read this book now.

You guys know how busy I am these days. And as much as I love to read, it took me three nights last week to finish the article about John McCain in New York magazine (perhaps it was the subject matter? I digress..) So when I tell you that I read a book (a real book, not Snuggle Puppy or Clifford's Peekaboo) in 24 hours this weekend, please take a moment to be duly impressed. The book in question was Schuyler's Monster.

I first came across the writing of Robert Rummel-Hudson in Wonder Time magazine, which is a fairly cool parenting magazine that I read every now and then. There was an excerpt of his book, Schuyler's Monster, in the issue, pegged as a story about how parenting can affect marriage. I quickly realized that while this excerpt did talk about issues that Robert and his wife Julie had in their marriage, it wasn't the typical new parents scared shitless issues. It focused on the problems they had after their daughter Schuyler (pronounced Skyler) was diagnosed with an extremely rare neurological disorder, bilateral perisylvian polymicrogyria, which is caused by a malformation of the brain.

Well, you know me. The moment I find out there might be a sad story in my entertainment, especially health related, I put down the magazine or book, turn off the TV, return the movie. I like my entertainment light with a side of frothy. However, there was something very intriguing about his story, and when I found his blog, Fighting Monsters with Rubber Swords, I was instantly hooked on the stories of the punky, adorable Schuyler and her Monster (which is what Robert calls her disorder).

I don't mean to candy coat it. In his blog and his book, Schulyer's Monster, Robert details the horrifying journey that began when his 18-month-old daughter's pediatrician asked him and his wife if Schuyler had begun speaking yet, and ended with the ultimate diagnosis of bilateral perisylvian polymicrogyria, which affects a large portion of Schuyler's brain. Thie malformation primarily presents itself by robbing Schuyler of the ability to speak.

The story will break your heart in about a million different ways. Robert's love for his daughter is palpable - which is what makes her diagnosis that much more painful. It is brutally honest - the aforementioned marriage problems are explored, the deep, dark fears he has for her future are mentioned often, and his conflicting feelings about God are woven throughout, never to be completely resolved.

But there is humor, lots of it, and a wealth of love and devotion for a child who he refers to as a "little rock star." And by the end, you will feel the same way about this engaging little girl. I swear, you'll want her autograph. More than that, you'll want to her hear speak with her Big Box Of Words.

Oh yes, Schuyler finds her voice, just not in the typical way. But she's definitely not a typical girl.

I know I sound ridiculously gushy, but as a parent, this book hit me hard. Because whether your child is diagnosed with something you've never heard of, or has a learning disorder, or is the most popular, straight-A kid in school, you're going to worry yourself sick. This is something I've learned over the past 10 months. Parenthood is great is all kinds of ways, but the primary feeling you have is worry. I felt for Robert and Julie as parents - and I will root for this little family every day, because, in short, they rock. And you'll root for them too.

Go read Schuyler's Monster. NOW.

wish you were here!

So here I am on my fabulous vacation....at home. And really, I wouldn't have it any other way. I've had a very enjoyable week so far. It's amazing how much more low-key I feel when I'm not rushing, rushing, rushing all the time. Jane has taken on some sort of weird sleeping schedule where she now naps at about 8:30 a.m. (very early), and the other night didn't go to sleep until 9 (very late). Last night she woke up crying every hour on the hour. Who knows what's up with that crazy lady. She's really on the verge of crawling, so maybe that's messing with her mind.

On Sunday, I celebrated my first Mother's Day by going to my mom's (makes sense, no?). In the afternoon, Greg, Jane, Jimmy, Junior and I took a walk down in West Hartford Center. As it turns out, Mother's Day is the busiest day ever down there, or at least as busy as I've ever seen it. Junior chose that day to be a real pain in the ass, which doesn't always work out when people want to pet him all the time. The whole thing was pretty exhausting, and I have to say that these dogs are lucky we feel guilty all the time, because they would never take as many road trips as they do now, if we treated them like dogs instead of like humans.

The past couple of days I've seen some friends, which has been great, I went to the library, because I'm a nerd, I've spent too much money, I contemplated buying a dress for a wedding I have to go to on Sunday, because the only one I have that fits right is black - is it OK to wear black to a Sunday wedding in May? Probably not, huh? But I don't want to buy a whole new dress that I will only wear once this year. Pathetically, I have only one event on the calendar this year that requires a dress. I'm a fancy pants, don't ya know.

I also am looking ahead to the next few weeks with a little trepidation. I won't be home three nights next week (two due to work and one due to social) and the next week I have three nights of auditions for All Shook Up and the the first read-through. I can't believe that rehearsals are almost here. Life is about to get super-crazed, so I'm so glad that I took this time off while I could.

It really has been great to spend all this time with Jane. If you told me two years ago that an ideal vacation for me would be to hang around a baby all day, I would have rolled my eyes. But It's been so nice to be in control of her day and get to spend the good part of the day with her, not just the busy mornings and nights. Well, perhaps it's not an ideal vacation - if we were doing all of this in San Diego, well, then it would be ideal.

like mother, like daughter

At around 6 p.m. every night, you can count on Jane to get a bit cranky. I have found one trick that ALWAYS makes her happy. I log on to the Sex and the City movie site, load up the trailer, and play it a whole bunch of times. Maybe it's a little unorthodox, and I'm sure I'm frying her tender little brain cells in front of the computer, but it puts a smile on her face EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

Me too! Can't wait for May 30!

mother's day

Well, it's my first official Mother's Day. And instead of a big smarmy post about how great I think it is to be a mom - how all of the hard work, no sleep, insane amounts of worry, and persistant pounds that refuse to go away is completely and totally 100% worth it - I will tell you that, man, I feel old! I know at the ripe old age of 34 I'm hardly "babies having babies" over here, but for some reason, Mother's Day seems like something old people should be celebrating. Anyway, it's still cool, because as you all know, I love s*** like this, and I love getting little presents and cards, and so I'm pretty psyched. I'm heading off to my mom's in a little bit, but I wanted to say Happy Mother's Day to all of you moms out there, whether you are mom to a kid, or a cat, or a dog, or a fish, or a friend, or whathaveyou. You rock!

PS Shane, go visit your mom (there is your second shout out - are you happy?).

infestation

This whole entirely fucked up nasty event happened on Tuesday night that involved literally hundreds of mosquitoes. Shane asked if I was going to write about it on the blog; I said that it was way too long a story to type, plus it works better if I act it out for you live. Instead, I present you with this haiku:

The mosquitoes came.
They invaded my whole house.
Now they are gone. Phew.

The end.

hey! look up there!

Did you notice my super cool and cute new banner (with just a dash of snarkiness)?? I'm sure you can already guess who created it for me. What? You thought it was me? My, my, my, you know nothing about my design skillz then. Instead, I give you the one and only Lisa, the artist of all trades. Now, pop over to her site and buy something, dammit. Mother's Day is just around the corner.

You truly brightened my day with this one, Artsy Fartsy.

fun like a hole in the head

One of the blogs I pop over to every now and again, Brooklyn Girl, made a statement in a recent post that mirrors exactly how I feel these days. She said:

I want to have fun. I want to be fun. I just don't remember how.

If you've been on the receiving end of any sort of communication from me in the past six days, whether it be this blog, an email, a phone call or, God bless you, an actual face-to-face conversation, you know the drill: Jane is sick. I am sick. Greg is sick. Rinse. Lather. Repeat. This time it was a stomach bug. She and I are still shaking off the last bits of it; luckily, Greg managed to escape this one (knock wood) with only some mild nausea. Last week was supposed to be a regrouping week for me at work, in between two super-busy weeks, and instead, I only got a couple of days in before the rest was eaten up by sick days. Now I'm in the weeds more than ever.

