my favorite picture so far

I mean, come on. If that doesn't put a smile on your face, I give up.

9 to (almost) 5

Well, despite the fact that I have been up since 4:45 a.m., this is a spectacular day. Why, you ask? Well, because Jane decided to sleep from about 8:45 p.m. to 4:45 a.m. last night! For those of you keeping track, that's EIGHT HOURS IN A ROW! Like a real person and everything! I, of course, did not sleep that whole time. I went to bed around 10, heard her stirring around 3, but didn't get up until she woke up, so I got almost seven hours myself. Almost in a row, and everything! This is a big step from the first night I had her, when I slept a half an hour. Seriously.

PS Thanks for your comments in the last post. They meant a lot, really.

my 300th post, y'all

Oh my, I just noticed that this is my 300th post! 300 posts of my random, often boring, thoughts. Thanks to those of you who read. You know, if you're out there. Hello? Anyone? Bueller?

Unfortunately, this is not a celebratory post. It is, once again, a bit of a venting session on how stressed I am. I go back to work two weeks from tomorrow. I'm not going to get into how I feel about this emotionally; mostly, I just don't want to think about it, although I think about it all the time, because it's hard, way harder than I ever imagined, and if I start blogging about it it's just going to get depressing around here, so let's just avoid that for now. Instead, let me vent about the logistics of getting Jane and I ready to go back out into the real world.

The biggest and most pressing issue is the fact that Jane still sleeps in her carseat because of her reflux. It's not that she's incapable of falling asleep on her back - she can, it's just that inevitably, when she wakes up, she's gagging and choking because she has spit up. We have her on a prescription for reflux, but, to be frank, it ain't doin' s*** for the problem. Sometimes I think it is, and then I have a day like yesterday, when I triumphantly got her to sleep for a half hour on her back, only to have her get up, start the spit up routine, and basically be miserable for the rest of the day. The daycare needs a note from her doctor saying she has to sleep in her carseat, and I'm not sure if the doctor is actually going to give that note - it's not like he said she should sleep in the carseat, it's just what works for us. And then there's the part where, hey, she's a baby, and she's SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING IN A CRIB. ON HER BACK. But no. I have heard of many other babies who have had this issue, but I just want it resolved, because the whole thing makes me sad and supremely stressed. I'm going to keep trying until Monday, and then, if no miracle has happened, I'll call the doctor for the note. We'll see what happens.

I also have a huge list of gear that Jane needs to bring into daycare. Since it will basically be her home away from home, she needs nearly the same amount of stuff. I have to take a trip to Babies R Us very very soon to spend very very much money getting her suited up for her first day. In addition, I need to fill out about a gazillion forms for her as well, including one that details her "schedule" - HA! Schedule! This girl is a master of deception and trickery -once you think she's got some kind of schedule going, she upends it like nobody's business. On the Monday before I go back to work, I'm going to go into the daycare with all of her stuff, so I can also go over all of their procedures and rules. Fun times.

Everyone tries to make me feel better about these things - obviously babies don't have real schedules anyway, and of course other babies spit up a lot and have reflux and weird sleeping habits - I just don't want her going in being the strange baby that no one wants to take care of because she's got issues. Look - I've already started to make myself cry. OK - new topic!

Let's talk about getting ME ready for back-to-work. Aside from me feeling like I don't remember how to do my job (although I'm sure it will come back to me - it's like riding a bike!), I also have to go shopping for new clothes. To cheer myself up, I've decided to look at this like it's the first day of school, when you get to wear shiny new clothes. Well, probably not shiny clothes - not my style. But as you know, I've been working hard at eliminating those pesky 10 pounds (I call those pounds "leftover Jane"), and have managed to lose 5 of them. It's been hard work! It is way harder to lose 5 pounds at age 34 than it was 10 years ago, I'll tell ya that. I'm giving myself until next week to get rid of the 2 pounds I'd like to get rid of before going back to work. Then I'll bring my gift certificates to the mall and buy myself some pants that fit. Even my friend Cheryl, who is extremely athletic and fit, and who also had a baby in July but was back to her original weight in, like, five seconds, said that her body has changed too, that clothes don't fit the same. I read a quote from a doctor that said after pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, it's like your body has gone through a major trauma, and that you should look at the changes in your body as badges of honor. It's the stupid celebrities, with their personal chefs and trainers and surgeries, that make us all feel like we should look exactly the same as we ever did, if not better, and fast.

OK, I think I'm done for now. Happy 300th post! Aren't you glad you read this cheery blog?

then vs. now

My morning thus far, by Amanda, at age 24:

11:00 a.m.: Wake up. Possibly hung over.

My morning thus far, by Amanda, at age 34:

5:15 a.m.: Wake up to Jane's crying, feed Jane
5:45-6:15 a.m.: Walk Jane around so she'll fall asleep
6:15-8:15 a.m.: Take a shower, get ready, feed dogs, clean up, play on interwebs
8:15-8:45 a.m.: Feed Jane, plop her in swing
8:45-9:15 a.m.: Try to stress to DirecTV person on the phone how incredibly stressed I am about the fact that my TiVo seems to be busted, that it only records partial shows, that I'vebeenwaitingallsummerwatchingcrappytvduringmymaternityleave
andnowthatfalltvisFINALLYhereIcannothavethissituation
happeningbecause Idon'tevenknowwhogotkickedoffon
TheBacheloronMondaynightnow. But politely. Apparently DirecTV doesn't do TiVo anymore, they do DVR, so now I don't know what our next step is but we'll have to take it quickly.
9:15-10:45 a.m.: Go to West Hartford Center, walk around, see a co-worker, get my wedding and engagement rings polished, have a doughnut, go to the Farmer's Market, buy some raspberries
11:00 a.m.: Arrive home and wait for Jane to wake up so I can feed her again. Then we're off to the bookstore.

What a difference a decade makes.

I had cake for lunch today!

Lisa came by today to visit Miss Jane for the first time this afternoon, and she came bearing a delicious cake that she has been promising to make once I got rid of the ol' gestational diabetes. It was soooo freakin' delicious - it's basically like a giant Devil Dog, except lighter and even more tasty. She left a hefty chunk of it for me, and I hid it on top of the fridge from Greg, but he found it! Luckily there is still some left. She also made me one her very cute mini totes (she claims I was hinting for one - and I was, but I would have paid!!) and a sweet necklace with a pic of Jane on it. This girl is probably the most multi-talented chick I know, and she excels at everything! Check out her blog to see cute pics from today's visit, and to see what else she's been up to.

this girl rocks the house

So being home a lot this summer, I have watched a lot of television that I normally wouldn't. I got hooked on a couple shows on TLC, and I kept seeing commercials for a documentary called Crazy Sex Cancer. I haven't seen it yet (they are re-airing it in October) but it was done by a woman named Kris Carr, who is my age, who was diagnosed with rare and inoperable cancer in 2003. Since then, she has reinvented what it means to live with cancer - and is the incredibly positive, awesome, kick-ass kind of person we should all hope to be. Check out her Crazy Sexy Cancer blog - hey, if I think it's awesome - and you know how much I avoid medical things -you will too. It's far less about anything medical, and more just having a life-positive frame of mind, which we could all use more of, or at least I could sometimes.

OMG

OK, two things in the world of OMG:

1) Britney Spears lost custody of her kids. Do you know how much of a hot mess a mother must be to lose custody of her kids? To K-Fed, of all people? I feel sorry for her.

2) I thought my TiVo was broken. When I go to bed, I set up my TV so it's paused on some show that I've TiVo'ed, so when I get up to feed Jane in the middle of the night, there is already some light in the living room (from the TV) and I have something ready to go to watch at whatever time her royal highness deigns to eat. This morning, at about 4:30, I thought all was lost. I pressed "play," which should have brought the old "Sex and the City" episode I had freeze-framed on the screen to life - except it didn't. I was frantically pressing buttons but nothing was working. This morning (HA! This morning! As if I haven't been up since 4:30! Because I have, but that's another story of how Jane decided that after she ate would be a great time to party, not go to sleep.) Greg suggested unplugging it and plugging it back in (duh) and it works. Phew! Because that would have be the absolute worst thing in the world! I'm kidding, I'm kidding - but it would have been bad.

