do you hate me?

Dear Internets,

Do you hate me? I'm sorry I've been MIA. I thought about blogging a couple of nights this week, but I realized all I would do would be bitching and moaning as usual. What makes tonight different? Well, it's Friday! So the bitching and moaning comes with the relief that I have survived another work week.

Easter went well, thanks for asking! We had a load of people here and they all seemed to enjoy themselves. Jane picked that day to start her separation anxiety routine that apparently kicks in at this age. Yes, although there were plenty of people here who hadn't seen her in a long time and wanted to hold her and play with her, she only wanted to be with mommy. Mommy had lots of stuff to do, so she was hoping that Jane embrace her role as the pre-dinner entertainment, but it was not to be. Despite her crankiness, she sure looked cute and received a seemingly limitless number of stuffed bunnies and cute outfits. It was practically like Christmas all over again, with all of the gifts.

Work. Sigh. Busy times a million.

Jane's first tooth finally started poking out this week! Thank God for it too, because the fanfare - crying, drooling, general misery - has abounded over the past few weeks.

I'm going to see two shows this weekend! Tomorrow night I'm going to see Fatal Attraction: A Greek Tragedy at Hole in the Wall with Todd and Alan, who, I believe, plan on gloating about the fabulousness of their recent Tucson trip. Then Sunday night I'm going to see Twelve Angry Men at The Bushnell. These are the first two shows I'm seeing since before Jane was born. Can you believe that madness? And I call myself a theater person.

So, um, that's all here. Happy weekend!

Love,
Amanda

PS I've included some pictures that will hopefully go a long way in terms of earning your forgiveness for my blogging negligence.

stating the obvious

San Diego kicks Connecticut's ass.

Well, duh.

another thing that J Lo and I don't have in common

I am laughing my ass off over here, looking at these pics of Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony and their new twins that appeared in People magazine this week. Particularly the one of her breezily feeding one of them wearing some sort of designer gown, full hair and makeup, smiling oh-so-maternally. Because as those of you who visited me during the first month of Jane's life know, that's exactly how I looked.

I need a drink

Reasons why:

1) Work. I don't talk about work here, and I'm sticking to that rule. I will just say that my workload got considerably bigger today, on top of what was already considerable. So there's that.

2) My sister had surgery today to remove an aneurysm in her neck. She's fine but it's a very good thing they caught it, or this blog could have been a lot more depressing. However, bonus points to me for spelling aneurysm correctly on the first try.

3) Jimmy is trying to make sweet, sweet love to Junior tonight. Spring fever? The romantic pitter patter of the rain? Not sure what's got him in the mood, but neither of them are really equipped for this kind of activity and it's completely freaking me out, so I've separated the lovebirds.

4) The rain. I am so frakking sick of the rain, the cold, the misery. I want nice weather. And Alan's latest blog entry has enraged me even more.

5) The fact that I'm trying to dry my comforter right now, which is going to need about two more hours in the dryer, and then a load of sheets before I can go to bed tonight.

Blah diddy blah blah blah.

the return of the worst blogger ever

Yup, that's me.

Sorry I've been MIA, yet again. My life, it is not exciting. Certainly not exciting enough to be taking up room on the interwebs (sorry Lisa). But here I am, with an update. Easter is coming up, and we are having 17 people over on Sunday. We are abso-freaking-lutely not prepared for this in any way. We're having someone come over to clean the house (for reals) on Saturday, and then after that, I will clean what I feel she didn't clean good enough. I am completely neurotic when my family comes over - we live in a state of disarray over here and it's slightly embarrassing to me. Plus I have to cook, and we all know that's not a good thing.

Work continues to be madness.

Spring is coming! Or so the calendar tells me. I don't believe it because it's still ass cold out and I'm still wearing gloves, but it is March 18, and it can't stay cold that much longer. It just CAN'T - do you hear me, Mother Nature? I am very jealous of my friend who is going on vacation to Arizona. I am desperate for warm weather.

Uhhhh......yeah. Let's see. Cap'n Greg is continuing to get the boat ready, for our summer on the water. And..uhh...zzzzzz

Sorry, I just fell asleep reading my own blog.

a little Monday morning poll

OK, I totally stole this from another blog, but I thought it was interesting. Of course, I added my own answers!

It started out as "60 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me" and now it's 19. I thought it'd be a fun way for you to get to know me a little better... Read on, and then tell me about YOU, too.

1. What were you doing at 7am this morning? Working. Something is wrong with our hot water heater, so I am currently waiting for the guy to show up and fix it. So I was doing some work from home.

2. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Yup, still working. In the middle I got Jane ready for the day and Greg took her to daycare and then went off to a meeting.

3. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? I am hoping by that point I am actually at work, and I'm sure I will be thinking about lunch!


4. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Jimmy!" because he was barking for no reason. At least no reason that I can figure out.

5. What is the best ice cream flavor? I am a fan of the Mint Chocolate Chip, except I feel guilty saying that, considering I am the Dairy Queen, after all.

6. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet Pepsi, aka, my life blood.

7. What are you wearing right now? Oh dear. Valentine's Day sleeping pants, a t-shirt from when I did Carousel 11 years ago, and a CCSU sweatshirt. Hey, I'm being honest. Remember, I'm waiting for the hot water heater to be fixed, so no shower yet!

8. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Not for me, but I did buy a St. Patrick's Day outfit for Jane. It's super-cute, and much needed, since she's 63% Irish (we figured it out yesterday).

9. What's the last sporting event you watched? I "watched" the Superbowl, kinda, as much as you can watch a game with 30 people in the room, lots of noise, and a baby to monitor.


10. Do you have a tan? I have a tan as much as anyone in CT who doesn't fake and bake can have a tan in March.

11. Do you drink your soda from a straw? I should, but no. Poor teeth.

12. Are you someone's best friend? Yup!

13. Last person you talked to on the phone? I think it was my mom, who I talked to on Saturday. Wow, I really don't think I talked to anyone on the phone since then! She told me she's going to Ireland for two weeks in September, and I'm so happy for her. It really brought me joy to know she's going on such an awesome trip. It was the best news of the weekend.

14. Have you met anyone famous? Quite a few people, but the most exciting ones were Mark Ruffalo and a couple of the Barenaked Ladies. I did kinda crap my pants when I met Hunter Bell too.

15. Last song listened to? No joke - "I'm F****** Matt Damon."

16. Are you jealous of anyone? No, not really. My life is hectic and not very glamorous, but I do love it.

17. Is anyone jealous of you? I highly doubt it!


18. Do you eat healthy? Sort of, but I really could do much better. I am feeling very badly about myself these days. I have these persistant 7 pounds or so that I want to lose, and I just feel overall very dumpy and gross. I really want to be better about this.

19. Do you hate anyone right now? Not specifically, but there are plently of people I don't like.

OK, now your turn!

Junior bolts!