Sending Jane off to daycare today was hard. I knew she wasn't exactly 100% - her mood was great, but I knew her stomach still was a little touchy, so I told the teachers to feed her gently, don't let her bounce around too much after eating, no weird foods, just bananas and rice cereal. They are great, and when I picked her up at the end of the day, she had had a pretty good day, despite the fact that she got less than an hour nap the whole time (this should be illegal). But I know another sickness is right around the corner.

The first year of daycare is the roughest, everyone tells me. It's always like this. It helps build their immune systems. Pardon me for not being thrilled that she has had a runny nose for a good half of her life. And, please, after the hand/foot/mouth drama and this latest stomach monster, a runny nose is practically welcomed with a ticker tape parade. I scoff at you, runny nose.

I, as you can see, am a little bit of a mess. I know exactly how Brooklyn Girl feels. Every day the past week I've felt like I have barely kept it together, at the very brink of losing it at any moment, never mind actually having or being any fun. I feel sad. I feel angry. I feel sick. I feel like a nag. I feel like I'm spending too much money on Infant's Tylenol. I'm tired of being sicked upon. I. Just. Want. Jane. To. Be. Healthy. Is that too much to ask?

I know there are people with real problems. No one has to tell me this. I know I am lucky. No one has to tell me this either. I remind myself all the time. But I do, from time to time, permit myself a big ol' "WHY ME?" Why does it seem like we can't get one nice sunny weekend, where no one is sick, nothing is broken, everyone is happy, and everyone can actually recharge?

I want to have fun. I want to be fun. I just don't remember how.

gross ick nasty ugh

Look, I know this is horrible in absolutely every way, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to thinking it a wee bit funny. Particularly because I spent the better part of the morning with my head in the toilet, because I caught Jane's stomach bug overnight. For those of you counting, I have now taken 2 1/2 days off of work this week due to daycare-related illness, both on the parts of me and Jane. She's happy as a loon right now, while I'm at the point where I truly and honestly can't even lift her up, I'm so weak. Thank God Greg is working from home today, or I would have had to call my mommy.

the weather. we are under it.

So, everyone in Casa Me, My Dogs, My Life is sickity sick sick sick. I got the call around noon that Jane had a stomach bug (I will refrain from the details) and both Greg and I have a cold. We are all still recovering. Poor Jane! I hate seeing her sick and I want her to be better, stat. For those of you keeping track, this is the fifth illness in a month and a half. I could go on and on for paragraphs about all the reasons why I am miserable and so sick (literally and figuratively) of daycare, etc, etc, on and on, et al, to infinity and beyond. But instead, I will tell you the one reason I am glad I'm home sick today:

The cast of Sex and the City is on Oprah today! Hells to the yeah! I'm psyched.

I am also posting this pic of Jane that Lisa posted on her blog the other day - she took it at a party we were all at on Friday night, in ye olden days of healthiness. This is one of my favorite pics of Jane yet!

what have you done for me, lately?

Dear Blog,

Hey! Remember me? It's me - Jimmy! Yeah, the old lady keeps forgetting to talk about me on the blog now, because of that little drooly thing she's always lugging around. What is WITH that thing, anyway? It cries and poops and makes a mess, and she still won't get rid of it. Wait a minute - now that I think about it, it does sound a little bit like me.

Anyway, the old lady calls this blog "Me, my dogs, my life" but me and my bro are never featured anymore, which is obviously wicked lame. We've been pretty busy, after all. We've been going down to my new boat with the old guy, who tries to fix things on it and spends a lot of time screaming and yelling at boat parts. But Junior and I have a lot of fun. I'm glad they finally bought a boat for me, because I have my sea legs and I wanna use them!

I've been spending a lot of my time barking at the neighbors and birds and squirrels and stuff. Now that it's light out early in the morning, I can kick things off before 6 a.m., but for some reason, I'm always getting yelled at for it. Well, who's going to tell them about the rabbits in the backyard, if I don't? Yeesh.

I've also been enjoying the new toys that the drooly thing has. There are lots of nice, brand new stuffed animals and plastic things that I've enjoyed ripping apart. Hey, she's not using them - why can't I? The drool-factory has also been eating some delicious new foods, and whenever I can, I have a taste too.

So that's about it here. They've been ignoring me, so if anyone wants to invite me over or take me on a field trip this summer, I'm game, and my bro is too. This place has gotten way lame.

Peace,

Jimmy

homework

Isn't it ironic that I busted everyone's butts about not blogging, and then I've been MIA for a week? Blame it on the work, my friends. Blame it on the work.

I am emerging from the chaos with a long list of homework for the weekend. I am very backed up on my assignments, and here is what has to be done:

• Read the past two weeks' worth of New York magazine
• Read the mast two months' worth of In Style magazine
• Read last month's Oprah magazine (shut up, my mom gives it to me)
• Read last month's Parenting magazine (yeah, I need a manual)
• Speaking of which, read the "the tenth month" chapter in What to Expect the First Year
• Finish reading Good in Bed by Jennifer Weiner
• Start my book club book, Nineteen Minutes
• Attend to my DVR backup, which includes:
• Two episodes of "Top Chef"
• Nine episodes of "Sex and the City"
• Three episodes of "The Colbert Report"
• Two episodes of "The Daily Show"
• One episode of "America's Next Top Model"
• One episode of "Work Out"
• One episode of "The Bachelor: London Calling" (shut up)
• One episode of "The Hills" (I'm not apologizing)
• One showing of "John Oliver: Terrifying Times"
• One episode of "Desperate Housewives"

I'm very far behind, as you can see. I would hardly win the pop culture Olympics at this point. I don't even think I'd place.

Why do I feel like I've totally outed myself as a complete tool in this post? Oh, like you didn't know that already.

the street where I live

I grew up on a kid-packed street. My best friends now are the ones I grew up with in small-town Connecticut. I cannot stress enough how awesome it is that, at age 34, I've known most of my closest peeps for almost 27 years. They have been through every stage of life with me (for better or for worse - this also means they have a lot of photographic evidence of me in the 80s). I had a truly ideal situation growing up. I'd often leave my house in the morning, not to return for the rest of the day, because, hey! We had forts to build, clubs to form, bikes to ride, hikes to take.

So, I have been pretty dismayed at the fact that our neighborhood seemingly is comprised of 99.9% old people, my next door neighbors who have a 2 year old and a 4(ish) year old, and us. I really do like the next door neighbors and hope that they and Jane become fast friends, but I was hoping for more potential friends for her (and me!) in da 'hood. Lots of my friends have kids, and Jane will hang with them, of course, but I really wanted some kids close by, too. I know, I know, I'm greedy.

You can imagine my delight this evening, then, while taking Jane on a stroll in this fabulous weather, when I ran into a woman who lives down the street and around the corner with a NINE MONTH OLD BABY BOY!! YEAH!!! And, I have to say, I think she may have been equally psyched to see me. I am really happy about this new development, and we already said that we will have to get together soon.

Why do I feel like I'm in junior high all over again?

succinct

Jane = sick. Third sickness in a week and a half.

Work = all-encompassing. Hectic. Treading water.

Amanda = : (

unplugged

I was going to write a really interesting, comical, scintillating blog post about my fascinating life* - but then I realized that I haven't really heard from you. Or you. You either. You've been better than the rest of us, so you get a free pass from this shout out.