Amanda's fall tv review, part 6, vols 1 and 2

***SPOILER FREE ZONE***
Vol 1: I heart "The Office" sooo much. To me, it's just the perfect comedy - no annoying laugh track, painfully hilarous awkward moments that make me pause the TiVo just so I can recover, characters that are just. so. awesome. - I really can't think of a single episode that I haven't liked. The season premiere did not disappoint (pay attention, "Ugly Betty"!). Titled "Fun Run," this hour-long episode focused on a character that may have come into contact with a horrible disease - rabies. Angela also has some issues with her cat that Dwight solves in his own way. Also, the big question of whether Jim and Pam finally get together is answered, but not in a "jump the shark" kind of way - you know, when a big romance is built up through several seasons of a show, and when it finally comes to fruition (or not), the whole show goes to hell. Anyway, it was great.

Vol 2: I must say, I did like "Big Shots." The show stars Dylan McDermott, Michael Vartan, Christopher Titus, and some other guy that I've seen on a lot of shows but I don't remember his name. It's about four high-powered executive guys who can't get their heads out of their asses when it comes to relationships. I've read that it's been compared to "Sex and the City" - I disagree, it's nowhere near that good, but it was entertaining, and you can't deny the eye-candy status of Michael Vartan.

Amanda's fall tv review, part 5

OK. Whatever, "Ugly Betty." You were so cute and innovative and fun to watch at the beginning of last year, your first season. But towards the end of the season, I started to get annoyed. It seemed less clever, more schmaltzy. And then, the totally-over-the-top end with Hilda's fiance (I don't remember his name and I'm not going to look it up) getting shot to the music of West Side Story. But I came back. You lured me back with your bright advertisements, a promise that this season would be "Bettyer" or some crap like that.

I was completely disappointed with last night's episode. I continue to be slightly weirded out by Betty's strange, mother-like relationship with her boss, Daniel, who basically can't wipe his own ass, never mind run a magazine. Their relationship is so freakin' odd to me. I know we're supposed to think it's sweet, but Betty just comes across as righteous and annoying most of the time. Why can't this guy take care of himself? And, of course, we are led to believe that Hilda's fiance is still alive, through several scenes with them in her bedroom, talking about their upcoming wedding. But only a moron couldn't have guessed that this was all in Hilda's imagination, and that he was actually dead. Which, of course he was. So contrived. So play-for-tears. So done.

I loooove Mark, and there wasn't enough of him last night. Henry made a return at the very end, and I do like his character too. Would it be too much to ask the "Ugly Betty" writers to give us more Mark and Henry, and less Betty? Probably.

If next week's episode is equally bull**** lame, I'm canceling my TiVo season pass. So, clearly, I mean business!

I plan to watch "The Office" season premiere later today. God, don't let it disappoint.

on second thought

There's something retrospectively funny about pregnancy. Or having been pregnant. Specifically, with Jane. I was just reading someone's account of how she felt when she felt the first kicks during her pregnancy, and remembering how I felt during those early evenings, when I was about four months pregnant, and lying very very still, waiting to feel the tiny movements in my belly. As the months moved along, those tiny movements became very very big and somewhat painful, of course, and all the while, it was Jane in there. When I couldn't eat chicken or sauce or carbs or sugar, the reason why was because Jane was in there. When I could barely walk and the sciatica was killing me and I had to get up to pee five times a night, it was because Jane was in there. And when I had to go for ultrasounds and non-stress tests and spent every single day of nine months worrying about the little being inside me, it was because Jane was in there.

It's just funny to put a face and a name to the whole experience, that's all.

In other news, and I'm sure it will never happen again now that I'm reporting it, Jane slept through the night last night! She went from 10:30 to 5:30, which is all night in my book! This is huge. I got about 6.5 hours of sleep in a row - that hasn't happened in months! So keep your fingers crossed that it happens again.

I hope everyone has a great weekend!

chunk a monk, pt. 2

Did you hear the one about the Russian woman who had a baby that weighed 17.1 POUNDS? At birth?! And women everywhere cross their legs....

chunk a monk

Jane had her two month doctor's appointment today. She weighed in at 11 lbs, 7 oz (almost a three pound weight gain in a month!) 22 1/2 inches. Nice. She had a bunch of shots which did NOT make her happy. She also got a prescription for her reflux so hopefully she will stop spitting up so much! All in all, the doctor said she looks great, which we all already knew! I was relieved though.

unwritten

A couple of weeks ago, my friend Heather asked me what my "theme song" for Jane was. I didn't know what she was talking about, so she explained that last summer, when she had her son, she kept hearing the same song, and inevitably it reminds her of him now (don't ask me what the song is, I don't remember). Anyway, I immediately thought of the theme song from "The Hills," because every time I hear it, right away my mind flashes back to those beginning weeks where I was up just about 24 hours a day, nursing Jane and watching the incredibly addictive brain candy, "The Hills," and its sister program, "Laguna Beach." It wasn't until I really thought about it that "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield is the perfect theme song - and now it just makes me teary when I hear it.

Unwritten
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh
I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Amanda's fall tv review, part 4

So I had heard about this show "Chuck" for a while now. It's an action-comedy show about a computer nerd whose brain unwittingly becomes host to all sorts of top-secret government information via an e-mail sent to him by an old friend. When the NSA and CIA find out that Chuck has this information - and he's the only one, because the computer with all of this info blew up - they are all over his shizznit like nobody's business.

Sure, it sounded like it might be amusing, but, between all of the shows I already watch and the ones I had decided to try out this year, "Chuck" didn't fit into the mix. So I gave it a pass, despite the fact that it's been getting great reviews, I gave it a pass.

Until last night. Jane mysteriously quieted down between 8 and 9. And an event happened that abso-freakin-lutely never happens - Greg and I watched LIVE TV. Not TiVo. LIVE TV. With commericals and everything. We had clicked through our TiVo offerings and there was nothing on there that both of us liked. And this is where "Chuck" came in. I noticed it was on, we gave it a shot, and I was hooked.

Greg thinks it's the ultimate in cheese. And it kind of is. But I thought the plot was pretty entertaining, and the characters endearing - especially the Nerd Herd, a computer company that Chuck works for with his dorky friend Morgan. A lot of it rang of Office Space to me - which is one of my favorite movies.
So check it out if you can.

2 and 408

So here's the 2 month old with the 408 month old. Who's cuter? Yeah, I think so too. (Hint: not me.)

My birthday was really nice. We had a bit of an impromptu party in the morning. Greg made breakfast and my sister, niece, Mom and brother came over. Jane stayed awake long enough for everyone to play with her and then she fell asleep so I could eat in peace. She woke up a couple of hours later, and after I fed her, we went to Barnes and Noble where I read up on Britney's latest escapades and had a mocha. We all went home, and everyone else in the house took naps, while I read more magazines that I had piling up at home. Jane was a fussbucket at night, as usual, but overall I couldn't have asked for a better day.

big times

So, tonight I finish up the biggest year of my life. That's what 33 has been. It would be easy to say that it's been the best year of my life, but in a few ways, it was the hardest. However, it was absolutely the biggest.

A year ago, I wasn't pregnant. We were thinking about it, but babies were only an abstract concept to me; of course, it was less than two months later that I found out I was pregnant. That experience was such an enormous one for me. Ten years ago I would have told you I was never going to have kids, and nope, I wasn't going to change my mind. And here I am. The pregnancy was hard for me - a couple of complications, but luckily nothing major. I think the hardest part was the worrying that something was going to happen. And thank God, it didn't. Physically it was the roughest thing I've ever been through, or hope to go through. But I wouldn't trade it, and I'm happy for the experience.