So today we decided to take the whole family to West Hartford Center for a walk. We don't do this very often because, as you can imagine, it's a pain in the ass to deal with two rambunctious dogs and a stroller. But today we felt sorry enough for the dogs that we took them along. About ten seconds into our walk, Junior somehow got loose and starting bolting down the street - galloping, really. Greg had Jimmy and started running after Junior, but Jimmy was slowing him down. He's yelling to me, "take Jimmy, take Jimmy!," but I can't catch up to him, and in the meantime, I've totally ditched Jane on the sidewalk. As I catch up to Greg, I hear "Amanda!" and look behind me. It's my friend Beth and her fiance, who had been across the street shopping for wedding rings. I throw them Jimmy and follow Greg, who finally caught Junior before he hit the intersection. I basically had to sit on the sidewalk to recover from the experience, which took about 30 seconds in total but was very exhausting nonetheless! It was quite humiliating to have an audience for the whole thing, but luckily Beth and Jay were friends and not potential baby kidnappers, considering I'd just left Jane there, napping away, oblivious to the whole thing.

A while later, we were walking along, with Jimmy's leash tied to Greg's pants. I'm not sure why Greg did that, but he seemed to think it was an easier way of handling both dogs. Jimmy of course got excited about something (perhaps the seemingly hundreds of pooches walking around the Center?) and tugged Greg's pants so hard that his button popped off.

We left shortly after, figuring that if Greg's pants fell completely down, we'd never be allowed in West Hartford again.

hooked up

I got myself a fancy dancy new laptop computer. So now I'm playing around with it and half watching Michael Clayton, and asking Greg what is going on with the movie every five minutes. I can't help it - I'm entranced by my shiny new machine! This is the one I got. I picked green because it reminded me of spring.

hello, friends!

Just a little update from The Cold That Would Never End (TCTWNE) Headquarters. We've all got it now, with Greg and I tying for biggest babies with a cold. Jane, despite her constant booger production, is generally happy. I had to whisk her to the pediatrician's office yesterday, however, because when I picked her up from daycare, they said she had been fussy (read: whiney-ass baby) all day. But the man-child doctor that saw her (whom I love - it's not an insult, it's just that he's so young) said her ears and lungs were clear. So who knows what's up.



Greg and I actually went out, sans baby, last night to see U23D - yes, obviously we are huge nerds, so nerdy in fact that we had to put the 3D glasses over our regular glasses, rendering us six-eyed. Nice. Despite that, it was a really cool movie - a sort of flashback to the ye olden tymes (2005) when we saw them play three times on the very tour depicted in the movie. It was nice to get out, despite the fact that at any given moment, I feel like I'm going to collapse of exhaustion.



Not too many plans for the weekend. Greg's got boat-related stuff going on tomorrow, so Jane and I are flying solo, and with the Great Flood expected in this area, I don't think it's going to be a very exciting day. Hopefully we can make up for it with something fun on Sunday.



Have a great weekend!

am I crazy?

After months - actually, in all honesty, over a year - of being all "babybabybabybaby," I have agreed to co-direct a show this summer. This show is part of the summer young adult program that in previous years produced Godspell and Into the Woods (yeah, yeah, you heard all about those, whether you wanted to or not). I was supposed to co-direct last summer, but, well, I was busy. So I agreed to do it this summer, with the stipulation that I would only run two rehearsals a week, with the exception of hell week and the week the other director is on vacation.

I think I might be a little nuts. I'm so torn on this. One part of me says, "woman, you get no sleep as it is. You are stretched to your absolute limit. You are about to get super-slammed at work. WTF???" The other part says, "But I wanna do a shooooowwwww...."

I'm looking at it this way. Two nights a week isn't too much. It doesn't mean I won't see Jane, because I'm hoping I can arrange it so I can do most of her nighttime business before I have to leave for rehearsal. And even if I can't, it's not like Greg isn't completely capable. I think I need to get my creative juices flowing again. I need to do something for me, even if it means I'm going to be weeping uncontrollably from the exhaustion and insanity of it all. If it's a disaster, it'll all be over in probably less than two months. If it works, I know I can attempt to have some sort of external life again. No matter what, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't do another show for another year after that - I'm very partial to this summer program, which is another reason I'm doing this.

Yup, I'm crazy.

Now, dear internets, you have to tell me I'm not a bad mom for doing this.

**This pic is from backstage when I was in Life with Father. Jane was just a tiny little cluster of cells at this point. Mind you, a tiny cluster of cells that nearly made me pass out on stage during one performance.

Oprah's Big Give

Just watched this show. Love it. A nice mix of reality TV, good people doing good deeds, and competition. With a sprinkle of snarky disputes between contestants to keep it real. Another reason why Oprah will soon rule the world, if she doesn't already.

memo to this week:

Suck it.



PS Thanks to Melissa for providing one lovely bright spot to the week. The full trailer is out!

awesome.

I don't know if any of you saw the video Sarah Silverman made for her boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel, to celebrate the fifth anniversary of his show. It was awesome. I can't stand her, and it was awesome. Well, this was his retribution. Even better. (If you didn't see her version first, click on that link and watch it, and then watch Kimmel's version.)

Not for kids, and not suitable for work!

Seven Monthiversary!

Yeah, we're snotty and drooly and fairly gross around here - but not enough to ignore yesterday's seven monthiversary! Whoo hoo!

8 years ago today

Still always missing you, Dad.

boob tube

If you know me at all, you know television is one of my BFFs. I watch tons of shows, and I don't apologize for it. I never pretended to be one of those people who look down their noses at those of us who need to leave our brains at the door at the end of a busy day, so there's room in our heads for pure, unadulturated junk. And I love it.

However.

There's some evidence that suggests that babies under 2 who spend a lot of time in front of the television, watching "educational" videos like Baby Einstein and whatnot, actually learn fewer words than babies who don't watch TV. Some people believe that throwing the kids in front of the TV can trigger autism and other disorders. Not to mention the poisonous rays shooting out of the screen.

At first I was like, "Eh, what's a few fewer words? I wish most people would talk less anyway." And it's not like I sit Jane down to watch hours of children's programming. Not when I have so many adult shows to watch! Plus I always have the "Today" show on in the mornings, so she's caught up on current events.

But lately I've noticed that when the TV is on, she tends to focus on it and get glazed look on her face (awww, just like her mama!). And all I'm thinking is, "This can't be good for a baby. Greg and I can rot out our brains until they bleed out our ears, but we've earned it." So I've been trying to keep the TV off when she's in the living room with us. It's weird, all this silence. But good. Good for her and good for me. It allows me to focus more on what she's doing - which is what I should be doing - instead of getting distracted by the plot of some "Sex and the City" episode I've seen a kajillion times anyway.

Don't fear. It's not like I'm giving it up. That's what the DVR is for. But I'm thinking I don't want a six-month-old Carrie Bradshaw on my hands anyway.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I know I'm supposed to be all angsty and stuff about Valentine's Day, all hating on it like nobody's business - sort of like Alan - but I actually have always enjoyed this holiday, mostly because it is primarily candy-centered. I've always gotten a kick out of this little pink day in the middle of gloomy winter - and it has nothing to do with being with someone or not, because I have spent more Valentine's Days single than with someone. But anyway, happy Valentine's Day, dear Blogger readers! And to you I give some candy-coated Jane!

let's lighten this joint up, shall we?