So while you are composing blog-worthy updates on your lives, I'm taking a break from the computer this weekend. I think I'm getting a case of ADD, because I'm constantly multi-tasking in the evenings and often that means the computer is in my lap, a book or magazine is to my side, and the TV is on. I'm finding that while trying to focus on everything, I'm focusing on nothing. So the computer will stay off.**

Talk to you Monday!

*Not really.
**Except to check work email. Because I have to worry about something going on on Sunday. Well I don't have to worry, but I will.

awesomeness

Way back in ye olden 1990s, I was a huge ginormous fan of alt-rock-whatever music. I went to zillions of concerts, spent most of my money on CDs, and nearly died and went to heaven when Radio 104 hit the airwaves. And my most favorite of all of the bands of the day was Letters to Cleo.

So imagine my joy - JOY - when I happened upon this website.

My girl crush of the 90s has herself a fancy new website, with a blog even! Blissful happiness over here, people.

525,600 people all lovin' our show

So as previously reported, my number one favorite musical of all time, RENT, is closing on Broadway. It was set to close on June 1, so I went and bought tix for the matinee performance, which would be the 19th time I've seen the show.

And then.

They changed the closing date to September 7! I knew something like this was going to happen. But what to do? I can exchange my tix for a show during closing week in September, but I believe I'm supposed to be in Cape Cod for the bulk of that week, so I will probably just end up going on the now anti-climactic date of June 1. As much as I heart this show, and as much as I'm happy they are squeezing three more months out of it, I admit to being annoyed as well.

BUT THEN.

The most excellent of theater news arrived today, via an email from Alan. I was just about to pop over to playbill.com like the huge theater nerd that I am when I received an email from Alan telling me that my second favorite show of all time, [title of show], was going to Broadway in July! YEAH! I was seriously screaming, people. You'd think I was an investor. I saw the show off-Broadway in September 2006 (pop back to that month in my archives if you want to read about how awesome I thought it was then) right before it closed, begged every theater person I know to go see it in its last weeks, and nobody listened to me. I have now threatened everyone I know that if they don't go see it this time, I'm breaking up with them.

If you have free time, PLEASE visit the [tos] blog on their website. It's hilarious. And join me on April 21 in buying tickets for the show. Or at least tell 9 people (this would make sense if you SEE THE SHOW).

And, in conclusion, SEE [title of show] ASAP.

the hits. they keep coming.

So, Jane's got herself a case of Coxsackie virus. Funny name, not so funny virus - it's also known as the hand, foot and mouth virus, because one of the symptoms is blisters in the general area of the hands, foot, and inside the mouth. Jane has been miserable for a couple of days, but I attributed it to teething, because she's getting her first two teeth in. However, daycare called yesterday to let me know they think she has this virus, which is making its way through the daycare. It certainly made sense, since she's been throwing up and refusing the bottle and completely miserable, and I had noticed some spots on her stomach, which are now all over her legs and arms, and indeed inside her mouth, as confirmed by her doc yesterday. There isn't anything you can do for this - the doc suggested a cocktail of children's Tylenol, Mylanta and Benadryl to help soothe the throat and mouth - but after running around to three pharmacies, talking to two pharmacists and calling the doctor twice, it turns out they don't make children's Mylanta anymore. So we're giving her the other two things, just in case it helps. Poor little baby. I feel so bad! Although her spots are more numerous today, her mood seems fair (knock wood!). The doctor said she would be able to go back to daycare tomorrow, if she seems better. We shall see. In the meantime, you know how busy I am at work? Yeah, it's hard to get stuff done when you're stuck home. Ah well - priority one is that Jane is OK.

do you hate me?

Dear Internets,

Do you hate me? I'm sorry I've been MIA. I thought about blogging a couple of nights this week, but I realized all I would do would be bitching and moaning as usual. What makes tonight different? Well, it's Friday! So the bitching and moaning comes with the relief that I have survived another work week.

Easter went well, thanks for asking! We had a load of people here and they all seemed to enjoy themselves. Jane picked that day to start her separation anxiety routine that apparently kicks in at this age. Yes, although there were plenty of people here who hadn't seen her in a long time and wanted to hold her and play with her, she only wanted to be with mommy. Mommy had lots of stuff to do, so she was hoping that Jane embrace her role as the pre-dinner entertainment, but it was not to be. Despite her crankiness, she sure looked cute and received a seemingly limitless number of stuffed bunnies and cute outfits. It was practically like Christmas all over again, with all of the gifts.

Work. Sigh. Busy times a million.

Jane's first tooth finally started poking out this week! Thank God for it too, because the fanfare - crying, drooling, general misery - has abounded over the past few weeks.

I'm going to see two shows this weekend! Tomorrow night I'm going to see Fatal Attraction: A Greek Tragedy at Hole in the Wall with Todd and Alan, who, I believe, plan on gloating about the fabulousness of their recent Tucson trip. Then Sunday night I'm going to see Twelve Angry Men at The Bushnell. These are the first two shows I'm seeing since before Jane was born. Can you believe that madness? And I call myself a theater person.

So, um, that's all here. Happy weekend!

Love,
Amanda

PS I've included some pictures that will hopefully go a long way in terms of earning your forgiveness for my blogging negligence.

stating the obvious

San Diego kicks Connecticut's ass.

Well, duh.

another thing that J Lo and I don't have in common

I am laughing my ass off over here, looking at these pics of Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony and their new twins that appeared in People magazine this week. Particularly the one of her breezily feeding one of them wearing some sort of designer gown, full hair and makeup, smiling oh-so-maternally. Because as those of you who visited me during the first month of Jane's life know, that's exactly how I looked.

I need a drink

Reasons why:

1) Work. I don't talk about work here, and I'm sticking to that rule. I will just say that my workload got considerably bigger today, on top of what was already considerable. So there's that.

2) My sister had surgery today to remove an aneurysm in her neck. She's fine but it's a very good thing they caught it, or this blog could have been a lot more depressing. However, bonus points to me for spelling aneurysm correctly on the first try.

3) Jimmy is trying to make sweet, sweet love to Junior tonight. Spring fever? The romantic pitter patter of the rain? Not sure what's got him in the mood, but neither of them are really equipped for this kind of activity and it's completely freaking me out, so I've separated the lovebirds.

4) The rain. I am so frakking sick of the rain, the cold, the misery. I want nice weather. And Alan's latest blog entry has enraged me even more.

5) The fact that I'm trying to dry my comforter right now, which is going to need about two more hours in the dryer, and then a load of sheets before I can go to bed tonight.

Blah diddy blah blah blah.

the return of the worst blogger ever

Yup, that's me.

Sorry I've been MIA, yet again. My life, it is not exciting. Certainly not exciting enough to be taking up room on the interwebs (sorry Lisa). But here I am, with an update. Easter is coming up, and we are having 17 people over on Sunday. We are abso-freaking-lutely not prepared for this in any way. We're having someone come over to clean the house (for reals) on Saturday, and then after that, I will clean what I feel she didn't clean good enough. I am completely neurotic when my family comes over - we live in a state of disarray over here and it's slightly embarrassing to me. Plus I have to cook, and we all know that's not a good thing.

Work continues to be madness.

Spring is coming! Or so the calendar tells me. I don't believe it because it's still ass cold out and I'm still wearing gloves, but it is March 18, and it can't stay cold that much longer. It just CAN'T - do you hear me, Mother Nature? I am very jealous of my friend who is going on vacation to Arizona. I am desperate for warm weather.