I'm not going to state the obvious - OK, well maybe I am, but I'll be brief - Miss Jane has changed my life forever. It's crazy to look at her and think she was the one growing inside of me for most of this year. She changes every day and has made the last two months the most exhausting, confusing, worrying, exhilarating and amazing months of my life.

But other things happened this year as well. Work was incredibly busy, and I completed a couple of huge projects in the spring and early summer. I was also in three shows, and one of them will go down on my list of favorite show experiences, particularly because it co-starred my pal Alan. I think I could be in Love Letters a million times. It's such a satisfying show to do - especially since there is so little rehearsal! Plus I got to make a bunch of people in the audience cry, which is, uh, fun.

My family is all alive and well, and my friends are great as usual. With everything that happened this year, I saw how great and supportive and wonderful my friends and family truly are.

My life turned upside down at age 33, and it's never been better.

(please enjoy this family pic from our day at the beach visiting Greg's parents)

Amanda's fall tv review: part 3

Ah, "Survivor." We've been together a long time. For over seven years, you've dominated my Thursday television-watching nights. On my first date with Greg, I told him he was lucky I was there, because "Survivor" was on that night. I distinctly remember sitting in the parking lot of the restaurant where I was meeting this blind date, on the phone with my mother, asking her to tape the show for me (in ye olden days before TiVo).

Like any long-term relationship, we've had our highs and lows. I would be happy to point out specific seasons and which ones I liked the best and least, but Jane only let me have about four hours of sleep last night, and I'm wrecked. Anywho, all I can say is - Colby. Colby was a highlight. I think he was in Australia. I met him once. He's - how can I say it - dazzling. It's really the only word.

Anyway, I fear that this season, in my friend Todd's words, will be boring. Last night's season premiere didn't much hold my attention - again, lack of sleep might have been the cause, as I was watching it at 2 a.m. I love the setting. This season takes place in China, and I believe this is the first U.S. show ever to be filmed entirely in China. Despite my lack of appreciation for Chinese food, the country itself looks beautiful. Their conditions, I fear, will be brutal. One hint is that they've already been provided with fire and rice, which are things they usually have to fight for. This leads me to believe that their campsites must be very lacking in even the most basic of resources. (In fact, I think I read that in an interview with my boyfriend, Jeff Probst).

A couple of things stood out to me last night. One, I could not, for the life of me, really understand a word that Chicken was saying. He's from the deep South, or so it seems (I am so tired right now I'm not even doing my research on CBS.com), and every word that came out of his mouth seemed garbled. And while I have no clue what he was saying, so therefore no clue as to whether he would have been a good player, I felt bad when he got kicked off. I thought that wrestler chick should have gone.

I also thought it was pretty funny when Jean-Robert (very fancy names this season!) accused Todd (yeah, Todd! There's a player named after you this season! Me too!) of lying about the fact that he's a flight attendant. See, Jean-Robert is a professional poker player, and he can tell when people are being devious. He's really got his finger on the pulse of the other players. Except that Todd is a fight attendant. And all he could do was plead with Jean-Robert not to go around and tell everyone he's devious. Because, well, he's not. At least so far.

Admittedly, the first couple of episodes of "Survivor" are usually throwaways. You can never tell who's who, and which tribe is which. It doesn't really get interesting until it's whittled down to a manageable number of people. And I'll be there, no matter what, especially considering this is my longest TV relationship ever. Just don't break my heart, "Survivor."

Amanda's fall tv review: part 2

ANTM! Whoo hoo! (Oh, for those of you who are not super-cool like me, ANTM stands for "America's Next Top Model." Which is, as you know, awesome in all of its Tyra diva deliciousness.)

I started watching ANTM a couple of years ago during one of those ubiquitous marathons they play on MTV or Vh-1. There's just something about this show that is so intriguing to me - I think it's because it's so opposite of what my life is like. Particularly these days. Not that mesh shorts and t-shirts aren't hottt. Anyway, the season premiere did not disappoint. The girls did their first photo shoot on a beach in the Carribbean, and a whole crapload of them got eliminated, with the usual tears and drama. HOWEVER, my favorite girl got picked to be part of the group of 13 who get to move into the house. Why is she my favorite? Because she's from the town where I live! I can't believe it! I won't mention which town, because I don't want it out there on the interwebs, but suffice to say, it's not the kind of town that you would suspect would spit out AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL. But maybe, just maybe, it has.

PS I actually said the following sentence while watching the show: "Honey, you have to be quiet - Mommy can't hear 'America's Next Top Model.'" Just call me Mother of the Year.

well, I have my plans for May 30, 2008

The "Sex and the City" movie started shooting this week in NYC, with a release slated for May 30, 2008. I've already told you how excited I am about the movie; now, who wants to babysit that night? 'Cause Greg's a fan too, and Jane's just a little too young.

amanda's fall tv review, part 1

Well, I think we've all had enough baby posts, haven't we? Now on to a different topic. I've decided to throw out my opinion on the fall shows that have already been kicking off the season, much to my completely and total delight. I've complained about the vast wasteland of summer tv (sure, sure, I'd rather have the nice weather than good tv, but you need something good to watch in the middle of the night - and don't get me started on how much I love TiVo even more since I had the baby, since I can't get through 10 minutes of a show without having to attend to her in some way...), so I'm just thrilled that my old favorites are starting up again, as well as some new ones that look pretty enticing.

One show that started up again last week is "The Biggest Loser." Oh my God, I love this show so much. People have made fun of me for watching it, because they think I might be looking down on the overweight people who are competing. But that's so not true. As someone who has lost a lot of weight in the past, and is currently doing it again, I find this show inspiring and heartwarming. By the end of the season, you know these people aren't in it for the money - most of them truly want a lifestyle change. I love the trainers, especially Bob, because they are both tough and compassionate with the contestants. And the before-and-afters? LOVE them. These people work so hard for their results, just good, old-fashioned diet and exercise. I've watched this show since the beginning, and I strongly recommend that you check it out too.

Next up this week - "America's Next Top Model" (shut up) and "Survivor" (again, shut up).

the sweet sound of silence

Miss Jane is taking a nap. We've been having some issues getting her to fall asleep these days. The thing she responds to the most is plopping her in the car and driving somewhere; usually by the time we arrive, she's fallen asleep. Every morning we've been going to West Hartford Center for a walk (more for my fat arse than anything else) and I've been attempting to get to the resevoir in the afternoon for more walking. But anyway, I was contemplating yesterday that it kind of sucks to only be able to get her to sleep by putting her in the car (this rule doesn't count in the middle of the night. Usually - and I knock on wood when I say this, vigorously -she will fall asleep after I feed her at that time of day. Usually. Oh God, please don't let that change tonight!). This morning, after much much much walking around, I got her to fall asleep without strapping her into the carseat. Tres exciting! So we will postpone all of our walking until later today.

If you're interested in reading an entertaining blog by a girl who got accidentally knocked up at age 26 and decided to keep the baby, check out Storked. I'm not sure if anyone is taking advantage of my links to fun and exciting parenting blogs -and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't if I didn't have kids - but they are really entertaining, I swear!

I have to go check and make sure she's breathing. But enjoy this pic of Miss Jane in her colorful onesie, made by the one and only multi-talented Lisa (who, yes, hopefully will bring over her deelicious chocolate cake someday, despite my need to lose 8 lbs)!

what a cutie...at this moment, anyway

Well, we've had some rough spots with Miss Jane this week - hence my lack of blogging. Mostly, when I'm not holding her, swaying her, feeding her, and praying she falls asleep, I'm contemplating whether I will recover any of the hearing loss I've endured this week from her evening bouts of screaming. This is pretty common in babies her age - hilariously, they call it "fussy" - to me, it sounds more like "tortured," but what the hell do I know? We did realize that some of what is making her so cranky is that she wants to eat more, so we've started to supplement her diet with formula as well. I'm not giving up nursing at all, but this allows for another nighttime feeding that hopefully will fill her up more and allow for more sleep. You know -for all of us. Fingers crossed. Unfortunately, a lot of the time, after we put her down, I can't fall asleep because I'm nervous that she will wake up. I know this sounds crazy, but it's true.