I invite all of you to visit my friend (and possibly your friend) Melissa's blog and check out her latest two entries. The Barack Obama video, which is all over the place, has inspired me and given me the appropriate goosebumps. The John McCain one - well - is the most hilarious (yet scary!) thing I've seen in a long time. I think I am Melissa's number one visitor these days because I keep popping back to see it.

a bump in the road

One year ago, as part of my regularly scheduled blood tests I had to take during pregnancy, I went in for what is called the "triple screen" test. This is a test that checks for any possible chromosomal issues in the fetus, such as spina bifada or Down Syndrome. I went in for the test, and although I had a nagging fear something might be wrong, I wrote it off as one of my natural fears that something is wrong every time I go to the doctor.

A week later, I received a call from my doctor that my results came back elevated for my age. You see, when you get this blood test, they weigh in a lot of factors like your age, weight, gestational age, etc, to come out with your risk of having a baby with some sort of problem. It is in no way definitive, and there are a lot of so-called "false positives." None of that information helped me when I found out that I had a 1/77 chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome.

My age at delivery was 33. The risk factor at that age is approx. 1/480 (or something close to that). The older you get, the higher the risk. But 1/480 felt a whole hell of a lot better than 1/77. I was told that instead of a regular ultrasound, I was to have a level 2 ultrasound, which is a much more detailed ultrasound where they look at all of the organs closely to see how they are developing. With a L2, the chance of confirming something like Down Syndrome is about 80%. The only way to know for sure is having aminocentisis, which is, essentially, a huge ol' needle they stick in your abdomen to retrieve cells from the fetus to determine, definitively, if there is a problem. There is a risk of miscarriage with an amnio; some say it's as high as 1/200, but I believe research shows the risk to be much lower than that.

So, my doctor calls me at work and says I have a 1/77 risk of having a baby with DS. They scheduled me for the L2 ultrasound for three weeks later - they had to wait until I was at least 20 weeks so they could see the organs clearly. She told me not to worry; there are tons of women who get news like this and everything turns out just fine.

I can't really remember, aside from shutting my office door, what I did next. The rest of the day was a blur of many, many tears, phone calls, emails, and Internet research. There is a message board on babycenter.com that I read religiously because so many, many women get numbers like I did, or worse, and have babies who are just fine. I remember one woman who tried to reassure everyone with her story: she was given 1/5 odds and her boy was perfectly fine. There were also people who received much worse news from their blood screen and resulting ultrasound: their babies had cysts on the brain, holes in their stomach, tangled intestines, major brain damage - nightmare stories that made the risk of DS seem so much less dramatic.

Over the following three weeks, I did loads of research about DS. I needed to know what our reality would be if the baby did have DS. All I could remember were the couple of kids who had it when I was in high school, but I didn't know what their lives were really like. I found out that with early intervention, people with DS are living much fuller, productive lives than they were even 20 years ago. The kids are part of regular classrooms, just with extra help. There are groups and communities all over the Internet and in real life that give great amounts of support to people with DS and their families. I read personal stories from women who said they were horrified when they got the news, either when they were pregnant or when they had their babies, but grew to have such a special bond and love for their child with DS that now they wouldn't change a thing.

People thought I was crazy for even going there in my head. They said everything would be fine. But I needed to know everything would be fine no matter what the result was. I needed to arm myself with information and support before I knew whether everything was indeed OK or not. Greg and I were faced with big decisions - the majority of people choose to terminate after they get the confirmation. We quickly made the choice that, no matter what, we wouldn't do that. But could we handle it? Were we equipped for this? I asked so many of my spiritual friends to pray hard for us, because I felt like my prayers would never be good enough for such a request - to please let my baby be OK.

I had a lot of dark days during those three weeks. It really took me that long to get right with the whole thing. I was recently cleaning out my email box and I came across a message I had sent my best friend, where I stated that this was the most stressed out I had ever been in my life, and it was true, even after having gone through the death of a parent, and the near-death of my brother in his car accident. This ate at me in a completely different way. In the meantime, I was doing a show - Love Letters - and I was able to pour a lot of my angst into that. It was really cathartic to do a performance where I had to well and truly break down. Because that's what was happening inside.

Something else happened during those three weeks. The baby started to move. I felt the very faint flutterings of movement. All of the sudden, this little being that was causing me so much misery was....real.

The day came for the ultrasound, and we headed up to UConn. The technician who did the procedure was great and answered my many, many questions, most of which were "is that normal?" During a day that was supposed to be so magical - the first day I would see my baby! - I was in a panic. Everything did, in fact, look normal. The genetic doctor came in after and had another look around. Although his bedside manner was for total shit, he confirmed that everything did look normal at that time. He stressed that I should get an amnio to know for sure. He really suggested that I do it right then because that would give me a few days to decide to terminate before it was too late.

But I had had it. I felt like I had aged 20 years in less than a month, and I was ready to enjoy my pregnancy. Maybe I didn't have 100% confirmation that the baby (who we now knew was a girl!) was OK, but if there were any glaring issues, it would have been apparent on the scan. My OB/GYN totally agreed. And so we forged on.

People always talk about the joyful moment they have when delivering a baby. My moment was a bit different. When Jane made her appearance on July 23, I cried over and over, frantically, "is she OK? Is she OK?" It was like they couldn't convince me that all looked well.

I think about that part of my life often, but especially now. Last Valentine's Day was so rough, but Greg and I bonded so strongly during that time, because it was the first hard decision (not that it was really a decision) we had to make together.

I feel like Jane is such a blessing, but I know I would feel that way no matter what. Because it was a year ago that she became a real person to me.

this and that

So I couldn't be happier that it's almost Friday. Sure, I have no doubt that Jane will continue on with The Cold That Would Never End, and Greg is away all weekend at captain school for the boat, but as long as I don't have to do the mad dash at the beginning and end of each day, I'm that much happier.

Not a whole hell of a lot has been going on. As some of you know, I'm part of Facebook nation now, which I've found amusing. How strange to see all of these familiar faces, some of which I haven't seen in 20 years.

Lent started this week, and in years past, I've given up all sorts of things, mostly junk food, as part of the season. This year I decided to really focus on one of my New Year's resolutions, which, if you recall, was to pull my head out of my ass and stop being so cranky and miserable all the time. I tend to get that way during the aforementioned mad dashes in the morning and night. It just feels like there is no time to get everything done, and it all seems so stressful, but if I get some perspective, it really and truly isn't that bad. So, we'll see how I do. I tend to take Lent pretty seriously, but at the same time, I threw a big hissy fit this morning when poor Jane puked up her entire breakfast (which tends to happen these days when she goes on one of her morning coughing jags). I just get so upset for her and tend to, for example, start swearing at the top of my lungs. I might have to consult the "What to Expect" book, but I'm fairly sure that's not good parenting.

I am very pleased with the results of the primaries in CT. Overall I'm just really into the whole political scene these days. Who the hell knew.

Not too much else going on, I'm afraid. Sorry kids - I'll try to be more interesting next time.

talk about a Young Democrat

rocking the vote

Although I've always voted in the November elections, this year is the first time I'm voting in the primaries. I've had a difficult time deciding who to choose, which makes me optimistic about the idea that in November, I won't be just voting for "anybody but McCain."