Uhhhh......yeah. Let's see. Cap'n Greg is continuing to get the boat ready, for our summer on the water. And..uhh...zzzzzz

Sorry, I just fell asleep reading my own blog.

a little Monday morning poll

OK, I totally stole this from another blog, but I thought it was interesting. Of course, I added my own answers!

It started out as "60 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me" and now it's 19. I thought it'd be a fun way for you to get to know me a little better... Read on, and then tell me about YOU, too.

1. What were you doing at 7am this morning? Working. Something is wrong with our hot water heater, so I am currently waiting for the guy to show up and fix it. So I was doing some work from home.

2. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Yup, still working. In the middle I got Jane ready for the day and Greg took her to daycare and then went off to a meeting.

3. What will you be doing 3 hours from now? I am hoping by that point I am actually at work, and I'm sure I will be thinking about lunch!


4. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Jimmy!" because he was barking for no reason. At least no reason that I can figure out.

5. What is the best ice cream flavor? I am a fan of the Mint Chocolate Chip, except I feel guilty saying that, considering I am the Dairy Queen, after all.

6. What was the last thing you had to drink? Diet Pepsi, aka, my life blood.

7. What are you wearing right now? Oh dear. Valentine's Day sleeping pants, a t-shirt from when I did Carousel 11 years ago, and a CCSU sweatshirt. Hey, I'm being honest. Remember, I'm waiting for the hot water heater to be fixed, so no shower yet!

8. Have you bought any new clothing items this week? Not for me, but I did buy a St. Patrick's Day outfit for Jane. It's super-cute, and much needed, since she's 63% Irish (we figured it out yesterday).

9. What's the last sporting event you watched? I "watched" the Superbowl, kinda, as much as you can watch a game with 30 people in the room, lots of noise, and a baby to monitor.


10. Do you have a tan? I have a tan as much as anyone in CT who doesn't fake and bake can have a tan in March.

11. Do you drink your soda from a straw? I should, but no. Poor teeth.

12. Are you someone's best friend? Yup!

13. Last person you talked to on the phone? I think it was my mom, who I talked to on Saturday. Wow, I really don't think I talked to anyone on the phone since then! She told me she's going to Ireland for two weeks in September, and I'm so happy for her. It really brought me joy to know she's going on such an awesome trip. It was the best news of the weekend.

14. Have you met anyone famous? Quite a few people, but the most exciting ones were Mark Ruffalo and a couple of the Barenaked Ladies. I did kinda crap my pants when I met Hunter Bell too.

15. Last song listened to? No joke - "I'm F****** Matt Damon."

16. Are you jealous of anyone? No, not really. My life is hectic and not very glamorous, but I do love it.

17. Is anyone jealous of you? I highly doubt it!


18. Do you eat healthy? Sort of, but I really could do much better. I am feeling very badly about myself these days. I have these persistant 7 pounds or so that I want to lose, and I just feel overall very dumpy and gross. I really want to be better about this.

19. Do you hate anyone right now? Not specifically, but there are plently of people I don't like.

OK, now your turn!

Junior bolts!

So today we decided to take the whole family to West Hartford Center for a walk. We don't do this very often because, as you can imagine, it's a pain in the ass to deal with two rambunctious dogs and a stroller. But today we felt sorry enough for the dogs that we took them along. About ten seconds into our walk, Junior somehow got loose and starting bolting down the street - galloping, really. Greg had Jimmy and started running after Junior, but Jimmy was slowing him down. He's yelling to me, "take Jimmy, take Jimmy!," but I can't catch up to him, and in the meantime, I've totally ditched Jane on the sidewalk. As I catch up to Greg, I hear "Amanda!" and look behind me. It's my friend Beth and her fiance, who had been across the street shopping for wedding rings. I throw them Jimmy and follow Greg, who finally caught Junior before he hit the intersection. I basically had to sit on the sidewalk to recover from the experience, which took about 30 seconds in total but was very exhausting nonetheless! It was quite humiliating to have an audience for the whole thing, but luckily Beth and Jay were friends and not potential baby kidnappers, considering I'd just left Jane there, napping away, oblivious to the whole thing.

A while later, we were walking along, with Jimmy's leash tied to Greg's pants. I'm not sure why Greg did that, but he seemed to think it was an easier way of handling both dogs. Jimmy of course got excited about something (perhaps the seemingly hundreds of pooches walking around the Center?) and tugged Greg's pants so hard that his button popped off.

We left shortly after, figuring that if Greg's pants fell completely down, we'd never be allowed in West Hartford again.

hooked up

I got myself a fancy dancy new laptop computer. So now I'm playing around with it and half watching Michael Clayton, and asking Greg what is going on with the movie every five minutes. I can't help it - I'm entranced by my shiny new machine! This is the one I got. I picked green because it reminded me of spring.

hello, friends!

Just a little update from The Cold That Would Never End (TCTWNE) Headquarters. We've all got it now, with Greg and I tying for biggest babies with a cold. Jane, despite her constant booger production, is generally happy. I had to whisk her to the pediatrician's office yesterday, however, because when I picked her up from daycare, they said she had been fussy (read: whiney-ass baby) all day. But the man-child doctor that saw her (whom I love - it's not an insult, it's just that he's so young) said her ears and lungs were clear. So who knows what's up.



Greg and I actually went out, sans baby, last night to see U23D - yes, obviously we are huge nerds, so nerdy in fact that we had to put the 3D glasses over our regular glasses, rendering us six-eyed. Nice. Despite that, it was a really cool movie - a sort of flashback to the ye olden tymes (2005) when we saw them play three times on the very tour depicted in the movie. It was nice to get out, despite the fact that at any given moment, I feel like I'm going to collapse of exhaustion.



Not too many plans for the weekend. Greg's got boat-related stuff going on tomorrow, so Jane and I are flying solo, and with the Great Flood expected in this area, I don't think it's going to be a very exciting day. Hopefully we can make up for it with something fun on Sunday.



Have a great weekend!

am I crazy?

After months - actually, in all honesty, over a year - of being all "babybabybabybaby," I have agreed to co-direct a show this summer. This show is part of the summer young adult program that in previous years produced Godspell and Into the Woods (yeah, yeah, you heard all about those, whether you wanted to or not). I was supposed to co-direct last summer, but, well, I was busy. So I agreed to do it this summer, with the stipulation that I would only run two rehearsals a week, with the exception of hell week and the week the other director is on vacation.

I think I might be a little nuts. I'm so torn on this. One part of me says, "woman, you get no sleep as it is. You are stretched to your absolute limit. You are about to get super-slammed at work. WTF???" The other part says, "But I wanna do a shooooowwwww...."

I'm looking at it this way. Two nights a week isn't too much. It doesn't mean I won't see Jane, because I'm hoping I can arrange it so I can do most of her nighttime business before I have to leave for rehearsal. And even if I can't, it's not like Greg isn't completely capable. I think I need to get my creative juices flowing again. I need to do something for me, even if it means I'm going to be weeping uncontrollably from the exhaustion and insanity of it all. If it's a disaster, it'll all be over in probably less than two months. If it works, I know I can attempt to have some sort of external life again. No matter what, I'm fairly certain I wouldn't do another show for another year after that - I'm very partial to this summer program, which is another reason I'm doing this.

Yup, I'm crazy.

Now, dear internets, you have to tell me I'm not a bad mom for doing this.

**This pic is from backstage when I was in Life with Father. Jane was just a tiny little cluster of cells at this point. Mind you, a tiny cluster of cells that nearly made me pass out on stage during one performance.