We've spent a lot of time walking around this week, outdoors, getting - you guessed it - exercise. So much so that I thought I messed up my back the other day. It's a lot different walking around the resevoir when you're pushing a heavy stroller, especially if you haven't exercised in about a year. Unfortunately, our nightly trips to Dairy Queen have erased any of the health benefits of walking. I blame this entirely on Jane. During her nighttime rage, we also found out that she usually will quiet down when riding in a car, so we've been making these field trips to the DQ. I don't know what I'm going to do when the weather turns cold and the roads turn icy. Hopefully she won't need so much movement at that point to calm her down.

But hey - look at that smile! (That one's for Alan, who has requested more Jane pics)

high tech blogging

I am blogging from greg's crackberry...is this thing on? Anyone? Bueller?

remember these guys?

I feel badly, because even though my blog title gives my pups a big shout-out, I haven't really talked about them in a while. I want to make sure that no one thinks they are unloved, now that the baby has arrived. It's really the opposite of that - I have realized that even though I have a very, very large dog and a small, but very very spunky dog, they are far easier to care for than a little human.

Things have been interesting since we added the newest member of our family. The dogs were super-excited when she arrived; since then, they are less interested and maybe a little bit jealous. But seriously, not much. Mostly I think they are happy that I'm around all of the time so they can go outside a lot more, and that we have a lot of visitors, which means more possiblities for snacks and treats from strangers (which doesn't happen, but they haven't given up hope). They are pleased that there are more things for them to rip apart, like one of Jane's stuffed animals and countless spit-up towels. Yesterday I saw Jimmy tooling around with one of Jane's pacifiers in his mouth. This is all exactly what I expected.

I think I know now, more than ever, why dogs are man's (and woman's) best friends. Because they are so undemanding - they just just some attention and an occasional treat, and they are loyal for life. Yeah, I have to admit that I don't have as much time to play with them or as much patience with them as I'd like sometimes, but they are more appreciated than ever. One of my favorite moments this week was when Jimmy crawled into bed with me, and he repositioned himself three times just so he could conform his body just right with mine. What a pup!

I'm just a girl

After a particularly hellish evening last night with Miss Jane - girl doesn't want to do anything but eat and cry in the evenings! - this morning I left her with Greg and went to get a pedicure. The last one I got was a few days before she was born. My feet were all beat up at this point and it was definitely time. I know I can paint my own toenails for a whole hell of a lot cheaper, but there is something about pedicures that I just love. It's the only really girlie thing I do for myself. The first one I got was the day before my wedding, and I haven't looked back. I skip getting them in the wintertime, but as soon as I break out the flip flops, I get my feet professionally attended to. I must say they look quite nice - I went with "La Boheme" by OPI, a very nice dark burgundy sparkly color. I would take a picture but I'm too tired to look for the camera. Anyway, I think after nearly seven weeks of hardcore sleep deprivation and basically not really paying attention to how I look, it was high time to do something to lift my "I look like crap" spirits.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

putting it out there

OK, so here I am. Putting it out there. I need to lose 10 pounds, and I'd like to do it by the time I return to work, seven weeks from today (oh god oh god oh god I don't want to go back to work). I have lost 20 of the 30 pounds I gained, but I seem to have stalled out with this stubborn 10 to lose, and apparently I'm going to have to do some - gasp! - exercise to get rid of it. I had my six-week postpartum checkup the other day and I was cleared to resume all pre-pregancy activities, which includes getting my ass off the couch and moving my muscles. I'm not so worried about my arms because hauling around a 10-ish pound baby is helping out that area. But my general midsection could use some work.

I told Alan the other day that if I put this out there on my blog, it might actually inspire me to do it, instead of complaining about feeling fat while eating ice cream every day. So feel free to email me and ask me how I'm doing, weight loss-wise. I mean, I might actually hate you if you do that, but still, it would help motivate me.

Labor Day

Dear Blog,

Today I met my mom's friends Todd and Alan. They were super nice to me and took lots of pictures of my cute self. They also brought me a couple of books and an awesome glittery Canada t-shirt that I can't wait to wear when I'm older. It is really cool because I am 1/8 French-Canadian, after all. It was lots of fun to see them, and I showed off by drinking my whole bottle! I was sad when they left, so I cried and cried.

Love,

Jane

scene from a field trip

Our trip to Essex was successful. We had a really great time, and the weather was beeyotiful. Sure, she definitely got back at us with a couple hellacious nights in a row. But at least that day was nice.

September

I can't believe it's September already. I was telling Greg yesterday that this year has been so odd for me - from January through July I was completely focused on being pregnant and hoping everything was OK. Then from July until now I've been in a sleep-deprived haze. And now, all of the sudden, it's practically fall. I was just outside breaking up yet another rabbit v. dogs showdown, and I couldn't believe how cool it was.

The past few days have been a little bit trying, on the baby front. Her schedule is completely weird these days, and yesterday she was really fussy in the evening until about 1 a.m., and it was completely exhausting, mostly because I was so exhausted myself. But then, as she had the night before, she slept for five hours straight, which is amazing. We have also been trying to introduce her to the bottle this week, and she has NOT embraced the idea. This has been really stressful, not only because of the shrieking (nothing wrong with her vocal chords), but because it's not like I can go to daycare with her - this is a non-negotiable thing she has to figure out before October 25. However - and I hate to even type this, so let's just say I'm knocking on wood and crossing my fingers - she took to it last night, and drank over an ounce out of the bottle. It was a miracle, truly. This could completely backfire on us today, but she got it. And hopefully she'll get it again.

Today we are going to take a field trip down to the shore. I haven't been down there all summer, and I need my fix. We'll probably just walk around for a bit, stop by to see Greg's parents, and then come home. But it will be the furthest I've been from the house in months, and I can't wait.

I want my MTV

So I was flipping through the channels this morning, and came upon an actual video on MTV. A real video, like back in the olden days of MTV! God, I used to be such a slave to MTV when I was in junior high. I would watch hours and hours of it, just waiting to see a Poison video. Instead I had to endure endless U2 Joshua Tree-era videos. Yeah, yeah, Bono - we know - you still haven't found what you're looking for.

Aaanyway, this morning the video I sawa was for the song "Rockstar" by Nickelback. Dudes, I hate Nickelback, and I definitely didn't think I'd like any of their videos. But sure enough, I both liked the song itself and thought the video was pretty clever. Check it out on their website. Yeah, I just linked to the official Nickelback site - so sue me.

what's old is new again

I changed up my template a bit. It's kind of boring, but I was so sick of the other one.

from "me" to "mom"

Let me preface this by saying I think it's really cool that I'm a mom now. In fact, it's weird to even type it -I still can't really believe it. However....it's amazing, truly amazing, how this little 8 (almost 9) pounder takes up every single drop of energy I have, and then some. I'm a slave to her every whim and need. She says "jump," I say, "how high?". As it turns out, I am having a little trouble letting go of the idea of a planned out, organized life. I'm a planner - in the olden days (prior to July 23), I had my life planned out for months at a time, everything carefully written out in my calendar. These days, everything is spur-of-the-moment, depending on whether Lady Jane is eating, sleeping, pooping or otherwise.

