop major stomach issues because of stress over the show. I want to - how you say - have - oh what's the word? - oh yeah - fun. I want to have fun with this one. And Rent means ever so much to me - I'm afraid I would become completely and totally obsessed. And who knows? Maybe that will happen with Chicago. But I absolutely know it would happen with Rent. I want to put it in my back pocket for a while.

Auditions are in two weeks. Here we go....

chick flicks

I want to see these two movies SO BAD. (OK, I know I already posted the Babies trailer at some point, but too bad. It's delicious. It makes me teary every time! And I LOVE the song in the background. What is that? Must Google.) Happy weekend!

staring at the ceiling

As you know, Jane's bedtime routine these days is less than desirable. Since she got her big girl bed, she needs me to lay next to her bed until she falls asleep. If I leave her room, she follows me out, over and over. She will not stay in that bed for anything - unless I'm next to her.

I often hate this. I hate the fact that I hate this. I am trying not to. It's just that I'm just there, on the floor, staring at the ceiling, thinking about the precious moments of Amanda Time that are being used up by....nothing. This part of the night often takes at least a half hour, never mind the fact that I've moved her bedtime from 7 to 8. So while I used to have a good couple of hours of free time until I went to bed, now I'm down to maybe an hour. Often less. So I get frustrated. And angry, sometimes, that she won't just. fall. asleep. And then I get mad at myself.

See, the time of Jane's life when she's going to want me so close, all the time, is fleeting. According to some friends of mine, she could start hating me as early as four years from now. Mother-daughter relationships are often tough, especially during those horrfying puberty years, which, from what I understand, start at about 10 years old now. I worshipped my mother as a child - but we definitely ran into tough territory when I was a teenager.

So I am trying. Trying to realize that, all too soon, I will desperately miss the days that all I had to do to make Jane happy was to lay down next to her, and watch her drift to sleep.

I may not be great at this parenthood thing, but I guess I'm not new anymore.

Just changed my little profile over there to the right, and removed the "I'm a new mom" part. Even though I still don't know what I'm doing on a daily basis, I guess I'm not exactly new anymore. So what's my excuse now?

more weekend, please.

Well we had a pretty awesome weekend, thankyouverymuch.

The weather this weekend was perfect, in my opinion. This is just what I have been waiting for. Okaaay…maybe it was a little bit hot yesterday (I think it was in the low 90s) but I kept saying, over and over, I HATE WINTER - just knowing how much better I feel in this weather just defines how much I hate the cold shit. Yeah, yeah, I know my last blog post covered that.

Anywaaay….on Saturday we went down to Mystic. We didn’t go to the Seaport or Aquarium (although I love both of those places) - instead we just went downtown, where they have a lot of cute shops and a waterfront. Well, turns out there was a big May Day family fest thing going on, so it was really busy but there was lots of fun stuff for Jane to do, like a Maypole, bubbles, a bouncy tunnel thing, music, etc. We all got sunburned unfortunately but other than that it was a really fun day. Jane was completely wiped and fell asleep on the way home – mission accomplished!

On Sunday we went down to the boat – this is the last time we’ll head down to the marina in Chester, because Greg plans to move it to its summer home in Old Saybrook this week (we keep it in Chester during the winter). The Chester marina is really calm and quiet and lovely – but I do like Old Saybrook better. I like being near the bridge and the more party-like atmosphere of the marina – not that we are big partiers these days- but someday.

Aside from Jimmy’s middle-of-the-night ear infection drama on Friday night (yes, Greg was off to the vet at midnight to get Jimmy some drops – he’s fine, no worries) it was as perfect a weekend as we’ve had in a long, long time. Hope you had a good one too.

I hate winter.

I know - you're all like, WTF is she going on about now? It was 80 degrees out today! One of the best days of the year! And it's going to be warm all weekend? Why is she talking about winter? Don't we have to listen to her complain enough during the actual season??

Well, dear readers, this is true. I do my fair share of complaining about the snow, cold, ice, slush, and shitty, shitty weather during the winter months. I have lived in New England all my life, and of course I'm used to it, but it doesn't mean I have to like it. We live here because our families and friends are here, and that's about it. I often find myself looking up weather porn during the winter (10-day San Diego forecast).

So as spring is finally here and I find myself contemplating putting on the AC this weekend, I have realized what a funk I was in this winter. I totally believe I have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I was seriously depressed this winter, y'all. And I only realize how bad it was now, when I see how much happier the nice weather makes me.

I just told Greg that we HAVE to go on a vacation next winter, somewhere that features warm and beach and nice 'round about mid-February, because that's about when I really start to lose my shit. Make sure I stick to this plan, 'kay?

Have a happy weekend!

a day in the life

OK, so I was reading this post on The Stir about a day in the life of a particular mom-blogger that I love. And reading her post made me exhausted. She has two boys, is training for a marathon, works full-time, and is also going to school at night. It all seems impossible, but she made the point that if you schedule accordingly, you can squeeze a lot of stuff into your day. Which made me ponder the fact that some people think I’m a busy person (Seriously! People have said this to me!). Initially I laugh, because I think I was a lot busier before Jane, what with all of the shows I did and social life I had, but I think I just traded in one form of busy for another, because whew, I’m exhausted at the end of the day.