Today, however, I'll be voting for the rock star.

weekend Jane

Well, knock on wood, so far so good this weekend. We've gone to lunch with Todd and Alan (and I'm hoping Alan posts some of his pics, including the one where Jane is proudly waving her token of Canadianship), we went to my friend's surprise birthday party and Jane stayed up and happy way past her bedtime, and we went to lunch with more friends today. She's kind of cranking out now, so I don't know how she'll be at the Superbowl party tonight, but even so, we've had a good weekend. It's nice to be out amongst the people, despite the fact that 2/3 of us are stuffy and sick.

I hope everyone's Superbowl dreams come true today.

weekend? update?

I am very hesitant to write about my plans for this weekend, as the last time I did that, they got totally destroyed due to The Cold That Would Never End. But, hey, might as well record the plans I hope to have this weekend:

Tonight: Awww yeeaaah - I just cleaned the house. I am just. that. cool. After this I'm gonna check out what the DVR has in store, and I'll probably be in bed by 10 (since I now have TCTWNE).

Tomorrow: Since we had to cancel last week, we will be having lunch with Todd and Alan. Since Alan is Jane's Canadianfather, I am hoping he can impart some wise Canadian words to her. You see, Jane is 1/something French Canadian, and Alan, being a Canadian from Canada himself, has been appointed her Canadianfather, so she can, you know, appreciate her heritage and stuff. Tomorrow evening we will be going to a surprise birthday party for one of my theater peeps.

Sunday: Since we had to cancel last week, we will be going to lunch with our friends Matt and Cathy, and their three-month-old, Olivia. Then, it's off to Heather's for our annual Cool Commercials party. Oh, I mean Superbowl party. I know I should be into this one in particular, this being a beehive of Giants/Patriots fandom, but I really, truly don't care about the game. I care about the food and the commercials.

Also, during the weekend, I plan on officially deciding who to vote for on Tuesday.

So, as you can see, I'm busy. All of this is of course very tentative, as it can (and probably will) go to hell in a handbasket due to some nasty-ass daycare-bred bug. Have a great weekend!

Ah, LOST

What a sweet, delicious mindf**k you are.

six monthiversary

Good Lord, has this not been a fun weekend. Poor Jane is still sick, coughing, sneezing, low-grade fever -the works. I have a feeling she'll be staying home tomorrow too. This is the first time I've had to deal with a fever with her - and it's so sad! And scary. I feel like such a rookie mom, and everything freaks me out.

However, this isn't supposed to be another depressing "Jane is sick" entry. Thursday was Jane's six monthiversary! And I forced her to have some happy moments today so we could get some pics. As Tyra always tells the ANTM models, it doesn't matter if you're sick. You still have to work it.

the best laid plans

So, this was supposed to be a very social weekend for us. We were supposed to see my brother's new condo today, go to dinner with Todd and Alan, and go to lunch tomorrow with our friend Cathy and Matt, and their new baby Olivia.

And then.

I picked up Jane at daycare last night and they told me she had a low-grade fever and wasn't acting herself. She's had a cold/cough for a few days, but it really kicked up a few notches yesterday. We took her to the doctor just in case, and they checked her out and didn't find an ear infection or anything, so that was good. Also, apparently, there's some nasty-ass bronchial thing going around, but they didn't think it was that either. But the poor girl is so sick. She's been just miserable all day, and all plans have been canceled. She's just hacking away, with a very runny nose and watery eyes and red face - it's just plain sad. I feel so bad for her, because I can't tell her that although colds are horrible, they will go away and she'll be right at rain soon (I hope!!).

So much for my social weekend. But there was one highlight - Alan and Todd dropped off some cupcakes on their way to Hole in the Wall tonight. Anyone who knows me knows how much a sucker I am for cupcakes. So thanks to them, there was a bright spot in an otherwise sickly day.

PS I have never been more annoyed with a kid than I was yesterday at the doctor's office. We whisked Jane in at the last minute - they were able to squeeze her in right before they closed - and while we were in the waiting room this 6 or 7-year-old boy came up to her and started touching her hands. I said, all loud-like, "Oh, you don't want to touch her, she's sick!" and he responds "that's OK, I'm sick too!" Oh my Lord. Where was his mother? Hello? Don't touch my baby! Sometimes I wish I could just store her in a vat of Purell and call it a day.

ummm...yeah.

So. Hey! How are you? I haven't see you in a while. Sorry about the blog being so dull. I always think to myself, "I should blog about something, because I so enjoy reading everyone else's blogs." And then I hem and haw about what I should write, and have come to the grand conclusion that my life is dull-ass boring. I mean, I enjoy it. I'm just pretty sure that everyone else must read this thing and be like, "God, I'm glad I'm not her."


That said, as you can see, I don't have a lot to report. We get MLK Day off of work, but I went into work yesterday and took today off instead. I have to take Jane to the doctor because she has a little rash on her stomach that hasn't gone away, plus she's developed yet another lovely cold/cough. So it should be fun, being the germophobe that I am, to go into the den of sickness known as the pediatrician's office this morning. Ewwww.


Jane has been busy rolling around a lot, eating different foods, and generally just being so much fun to be around. I find myself getting teary every morning when I leave her now, because she's so cool to hang out with all day (and being uncool myself, I have to attach myself to all of the cool people I can). Greg has been very busy with the boat (I've mentioned the boat, right?) so we've had a lot of alone time together. She has completely grown out of her 3-6 month clothes and is on to 6-9 month clothes. And let me tell ya, when people were throwing me bags of hand-me-downs when she was born, I was a little like, "whatever," but now, oh my, it's so great to have all of these "new" outfits that I didn't have to buy!


If I haven't mentioned the boat, we now have a boat. It's a business venture for Greg, but also, we have a 44-foot boat. Come visit us this summer! We'll be on a boat! Bring a life jacket!


Has anyone been watching the new seasons of "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" and "Scott Baio is 46...and Pregnant"? Because - awesome (as Bret would say). Why anyone would not want to watch these shows is beyond me. And yeah, maybe it's not all cultural and whatnot, but so what. Dip your head in the toilet water cesspool of TV once in a while. It's great!


Update on Rent: I bought tickets to see the matinee performance on June 1, the last day. Couldn't get tix for the final performance - I suspect it will be a charity event.



So. That's that. Don't you wish you had that two minutes of your life back?

all dressed up and nowhere to go

Except that I'm not dressed up. But the other part is certainly correct, about the nowhere to go. It's been another rockin' Friday night in my household, watching DVR'ed "American Idol" and "Celebrity Apprentice." Dinner was a bowl of cereal. I gave Jane a bath and put her to bed a couple of hours ago, after she only finished half of her bottle. Which could very well mean she'll be up in the middle of the night because she's hungry. The very idea of having to get up and feed her makes me panic. I think after my experience of true sleep deprivation for many months in a row has made me very very anxious about returning to such a state. Not that I'm getting a whole lot of sleep now, but it's better than the hour or two a day I was getting last summer.

I have absolutely no plans for the weekend. I used to have plans. Remember when I had plans? When I would do my weekend update with all kinds of things going on? I can't plan for too much these days. It's not that I won't be busy, because I will. By Sunday night I won't even feel like I had a weekend. I'm just not sure what I'm going to be doing between now and then.