We are going through a fun phase right now where we are trying to adjust her eating schedule, as in, shorten her feedings. This has been relentlessly difficult and has resulted in no small amount of crying (on everyone's part). One thing that distracts Jane from wanting to eat for the zillionth hour in a row is riding in her stroller - that tends to knock her out. So this morning, she dozed for a minute, and just about the second her eyes shut, I had her in the car, stroller in the trunk, and we were headed for West Hartford Center. Sure, I hadn't known I was going out even five minutes earlier, but off we went, me in my ponytail, stained t-shirt and delightfully kicky mesh shorts that have become my summer uniform.

I have to say, although our trips out into the world are very spontaneous and sometimes short-lived, it's awesome to get out. We have had some really glorious weather and it's so nice to walk around the Center with her (as long as she's quiet). As it turns out, the Center is pretty packed on a weekday morning. Turns out, everyone in West Hartford doesn't work - they hang out at Starbucks instead.

But what was I saying before? Oh yeah. With Jane on my lap or in my arms at least 80% of my day, a trip to the bathroom is tending to feel like a field trip. Almost every meal I have is eaten with one hand, because she's in the other. Many times I'm at the computer, she's with me too. Showers are taken at a record pace because, like clockwork, she'll wake up as I'm trying to get ready for the day. Everything that seemed so simple (and was so simple) before has become difficult, and sometimes impossible, to achieve during the day.

Good thing she's so cute.

the shortest month

Jane turned one month old on Thursday. Maybe it's the complete lack of sleep, maybe it's the way the weeks fly by - but I can't believe she's already a month old. She's so much different than she was when she was born - she stays awake, she smiles (sort of), she's far more aware of what's going on around her - it's really amazing to see her development. We've been having a rough week because we are adjusting the length of her feedings, and it's kind of taking an emotional toll on me. I hate seeing her upset but I know we have to fix it so she's not feeding for hours at a time. Coupled with the complete exhaustion of not having a full night's sleep in weeks and weeks, it has made me kind of (or maybe a lot) cranky and somewhat delirious. Hence the no-blogging lately - I really don't have a whole lot to say and I don't want to complain, because seriously, she's so damn cute and we feel so blessed. I know that sounds dorky but it's true. I feel so incredibly lucky to have her.

who woulda thunk it?

Dave Grohl and I have something in common.

let freedom ring

Today I took my first solo road trip in almost a month. Now, my definition of "road trip," at least today, is a ride down to Chili's to pick up the take-out we ordered for dinner. Yup, another rockin' Friday night at our house. But, miraculously, Jane was asleep and Greg was busy so I volunteered to go pick up the food. This is the first time I've driven in almost a month, and certainly the first time I've been alone in a car since the morning of July 23. I realized that I was wearing the same shorts I was wearing the day she was born - the ones I had on only from the time I came home from the hospital to change after the non-stress test to the time I changed out of them, a couple of hours later, after I returned to the hospital to deliver. They are a lot looser now (thank God), but it's also the first time I've put them on since that day. When I plugged in my iPod, I noticed that it was on the song that I was listening to when the doctor called me to say, hey, yeah, go back to the hospital, you're getting induced (I was listening to "Motorcycle Drive-By" by Third Eye Blind, in case you were wondering). It was awesome taking that small road trip by myself today. I felt like I was getting away with something. But at the same time, it felt like something was missing. I wonder what it was?

PS Don't be jealous of how hottt I look in this pic.

her onesie speaks the truth

I can sincerely say that I have never, never been this tired in my life.

hey, who the hell are these guys?!

Surprise, surprise, this isn't an entry about Jane. Instead, it's about one of my other favorite things - RENT, and more specifically, the return of OBC (original Broadway cast) members Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal for a six-week run this summer. Sigh. I sooo much want to see them. I can comfort myself by knowing I already saw them, and most of the OBC, when I first saw the show in 1997. But oh, how I would looove to see them again. I would totally be one of the nerds waiting by the stage door for a picture. Alas, the aforementioned Jane won't let me go out for a quick trip to the grocery store, never mind a jaunt to New York. A friend of mine went to see it yesterday and I am anxiously awaiting his review. Read more about it in this Playbill.com interview.

And in response to Alan, who is right now gagging to himself with hatred for all things RENT - go see it before you hate it!! I'll go with you! After all, the 18th time's a charm.

what a monkey!

but at least I took a shower

Portait of a mother of a newborn: I just got back from stumbling around Babies R Us with several chocolate stains on my shirt (from the mocha I got at Barnes and Noble, because I was in desperate need of caffeine, because I got sooo little sleep last night, because Jane was up for a huge chunk of the night feeding, and then subsequently spitting up, including down my shirt and all over her two sleepers, so I had to get more sleepers at Babies R Us, because, come on, I can't be doing a load of her laundry every single day, it's not good for the environment to be wasting that much water) - anyway, chocolate stains on my shirt, hair pulled back in the most haphazard way imaginable, absolutely shaky and shell-shocked-looking from the lack of sleep and the caffeine, and not even caring a single bit about how I looked. Or how I was talking out loud to myself about how Carter's, who makes very cute baby stuff, seems to think all newborns are about 12 pounds and size their clothes that way, but Jane is only 7ish pounds, and while I like the way Carter's has the snaps at the bottom of the sleepers, versus the zippers on the Gerber ones that are hard to maneuver and require you to basically take off the entire sleeper when changing a diaper, I had to get the Gerber ones because they just fit better, and that company seems to understand that the average newborn is 7ish pounds, and not 12ish pounds. Gosh.

*the pic above is from last night, when she played on her little activity mat for the first time. It was so cute my heart hurt.

making sure her appreciation of the interwebs starts early

you know what's weird? (except totally not weird)

...is the fact that I don't look pregnant anymore. Of course, the reason this is not weird is because I am, in fact, not pregnant anymore, what with having the baby and all. For a good week after, and sometimes still, even now, I find myself sort of "in tune" with my abdomen area, checking to see if the baby is moving. Especially at the end there, it was really important to me to feel her moving around - it was my assurance that everything was all right. This did not immediately go away after I had the baby. The movements did, of course, but my need to feel them didn't. Luckily, my need to feel her move around on the inside is quickly being replaced with my need to see her breathing, which I check, multiple times, when she's sleeping.

But anyway. Back to my topic. I gained about 30 lbs when I was pregnant, and lost about 22 so far, leaving me with 8 or so to go before I get back to my starting weight. I have a feeling these last few pounds will be most stubborn, and I'll probably hang on to them until after Christmas. I can't exercise yet, so I don't feel any pressure to actually do anything about it yet, and frankly, I'm pretty psyched I've come this far with relatively little effort (giving birth notwithstanding).

It's strange to look in the mirror and see the old me. While hauling around 30 lbs of pregnancy gut isn't always easy, it sure makes people generally be nice to you, and let you cross the street and stuff. Now cars fly by me, not caring at all if I make it to the other side alive or not. Maybe when I can actually take Jane out with me people will slow down again. I don't miss being pregnant, but I do miss the niceness it tends to bring out in strangers.

But now it's back to the regular me. Well, the regular me, plus a few pounds, a few stretch marks, and some dark circles under the eyes.

PS I know this blog entry is super-lame. But seriously, guys, I actually started an entry earlier today where I talked about the weather. I didn't even really have anything interesting to say, other than, wow, it's chilly out there for August, huh? I am the lamest of all lame people right now, so if you know me personally, and you have any gossip or anything, email me. I'm running on empty over here.

a day in the life

Now that I'm home more, I expected that I would be blogging more. But when you get right down to it, I'm a bit of a hostage on my own home, and I don't have a whole hell of a lot to write about, unless you want the minute-by-minute update of Jane's development. (Her eyes are open a lot more now. She's checking things out. She doesn't just open them to wake up and cry for food! Progress!) Here's a little peek into what my life is like, so far, on leave. Let's start at midnight, which is when I usually go to bed:

Midnight-2 a.m.: Sometime between here, there is the first of the nighttime feedings. It can last 20 minutes or an hour. I'm half-asleep for this, and watching some crap TV like "The Hills" or "America's Next Top Model" reruns. My brain can't handle any more than that, but it can't handle any less either, or I'd be completely asleep.