So THEN I remember way back in August 2007, I also posted a “Day in the Life” entry, and if you’ll indulge me, here is part of it again:


(Midnight-2 a.m.: Sometime between here, there is the first of the nighttime feedings. It can last 20 minutes or an hour. I'm half-asleep for this, and watching some crap TV like "The Hills" or "America's Next Top Model" reruns. My brain can't handle any more than that, but it can't handle any less either, or I'd be completely asleep.


2 a.m. - 3:30 or 4 a.m.: Blessed sleep.


4 a.m. - 5:30 a.m.: Sometime between here, there is the second of the nighttime feedings. See above.

7 a.m.-8 a.m.: Wake up for the first of the daytime feedings. This can last quite a while, by the time I get her down for some more sleep (for her).

Somewhere between 9 a.m. - 11 a.m.: Here is when I will usually get a shower in. You have no idea how wondrous a shower is until the prospect of you having one is slim. It's the whole goal of my morning, and when it happens, it's divine. Then I "get ready" in about five seconds, hoping and praying she doesn't wake up. My current uniform is a ponytail, no makeup, shorts and a big t-shirt. HOT. I spend a lot more time making sure she looks cute, because, Lord knows, I don't. During this time I will also try to pick up the house, especially if we are expecting visitors that day, which we have almost every day since I've been home.

Somewhere between 11 a.m.-1 p.m.: More feeding. During the day, I try to keep the TV off. It's become very annoying to me - can you believe it?! - and I prefer the quiet than the loud blathering crap on daytime television. Usually I read (if I can balance the book right) while I'm feeding her during the day. Other times I just stare into space, because, if you can tell by the nighttime feeding schedule, I'm not getting a whole hell of a lot of sleep these days.
The rest of the afternoon is a crapshoot. Like, today, she's been sleeping since about 11:30 - two whole hours! - and I've done some laundry, read some book, played around online, and got the mail. Other days, she might be feeding for hours at a time (yikes!!) and I lose a large chunk of the afternoon to that.

Evening, from about 6 p.m. to midnight: This is Miss Jane's time to party. Either it's feeding time, looking around time, or napping time - but NEVER in her crib. She'll cry and cry if you put her down, so one of us has to hold her at all times. If I'm going to be cranky during the day, this is about the time I am, because the exhaustion creeps up on me and sometimes just plain knocks me out.


And so I read this, and I think, MAN that seems exhausting! How did that lady do it? So I got to thinking about my current life and schedule, and so, for maximum boredom potential, I’ve decided to give you a glimpse into a day in my life, as it stands now (let’s assume this is a work day):


5ish a.m.: The human alarm clock pokes her head in the door. If I am already awake, I can see her do it; sometimes, my first notice that she’s in the room is when I smell her (very wet) diaper. Gross, I know, but it’s true. She’ll climb into our bed with us, and start handing us the things we need to get started for the day (i.e., our glasses, books, her piggy, and once she got Greg a beer out of the kitchen). (Greg does not drink beer first thing in the morning.) As soon as she’s in the room, I know I NEED to get up to get her to the potty, because despite the fact that her diaper is soaked, I have to keep up with the routine of a beginning-of-the-day potty trip (have I mentioned how much I love potty training?).


5 a.m.-7:30 a.m.: I get Jane ready and fed for the day, and then plop her in front of Dora (I will be expecting my Parent of the Year award in the mail any day now) so I can wake up Greg for the day and get ready. Then I hang out with her and Dora for a while before heading off to work. I also typically pick up the house/do laundry/check work email.
8ish a.m.-4 p.m.: Work, aka “Amanda Time.” Sidenote: I think it’s profoundly sad that work constitutes “Amanda Time.”


4 p.m.-6:30 p.m.: Pick Jane up from daycare (I hate this. I hate this because it’s a huge drag on my energy to pry her away from whatever fun thing she’s doing there, chase her around the daycare center to get her coat on, often after having to change her poop diaper, because the girl apparently poops at 3:45 every day and no one notices it until I get there, ugh ugh ugh, wrestle her cranky self into the car seat, and get home), find something appropriate for her for dinner, and then these days, we’ve been able to go outside and throw the ball to the dog or whatever. I cannot stress enough how much more enjoyable it is to have it be light outside after dinner, so we can actually do something with our evenings, instead of zombie-ing out in front of Dora and/or trashing the house with toys. I also use this time to pick up the house/do laundry/check work email. It is amazing how much laundry three people produce. I think Greg must change his outfit three times a day.


6:30 p.m.-8 p.m.: 6:30 is officially, as we call it in our house, “Bathtime Specialtime.” I have no idea what prompted this name, but you get the drift: it’s, uh, bathtime. But it’s special! Because there are toys! And bubbles! And hair washing and teeth brushing and why doesn’t she let me brush her teeth? Why? I really need to get her to a dentist this summer and I am afraid. Not because I don’t brush her teeth, because I do, every day, but she clamps her mouth shut and I’m not sure I’m doing the best job in the world. Anyway, after Bathtime Specialtime, I get her in her PJs and then it’s “Couch Time.” This is the time of day when, a month ago, she would’ve gone to bed, but now that she’s free of baby jail (the crib) I let her stay up later, instead of forcing her to go back to her bed over and over and over again. So she sits on the couch with me and reads books or does something else quietly (most of the time) (ok,sometimes) (quite often she’s not quiet at all) and then it’s bedtime at 8.