But I can guarantee six months ago I wasn't saying that my big Friday night plans were "American Idol" and bed by 10. Not that I'd trade it - because I definitely wouldn't - but lord, did I get boring quick.

dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes

Bad. Bad. BAD NEWS.

But not entirely unexpected.

Road trip!

snow day!

I worked from home today because we got about 8 inches of snow in my area, and it's a lot easier to just work from home than have to shovel early, slide all the way to daycare in my sled of a car, slide to work and be late, late, late. It's actually been a productive day, even! I did take the time to have Greg take these pics of Jane out in the snow (this will be considered her "first snowstorm," since I haven't gotten it together enough to take pics in earlier snowstorms this year). I'm not one to get all gooey about my baby (at least in front of others), but seriously - doesn't she looks so candylicious in her new sweater and hat!? I love it! Also, take note of young James in the background. He has been in and out of the house about a million times today. No one loves it more when I work from home than Jimmy!

rota-mother*(&!*(&-virus

So today when I picked up Jane, there was a notice on the door of her classroom that Rotavirus had struck. Per the ever-scary WebMD, here is what Rotavirus is:

Rotavirus is a virus that infects the intestinal tract of almost all young children by age 5. In the United States, most children get sick from rotavirus by age 2. A rotavirus infection causes stomach upset and diarrhea.
Babies and very young children with rotavirus infections need to be watched closely because they can become dehydrated. Dehydration occurs when the body loses water more quickly than it is replaced. When you become dehydrated, you can develop severe health problems. Babies and young children can become dehydrated very quickly.
Rotavirus infections spread easily. Outbreaks usually occur in the winter and early spring, between about November and April. Rotavirus infections often spread in settings where many children are together, such as day care centers.

So, yeah. FUN, with a capital FU**, I can't believe that this is happening on a Friday. Apparently all of the babies in the room, except Jane and another baby, has already had it. This also includes the teachers and all of the parents of the sick babies. Yeah, once someone in the house has it, EVERYONE has it. Also, a few of these babies had to go to the hospital because they were dehydrated. Oh, and they told me Jane puked up a whole bottle this morning.

Why do I think our weekend is going to absolutely suck? F-ing daycare.

sign o' the times

I was just laughing out loud at something Meredith and Matt were saying on the "Today" show. Am I officially old? Has it happened?

things and stuff

Here are some things I'm thinking about this Monday:

RENT was awesome. I know you probably expected me to say that, but after seeing something 18 times, one can get a little jaded about how good the cast members are. But I really can't say that anyone was off. There was an understudy for Mimi, who is played these days by the old American Idol finalist, Tamyra Gray. Well, I don't know about Tamyra, but this girl was great. Tons of energy that you don't always see with Mimi. And I loved the girl who played Maureen, and by "girl" I mean, WOW, this cast is young. The guy who played Mark (I know I'm being lazy about actors' names; if you really want to know what their real names are, check out the official site) came out to give autographs while Heather and I were waiting for our fancy limo, and all I could think was, "Man oh man, he is young, young, young. OR, I am old, old, old." So, I prefer to think he is young, young, young.

Side note: We did not get, nor were we waiting for, his autograph. While I would like to say that I am too cool and above things like that, because I have a decent number of opportunities to meet actors, I will say that I could barely speak when I met Mark Ruffalo two years ago, and did ask to get my picture taken with him. No - wait - I didn't ask him. I made my friend ask him. So, me = not cool.

Jane has spent the past two nights sleeping soley in her crib. We've been moving her around from carseat (yes, I am horrified to admit we were still relying on the carseat for parts of the night) to the pack and play and now the crib, and, like I said, she has spent the past two nights just in her crib. The night before last was horrendous - she cried on and off throughout the night - but last night she did good. I pray to the gods of sleep that this continues. She has been rolling over so much lately, that she is now sleeping on her stomach. First time ever! A big no-no for babies who can't roll, but since she can, I won't wake her up to flip her.

And finally, the list of top 100 names of 2007 was released - and Jane is not on the list! Thank God! I was nervous that somehow the name became popular behind my back.

wine and beer!

This is the lyric from RENT that is currently in my head, because a friend at work kept repeating it today.

Tomorrow I am going to NYC to see RENT for the 18th time. Mind you, I haven't seen it in New York that many times - in fact, this is only the fourth time at the Nederlander Theater - but then when you add the 14 times I've seen it on tour, well, here I am. A true and official nerdalicious RENT-head.

The first time I saw RENT was in September 1997, a year after it had opened on Broadway. I went with my friend Hilary a week before her wedding. We took the train down, blew all of our money on tickets, and wandered around the city all day, just waiting for the 8 p.m. curtain. I saw most of the original Broadway cast that night, and needless to say, it made quite an impression. I was giddy after that performance. Giddy. I didn't sleep the whole night and was a complete zombie the next day at work, but it was completely worth it. Since then, the show has remained at the top of my "favorite shows" list. And I've seen a lot of shows.

It's pretty amazing to think about how much my life has changed since the first time I saw the show, but the fact remains that I can't think of a better way to spend $75 (the cost of my ticket that day) in New York. I know Alan is going to blah blah blah all over my little RENT geek-tacular here, because he hates the show (although he's never SEEN it!), but I can't wait.

Greg got me tickets to go see the show with my friend Heather - he knew the first thing I would worry about is who is taking care of Jane, so he's doing Daddy-duty for the day so I don't stress (too much) - and we're traveling in style, by limo. This is, by far, the fanciest thing I've done in a long, long, LONG time.

I just spent the past half hour looking at RENT's official site, seeing who's in the show now, happy to see some familiar faces. (alas, not the two faces above - I missed Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp's return to RENT last summer because I was on 24-hour baby duty). It's like seeing old friends. Except friends that are a lot cooler and more attractive than me.

I'll give you my review of the show this weekend (and don't think I'll automatically gush. Quite the opposite. When you've seen a show this many times, you get very critical.)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! This year, I have resolved to pull my head out of my ass (meaning, stop being so dramatic about the little things that go wrong in my life and look at the bigger picture), to stop swearing in front of Jane, and to lose six pounds, specifically, the six pounds I put on during the holiday season. Damn cookies! I mean...darn cookies!

This picture was very specifically taken for Alan's enjoyment. I'm not even going to try to explain the squirrel.

at least now she won't be stuck in limbo

Jane's baptism was yesterday. Usually, when there is a baptism at at Catholic church (not sure if it's the same elsewhere too), there are several babies. For whatever reason, Jane was the only one yesterday, so the service was a little more personalized. It was really, really nice, I must say. It was one of the first times I really felt like a parent! The deacon kind of discounted all of the reasons babies used to be baptised (see the aforementioned "limbo") and gave a more modern talk. Afterwards, we had about 30 people over for lunch and festivities. It has been a long week of preparation for this event - so now I feel like my vacation is truly beginning - with a whole two days left! Argh! I will never plan a vacation around a big event that is going to take place at my house, because, no matter how much I try not to, I will obsess over getting everything ready and stress myself out more than if I were at work!