Oprah's Big Give

Just watched this show. Love it. A nice mix of reality TV, good people doing good deeds, and competition. With a sprinkle of snarky disputes between contestants to keep it real. Another reason why Oprah will soon rule the world, if she doesn't already.

memo to this week:

Suck it.



PS Thanks to Melissa for providing one lovely bright spot to the week. The full trailer is out!

awesome.

I don't know if any of you saw the video Sarah Silverman made for her boyfriend, Jimmy Kimmel, to celebrate the fifth anniversary of his show. It was awesome. I can't stand her, and it was awesome. Well, this was his retribution. Even better. (If you didn't see her version first, click on that link and watch it, and then watch Kimmel's version.)

Not for kids, and not suitable for work!

Seven Monthiversary!

Yeah, we're snotty and drooly and fairly gross around here - but not enough to ignore yesterday's seven monthiversary! Whoo hoo!

8 years ago today

Still always missing you, Dad.

boob tube

If you know me at all, you know television is one of my BFFs. I watch tons of shows, and I don't apologize for it. I never pretended to be one of those people who look down their noses at those of us who need to leave our brains at the door at the end of a busy day, so there's room in our heads for pure, unadulturated junk. And I love it.

However.

There's some evidence that suggests that babies under 2 who spend a lot of time in front of the television, watching "educational" videos like Baby Einstein and whatnot, actually learn fewer words than babies who don't watch TV. Some people believe that throwing the kids in front of the TV can trigger autism and other disorders. Not to mention the poisonous rays shooting out of the screen.

At first I was like, "Eh, what's a few fewer words? I wish most people would talk less anyway." And it's not like I sit Jane down to watch hours of children's programming. Not when I have so many adult shows to watch! Plus I always have the "Today" show on in the mornings, so she's caught up on current events.

But lately I've noticed that when the TV is on, she tends to focus on it and get glazed look on her face (awww, just like her mama!). And all I'm thinking is, "This can't be good for a baby. Greg and I can rot out our brains until they bleed out our ears, but we've earned it." So I've been trying to keep the TV off when she's in the living room with us. It's weird, all this silence. But good. Good for her and good for me. It allows me to focus more on what she's doing - which is what I should be doing - instead of getting distracted by the plot of some "Sex and the City" episode I've seen a kajillion times anyway.

Don't fear. It's not like I'm giving it up. That's what the DVR is for. But I'm thinking I don't want a six-month-old Carrie Bradshaw on my hands anyway.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I know I'm supposed to be all angsty and stuff about Valentine's Day, all hating on it like nobody's business - sort of like Alan - but I actually have always enjoyed this holiday, mostly because it is primarily candy-centered. I've always gotten a kick out of this little pink day in the middle of gloomy winter - and it has nothing to do with being with someone or not, because I have spent more Valentine's Days single than with someone. But anyway, happy Valentine's Day, dear Blogger readers! And to you I give some candy-coated Jane!

let's lighten this joint up, shall we?

I invite all of you to visit my friend (and possibly your friend) Melissa's blog and check out her latest two entries. The Barack Obama video, which is all over the place, has inspired me and given me the appropriate goosebumps. The John McCain one - well - is the most hilarious (yet scary!) thing I've seen in a long time. I think I am Melissa's number one visitor these days because I keep popping back to see it.

a bump in the road

One year ago, as part of my regularly scheduled blood tests I had to take during pregnancy, I went in for what is called the "triple screen" test. This is a test that checks for any possible chromosomal issues in the fetus, such as spina bifada or Down Syndrome. I went in for the test, and although I had a nagging fear something might be wrong, I wrote it off as one of my natural fears that something is wrong every time I go to the doctor.

A week later, I received a call from my doctor that my results came back elevated for my age. You see, when you get this blood test, they weigh in a lot of factors like your age, weight, gestational age, etc, to come out with your risk of having a baby with some sort of problem. It is in no way definitive, and there are a lot of so-called "false positives." None of that information helped me when I found out that I had a 1/77 chance of having a baby with Down Syndrome.

My age at delivery was 33. The risk factor at that age is approx. 1/480 (or something close to that). The older you get, the higher the risk. But 1/480 felt a whole hell of a lot better than 1/77. I was told that instead of a regular ultrasound, I was to have a level 2 ultrasound, which is a much more detailed ultrasound where they look at all of the organs closely to see how they are developing. With a L2, the chance of confirming something like Down Syndrome is about 80%. The only way to know for sure is having aminocentisis, which is, essentially, a huge ol' needle they stick in your abdomen to retrieve cells from the fetus to determine, definitively, if there is a problem. There is a risk of miscarriage with an amnio; some say it's as high as 1/200, but I believe research shows the risk to be much lower than that.

So, my doctor calls me at work and says I have a 1/77 risk of having a baby with DS. They scheduled me for the L2 ultrasound for three weeks later - they had to wait until I was at least 20 weeks so they could see the organs clearly. She told me not to worry; there are tons of women who get news like this and everything turns out just fine.

I can't really remember, aside from shutting my office door, what I did next. The rest of the day was a blur of many, many tears, phone calls, emails, and Internet research. There is a message board on babycenter.com that I read religiously because so many, many women get numbers like I did, or worse, and have babies who are just fine. I remember one woman who tried to reassure everyone with her story: she was given 1/5 odds and her boy was perfectly fine. There were also people who received much worse news from their blood screen and resulting ultrasound: their babies had cysts on the brain, holes in their stomach, tangled intestines, major brain damage - nightmare stories that made the risk of DS seem so much less dramatic.

Over the following three weeks, I did loads of research about DS. I needed to know what our reality would be if the baby did have DS. All I could remember were the couple of kids who had it when I was in high school, but I didn't know what their lives were really like. I found out that with early intervention, people with DS are living much fuller, productive lives than they were even 20 years ago. The kids are part of regular classrooms, just with extra help. There are groups and communities all over the Internet and in real life that give great amounts of support to people with DS and their families. I read personal stories from women who said they were horrified when they got the news, either when they were pregnant or when they had their babies, but grew to have such a special bond and love for their child with DS that now they wouldn't change a thing.

People thought I was crazy for even going there in my head. They said everything would be fine. But I needed to know everything would be fine no matter what the result was. I needed to arm myself with information and support before I knew whether everything was indeed OK or not. Greg and I were faced with big decisions - the majority of people choose to terminate after they get the confirmation. We quickly made the choice that, no matter what, we wouldn't do that. But could we handle it? Were we equipped for this? I asked so many of my spiritual friends to pray hard for us, because I felt like my prayers would never be good enough for such a request - to please let my baby be OK.

I had a lot of dark days during those three weeks. It really took me that long to get right with the whole thing. I was recently cleaning out my email box and I came across a message I had sent my best friend, where I stated that this was the most stressed out I had ever been in my life, and it was true, even after having gone through the death of a parent, and the near-death of my brother in his car accident. This ate at me in a completely different way. In the meantime, I was doing a show - Love Letters - and I was able to pour a lot of my angst into that. It was really cathartic to do a performance where I had to well and truly break down. Because that's what was happening inside.

Something else happened during those three weeks. The baby started to move. I felt the very faint flutterings of movement. All of the sudden, this little being that was causing me so much misery was....real.

The day came for the ultrasound, and we headed up to UConn. The technician who did the procedure was great and answered my many, many questions, most of which were "is that normal?" During a day that was supposed to be so magical - the first day I would see my baby! - I was in a panic. Everything did, in fact, look normal. The genetic doctor came in after and had another look around. Although his bedside manner was for total shit, he confirmed that everything did look normal at that time. He stressed that I should get an amnio to know for sure. He really suggested that I do it right then because that would give me a few days to decide to terminate before it was too late.