8 p.m.-?: OK, this is the time I hate. Jane completely freaks out if I don’t lie down on the floor next to her bed while she falls asleep. And I know I’m caving in to her, but at this point of the day, I just want peace. I don’t want to lock her in her room and listen to her throw herself against the door, weeping and wailing. I don’t want to have to herd her back into her room over and over (I tried this, and all she did was cry and cry and get more and more worked up). I know I have to address this issue at some point, but I’m just not there yet. So I lie there for up to an hour (but to be fair, lately it hasn’t been more than 15 minutes) and think about all of the things I could be doing while she tosses and turns and finally, finally falls asleep.


?-10 p.m.: Ah, one more sliver of Amanda Time! I spend this watching TV or reading, inevitably. But this will change soon, as I have auditions and then rehearsals for my summer show coming up in less than a month. So soon I can toss three nights of rehearsals into the mix, plus prep work.
So that’s it! Wow, such a long post, with so little interesting information!

weekend update.

Hey! Look at me! I'm doing one of those weekend update thingies I used to do all the time, way back in ye olden tymes when I used to, you know, have a life. Anywho, it's Friday, and woah Nellie, am I glad. This has been a challenging week in a lot of ways, none of which I will go into here, because I'd rather focus on the fact that it's Friday! And luckily, since Jane's wake up clock is set on London time, I've been celebrating Friday since 4 a.m. (PS This is killing me. I am shaking I am so tired. It is like have a very mobile newborn.) Anyway, here's what's up for the weekend:

Friday: The plan is to leave work around noon, and then go see my friend and co-worker who is wrapping up maternity leave. Tonight I am going to see a community theater production of RENT with the always-fabulous Lisa and her friend Aimee. I am a little apprehensive about this production ONLY because RENT is my all-time favorite show (this will be the 22nd time I've seen it, and the first on a community level) but from what I see in the promo photos and video, it looks like they've stuck to the original in terms of blocking, etc, so we shall see!

Saturday: Rumor has it it's going to be a really nice day, so we may head down to Essex to feed the ducks. And before you think this is a nerdy family-style thing to do, Greg and I used to do this all the time pre-Jane. So we are just flat-out nerds, kid or not.

Sunday: Rumor has it it's going to rain (hey, I'm happy at least half the weekend will be rain-free, which is unusual these days). We're supposed to go over my friend Heather's house to pick up a yard playscape thing they don't want anymore so we can set it up in our yard for Jane, but not sure if this is going to happen if it's crappy out. Other than that, not sure.

OK, what are you doing?

I used to be good at this blogging thing....

Hey! Long time, no see! You look great. Have you lost weight?

So. Once again, I am a terrible blogger. I feel like I start off practically every entry with an apology. Besides, who reads this thing anyway? And I’ve been busy. Also sick. And the dog ate my homework.

After we hosted Easter, it was on to a week of birthdays. My mom’s birthday was Tuesday and Greg’s birthday was Wednesday. That’s right, two of the heaviest-hitters in my life have their birthdays one right after the other. This is obviously not fair. My siblings and I planned a birthday “dinner” (not party, because she said she didn’t want a party, but really, it was like a party, in that there was 20 people there and it was a surprise - but we kept it as low-key as possible. Kind of. Not really. I mean, I wore a DRESS.) for my mom’s 70th, but because that wasn’t until Saturday- my mom though she was just going to a restaurant with me and my siblings on Saturday, and instead the dinner/party was at my sister’s house – I also took her out for a small dinner on Tuesday night, her actual birthday. Basically we went out and got hot dogs. What? That’s fancy! (By the way, I realize this paragraph is kind of difficult to read, but I’m too tired to fix it.)

Wednesday was Greg’s birthday, so I took the day off and we went down to the boat. It was over 90 degrees that day, and although I am totally loving the fact that summer came early last week, it was a lot to take, heat-wise. But I’m not complaining, Mother Nature! No way! In fact, all of this nice weather has confirmed it to me that I need to move somewhere where the weather is nice all the time. Because you just naturally feel better, you know?

The rest of the week was taken up by getting ready for my mom’s birthday celebration, so of course by the time I woke up on Sunday morning, I was sick. It’s just a stupid cold but it is making my head incredibly foggy (as you can clearly tell by this post).

And this week? Has been boring. Jane gets up at 4:30 a.m. if not earlier - so I'm not entirely with it. Oh also, we're going through a potty-training regression. So much for my potty-training success cake from Lisa.

So yeah. That’s where I’ve been.

(I've added the pictures to make this post more interesting.)

(But hey, even though my posts are boring, at least I haven't completely quit blogging, like you, you, you, and you. Give me something to read, people!)

thank you Easter Bunny, bawk bawk!

(does anyone remember that commercial?)