2 a.m. - 3:30 or 4 a.m.: Blessed sleep.

4 a.m. - 5:30 a.m.: Sometime between here, there is the second of the nighttime feedings. See above.

7 a.m.-8 a.m.: Wake up for the first of the daytime feedings. This can last quite a while, by the time I get her down for some more sleep (for her).

Somewhere between 9 a.m. - 11 a.m.: Here is when I will usually get a shower in. You have no idea how wonderous a shower is until the prospect of you having one is slim. It's the whole goal of my morning, and when it happens, it's divine. Then I "get ready" in about five seconds, hoping and praying she doesn't wake up. My current uniform is a ponytail, no makeup, shorts and a big t-shirt. HOT. I spend a lot more time making sure she looks cute, because, Lord knows, I don't. During this time I will also try to pick up the house, especially if we are expecting visitors that day, which we have almost every day since I've been home.

Somewhere between 11 a.m.-1 p.m.: More feeding. During the day, I try to keep the TV off. It's become very annoying to me - can you believe it?! - and I prefer the quiet than the loud blathering crap on daytime television. Usually I read (if I can balance the book right) while I'm feeding her during the day. Other times I just stare into space, because, if you can tell by the nighttime feeding schedule, I'm not getting a whole hell of a lot of sleep these days.

The rest of the afternoon is a crapshoot. Like, today, she's been sleeping since about 11:30 - two whole hours! - and I've done some laundry, read some book, played around online, and got the mail. Other days, she might be feeding for hours at a time (yikes!!) and I lose a large chunk of the afternoon to that.

Evening, from about 6 p.m. to midnight: This is Miss Jane's time to party. Either it's feeding time, looking around time, or napping time - but NEVER in her crib. She'll cry and cry if you put her down, so one of us has to hold her at all times. If I'm going to be cranky during the day, this is about the time I am, because the exhaustion creeps up on me and sometimes just plain knocks me out.

I, of course, wouldn't trade any of it for the world.

We don't get to go out amongst the people for a few more weeks. The doctor suggested we limit her exposure to large crowds, especially large crowds that include germy kids, until she is two months old. I don't really feel well enough to go for walks with her yet, so her outdoor exposure has been trips to the mailbox and to the back deck. So, pretty much, we are here, all day, unless we take a rare field trip to the pediatrician or, as we did the other day, the library (Greg stayed with her in the car while I went inside).

We are, as you can see, partying like it's 1999 over here.

Arkansas couple welcomes 17th child

I mean, really? Is this necessary? Among the more mind-boggling facts of this story is that the mother has been pregnant for 126 months - or 10.5 years - of her life. I'm all for big families - but 17! Wow.

no rest for the hungry

Probably the most common complaint you'll hear from new parents is how tired they are. Everyone told me how tired I would be, how I didn't even understand the definition of tired until I had a hungry, nursing newborn to deal with. And, of course, they were right, but that was something I expected. I'm tired like I never was before, yada yada yada, but hey, I'm the one who decided I wanted to have a baby - I can't expect to get my 8 hours a night. Or, you know, a week.

But this morning, we went to the pediatrician to find out how little miss Jane is progressing, weight-wise. They like to do more frequent weight checks when they are nursing, versus being on formula, because it's hard to determine just how much they are eating. Well I am very proud to report that she went from 6 lbs 10 oz (her weight at her visit last week) to 7 lb, 5 oz today! This is great news because the doctor gave her two weeks to get back to her birth weight (7 lb, 3 oz) and in one week, she surpassed it! So all of those late-night, all-evening and daytime feedings were well worth it, in my tired and humble opinion.

In the meantime, I'm working on losing the weight I gained. Well, actually, I'm really not doing anything at all - no exercise allowed for six weeks - but somehow I've managed to lose 21 pounds so far, with 9 to go! Not bad at all.

living in a maternity world

So we came home from the hospital a week ago today. It feels like it went by in a flash - most likely because I don't get more than 1-2 hours of sleep in a row, ever, so it kind of just feels like one long day. It really seems like the days go by so quickly, even though I don't do much. Pretty much the whole goal of each day is to feed the baby, change the baby, try to get the baby to sleep in the crib, and, if she's not having it, holding the baby while she sleeps. But somehow this doesn't seem boring or monotonous. The days, so far, don't seem like long stretches of boredom. I'm having a great time, yet, when I think about what to write about on this blog, I don't think I want to detail the latest poop extravaganza or who is on the View. I will say that daytime television totally blows, and our TiVo is completely depleted, so that kind of stinks. The nights can be difficult. She likes to start the party around midnight and really not settle down until the morning, so I'm up mostly straight through, with a possible hour or two of sleep. But all in all, it's pretty great times over here right now.

I will say this - in the middle of the night the other night, I ran across a marathon of "The Hills," and I'm kind of addicted. What is this show? I can't figure out if it's reality or not reality or a mix of both. That show, along with "Laguna Beach," were always off my radar because I really didn't understand the point. I still don't, but at 3 a.m., it all starts to make sense.

OK, seriously, how could I resist posting this pic?

First it was ouch. Then it was OUCH. And then there was baby.

I can't believe Jane was born almost a week ago. It feels like just one day. To be fair, I haven't had more than two hours of sleep in a row since last Sunday night, so it really is kind of like one long day.

There are some parenting blogs that go into great detail about the birth of their children. If you want the bells and whistles and gory details, just email me, and I'll be glad to provide. This is not the forum for me to go into great detail about the particulars. But here, with some editing, is what happened last Monday...

I had another NST (non-stress test) last Monday morning. It went pretty well, but they judge these things on both a national level of acceptance and a hospital level of acceptance (which is stricter). The baby was scoring slightly low (in terms of activity) on the hospital level, but no big deal. To be safe, they went on to do a more detailed biophysical exam (basically a fancy ultrasound) and everything looked good, so they sent me on my way.

I was pulling into the garage at work when I got a call from my doctor, who was none too pleased that they let me go. She felt that since I was one day shy of my due date, she had no reason to accept any tests that might be showing an early sign of an issue; in this case, she thought the placenta might be showing signs of maturing. Not a big deal, but if you let something like that go, it can cause complications later, like not providing the baby with enough oxygen. So she told me she wanted to induce me that day, and to go back to the hospital.

Well, I kind of panicked. Sure, yeah, I was thisclose to being due, and I knew it was going to happen, and all of my exams were showing that it was going to happen really soon, but to be told that it was going to happen NOW, today, was...scary. I really didn't want to be induced, because I had heard that labor can be much longer and more painful if you have to be induced. Anyway, I called Greg and my mom and went home to finish packing. Like a total nerd I finished up some work stuff online and cleaned up the house. I think they call that denial.

Here's the part where I will skim. We got to the hospital, they got me ready, they hooked me up to an IV of labor-inducing medicine at about 1:30 p.m., and jacked up the dose every half hour. The contractions started to intensify, they did some more stuff around 4 that really intensified the contractions, and by 4:30 I had finally asked for my epidural. I wanted to go as long as possible without it, but I wasn't going to be a hero and not have one at all. EXCEPT...the anethesiologist was running late with another patient, and it took him about a half hour to get to me and...well, let me just stop here and say, holy *(&!*. I knew, theoretically, that contractions hurt. But I can't even describe the hurt. In fact, I think I've mentally blocked the hurt. Greg was a star and talked me through it all, but oh my Lord, I now truly know the definition of "ouch." Multiplied by a million. I made it through the "transition" part of labor, which is the hardest part, without the epidural. Score one for the scaredy-cat.