But I had had it. I felt like I had aged 20 years in less than a month, and I was ready to enjoy my pregnancy. Maybe I didn't have 100% confirmation that the baby (who we now knew was a girl!) was OK, but if there were any glaring issues, it would have been apparent on the scan. My OB/GYN totally agreed. And so we forged on.

People always talk about the joyful moment they have when delivering a baby. My moment was a bit different. When Jane made her appearance on July 23, I cried over and over, frantically, "is she OK? Is she OK?" It was like they couldn't convince me that all looked well.

I think about that part of my life often, but especially now. Last Valentine's Day was so rough, but Greg and I bonded so strongly during that time, because it was the first hard decision (not that it was really a decision) we had to make together.

I feel like Jane is such a blessing, but I know I would feel that way no matter what. Because it was a year ago that she became a real person to me.

this and that

So I couldn't be happier that it's almost Friday. Sure, I have no doubt that Jane will continue on with The Cold That Would Never End, and Greg is away all weekend at captain school for the boat, but as long as I don't have to do the mad dash at the beginning and end of each day, I'm that much happier.

Not a whole hell of a lot has been going on. As some of you know, I'm part of Facebook nation now, which I've found amusing. How strange to see all of these familiar faces, some of which I haven't seen in 20 years.

Lent started this week, and in years past, I've given up all sorts of things, mostly junk food, as part of the season. This year I decided to really focus on one of my New Year's resolutions, which, if you recall, was to pull my head out of my ass and stop being so cranky and miserable all the time. I tend to get that way during the aforementioned mad dashes in the morning and night. It just feels like there is no time to get everything done, and it all seems so stressful, but if I get some perspective, it really and truly isn't that bad. So, we'll see how I do. I tend to take Lent pretty seriously, but at the same time, I threw a big hissy fit this morning when poor Jane puked up her entire breakfast (which tends to happen these days when she goes on one of her morning coughing jags). I just get so upset for her and tend to, for example, start swearing at the top of my lungs. I might have to consult the "What to Expect" book, but I'm fairly sure that's not good parenting.

I am very pleased with the results of the primaries in CT. Overall I'm just really into the whole political scene these days. Who the hell knew.

Not too much else going on, I'm afraid. Sorry kids - I'll try to be more interesting next time.

talk about a Young Democrat

rocking the vote

Although I've always voted in the November elections, this year is the first time I'm voting in the primaries. I've had a difficult time deciding who to choose, which makes me optimistic about the idea that in November, I won't be just voting for "anybody but McCain."

Today, however, I'll be voting for the rock star.

weekend Jane

Well, knock on wood, so far so good this weekend. We've gone to lunch with Todd and Alan (and I'm hoping Alan posts some of his pics, including the one where Jane is proudly waving her token of Canadianship), we went to my friend's surprise birthday party and Jane stayed up and happy way past her bedtime, and we went to lunch with more friends today. She's kind of cranking out now, so I don't know how she'll be at the Superbowl party tonight, but even so, we've had a good weekend. It's nice to be out amongst the people, despite the fact that 2/3 of us are stuffy and sick.

I hope everyone's Superbowl dreams come true today.

weekend? update?

I am very hesitant to write about my plans for this weekend, as the last time I did that, they got totally destroyed due to The Cold That Would Never End. But, hey, might as well record the plans I hope to have this weekend:

Tonight: Awww yeeaaah - I just cleaned the house. I am just. that. cool. After this I'm gonna check out what the DVR has in store, and I'll probably be in bed by 10 (since I now have TCTWNE).

Tomorrow: Since we had to cancel last week, we will be having lunch with Todd and Alan. Since Alan is Jane's Canadianfather, I am hoping he can impart some wise Canadian words to her. You see, Jane is 1/something French Canadian, and Alan, being a Canadian from Canada himself, has been appointed her Canadianfather, so she can, you know, appreciate her heritage and stuff. Tomorrow evening we will be going to a surprise birthday party for one of my theater peeps.

Sunday: Since we had to cancel last week, we will be going to lunch with our friends Matt and Cathy, and their three-month-old, Olivia. Then, it's off to Heather's for our annual Cool Commercials party. Oh, I mean Superbowl party. I know I should be into this one in particular, this being a beehive of Giants/Patriots fandom, but I really, truly don't care about the game. I care about the food and the commercials.

Also, during the weekend, I plan on officially deciding who to vote for on Tuesday.

So, as you can see, I'm busy. All of this is of course very tentative, as it can (and probably will) go to hell in a handbasket due to some nasty-ass daycare-bred bug. Have a great weekend!

Ah, LOST

What a sweet, delicious mindf**k you are.

six monthiversary

Good Lord, has this not been a fun weekend. Poor Jane is still sick, coughing, sneezing, low-grade fever -the works. I have a feeling she'll be staying home tomorrow too. This is the first time I've had to deal with a fever with her - and it's so sad! And scary. I feel like such a rookie mom, and everything freaks me out.

However, this isn't supposed to be another depressing "Jane is sick" entry. Thursday was Jane's six monthiversary! And I forced her to have some happy moments today so we could get some pics. As Tyra always tells the ANTM models, it doesn't matter if you're sick. You still have to work it.

the best laid plans

So, this was supposed to be a very social weekend for us. We were supposed to see my brother's new condo today, go to dinner with Todd and Alan, and go to lunch tomorrow with our friend Cathy and Matt, and their new baby Olivia.

And then.

I picked up Jane at daycare last night and they told me she had a low-grade fever and wasn't acting herself. She's had a cold/cough for a few days, but it really kicked up a few notches yesterday. We took her to the doctor just in case, and they checked her out and didn't find an ear infection or anything, so that was good. Also, apparently, there's some nasty-ass bronchial thing going around, but they didn't think it was that either. But the poor girl is so sick. She's been just miserable all day, and all plans have been canceled. She's just hacking away, with a very runny nose and watery eyes and red face - it's just plain sad. I feel so bad for her, because I can't tell her that although colds are horrible, they will go away and she'll be right at rain soon (I hope!!).

So much for my social weekend. But there was one highlight - Alan and Todd dropped off some cupcakes on their way to Hole in the Wall tonight. Anyone who knows me knows how much a sucker I am for cupcakes. So thanks to them, there was a bright spot in an otherwise sickly day.

PS I have never been more annoyed with a kid than I was yesterday at the doctor's office. We whisked Jane in at the last minute - they were able to squeeze her in right before they closed - and while we were in the waiting room this 6 or 7-year-old boy came up to her and started touching her hands. I said, all loud-like, "Oh, you don't want to touch her, she's sick!" and he responds "that's OK, I'm sick too!" Oh my Lord. Where was his mother? Hello? Don't touch my baby! Sometimes I wish I could just store her in a vat of Purell and call it a day.

ummm...yeah.

So. Hey! How are you? I haven't see you in a while. Sorry about the blog being so dull. I always think to myself, "I should blog about something, because I so enjoy reading everyone else's blogs." And then I hem and haw about what I should write, and have come to the grand conclusion that my life is dull-ass boring. I mean, I enjoy it. I'm just pretty sure that everyone else must read this thing and be like, "God, I'm glad I'm not her."


That said, as you can see, I don't have a lot to report. We get MLK Day off of work, but I went into work yesterday and took today off instead. I have to take Jane to the doctor because she has a little rash on her stomach that hasn't gone away, plus she's developed yet another lovely cold/cough. So it should be fun, being the germophobe that I am, to go into the den of sickness known as the pediatrician's office this morning. Ewwww.