We have spent the better part of the past two days getting ready to host Easter at our house. Hosting Easter is the impetus for us to things like wash down the walls, doors, lights, nooks, crannies, etc, that typically get ignored from the time we host Fourth of July to, well, Easter. It's our spring cleaning, if you will.

However, this afternoon we headed down to the beach for a while, the main reason being that I didn't want anyone in the house to mess it up (see: Jane). So we went to my in-laws house, and walked down to the little beach nearby. And even though it was only in the 60s down at the shore, that sun was warm, and I got to dig my toes in the sand for a while, and, oh man, I CANNOT WAIT FOR SUMMER. I will cry real tears if the weather turns cold again, or, God forbid, we get snow. I'm dead serious. I am so over winter in a way I don't think I've ever been. I was seriously considering moving to a warmer climate today. Like, for reals. And, in conclusion, I HATE WINTER.

The end to this nonsensical post. Happy Easter (if you celebrate such things)! I will be stuffing my face with chocolate like a lunatic tomorrow, because, as this has felt like an extremely long winter, it has also felt like an extremely long Lent.

OK, now it's the end of this nonsensical post.

sleep is for the weak.

So, this has been a fun week. If by "fun" I mean "sleep-free." And as each day passes, even less sleep is had. See, Jane has given up her crib. She figured out she could launch herself out last Monday, and since then, bedtime is destroyed (as in, I put her to bed, and five seconds later she's walking out saying "hi," as if it's totally natural for her to just decide it's not bedtime yet), and she shows up at our bedside as early as 4 a.m. (!!!) croaking out demands to make coffee. (I don't let her drink coffee. She likes the process of making it with Greg. It's just funny hearing a 2.5-year-old demanding coffee. God knows we've needed it more and more every day.)

On Saturday we picked up a toddler bed from my cousin, who is letting us borrow it since her daughter has now graduated to a big bed. Last night was the first night Jane "slept" in it. That translated to her not going to bed until 9:15 (bedtime is 7, although I'm moving it to 8 because she usually stays awake in her crib until then anyway), then getting up at 11 and getting in our bed (Greg let her in; I was asleep at the time), I woke up at 1 and realized she was there and put her back in her bed, she came in at 4 demanding coffee, I "slept" on her floor next to her bed so she would stay in her room until 6:30.

My back is killing me, she's been a grinch all day, and I feel like I have a newborn again with all of the middle of the night household activity. A bunch of people have suggested locking her in her room and letting her cry until she figures out she's not supposed to come out during nighttime, but I just hate the whole idea of this. Look, I was a fan of "crying it out" during sleep training, but hearing her launch herself against the door and wailing every night is just not something I can deal with right now. So if this means I stay in her room until she's asleep, and have to sleep on her floor during the transition, then so be it.

(I say this now. Let's see how I feel in a few days.)

PS How in the hell is my BAYBEE in a BED? How did this happen?!?! I was literally teary when Greg was taking apart the crib.

creepy crawly

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present: THE ENEMY. Who worked in conjunction with either:
Asshole #1 or

Asshole #2

to give me Lyme Disease.

I have been feeling like mondo crap for oh, many months, and my doctor randomly gave me a Lyme test last week. It came back positive, but they have to retest because I guess there are a lot of false-positives for Lyme, and I really didn't think I had it, because I never had the rash, or any joint aches or anything. But woe, am I tired. Anyway, found out today I have an 'early case' of Lyme. So basically it doesn't solve my problems of earlier months, but damn, if this wouldn't have become a major issue if we didn't catch it. Because I've been consulting with the fine Drs. Google and WebMD all weekend, and Lyme Disease? Can be absolutely awful.

So 21 days of antibiotics for me. Never a dull moment!

croup is poop.

So remember on Friday how I blogged that my weekend was going to be lame? Woah, was I right. I must be some sort of prophet or something.

I had gotten extremely little sleep on Thursday night, so the highlight of Friday night was going to bed early, with the hopes of getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep. Since this has happened less than 10 times since Jane was born (not entirely her fault; my capability to sleep deeply has been destroyed, so I wake up a lot), I am not sure why I was going to be treated to a night of glorious sleep, but a girl can dream, I guess. When I was going to bed, I heard Jane cough a couple of times, and it sounded a little funny, but she had a cold, and she was still sleeping OK, so I let her be.

At midnight, I woke up to the sound of Jane crying, coughing (weird barky cough again) and struggling to breathe. Seriously guys - if I know you in person I will be happy to do the demonstration of her lack of breathing for you, but suffice to say, she was really, really struggling. I knew immediately that it was croup (she had a much milder case of it in the past), so I knew to get her in either really cold air or steam. I brought her outside while Greg turned on the shower, and of course it wasn't REALLY cold out so it wasn't helping - and the steam didn't instantly help either.

You guys, I was scared out of my effing mind. There have been many, many times I've diagnosed Jane with something terrible, but this was the first time I was actually, truly scared for her life. Croup is a condition/virus that causes inflammation in the upper airwaves that causes children to have the weird cough and restricted breathing - and it usually comes on super fast during the night - you know, precisely when the doctor's office isn't open. We had called the answering service at her doctor's office, but I couldn't decide if it would be a better move to just bring her to the ER-but at the same time, I didn't want to get her away from the steam. I decided to stay with the steam - and after about a half hour, she slowly but surely began to get more air back in her lungs.