Anyway, moving on...I got the epidural around 5:15 and then everything started to move really fast. Initially they told me I'd probably deliver by midnight; I soon was being told it was almost go time, and the nurses kind of had that controlled panic look on their faces as they told me they were calling my doctor to come. I'm pretty sure they didn't think she'd make it in time. In fact, she did, and, la la la, push push push, pain pain pain - at 7:27 p.m., Jane was born.

Whenever I had pictured that moment in my head, I always figured I'd be crying. That the whole experience would just take me over and I would be an emotional basket case. Instead, I felt like it was an out-of-body experience. All of the sudden, it was over. I had done it, this thing that so many women I know have done, and it was so huge, and major, and there was a crying baby there, a baby that belonged to me. I was so scared that there was something wrong with her - I was kind of a maniac, repeatedly asking if she was OK - but they said she was and then soon they handed her to me. And after 40 weeks of worrying EVERY SINGLE DAY about this baby, she was there. Looking back at me. Looking a whole lot like Greg. And all of the sudden, we were a family.

me, my dogs, my kid, my life

And in one day, it all changes.

Little miss Jane Norah arrived on Monday, July 23 at 7:27 p.m. 7 lbs, 3 oz, 19 inches.

I will tell the longer story later, but I really really need to get some sleep at this moment.

She's awesome. I think I'll keep her.

TGIS

I would have said TGIF but yesterday was insane, and so instead I shall change it to TGIS. I wasn't sure I'd get through this week alive, but here I stand. Three more days until I'm due. One more (planned) week of work until maternity leave. Projects that I can feel OK about not being completed before I go. I feel like if I exhale right now, I'm immediately going to go into labor, and I just want to kind of chill out on this beautiful Saturday before any major life events (especially ones that bring me to the hospital) take place. Is this the "bargaining" part of early labor?

Have a great weekend!

dudes, I'm stressed

So today has really been interesting. I am at the tail of a very large project at work, and I really look forward to completing it tomorrow. It's a big deal for me. Of course, as you all know, I also have another big project I'm working on, for which I had my 39-week appt this morning.

So I mention to the doctor that I thought there was a little bit decreased movement from the baby yesterday. This is something that can be very normal as the baby prepares for labor. Sort of the calm before the storm sort of thing. However, she decided to send me for a "non-stress test" - basically, it tests whether the baby is in distress. So I ran off to work for two hours and then it was off to the hospital for the test.

They strap you up and monitor the baby's movement, heartbeat and if there are any contractions. If you don't pass this with flying colors, they move on to a biophysical exam of the baby. Well, the test went well, but now the doctor checking me out is wondering whether I should be admitting because, you know, hey, I'm dilating and other things and contracting and whatnot, and she's thinking maybe it's go time. So I have an ultrasound and that doctor (a different doctor than the non-stress test doctor) made me nervous with all of his questions - one of them was, "when was your last ultrasound?" which made me immediately think he saw something horrible. I said, "a few months ago, why?" and he said, "just asking." Greg thinks he was just being conversational. I, of course, think there was more meaning to it. However, if something was wrong, do you think he would have told me? He would have, right? Something?

Anyway, he was specifically checking to see if there was enough amniotic fluid, and there was, so that was good. Then I got to have my second exam of the day (lucky me! what a lucky girl!) and there was no progression of my dilating, etc from earlier this morning, so, after scheduling another non-stress test for Monday, I went home, with assurances from the doctor that I would probably go into labor before then. Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. Or, you know, feel it.

Since then, I came home to continue work on my big project. Only, around 4 p.m., I was interrupted by a phone call from my mother telling me I should probably go down to the basement, because according to the news, there's a string of tornadoes heading my way. Seriously. There's this huge weather event happening, one that could pull my house from its foundation, all Wizard of Oz-style, and I don't even know it's going on. Me. The weather girl.

So of course I get annoyed that I have to go try to save my life. I only spent a bit of time downstairs before the frantic weather people indicated that it passed my area. And since then, I've been back up here, at my desk, working, trying not to go into labor.

Non-stress test my ass.

Harry Potter and no, I didn't have the baby yet

Strangest post title ever, huh? First things first. No baby yet. Every day, everyone I see is completely shocked that I'm still at work, or doing my thing, and still pregnant, and not in the hospital birthing. But, you know, I'm not due 'til Tuesday (remember 'Til Tuesday? The band? I think they sang the song "Voices Carry"? That is going to be in my head all night). Anyway, no baby yet. But man am I exhausted. And man, do I think it might have been a bad idea to work until the end. But man, am I also glad I'm not home just waiting for the contractions to hit. So ultimately, although it's completely wiping me out, I'm glad I'm still working, because otherwise I think I'd just be freaking myself out about childbirth even more than I already am.

Anyway, hey! The new Harry Potter book comes out Friday at midnight! What is it called again? "Harry Potter and the Wizards of the the Deathly Hollows" or something like that? You can probably tell I'm not a big Harry Potter fan. Well, let me put it this way - I'm not a fan of reading the books. I'm not into fantasy and wizards and s*** like that. But I am a HUGE fan of how excited people get over the release of the books. Seriously, I think it's awesome. I think it's great that stores have big parties to celebrate the release, that kids make it their weekend goal to finish the 700+ page books, that, in general, for one day every couple of years, it's super cool to be a nerdy reader.

So have fun, Harry Potter fans! My prediction for this book - since, seriously, I just about guessed the ending right last time, so obviously I have some sort of gift - someone major dies. But it's not Harry. No way.

Let me know how it turns out.

That. Was. Awesome.

I just watched my Tivo'ed episodes of "Scott Baio is 45 and Single" and "Rock of Love" - starring my boy, Bret Michaels from Poison. They were both highly, highly entertaining. The Scott Baio show is actually somewhat interesting - he has hired a life coach to find out why he's 45 and hasn't been married yet, and he has to confront his ex-girlfriends to figure out what is wrong with him, relationship-wise. I'm not a big Scott Baio fan, but it was pretty cool.

And, "Rock of Love" - I mean, come on. I don't even need to explain why watching 25 bleach-blonde idiots (for the most part) fighting over Bret Michaels is awesome. It just is. Especially just noticing how many times Bret says "awesome" and "party."

Awesome.

good read

For those of you who like chick lit, but you are looking for something that isn't cheesy, then might I suggest The Hazards of Sleeping Alone by Elise Juska. I read the whole thing this weekend and it's the best book I've read in a while. In full disclosure I must admit that the other book I'm reading is What to Expect in the First Year, which, although not categorized as a horror book, is scaring the holy living hell out of me.

10 days

Ten days to go until my due date. This has been a festive week, which included a doctor's appointment on Tuesday morning, a hospital trip on Tuesday night (when I was told I was probably in early labor and would have to return maybe that night, or maybe in a week, who the hell knows) and a general increased feeling of yuckiness as each day goes on. Without going into too many details, I will say that although I've never been in this position, I really feel like things are moving along. A lot of why I think that is physical, and some of it is mental. I have been working my ass off at my job, knowing every night when I leave I might not be returning for three months. Nothing makes you more efficient than that thought. I am so relieved it's the weekend now, because I'm just so exhausted at this point. We don't have a lot planned, which is actually great.

And the wait continues.

Jimmy wears his sunglasses at night

It is way to &*(!^&* hot out to write anything, so I give you this delightful photo entry.

huh.

I find myself at just about the strangest time of life I've ever experienced, so far. "Strange" is the only way to describe it - I've got 2.5 weeks to go until my due date, and, having surpassed the 37-week mark and also having stronger contractions and a "dropping" baby, this thing could happen at any time. I feel different, physically, than I did even a few days ago. I am scared s***less as well, about all of the painful stuff, and I'm so hopeful that everything will be OK, and I'm so excited to meet the baby - and, to balance all of that huge, major, life-changing stuff, I'm still working full-time and trying to complete huge, big projects at my job and the rest of life is rolling along as it always does.