Anyway, whether or not you are a fan of the whole "church" and "baptism" thing, you must admit Jane looked quite cute, no? Such a girlie girl!

merry, merry, why ya (stomach) buggin'?

Well, as to be expected, I got sick on Christmas Eve and have felt miserable since. It started as a yucky stomach bug and has morphed into a crappy cold. Nevertheless, we had a nice, albeit extremely exhausting, holiday. Now we're in baptism-preparation mode. All I want to do is crawl under the covers.

happy fifth monthiversary and other holiday wishes

Today is Jane's fifth monthiversary! Can you believe it? Well, maybe you can, but I can't. I cannot believe she's already five months old. These past five months have been a blur of no sleep, lots of tears (on everyone's part), lots of joy, and lot of crash-coursing in parenting. I'm a freakin' mom! I think I'm just now realizing this. We just went to church (yes, church!) and she was quite the belle of the ball at the 7:30 mass. She's getting baptized next Sunday so I thought it would be a good idea to show our faces around there for the past few weeks. It's actually been pretty fun. Of course, when the priest came up to her to say hello before mass began, her mouth formed a perfect frown - a completely upside-down smile - and I thought she was going to lose it, but she didn't, thankfully. He has a very deep voice and I think she was a little shocked.

Speaking of shocking, Christmas is two days away! I am so proud of myself, because I'm done with shopping and 99% done with wrapping. I feel like I must have forgotten someone, because it can't be this easy. Of course, a couple of my gifts are sorta IOU-ish, so maybe that's what made it easier.

So. Merry merry, everyone. I hope your holidays are just what you want them to be - whether quiet and private, loud and obnoxious, or somewhere in between. (I think mine might be the second option.) See ya on the flip side!

&*(@&*(!^&*( DOGS!!!!

So, I have today off of work. I finished up my Christmas shopping, baked some cookies for a party tonight, hung out with the kid. Stuff like that. So I let the dogs out at some point this afternoon, and proceeded to continue playing with Jane on the floor and half-watching a documentary about women and HIV. Good times. So I realize, after some time, that the dogs haven't burst in with their usual "HEY! It's Tuesday afternoon everybody!!" excitement. So I look out the front door. No dogs. I call for them. No dogs. I look out the back window. No dogs. I walk around the house (in the snow, in my pj pants and t-shirt). No dogs.

I (pardon my French) fucking flip out. MY DOGS HAVE LEFT THE COMPOUND.

I realized they had been outside for probably a good half hour. This is not abnormal on a nice day, but who knows at what point they decided to break free from the binds of the invisible fence? Was in a half hour ago? They could be in West Hartford by now!

I call Greg. I am freaking out, screaming for the dogs, putting Jane in her crib, and getting my keys. He tells me to drive around. He's an hour away so I'm on my own. I'm driving around the neighborhood like a lunatic, screaming "JIMMY!!!" and "JUNIOR!!!" and shaking a box of bones outside the window. I am praying that I don't see one of them in the road, hit by a car. I go around the block a few times.

No dogs.

I call Greg back. He tells me to keep looking. I'm telling him I'm sure the dogs are gone, and I'm never going to find them, and.....wait a minute....there the dumbasses are, frolicking in one of our neighbors' front yards. Thankfully, it's hard for Junior to go incognito when he's on the loose.

You have to understand - my neighbors do NOT love my dogs. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that about 90% of them hate my dogs. They are mostly quite elderly, and the idea of a 130 lb. dog, who often barks at them when they pass my house, does not strike them as "cute" and "audibly friendly." It strikes them as "deadly" and "motherf***ing scary."

So. I haul my arse out of the car, screaming for the dogs and waving my box of bones, crunching through the snow, which is a foot deep round these parts, and trying to get them to come to me. And even though both dogs "graduated" from dog training school, they don't really use their skills in the outside world. Instead, they oh-so-playfully ran away from me for quite a while.

After lurching around various yards like a complete maniac, I managed to grab Junior. Since Jimmy won't do anything alone, and will follow Junior to the ends of the earth, he followed us on the long trek up the hill to the house. After I locked them in, I walked back down the hill, got back home, and proceeded to have four or five drinks.

Ha, ha! No, I didn't. But I sure wanted to. Instead, I had to attend to my screaming, miserable baby, who realized that she is forever entrusted in the care of a lady who can't even control her dogs.

*(&!*(& DOGS!!!

rockin' Saturday night at my house

no wonder it takes me forever to leave for work

this is about when I start dreaming about moving to San Diego

I hate the *(&!*( snow. So if you'd like to read a happy recount of today's weather, I suggest you bounce over to Lisa's blog and see what she has to say. As for me, I can't stand it. We pushed our work potluck holiday lunch an hour earlier (yeah, I can eat heavy holiday food at 11 a.m. if need be) but the roads were still horrendous when I got out at noon. It took me three and a half hours to get home in my sled (I mean, Honda), and all the while I watched car after car slide, spin, and stop. It was one of the most hair-raising commutes of my 34-year-life here in CT.

Stupid snow. On the flip side, it's supposed to be 62 and sunny tomorrow in SD.

Thank you, Secret Santa!

The boys were on the receiving end of some fancy treats from my Secret Santa.

first solids

hello, lovah

I have had, how you say, a shitty week. Just not good.

Until I saw the trailer for this.

Check it out (it's on the site, scroll down).

Fabulous.

(And if you think I'm superficial and stupid and whatever, just keep it to yourself. I get four hours of sleep at night. Sorry my idea of culture isn't curling up with Tolstoy.)

reject Christmas card pics, part 2

It's Christmas card reject pictures time!

UPDATE to previous post, where I hoped I would have a good weekend

Ha. Yeah. Right. Anyway, Jane had a great doctor's appointment, except for the fact that she has an ear infection. Thankfully we happened to have an appointment today, and they caught it really early, so hopefully the antibiotics will kick in soon. She's all full of the drugs today, considering she also had some vaccinations (yeah, we are the horrible parents who get their kid vaccinated) and infant's Tylenol. THEN, I realized I had a huge 'ol patch of hives on my legs, so I went to my doctor, just to have someone else check it out. She was not very impressed - her thought was that it may be allergies or stress. She wants me to go for blood tests for allergies, but who has time? Because I had to rush back so Greg could go off to the walk-in clinic, because he thinks he may have a sinus infection.

Is it OK if I bathe in Purell? Is that harmful in some way?

Oh, the stats on Jane are these: she weighs 14 lbs and she's 25 inches long. She's a growing little monkey!

UPDATE to my update: Greg does have a sinus infection. Get your Hazmat suit if you're coming to my house!

Purell, take me away

Well, this has been a particularly disgusting week at my house. Greg is really sick, Jane has her first cold, I broke out in a mysterious case of hives, and Junior had to take a trip to the emergency vet. I know - the first thing you are thinking is "Is Junior OK?" - and he is. He had a bad run-in with some butternut squash and french fries. Yeah, yeah, we'll never learn. No more people food for Junior! At least for a while.