By the time I actually spoke to her doctor (about 1 a.m.) she was still wheezing, although her mood was much better and she was ready to play all night. Her doc also immediately diagnosed croup based on my description (and excellent demonstration of Jane's breathing, or lack thereof). She called in a prescription to the 24-hour CVS that I have banned except for emergencies (of which this was one) so Greg was able to go pick up the steroid right away. It wasn't until three in the morning that we all finally went back to bed. We had Jane sleep with us because I really wanted to monitor her breathing up close.

Jane's mood has been for crap all weekend, poor thing, and this morning I decided that she might have an ear infection, so it was off to the Minute Clinic at a different CVS. Luckily, there was no ear infection - I think the diagnosis was cabin fever, because she was much happier to be out of the house.

What a long weekend. And to think it is an hour shorter than all of the other weekends!

my weekend is going to be lame, so please enjoy this picture instead.

OK, if this picture doesn't make you laugh, we can't be friends anymore. This is George, a 250-pound blue Great Dane who was recently named the tallest dog on record by Guinness World Records.Dudes, he weighs 120 lbs MORE than Junior! And I thought I had a big dog.

It's the weekend, but it looks to be a really rainy one. I'm not sure what we're going to do, other than try not to kill each other. We all have colds right now as well, which rocks just as hard as you imagine it would. Why oh why do we get all the great springlike weather during the week, and this weekend we're supposed to get several inches of rain!? This better not be a precursor to how the weather patterns will be this summer. Because I will lose my ever-lovin' mind (more).

Have a great weekend!

sprung.

Oh my, but the weather has been nice around here. Fifties, sunny - it feels downright balmy for early March. I just came inside from spending a good 45 minutes outside with Jane and the dogs after work. It was the first time it was both light and warmish after dinner. It was definitely the best 45 minutes of my week so far - that is until Jimmy tripped Jane and she did a faceplant on the walkway.

Spring - I want to make out with you big time. Scraped hands and all.

she takes my breath away

We had a great trip to NJ this weekend, and while we were there, our friend Dimitry took some amazing pictures of Jane. I know everyone thinks their kid is beautiful - but these pictures bring tears to my eyes. Sometimes I can't believe she's mine. (Sorry, sappy today, I guess!)

this blog sucks!

I love, love, love reading blogs. But man oh man, this blog sucks lately! Mainly, I think it's because I'm incredibly boring. See, right now it's Friday night, about 8:30 p.m., and I just finished watching "The Office" and now I'm watching today's "Oprah." I will probably go to bed in about an hour.

But it's Friday! Which means it's the weekend! And we are going on a road trip! To NEW JERSEY! (I do believe all of these exclamation marks are necessary - this is only the third overnight road trip we've taken with Jane.) We are going to see Greg's old college roommate, his wife, and their new baby. This is, of course, unless Jane wakes up with a cold. We've been strictly forbidden to show up bearing illness.

Getting ready for this trip has taken me two freaking days. As with everything else, I blame Jane. I just don't know how to prepare for a trip to a house that is very, very nice and certainly not childproofed yet. I'm bringing coloring books, books, a few small toys - but other than that, I am really just hoping that 50-degree forecast is really true, so she can spend some quality time outdoors with their three dogs.

So that's my weekend. What are you up to?

we've been busy.

Secret lovers, that's what we are
Artists at work

Hanging out at UConn

Valentine's Day with Dora

Enjoying Alan's delicious cupcakes

Relaxing on the dining room table, as if this is a rational place for a dog to be

ten years.

Ten years.

Ten years ago today my father died and changed my world forever. I know I have talked about this on my blog before and I don’t want to depress everyone, but I will just say that this has been a tremendously hard anniversary for me. For some reason, and I really cannot figure out why, it feels just as painful as it did the first anniversary (deathiversary?). I’ve had some rough days over the past month and while I thought I’d be on more solid ground by today, I just am not. And frankly, I feel a little bit stupid because ten years is a long-assed time and I should be less of a mess right now (and, really, usually I'm fine). But I’m just being honest. I'm not OK, not today. Not right now.

So I will just say that I miss my dad today. Every day.

(pic from November, 1996)

sometimes I try to be a nice person

So a couple of months ago I decided I was tired of obsessing about all of the things that were wrong in my life and decided I wanted to put some good vibes out into the world. So I signed up to be a Chemo Angel.

'WTF are you talking about now, Amanda?' I am sure you are asking. Well, I read about this organization a few years ago - basically they recruit people to be "Angels" to patients throughout the country who are undergoing chemo. You can either be a Chemo Angel, which means you send cards and little gifts to your recipient at least once a week, or be a Card Angel, which means you send at least one card a week to your recipient. You can't write anything negative, so I thought this would be a good exercise for me - to, for once in my life, be more of a "glass half full" instead of "glass half empty" kind of person.