This weekend I saw my friends a lot - we had a post-Fourth of July party yesterday and a birthday party today - July is the month for birthdays amongst my friends' kids (with another one soon to be thrown in the mix), so I see everyone a ton this time of year. As I left the party today, I realized that this might be the last time I see everyone before the hospital. Two weeks can go by really fast, and everyone's so busy, and I never see people as much as I want to anyway. So it's entirely conceivable that I won't see any of my closest friends until after the fact. I'll talk to them, of course, but see? Maybe not.

It's funny, because I try to downplay the whole baby thing - even on this blog, and in conversation, and in life in general - I am certainly not the first person to have a baby, just as I wasn't he first person to ever get married, so in both instances, I try not to act like it's this huge deal. I don't want to be one of these people who acts like I'm the only one who has gone through this, and as if my experience is so original (I know I've already mentioned this before).

But the thing is, it's original to me. And right now, I can't believe that I can focus on anything else, besides this huge, ginormous life event that's about to happen. But I can. I can sit here and debate with you whether Nicole Ritchie is really pregnant (OK, I guess it's in the same category) or talk to you endlessly about work, or gossip about whatever.

But one of these days, one of these minutes, everything is going to change. And that is always, always hovering in the back of my mind. And it's just so strange.

I have a feeling

So, today, all of the sudden, I have this feeling that something's going to happen; specifically, that this baby is coming soon. I'm not sure exactly why, and Lord knows I could be (and hopefully AM) completely wrong, but there's something about the exhaustion, the very heavy feeling in my big ol' gut, and perhaps the fact that people are exclaiming at how much I've "dropped" that has me feeling that this thing is coming sooner rather than later.

Or, perhaps, it's Jimmy that's making me feel this way.

Greg and I have always maintained that Jimmy is going to have some sort of major health crisis right around the time I give birth. When anything has been amiss during this pregnancy - whether we were scared it ended, or I got a weird result back, or whatever - Jimmy managed to have a raging ear infection, or a swollen butt, or whatever. You know, because he needs the attention.

Because I'm such a fabulous pet owner, I didn't notice until yesterday that Jimmy's famed toenail, the one he lost in the bloodbath of '06, was gone again. I didn't notice that he lost it, but I have noticed he seems especially obsessed with his foot lately. The thing I noticed more was how he was doing his trademarked "sit'n'spin" twirls on the rug, which indicates when he needs to have his anal glands expressed, so he was off to the vet today anyway. The fact I finally noticed his missing nail was just something else to ask the vet about.

So, Greg took young James today, and $83 later, he has a freshly squeezed butt and antibiotics he has two take twice a day (for his infected nail area) and a solution that his foot has to be soaked in three times a day (again, for the nail area), and, oh, we need to keep his foot dry, and keep him from chewing on the area. Yeah right. YEAH RIGHT.

Is this it, Jimmy? Is the baby coming soon? Or do you have something even more ridiculous cooked up for a couple of weeks from now, when I'm really due? Will it be back to the warm butt compresses twice a day? Or something else? Because having to deal with soaking your foot three times a day at 8.5 months pregnant is really awesome enough, I swear.

(this picture is of Jimmy, contemplating his next bid for attention)

I have not been this excited about a movie since RENT

Wahoo! E! Online has confirmed that Sex and the City, THE MOVIE, will start filming this fall! When my beloved series ended a couple of years ago, it seemed that this was never going to happen - that Kim Cattrall and Sarah Jessica Parker hated each other, and Kim wanted more money, and all this stuff that may or may not be true (the ladies will not confirm it) - but who cares - because now they are going to make it and I am sooooooo haaaaaaaaaaappy. I heart this show so much - even the sanitized TBS repeats -and the idea of its return in movie form is just plain awesome.

Your Pregnancy: 37 Weeks

And below -the beginning of the weekly email I received from babycenter.com today:

Congratulations! Your pregnancy is officially full-term. Your baby can arrive any day now.

Holy crap.

fourth this

So I took today off of work -took a precious, precious personal day - so I could get my house ready for Fourth of July. What kind of stupid ass plans to have a bunch of people over three weeks before she's due? Me. I'm that kind of stupid ass. It's hard, y'all, to bend over and clean stuff. It hurts. I'm having contractions (not "real" contractions, the Braxton Hicks kind) that are getting more intense because I continue to not just chill out. I still don't feel like we're ready, but due to last night's insomnia, I'm beat now. It's time to lie down.

Is anyone proud at how much I'm blogging lately? I think I deserve a golden prize. Or maybe I would deserve a golden prize if my posts were interesting in any way. OK, maybe I deserve a silver prize.

justice

So let me get this straight - Paris Hilton had to serve her prison sentence, but Scooter Libby gets pardoned by GWB from his?

ok, now we're really ready

We came up with a boy name. You know, just in case. It's a boy. Which it's not going to be. Because they told me it's a girl. And I'm totally mentally prepared it's a girl. But if it's a boy, he will have a name. And that name is _______________________. (Seriously - did you think I would tell?)

Lisa pointed me in the direction of a birth story over on Amalah - she's a funny DC-area chick who has a very entertaining blog. After I read the birth story I started reading the rest of her blog - it's pretty good and quite amusing. While she blogs about everything (not just her kid), there are much more kid-centric blogs over at Strollerderby that I've started reading a lot. I highly suggest the Baby Daddy one - pretty funny stuff from the point of view of a first-time dad.

I think this is a pretty good time to be a first-time parent, what with all of the info and blogs and everything on the interwebs. You just basically realize that no matter how original you think your problems are - someone else has had them.

I bought this

Except the one I bought was the Product (RED) one, you know, to both improve my karma by having some of the proceeds go towards helping people (dudes, I am obviously very focused on my karma right now) and also because I was tired of using Greg's old, beat-up iPod. So, not surprisingly, it's red, not black. This is not an official iPod, but it's an iPod Nano, 4 GB. I think storing 1,000 songs is all I'm going to need, because it will force me to clear things I'm not listening to out if I want to add more. Anywho, I can't wait for it to arrive so I can load it up with all of the stuff I'm going to want to listen to while I'm sitting in the hospital in excrutiating pain. If that doesn't deserve a soundtrack, I don't know what does.

In other news, it's been a pretty productive weekend so far. I've done tons of laundry, and have washed all of the clothes and bedding for the baby. The nursery is in decent order, although nowhere near done yet, it's coming along.

Last night we went out for a craaa-zeee night out on the town with Alan and Todd. It was great to get out amongst the people after doing chores all day, plus Alan took some pretty scandelous photos that I'm sure he'll post on his blog. Well, maybe they're not scandelous. But they were pictures.

Gotta run and get ready for church. Yes, church! I have to start making make face known there again if I want to get this baby baptized. I know, I know, I'm horrible.

36.5 weeks and counting....

Wide load comin' through!

now we're ready.

I have bought not one single item of clothing for this impending baby. I have always felt like I was jinxing it. But as I get countless reminders from babycenter.com, pregnancy magazines, and friends to pack my bag for the hospital, I knew I had to have the perfect "coming home" outfit for the baby. And for all of the truly wonderful things we've been given, I just couldn't pick one thing.

As I was walking by BabyGap tonight, on my way to return some baby clothes to another store because we already have waaay to much, I saw the Product (RED) display at the front of the store and immediately had to check it out. Greg and I bought our Product (RED) shirts at the Gap the first day they came out last year - come on, when Bono tells Greg to do something, he does it - so when I saw this onesie, I knew I had to buy it. HAD TO. It was too perfect. I am hoping that instead of jinxing everything, instead it brings us good karma, as half of the proceeds go to help people with AIDS in Africa. I know, I know, I could have just written a $15 check and had all of the proceeds to go help people, but I want my baby to be an activist from DAY ONE. And I know khaki green isn't really a "girlie" color, but really, is this baby's mother very girlie either? I think not. Well, except for the huge belly.