Since I've returned to work, I've had a stomach bug and two colds, and either I passed one of those colds on to Jane, or she picked up another one at daycare (which is my suspicion). I have been super-careful about not coughing or getting germs on her, which has resulted in me washing my hands so much I think they are about to fall off. Nevertheless, she is very boogery and whiney this week, which of course resulted in no sleep, which of course coincided with a very busy work week. In addition, Greg is really sick, all hacky and wheezy and nasty and whatnot, so that's no good, especially because I can't really pass Jane off to him, because I don't want her to catch what he has. Oh yeah - and I got a weird case of hives on my legs and arms this week, and I still don't know what is causing it. They come and go, but I want them to just GO!

Being a major germaphobe, this has definitely not been my best week. I find myself stretched very far (I almost said "stretched to my limit" - but I don't want the fates testing my limit anymore this week!) and I am praying that I don't get sick this weekend, that Greg and Jane feel better, that nothing happens to the dogs, that I manage to sleep more than four hours a night, that I actually have fun, and that I get a bunch of chores done. Oh yeah, and world peace. I want that too.

four monthiversary

thanks

The other day, I said to Greg, "Why don't we stop complaining all the time and start acting like this has been the best year of our lives - which it has been?" He agreed. It's easy to get caught up in the everyday nonsense of our lives - and, frankly, no one loves complaining more than me - but we would be remiss if we didn't step back and understand how lucky we are. So here are some things I'm thankful for this Thanksgiving:

1) Well, duh. I mean, I'm not even going to get into it. OK, I will, a little - Jane has profoundly changed my life in every good way. When I am up at 4 a.m. feeding her or being covered in her poop (why does she kick at her diaper when I'm changing it? WHY?), I remind myself that she truly is the best baby in the world. I think we are biologically programmed to think that about our children - why else would we subject ourselves to all of the indignities of parenthood, of which there are many more than I ever could have imagined? - but, seriously, Jane is the best baby in the world.

2) More "duh" - my family and friends. Let's start it off with Greg, because I'll tell ya, having a baby upends a marriage like nobody's business. It's hard stuff, going from two to three. All of the sudden, you have no social life to speak of, and an endless amount of chores (dropping off the baby, picking up the baby, going to the doctor's office, buying diapers, formula, clothes, medicine, blah blah blah to infinity), not to mention the fact that someone is going to have to incessently entertain the baby during the witching hour(s) in the evening. I have gone hoarse singing my trademark songs "Monkeys Don't Wear Sweaters" and "There's a Man on the Moon and He Likes to Eat the Junebugs." Greg and I, through many very stupid inside jokes, have managed to keep a sense of humor in our house during a very stressful time.

And, hello, the rest of my family and all of my friends have been so incredibly nice and generous this year, not only materialistically with many nice treats for Jane, but more importantly, with well wishes and prayers and good vibes for her and my health during the numerous pregnancy debacles. I have said this before and I'll say it again - millions of people have babies every day, and it doesn't feel like a big deal until it's happening to you. And the people in my life absolutely encouraged the idea that bringing Jane into the world was very special indeed.

3) Let's lighten it up around here - I am thankful for the (and this one's for you, Lisa) internets. No, seriously! I think I would have gone completely mad this summer if I didn't have my computer to keep me updated on the news (entertainment and otherwise) and my email to keep in contact with those out there in the real world. It helped alleviate a lot of the isolation of 13 weeks home with a newborn whose only communication skills are through wailing.

4) The roof over my head, the food on my plate, the things I take for granted every day but shouldn't. Maybe it sounds trite, but I'm going to try to remember to be grateful for that stuff more. And thanks to all of you out in blogland who read this (yeah, all five of you). Happy Thanksgiving!

whatever.

So, like, I don't plan on being one of those moms who enter their daughters into weird beauty contents, all JonBenet Ramsey-style, or anything, but in a weak moment this summer, I did enter Jane in the Gap's annual casting call, in the baby girl category. Because, HELLO, obviously she should win. It was that really cute pic I posted here earlier in her purple hooded sweatshirt. FROM THE GAP. Well, in her first of many, many disappointments in her life, she did not make the cut to be a finalist. Sure, those kids are cute and whatever, but come on.

Their loss.

Dear Alan, are you there? It's me, Amanda

I was just driving in my car and realizing that I haven't heard from my friend and top e-mail buddy Alan in a couple of days. So here is a public shout-out, wondering if he's alive, or if one of his potions revolted on him. Also, Alan, if you are alive, I want you to know that I also think water is precious, but I want to hear some of your other thoughts now.

**picture is courtesy of Alan's blog. I am 3o lbs lighter than that now, and with one less baby inside me.

rollin' part deux (or: seriously, I'm rollin'!)

So, remember how a couple of hours ago I was wondering if Jane's roll counted, since it was on a soft surface? Well, she did it for real this time, on her activity mat on the floor. She's on the move, people! Hide your valuables!

rollin' rollin' rollin', keep those babies rollin'

We interrupt our regularly scheduled complaining to announce that Jane rolled over this morning for the first time! It was on our bed, so I'm not sure if it counts, since it's a cushy surface. But still! Yeah!

This picture is titled, "How in the hells did I get here?"

weekend update

Hey, remember when I used to post things about my weekends? Because back then, it seemed like my weekends were different from, you know, the rest of the week. But then maternity leave came, and I never knew which end was up, never mind whether it was Friday or Wednesday or Monday. It was all the same - one long run-on day with no end in sight. Well, it's still kind of the same thing now, except during my days, I have to go to work - so I have more of an idea of when the weekend actually is.

These days, the weekend symbolizes great relief. It is so great not to have to do the dance I have to do during the work week, in terms of getting everyone ready and out the door, and at the same time, it's great not to have to do the end of the day dance as well. The days seem (and are) far less rushed and usually more enjoyable.

That said, I put a lot more stock in my weekends. I really need them to be peaceful, and fun, and relaxing, or there is no way I can even slightly recharge for the next week. But so far, since I've been back to work, my weekends have not really been like that at all. Here's hoping this weekend is.

Tomorrow night, I'm working house at SCT's 50th anniversary show. I have never been more out-of-the-loop on an SCT show in over 10 years. In fact, as the curtain goes up right about now for tonight's performance, all I can think about is going to bed. So Greg and Jane will be on their own tomorrow evening - my first weekend night out without the baby ever.

Sunday we are going to my friend Cathy's house to see her new baby. I'm sure Jane will seem ginormous in comparison.

Those are my official plans for the weekend. Who knows what else will crop up. Hope you all are doing something much more exciting!

(P.S. No news on the poop front. After her command pooping performance in the doctor's office, she hasn't gone since. Whatever. Just goes to show you that she'll never listen to her mommy.)

TMI: Poop Edition

If you don't want to hear about Jane's poop issues, stop reading now.

OK, if you're still reading, here's the scoop on the poop: I noticed this week that Jane has been pooping more than normal. Usually she's a once a day kinda gal; this week, she's been going three or four times a day. One time on Tuesday it was bright green. And then last night, I noticed a tiny amount of blood in her diaper with the poop. As you can imagine, I freaked. We called the doctor's office, and the doctor on call said that it was probably one of two things - a little tear in her bum, or a milk protein allergy. Some babies are allergic to cow's milk, and blood in the poop is one way they show it. Jane was exclusively breastfed for 7 1/2 weeks. We introduced formula at that point, and until daycare, she had one or two bottles of formula a day. Now that she's in daycare, she's having three or four bottles a day. I'm not sure what that means or how that affects anything, but suffice to say, her diet has been changed. Anyway, the doctor said to watch her overnight and make an appointment in the morning. Last night she had one more little poop that had some blood in it, and then this morning, her poop seemed clear (not literally clear - that would be even more alarming!).