Because my life is crazy enough as it is, I signed up to be a Card Angel - I didn't think I had enough time to buy and ship gifts every week. A few weeks later I was approved and recieved my recipient's info a couple of weeks after that. It is all very private so I won't give you any information about who I have, but I will say that I requested to NOT have a child - I just didn't think I could handle that, especially if he/she didn't make it.

So what the heck do I write about? Well, each week I buy a cheery/funny card and then write a one-page letter about my life, my job, my family, my dogs, potty training, the weather, the boat - whatever. It felt kind of strange - like, why would anyone even want to read this stuff? (Of course, I think the same thing about this blog.) They tell you that you should never really expect to hear back from your recipient, but if you want to include your contact info, you can, just in case they want to contact you.

Sure enough, a few weeks later I heard from my recipient's spouse. He/she contacts me fairly regularly with updates on my recipient's health and what is going on in their lives. He/she told me that my letters and cards have really been helping - and in fact, when this week's doctor report looked like chemo may be ending soon, I was told that my recipient asked what would happen to me, and that he/she would miss my correspondence, and hopes I will continue keeping in touch.

I feel lucky that I got someone whose spouse decided to contact me, to make me feel like I was actually doing something helpful. It was a great way to start out in this program, and I definitely think it's something I will continue to do.

If you're interested - www.chemoangels.net

weekend recap.

So my family managed to stay healthy this weekend! Can you believe it?! No, me either. But it's true. And we actually had a really nice three-day weekend. Bonus!

Saturday we went to my cousin's son's first birthday party. It is amazing to me that he is already one - it seems like yesterday that Michelle was sitting on her couch with her two kids and Jane, and I said, "See, Michelle, that's what it would it be like if you had THREE kids, ha ha ha" - and then she just looked at me and said, "um...as a matter of fact..." and BAM, seven or so months later, along came Luke. So it was fun to see my whole family, because we rarely all get together in the doldrums of winter. And Jane had a blast, playing with toys and kids that she doesn't usually see. Also she got to eat dip, which basically made it an A+ day for her (don't know where she got that from).

Sunday was Valentine's Day. We went down to the beach for lunch and saw my in-laws, and then went over my mother's in the evening. Jane got all sorts of presents for Valentine's Day - not from us, mind you (although the Dora card I got her DID have a sheet of stickers) - but from everyone else. It was really sweet and felt a little like a mini-Christmas.

Today we sent Jane into daycare and then I hung out with Greg all day. He had stuff to do down in New London, and basically we spent most of the day in the car, but it was still fun. Then we had Jane's preschool orientiation (!!!) later this afternoon. The preschool rooms at her daycare are in the magical upstairs area (which you get to via an OMG ELEVATOR OMG) and wow, they are sure different than the rooms she has been in thus far. More classroom-like (but not very) and way more cool toys and areas for her to play in. She's going to love it. She'll hate the transition, I'm sure, but I just have a feeling once she gets used to it, she'll really thrive. Here's hoping. She doesn't start up there until she turns three though, which isn't as far away as you'd think (sob).

So that was my weekend. Hope yours was good too!

gross.

So this week has been a doozy.

The fine weather forecasters had been informing us of the GREATEST MOST GIGANTIC SNOWSTORMAGEDDONPOCALYPSE that would be hitting us on Wednesday. So even though when I woke up on Wednesday morning the snow wasn't falling yet, I kept Jane home and decided to work from home, and just waited for the many, many promised inches of white stuff to fall from the sky.

And the snow wasn't coming. And it was actually starting to look like the sun came out. And I felt more and more stupid. Until my stomach decided to revolt on my and I started throwing up.

I never get stomach bugs. Wait, let me edit that. I never GOT stomach bugs until Jane started daycare. But usually I get them FROM her. This time I'm terrified I'm going to give it TO her. I had no idea I was contageous on Wednesday morning, so of course I made no effort to stay away from her.

I spent Wednesday from about 11 a.m. on barely able to move in bed, and then Thursday I made an effort go to work, but decided I had to go back to bed after I took a shower. I was too exhausted. I finally went back to work today, but still don't feel great. And now I am just waiting for Jane and/or Greg to get sick.

So, yeah. A nasty week for sure. Oh, and I think we ended up getting about five inches of snow. But boy, am I glad I stayed home anyway.

weekend. update.

So it's the weekend. It's 7:15 p.m. on Friday night, but my work week has not yet ended. I have to go back to work at 10 p.m. to do something (since I don't officially talk about work here I will refer to it as *something*) (which sounds quite mysterious, actually), and I will FINALLY be done with this really-long-feeling week by 11 p.m.-ish. I felt the need to complain about working late here, since I've already done it on Facebook, Twitter, and to anyone unfortunate enough to talk to me today.

This week I managed to pinch my sciatic nerve whilst giving Jane a bath. Jane continues to refuse to bathe like a regular person because of her fear of pooping in the tub, so now our bathtime routine is chock full of toys, bubbles, crying and now, extreme pain. I was sort of swinging Jane around to pop bubbles and I think that's when I managed to break myself. And now I can barely walk without making weird grunty noises.