Jane has been busy rolling around a lot, eating different foods, and generally just being so much fun to be around. I find myself getting teary every morning when I leave her now, because she's so cool to hang out with all day (and being uncool myself, I have to attach myself to all of the cool people I can). Greg has been very busy with the boat (I've mentioned the boat, right?) so we've had a lot of alone time together. She has completely grown out of her 3-6 month clothes and is on to 6-9 month clothes. And let me tell ya, when people were throwing me bags of hand-me-downs when she was born, I was a little like, "whatever," but now, oh my, it's so great to have all of these "new" outfits that I didn't have to buy!


If I haven't mentioned the boat, we now have a boat. It's a business venture for Greg, but also, we have a 44-foot boat. Come visit us this summer! We'll be on a boat! Bring a life jacket!


Has anyone been watching the new seasons of "Rock of Love with Bret Michaels" and "Scott Baio is 46...and Pregnant"? Because - awesome (as Bret would say). Why anyone would not want to watch these shows is beyond me. And yeah, maybe it's not all cultural and whatnot, but so what. Dip your head in the toilet water cesspool of TV once in a while. It's great!


Update on Rent: I bought tickets to see the matinee performance on June 1, the last day. Couldn't get tix for the final performance - I suspect it will be a charity event.



So. That's that. Don't you wish you had that two minutes of your life back?

all dressed up and nowhere to go

Except that I'm not dressed up. But the other part is certainly correct, about the nowhere to go. It's been another rockin' Friday night in my household, watching DVR'ed "American Idol" and "Celebrity Apprentice." Dinner was a bowl of cereal. I gave Jane a bath and put her to bed a couple of hours ago, after she only finished half of her bottle. Which could very well mean she'll be up in the middle of the night because she's hungry. The very idea of having to get up and feed her makes me panic. I think after my experience of true sleep deprivation for many months in a row has made me very very anxious about returning to such a state. Not that I'm getting a whole lot of sleep now, but it's better than the hour or two a day I was getting last summer.

I have absolutely no plans for the weekend. I used to have plans. Remember when I had plans? When I would do my weekend update with all kinds of things going on? I can't plan for too much these days. It's not that I won't be busy, because I will. By Sunday night I won't even feel like I had a weekend. I'm just not sure what I'm going to be doing between now and then.

But I can guarantee six months ago I wasn't saying that my big Friday night plans were "American Idol" and bed by 10. Not that I'd trade it - because I definitely wouldn't - but lord, did I get boring quick.

dearly beloved, we gather here to say our goodbyes

Bad. Bad. BAD NEWS.

But not entirely unexpected.

Road trip!

snow day!

I worked from home today because we got about 8 inches of snow in my area, and it's a lot easier to just work from home than have to shovel early, slide all the way to daycare in my sled of a car, slide to work and be late, late, late. It's actually been a productive day, even! I did take the time to have Greg take these pics of Jane out in the snow (this will be considered her "first snowstorm," since I haven't gotten it together enough to take pics in earlier snowstorms this year). I'm not one to get all gooey about my baby (at least in front of others), but seriously - doesn't she looks so candylicious in her new sweater and hat!? I love it! Also, take note of young James in the background. He has been in and out of the house about a million times today. No one loves it more when I work from home than Jimmy!

rota-mother*(&!*(&-virus

So today when I picked up Jane, there was a notice on the door of her classroom that Rotavirus had struck. Per the ever-scary WebMD, here is what Rotavirus is:

Rotavirus is a virus that infects the intestinal tract of almost all young children by age 5. In the United States, most children get sick from rotavirus by age 2. A rotavirus infection causes stomach upset and diarrhea.
Babies and very young children with rotavirus infections need to be watched closely because they can become dehydrated. Dehydration occurs when the body loses water more quickly than it is replaced. When you become dehydrated, you can develop severe health problems. Babies and young children can become dehydrated very quickly.
Rotavirus infections spread easily. Outbreaks usually occur in the winter and early spring, between about November and April. Rotavirus infections often spread in settings where many children are together, such as day care centers.

So, yeah. FUN, with a capital FU**, I can't believe that this is happening on a Friday. Apparently all of the babies in the room, except Jane and another baby, has already had it. This also includes the teachers and all of the parents of the sick babies. Yeah, once someone in the house has it, EVERYONE has it. Also, a few of these babies had to go to the hospital because they were dehydrated. Oh, and they told me Jane puked up a whole bottle this morning.

Why do I think our weekend is going to absolutely suck? F-ing daycare.

sign o' the times

I was just laughing out loud at something Meredith and Matt were saying on the "Today" show. Am I officially old? Has it happened?

things and stuff

Here are some things I'm thinking about this Monday:

RENT was awesome. I know you probably expected me to say that, but after seeing something 18 times, one can get a little jaded about how good the cast members are. But I really can't say that anyone was off. There was an understudy for Mimi, who is played these days by the old American Idol finalist, Tamyra Gray. Well, I don't know about Tamyra, but this girl was great. Tons of energy that you don't always see with Mimi. And I loved the girl who played Maureen, and by "girl" I mean, WOW, this cast is young. The guy who played Mark (I know I'm being lazy about actors' names; if you really want to know what their real names are, check out the official site) came out to give autographs while Heather and I were waiting for our fancy limo, and all I could think was, "Man oh man, he is young, young, young. OR, I am old, old, old." So, I prefer to think he is young, young, young.

Side note: We did not get, nor were we waiting for, his autograph. While I would like to say that I am too cool and above things like that, because I have a decent number of opportunities to meet actors, I will say that I could barely speak when I met Mark Ruffalo two years ago, and did ask to get my picture taken with him. No - wait - I didn't ask him. I made my friend ask him. So, me = not cool.

Jane has spent the past two nights sleeping soley in her crib. We've been moving her around from carseat (yes, I am horrified to admit we were still relying on the carseat for parts of the night) to the pack and play and now the crib, and, like I said, she has spent the past two nights just in her crib. The night before last was horrendous - she cried on and off throughout the night - but last night she did good. I pray to the gods of sleep that this continues. She has been rolling over so much lately, that she is now sleeping on her stomach. First time ever! A big no-no for babies who can't roll, but since she can, I won't wake her up to flip her.

And finally, the list of top 100 names of 2007 was released - and Jane is not on the list! Thank God! I was nervous that somehow the name became popular behind my back.

wine and beer!

This is the lyric from RENT that is currently in my head, because a friend at work kept repeating it today.

Tomorrow I am going to NYC to see RENT for the 18th time. Mind you, I haven't seen it in New York that many times - in fact, this is only the fourth time at the Nederlander Theater - but then when you add the 14 times I've seen it on tour, well, here I am. A true and official nerdalicious RENT-head.

The first time I saw RENT was in September 1997, a year after it had opened on Broadway. I went with my friend Hilary a week before her wedding. We took the train down, blew all of our money on tickets, and wandered around the city all day, just waiting for the 8 p.m. curtain. I saw most of the original Broadway cast that night, and needless to say, it made quite an impression. I was giddy after that performance. Giddy. I didn't sleep the whole night and was a complete zombie the next day at work, but it was completely worth it. Since then, the show has remained at the top of my "favorite shows" list. And I've seen a lot of shows.

It's pretty amazing to think about how much my life has changed since the first time I saw the show, but the fact remains that I can't think of a better way to spend $75 (the cost of my ticket that day) in New York. I know Alan is going to blah blah blah all over my little RENT geek-tacular here, because he hates the show (although he's never SEEN it!), but I can't wait.