So we went to the doctor's office this morning, used diapers in tow as examples of what was going on. The doctor checked Jane out, and said she didn't see anything, but that didn't mean there wasn't a microscopic tear somewhere, especially since she had been pooping so much lately. Jane conveniently pooped at the doctor's office, so they took a sample and checked it for blood. In fact, there were tiny traces of blood (we couldn't see it). So now, over the weekend, I have to swab these little cards she gave me with samples of Jane's poop, to see if the blood gradually goes away. Fun.

The doctor is not alarmed. She thinks everything is most likely OK. If there is blood continuing, we will probably have to do some allergy testing. This would mean I would have to go on a very restrictive diet, most likely eliminating all dairy, and possibly wheat and beef. This is not my year of fun diets, obviously (see: gestational diabetes). Her formula would have to be changed to a much more expensive kind. But I'm jumping ahead of myself. If anything else weird goes on - black poop, very fussy behavior, seeming in pain - we have to call them immediately. The doctor said they see Jane's situation all the time. So why don't I feel better?

Tell me to calm down. Tell me this isn't a big deal. Tell me to listen to the doctor, who isn't really concerned. Tell me I will somehow survive all of the sicknesses and bumps and bruises and messes Jane gets herself into. Being a hypochondriac, I never thought I could worry about someone's health more than my own. But then I had Jane.

what's old is new again

So they recently changed to the format of 104.1 FM from rap/r&b back to alt-rock in the form of the new fm 104one. I have to say, I'm really psyched about this "new" radio station, which, right now, is very much like WMRQ Radio 104 was back when it first went on the air in the mid-1990s. I will never forget the day I first heard Radio 104 - I was in college, and my friends were buzzing about this new radio station that played bands like REM, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and the like, and had no DJs, and few commercials, and it was just....awesome. I remember getting in my friend Rich's car after our Ecology lab and listening. And loving. And for many years after that, I was a huge supporter of that radio station. I loved it when Dee Snyder had his morning show. I loved all of the Radio 104 Big Days Off and other day-long multi-band concerts. Hell, I still have the t-shirt I got from one of their promotional events at Foxwoods, way back at the beginning.

I was sad when it went away, obviously. And now I'm happy, so happy that it's back. Sure, it's not officially Radio 104 anymore, but right now, there are no DJs, limited commercials, and the first song I heard when I turned it on was by Nirvana. A lot of the music makes me nostalgic for a time when hanging out with my friends, drinking and going to bars, and being up on the latest and greatest in music were some of my top priorities. When homework was my biggest problem. When the idea of a husband, a kid, a house, two dogs and life in suburbia seemed like a million light years away.

I guess now I have the best of both worlds (plus, no homework!).

getting there

So I've been rolling with my new schedule for just over a week now. It's hard, I must say. The part about missing Jane aside (and really, let's set it aside for now. This is my life now, and let's all just assume that I miss Jane all the time, and I really really do, but if I think about it too much, I'll just be depressed, and that's not how I want to live all the time), it's hard logistically to get out the door every day. I have to make sure I have all of her stuff packed for daycare, my stuff packed for work, my pump (don't even get me started) and of course get myself and Jane ready for the day, usually on not-even-close-enough sleep. Then I drop her off, go to work, have to think and work like an adult, rush to daycare, pick her up, come home, clean her bottles, pack her stuff for the next day, feed her a couple of times, listen to her cry for a couple of hours (lo, how I can't wait for the witching hours phase of her life to be over) and then put her to bed. After that, I collapse in bed myself, exhausted, until I have to get up and feed her in the middle of the night.

I can't wait to see what the time change does to her schedule. Fun!

I really, honestly, truly don't know how people do this with more than one kid. I think it takes a level of organization I'm not capable of.

In other news, my friend Cathy had her baby yesterday, and thus concludes the end of the 2007 pregnancies, among my friends. She had a girl, and I can't wait to see her, although I don't think I'm going to be able to until next week.

Happy weekend, everyone!

Happy Halloween, from Jane the giraffe

I will survive

Sigh.

Just got home a little while ago from my first day-and-a-half at work. No, I didn't stomp out halfway through today in a emotional hissy fit - I am working half days on Fridays for the rest of this calendar year, in an attempt to use up some time off I have saved. That, plus working from home on Tuesdays, will help make this transition easier.

Yesterday was truly one of the worst days of my life. I have not been such an emotional basketcase in years - I felt like my guts were being ripped out when I had to leave Jane at daycare. I'm not even trying to be melodramatic here - it was physically painful. Work was a good distraction - it was great to see everyone again, and catch up on the gossip, and whatnot. But all I wanted to do was be with my baby. I made it until 4 p.m., and then I bolted off to pick her up. I know it will get easier, and I maintain that my workplace is about the best place to return to, if you have to go back to work full-time. The flexibility and understanding is unmatched.

Her "InfantGram" - the daily sheet that lets me know how her mood was, what she ate, her diaper situation, etc - told me that she had a great day yesterday, and her teacher said the same. Jane was nothing but pleasant for them. Sure, the witching hour(s) kicked off as soon as we got home, which is typical from about 5 p.m. to 8 p.m. in our house. But I was glad that she had such a good day. I just wished I was with her.

This afternoon when I went to pick her up, she was crying in her assigned crib. I had to reassure myself that Jane cries plenty when she's at home, that it's not an indication of abuse or neglect or anything. Still, I was happy to rescue her and bring her home, and now I get to spend the next two whole days with her. I have always appreciated my time with her, but now that it's more limited, I appreciate it even more.

I also appreciated the fact that she saved her major ass-plosion that she's been working on by not pooping for the past two days for daycare. They had to change her whole outfit! Yeesh.

Have a great weekend!

three monthiversary, pt. 2

OK, OK, I've been told that picture was dark, and it is. Here's a brighter one, from this morning (aka "three monthiversary plus one day").

three monthiversary

Somehow I've gotten into the tradition of taking her monthly photos in a white onesie. I'm not sure I like it, but I suppose I'll stick to it.

milestones

It's a big day in our household today.

Today is our three year wedding anniversary. I got up at 4 a.m. that day to begin the extensive preparations it took to get me to look like a girlie girl. This morning I was up at 4 a.m., desperately trying to get a very awake baby asleep so I could get another hour or two of sleep myself.

Today is Jimmy's second birthday. Lord, is that dog a pain in the ass, but such a hilarious, awesome addition to our family. I don't think I've ever seen a dog with such a personality. Happy Birthday, young James!

Today is Jane's three monthiversary. It feels like it's been forever, and like it's been a minute. And I'm not going to lie and say every moment has been wonderful - but most of them have been, and all of them have been life-altering.

As for Junior, well, every day is special for Junior!