All that said - it's the weekend (in four hours)! And here's what's up:

Saturday: We're going to my in-laws tomorrow during the day, because we have to get out of this god forsaken house. Luckily Connecticut is missing out on the GREAT STORM O' THE UNIVERSE ON ALL TIME so no snow for us! And for me, that's a big, fat YAY. Saturday night I have a hottt date with Todd and Alan. We will be going to work house at Hole in the Wall and see this show.

Sunday: It's Super Bowl Sunday, and I am certain there are at least two teams playing. I have no idea who they are, however. Still, like a good American, I will be going to a Super Bowl party, and plan to focus exclusively on eating crap food and shushing people during the commercials.

What are you doing this weekend?

easy like Sunday morning

Remember these guys?

oh, hi.

I have decided to do a non-potty training post! Yay! But still, woe is you, because I'm too tired to write much (as if me writing a lot is a real treat for everyone). This week has left me a shadow of my former self (I'm a little dramatic because of too little sleep and the fact that even though we're well into Saturday morning I just finished the work week several hours ago) but I have decided to bulletpoint a few things I'm excited about right now:

I get to see my friend's new baby today. Can't wait. What's even better is the fact that she had a girl, so I can unload all of Jane's pink plastic shit on her when she's a little older. And by "shit" I mean delightful educational toys!

LOST starts on Tuesday. And I cannot stop watching this because it cracks me up. And if you want to see the first four minutes of the season premiere, here it is. (Stop being a baby, Shane, and just watch it.)

This blog about dogs. The photos are amazing. It's a good place to go to just be happy for a few minutes.

See - no potty training talk - even though during the time I wrote this I said "do you have to go pee pee?" no less than five times. Whoops - there I go again!

weekend update: potty training, part deux

I'm not going to rail on and on about my potty training experience this weekend like I did last time - and, you're welcome for that! What I will say is this - this has been yet another loooong ass weekend stuck in the house, but we are most definitely making progress. They have been working with her at daycare this week but, although she did sit on the potty there, she didn't have any success. She did really well with us in the mornings and evenings - although she is still COMPLETELY terrified of pooping in the tub. That part is awful, and so far, there is nothing we can do to fix it.

This weekend, the progress continued. There have been several instances when she would tell us she had to go (otherwise, it was just asking her and she finally deciding that yes, it was time). She's still in pull-ups and I think we will rely on those for some time. Today we all even left the house for about 40 minutes to go to Target - that was huge! Although I still dread the day she has to use the public restroom. That gives me the heebie jeebies like nobody's business. Especially because she really likes to grip the seat and watch the flushing.

I know you were just DYING to know how it was coming - so there you have it! My life - just like a celebrity's, only more pee-soaked.

do you have to go to the potty? (aka this is about poop and pee and don't read it if you are easily grossed out)

I have uttered that sentence, or another variation of it ('do you have to go pee pee?" "do you have to go poop?" etc) about one zillion times this weekend. Two zillion times. I am driving myself nuts with the sound of my own voice. And that's just the beginning of what has been one of the longest, most frustrating, most (mildly) triumphant weekends of my life.

So, that whole cold turkey potty training - with the no diapers, all of the sudden, after 2.5 years of wearing diapers - is for shit. Hey, maybe it works for other people, and God love 'em if it does, but it really wasn't our thing. After two days of watching Jane either pee her pants and get upset, or completely freak out and cry and scream when she peed in the potty (and this would be after sitting in there FOREVER) - oh, and then have her hold in her poop so much yesterday that she pooped in the tub, FREAKED, and oh my god STILL won't go in the tub because she's so scared and upset- yeah, this wasn't the method for us.

As an aside, I also have to say - the number one thing you are supposed to do as a parent while potty training is to keep it positive and not get stressed. Well, I was negative and stressed and I'm sure adding all kinds of vile energy to the situation as well. I'm really upset with myself for that, because I was really trying. It's just. so. frustrating.

Today (after yet another really rough and sad start to the day) I took a slightly more laid-back approach and put her back in pull-ups. I still constantly asked her if she had to go, and frankly, she makes it pretty clearly physically when she has to go (usually), and when she did have to go, I ran with her all excitedly into the bathroom, and sure as shit, we had some success today. Well, with peeing, not with pooping - I can tell pooping is going to be a huge issue for her -and oh God, I just remembered that someday she is going to read this blog so I am going to stop now (PS to Jane as an adult: Trust me, girl, all of your peers had trouble with this too. I know because their parents ratted them out to me on Facebook. Oh yeah, someday I'll tell you what Facebook was.).

But anyway, yes, we had some non-crying success today, with stickers, and M&Ms, and happiness. And I am proud to say I was very upbeat all day, no matter what she was or wasn't doing. Not that we are ANYWHERE EVEN IN THE UNIVERSE of having her trained. But it's a start. A decent start. We have made progress and for that I am very thankful. She will go off to daycare tomorrow in her pull-ups and they will incorporate trips to the bathroom into her day. They will in no way be as focused on her as I was this weekend, so she will have more accidents and hopefully will not a) be traumatized by that or b) regress to the beginning again.