Greg got me tickets to go see the show with my friend Heather - he knew the first thing I would worry about is who is taking care of Jane, so he's doing Daddy-duty for the day so I don't stress (too much) - and we're traveling in style, by limo. This is, by far, the fanciest thing I've done in a long, long, LONG time.

I just spent the past half hour looking at RENT's official site, seeing who's in the show now, happy to see some familiar faces. (alas, not the two faces above - I missed Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp's return to RENT last summer because I was on 24-hour baby duty). It's like seeing old friends. Except friends that are a lot cooler and more attractive than me.

I'll give you my review of the show this weekend (and don't think I'll automatically gush. Quite the opposite. When you've seen a show this many times, you get very critical.)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year everyone! This year, I have resolved to pull my head out of my ass (meaning, stop being so dramatic about the little things that go wrong in my life and look at the bigger picture), to stop swearing in front of Jane, and to lose six pounds, specifically, the six pounds I put on during the holiday season. Damn cookies! I mean...darn cookies!

This picture was very specifically taken for Alan's enjoyment. I'm not even going to try to explain the squirrel.

at least now she won't be stuck in limbo

Jane's baptism was yesterday. Usually, when there is a baptism at at Catholic church (not sure if it's the same elsewhere too), there are several babies. For whatever reason, Jane was the only one yesterday, so the service was a little more personalized. It was really, really nice, I must say. It was one of the first times I really felt like a parent! The deacon kind of discounted all of the reasons babies used to be baptised (see the aforementioned "limbo") and gave a more modern talk. Afterwards, we had about 30 people over for lunch and festivities. It has been a long week of preparation for this event - so now I feel like my vacation is truly beginning - with a whole two days left! Argh! I will never plan a vacation around a big event that is going to take place at my house, because, no matter how much I try not to, I will obsess over getting everything ready and stress myself out more than if I were at work!

Anyway, whether or not you are a fan of the whole "church" and "baptism" thing, you must admit Jane looked quite cute, no? Such a girlie girl!

merry, merry, why ya (stomach) buggin'?

Well, as to be expected, I got sick on Christmas Eve and have felt miserable since. It started as a yucky stomach bug and has morphed into a crappy cold. Nevertheless, we had a nice, albeit extremely exhausting, holiday. Now we're in baptism-preparation mode. All I want to do is crawl under the covers.

happy fifth monthiversary and other holiday wishes

Today is Jane's fifth monthiversary! Can you believe it? Well, maybe you can, but I can't. I cannot believe she's already five months old. These past five months have been a blur of no sleep, lots of tears (on everyone's part), lots of joy, and lot of crash-coursing in parenting. I'm a freakin' mom! I think I'm just now realizing this. We just went to church (yes, church!) and she was quite the belle of the ball at the 7:30 mass. She's getting baptized next Sunday so I thought it would be a good idea to show our faces around there for the past few weeks. It's actually been pretty fun. Of course, when the priest came up to her to say hello before mass began, her mouth formed a perfect frown - a completely upside-down smile - and I thought she was going to lose it, but she didn't, thankfully. He has a very deep voice and I think she was a little shocked.

Speaking of shocking, Christmas is two days away! I am so proud of myself, because I'm done with shopping and 99% done with wrapping. I feel like I must have forgotten someone, because it can't be this easy. Of course, a couple of my gifts are sorta IOU-ish, so maybe that's what made it easier.

So. Merry merry, everyone. I hope your holidays are just what you want them to be - whether quiet and private, loud and obnoxious, or somewhere in between. (I think mine might be the second option.) See ya on the flip side!

&*(@&*(!^&*( DOGS!!!!

So, I have today off of work. I finished up my Christmas shopping, baked some cookies for a party tonight, hung out with the kid. Stuff like that. So I let the dogs out at some point this afternoon, and proceeded to continue playing with Jane on the floor and half-watching a documentary about women and HIV. Good times. So I realize, after some time, that the dogs haven't burst in with their usual "HEY! It's Tuesday afternoon everybody!!" excitement. So I look out the front door. No dogs. I call for them. No dogs. I look out the back window. No dogs. I walk around the house (in the snow, in my pj pants and t-shirt). No dogs.

I (pardon my French) fucking flip out. MY DOGS HAVE LEFT THE COMPOUND.

I realized they had been outside for probably a good half hour. This is not abnormal on a nice day, but who knows at what point they decided to break free from the binds of the invisible fence? Was in a half hour ago? They could be in West Hartford by now!

I call Greg. I am freaking out, screaming for the dogs, putting Jane in her crib, and getting my keys. He tells me to drive around. He's an hour away so I'm on my own. I'm driving around the neighborhood like a lunatic, screaming "JIMMY!!!" and "JUNIOR!!!" and shaking a box of bones outside the window. I am praying that I don't see one of them in the road, hit by a car. I go around the block a few times.

No dogs.

I call Greg back. He tells me to keep looking. I'm telling him I'm sure the dogs are gone, and I'm never going to find them, and.....wait a minute....there the dumbasses are, frolicking in one of our neighbors' front yards. Thankfully, it's hard for Junior to go incognito when he's on the loose.

You have to understand - my neighbors do NOT love my dogs. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that about 90% of them hate my dogs. They are mostly quite elderly, and the idea of a 130 lb. dog, who often barks at them when they pass my house, does not strike them as "cute" and "audibly friendly." It strikes them as "deadly" and "motherf***ing scary."

So. I haul my arse out of the car, screaming for the dogs and waving my box of bones, crunching through the snow, which is a foot deep round these parts, and trying to get them to come to me. And even though both dogs "graduated" from dog training school, they don't really use their skills in the outside world. Instead, they oh-so-playfully ran away from me for quite a while.

After lurching around various yards like a complete maniac, I managed to grab Junior. Since Jimmy won't do anything alone, and will follow Junior to the ends of the earth, he followed us on the long trek up the hill to the house. After I locked them in, I walked back down the hill, got back home, and proceeded to have four or five drinks.

Ha, ha! No, I didn't. But I sure wanted to. Instead, I had to attend to my screaming, miserable baby, who realized that she is forever entrusted in the care of a lady who can't even control her dogs.

*(&!*(& DOGS!!!

rockin' Saturday night at my house

no wonder it takes me forever to leave for work

this is about when I start dreaming about moving to San Diego

I hate the *(&!*( snow. So if you'd like to read a happy recount of today's weather, I suggest you bounce over to Lisa's blog and see what she has to say. As for me, I can't stand it. We pushed our work potluck holiday lunch an hour earlier (yeah, I can eat heavy holiday food at 11 a.m. if need be) but the roads were still horrendous when I got out at noon. It took me three and a half hours to get home in my sled (I mean, Honda), and all the while I watched car after car slide, spin, and stop. It was one of the most hair-raising commutes of my 34-year-life here in CT.

Stupid snow. On the flip side, it's supposed to be 62 and sunny tomorrow in SD.

Thank you, Secret Santa!

The boys were on the receiving end of some fancy treats from my Secret Santa.

first solids

hello, lovah

I have had, how you say, a shitty week. Just not good.

Until I saw the trailer for this.

Check it out (it's on the site, scroll down).

Fabulous.

(And if you think I'm superficial and stupid and whatever, just keep it to yourself. I get four hours of sleep at night. Sorry my idea of culture isn't curling up with Tolstoy.)

reject Christmas card pics, part 2

It's Christmas card reject pictures time!