But sweet Jesus am I glad this weekend is over.

potty training report, twitter-style

The tally for the day: four messes, four successes, tons of time on the potty, tears, treats, exhaustion for all.
less than 20 seconds ago from web

Up for two hours, three messes so far. I hate how frustrated I am already.
about 12 hours ago from web

um, I meant to say that she couldn't care less about being WET, not work. I'm still half asleep.
about 13 hours ago from web

project potty training 2010 has commenced. Already one mess, and as a I suspected, she couldn't care less about being work. FUN TIMES.
about 13 hours ago from web

weekend: potty edition.

If you've had the unfortunate experience of talking to me in person over the past couple of weeks, you are more than aware that I plan to cold-turkey potty train Jane this weekend. As in, no diapers, just pants, and what I am sure will be excessive puddles around my house, not to mention other messes. I in no way expect her to actually be completely potty trained by the end of this three-day weekend; in fact, I fear she will not care at all when she is sitting in cold, pee-soaked clothes (see, the wet clothes are supposed to make the kid want to pee in the potty. Jane has never really cared if her diapers are soaked to the max, so I am afraid wet pants will be nothing to her.). I do plan on using the tried-and-true-by-other-people M&M reward system - an M&M for every potty success. What I think will end up happening will be me stuffing fistfuls of M&Ms in my mouth and crying out of sheer frustration.

So, as you can see, I'm very excited.

We won't be leaving the house this weekend, so I'm not even going to pretend like I have a lineup of fun stuff to do. However, tonight I am going to my book club meeting, and, suffice to say, I expect it to be the highlight of my weekend (unless, in fact, Jane does get even moderately potty trained). We will be discussing Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and will be joined by our newest member, Alan. Oh yeah, Alan used to have a blog, but he has appeared to unceremoniously stop posting. Apparently he has trouble with goodbyes.

Have a good weekend!

date with myself.

So, there's this show. I think I've mentioned it before 'round these parts. Well, last week I had the chance to see it a couple of times. And I decided I wanted to see it just once more before the opportunity up and ran away to another city. So I bought another ticket, this time just for myself, for Sunday night.


I have absolutely no problem whatsoever with going to shows/movies/even concerts alone. I got really used to it when I used to report on that stuff when I was a journalist. And there is something really lovely about not having to worry about anyone else. You don't have to make small talk, you can leave early if you want without considering other people's feelings, you can bolt the second it's over without checking to see if so-and-so has to go to the bathroom or whatever. And, most importantly, you can just enjoy the experience for what it is.


But I so rarely get the opportunity to go out anymore, never mind by myself - so it was pretty awesome to grab the chance.

OMG

As anyone worth anything knows, the season premiere of the sixth and FINAL season of LOST is coming up on February 2. New to the show? You can catch up on one of the most complicated and mystifying shows EVAH in eight minutes. This is awesome.

it's all about the benjamins, baby

Yes, two blog posts in one short evening. Amazing. But I just opened up a particularly disturbing piece of daycare mail, and I thought I'd share.

It was just a summary of how much we spent there in tuition during 2009. And the grand total is (drumroll, please):

$14, 868.oo

FOURTEEN THOUSAND, EIGHT HUNDRED AND SIXTY EIGHT AMERICAN DOLLARS.

And I wonder why half of my wardrobe seems to be coming from Target these days.

It's not like I couldn't do the math myself, but I never wanted to, and now they just decided to shove it in my face.

Sigh.

back to the grind

Wow, so, yeah. Back to work. Back to life. The cocoon of vacation is gone and it has been super-busy the past couple of days. It didn't help that this week is a particularly busy week - oh, forget it - MONTH - at work. So instead I will leave you with a couple of pics from the holidays. Because I miss Christmas! (And I want to point out that I wore my new striped sweater on both Christmas AND New Year's Eve.) (Yes, that last picture is from New Year's Eve.) (Because we obviously know how to party.)

happy happy, joy joy

The trailer for Sex and the City 2 came out over the holidays, and I somehow missed it until today - CAN'T WAIT! (they won't let you embed, so you have to click on the link)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKQ5yRFkBnE

I was happy to hear that this sequel is a lot more fun than the first one - which I loved, although it was pretty dark, especially considering it was, well, Sex and the City the Movie. Just sayin'.

resolution.

I love New Year's resolutions. What I hate about them, though, is that so often they are about depriving yourself of something, like food and calories, or forcing yourself to do something loathesome, like exercise. I've gone down that road many times, with some success and lots of failure. Either way, there is something about a new year that feels like a fresh slate, although of course you are just carrying the same baggage/issues/habits/cellulite that you had the day before. (OK, I just Googled "cellulite" to make sure I spelled it right because it looked funny to me, and WOAH, don't do that. If I want to look at pics like that, I'll just look at my ass in the mirror.) (Sorry, guys.)

ANYWAY, my resolution for 2010 is this: to LIGHTEN THE EFF UP. I am taking myself and my problems and life in general way too seriously as of late, and I need to chill out. I've talked about this before but I am really going to make an effort to put my energy and focus into calming, centering, and lightening up. Sometimes life doesn't allow you to do this, I know, but as much as possible, this is my goal.

Do you have any resolutions this year? (Your resolution SHOULD be to comment more on my blog. Yes, I am talking to YOU.)